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(cheering)
SHUT UP! Cartoons, bro
What the hell? Did you drink all the milk again?
Shhhh! Ken, bro, still waiting to hear
back about those comped tickets, bro. Hit me back, bro. You're
the best. Ciao. Alright, now what's up, bro?
You drank all the milk. And don't call me bro.
Sorry, bro. I'm a little busy now, bro. Kenny's in town. You
understand, right bro?
Don't you think 14 free tickets to a Kenny Rogers concert is a lot?
That's probably like half the people who are even gonna go.
Bro, trust me, it's not a problem. I'm the president of the fan club!
And the front row of a 28-seat theater is still the front row.
You know what I always say: big fish, small pond.
You want to shoot fish in a barrel, that's the only way to go!
When have you ever said that? That doesn't even make sense. Are the
fish in a barrel or are they in a pond??
Molly, talk to me, you get me those tickets Ken wanted me to have?
What do you mean he can't do it?? I'm the president of his godd--- fan
club! Sold out?? There's
no way in Hell that fat, washed-up loser --
Hello? You know what? I'll call you back.
Trouble, Mr. President?
Probably a technical glitch in the booking system.
I don't know, look at this.
Fat, Washed-Up Loser Kenny Rogers Enjoys Enormous Resurgence
After Kanye West Samples The Gambler
Great news, huh?
If that porky son of a b---- thinks he can just all of a sudden get
popular and leave his number one fan and president of his official
fan club behind, he's got another thing coming!
And you're gonna help!
No way!
(sniffles) Mom, I want to come home and live
with you and dad!
I'll get the car.
And the rubber cement!
Excuse me, I would like a key to the room of Mr. Kenny Rogers.
And why on earth would I ever comply with such a ridiculous
request?
How dare you speak to us like that! I am Dolly Parton, close, personal
friend and lover of Mr. Rogers!
Oh! My apologies, Ms. Parton! I beg your pardon!
It's cool, bro. Now hand 'em over.
Dolly!
Wrong, ***! It's not really Dolly Parton, it's
me, Dipster! I'm the president of your fan club!
I don't think he remembers you.
Look, kid, I'm sorry. I'm a big shot, again.
I can't be expected to remember the p--- ant nobodies who never gave up
believing in me all those years that I was a has-been!
Oh, you'll have no trouble remembering who I am, after we get
through with you!
What are you gonna do?? No, kid... please!
Ahhh!
Former Fat, Washed Up Loser Who Became Famous Again
Forced to Return to Life in the Gutter After De-Bearding
Leaves Him Virtually Unrecognizable
Hey, you got a phone call from Kenny Rogers.
Oh? What'd he have to say?
Just that he wanted to thank you for teaching him the value of true
friendship and reminding him to stay grounded. He gave you his direct
number and can call him anytime if you feel like hanging out.
That's nice.
Are you gonna call him?
Probably not. I'm making so much money dating these Japanese
businessmen, I'm too busy for that stupid fan club, bro.
What if they find out you're not really a girl?
Well, bro, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it, won't we?