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Little girl lost.
Thought no one loved her.
Thought no one wanted her.
Ran away from her castle.
She was embraced by the Devil and his false love, and thorough that
embracing became a different person.
Became the harlot.
Became the queen of lies, the Jezebel.
That's my life.
Growing up, I just remember my dad just raging.
I'd come home, and my dad would be really angry, stressed out.
And I really took it personal.
And I think that I... thought to myself that I must be unlovable.
High school, noticed that the boys were paying attention to me.
And since I wasn't getting any attention from my dad, I gravitated
toward any compliment, any pass that was made at me.
I met this boy in school that stole my heart.
He told me if I slept with him, we'd get married,
We'd make a life together.
We'd have babies.
And I completely took my entire heart and gave it to this boy.
And when I found out that he was sleeping with several of my best
girlfriends, it was such a shock to me.
Left high school heartbroken.
Moved out of my parents home the day after I graduated.
I remember waving at my mom when I was 18, and my dad, in the back of the
car, knowing I'd never come back. 'Cause I was done.
I got out into the beautiful city of Minneapolis.
Tried to find a way to go to college, but I had to work three jobs to have
my own place and buy a car.
And I found a new thing inside of me that if I had nice clothes, if I went
out to the clubs, I could meet different men that liked me.
And maybe I could meet a rich guy that would sweep me off my feet and take
care of me like a prince would.
And so my girlfriend and I started going out to the nightclubs, and we
had a fake ID.
And one night, we walked in.
These men walked up to us at the bar and bought us drinks.
Rolex watches, designer clothes.
I looked at my girlfriend.
"These guys have money."
My girlfriend starts to like one of the men.
I told my girlfriend, "get that guy's money."
And I think what this really was building inside me was this vendetta-
this deep-seated, rooted unforgiveness towards my dad,
towards that boy in school.
And I just wanted revenge.
I was going to prove that I could make it in my life, and money was going to
be the answer.
My girlfriend takes off with this guy, goes to Hawaii.
I'm working my three jobs.
She calls me up and says, "listen, I am on the beach.
I'm in a drop-top Corvette, and I'm on my cell phone.
And you need to come out here."
And even though I didn't have the guts to ask her what are you doing, I just
kind of went with it.
It was like an automatic walking into a dark doorway that I knew something
wasn't right.
But the lure of the possibility of having nice things and finally having
money that I never had growing up, finally being someone important,
overrode all those feelings of any caution.
And it blew it to the wind.
And I went to Hawaii that very week, took a vacation from my jobs.
And the first night that I was on Waikiki Beach, I actually sold myself
with my girlfriend to some Japanese clients.
And I became... a ***.
It's kind of like I had this ring that I put on, and I couldn't take it off.
No longer could $3.47 an hour cut it.
Once I found out that I could make hundreds if not thousands of dollars
selling myself--
$500 an hour-- with no attachment, no relationship--
$1,000 an hour.
Now it was $2,000 an hour-- it gave me this immense power.
And if you wanted me for the night, that was $10,000.
A few months later, I started dancing.
And one day I was on the stage, and this man walks in, puts this couple
hundred-dollar fan of money at my feet.
And I danced just for him.
And I let him know that I was actually prostituting my body.
I was actually selling myself to make extra ends meet.
He looked at me and said, you are so intelligent.
I really like you.
In fact, I think I'm falling in love with you.
He gave me everything that I needed to hear from my dad.
And I decided that I wanted to move to Las Vegas.
I got off the plane, and that night, I went on a couple calls.
I brought home a nice *** of money.
My boyfriend was there, and he told me to break myself.
"What did you say to me?"
He said, "break yourself."
And that means give me all your money.
Dump your purse out on my lap.
And I wasn't having it.
And he proceeded to take me out by my hair.
He choked me.
He threw me on the porch on my knees, and he started kicking me.
"This is pimping, B."
I'm just choking on my blood.
"You're going to work for me."
Punching me in my face.
What time it is now, but you're gonna pay me.
My nose broke.
My ribs broke.
It was like I was looking at the Devil.
The prince turned dark.
And if you try to leave, I'll kill you.
That night, it's like I died inside.
And the next five years of my life, I was with a ***.
And every time he hit me and choked me and *** me or put guns to my head
and made do things I never wanted to do, I just did it.
Because I loved him, and because out of fear.
Because I knew if didn't that I would not live to see another day.
And even though I got away from him, everything you give, you leave--
the money, the cars, the houses--
all behind.
Because when you leave a ***, you leave with nothing.
I started stacking my money again, but the money wasn't the same.
I came down with cancer.
And a couple years later lost all my hair, had chemotherapy,
had Hodgkin's Lymphoma.
I started taking painkillers for my bone pain in my marrow.
And I got addicted to painkillers, and that led into ***.
I was going on calls bald with wigs, because I had lost all my hair from
chemotherapy.
And I had clients calling me a cancer "B", a cancer ***.
I'll just say it.
I'm staying in these seedy motels.
And I remember laying there in my bed looking in the mirror at myself,
thinking that God was angry with me.
I would get in the shower, and I would scrub my body.
And I would think I'll never, ever be clean.
I started freebasing ***.
And one night, I just decided that I was just gonna get higher than I
could, than I've ever been before.
Because I just wanted to erase all the pain--
the pain of the cancer, the pain of my uncle, my sister, and grandpa dying
within three months of each other, the pain of losing all those years with my
family up in the Midwest, the pain of losing all my friends, losing my cars,
losing everything I had ever made.
I took the hit of that coke, and I fell back.
And I went completely blind.
It's like the whole room, the light that was on in that room, turned dark.
And I remember laying there, and I felt this demonic presence just come
over me, that I was completely alone.
And I got really, really scared, and I just instinctively knew that I was at
death's door.
I was in this dark, dark cave, and I knew it was over.
And I saw my family.
I saw my funeral.
And I was in the coffin, and everybody was crying.
They were wiping their faces and they were saying, "she was just a
***."
That's when I said, "Jesus, please save me.
I don't know if you're real, but I don't want to die."
The ambulance came, and the doctor came up to me.
And he grabbed my hand, and he said, "you are lucky to be alive.
You have so much drugs in your system, little lady, you should be dead.
God must be with you."
And I knew that Jesus heard my prayer.
And I laid there, and I had this peace come over me that was nothing like I
had ever felt in my entire life.
And I knew God gave me a second chance.
I got better, and I started reading my Bible.
I recovered and was afraid to go to church.
Come on, I'm an ex-***.
Do I think if I walk in church, people are going to look at me
and really love me?
But I walked in that church, and people embraced me.
And God just really started doing that inner healing.
And the Holy Spirit was just speaking to me, telling me that I was beautiful
and that I was chosen and that I was set apart and that I was sanctified
and I was a holy vessel for Him.
I started to stand on Jesus' words--
that I'm whole, that I'm healed, that I'm pure, that I'm a *** in Him.
And that gives me peace.
I remember I was vacuuming my house one day, and the Lord said to me,
"Annie, I want you to go back down to that strip.
And I want you to tell the girls that are in slavery, that I love them."
And so that's what I'm called to do--
to simply tell them, "God loves you."
No matter where you've been, no matter what you've done, no matter how deep,
how dirty you feel, that there's redemption.
You are white as snow when you accept Him into your heart.
Little girl lost.
Thought no one loved her.
Thought no one wanted her.
Ran away from her castle.
But God met her on that dark road.
He said, "you can come home now.
I'm right here, and I never left you."
Redemption, redeemed, set free.
That's my life.
His love.