Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
CHAPTER XVI
I both wished and feared to see Mr. Rochester on the day which followed this
sleepless night: I wanted to hear his voice again, yet feared to meet his eye.
During the early part of the morning, I momentarily expected his coming; he was not
in the frequent habit of entering the schoolroom, but he did step in for a few
minutes sometimes, and I had the impression that he was sure to visit it that day.
But the morning passed just as usual: nothing happened to interrupt the quiet
course of Adele's studies; only soon after breakfast, I heard some bustle in the
neighbourhood of Mr. Rochester's chamber,
Mrs. Fairfax's voice, and Leah's, and the cook's--that is, John's wife--and even
John's own gruff tones. There were exclamations of "What a mercy
master was not burnt in his bed!"
"It is always dangerous to keep a candle lit at night."
"How providential that he had presence of mind to think of the water-jug!"
"I wonder he waked nobody!"
"It is to be hoped he will not take cold with sleeping on the library sofa," &c.
To much confabulation succeeded a sound of scrubbing and setting to rights; and when I
passed the room, in going downstairs to dinner, I saw through the open door that
all was again restored to complete order; only the bed was stripped of its hangings.
Leah stood up in the window-seat, rubbing the panes of glass dimmed with smoke.
I was about to address her, for I wished to know what account had been given of the
affair: but, on advancing, I saw a second person in the chamber--a woman sitting on a
chair by the bedside, and sewing rings to new curtains.
That woman was no other than Grace Poole.
There she sat, staid and taciturn-looking, as usual, in her brown stuff gown, her
check apron, white handkerchief, and cap.
She was intent on her work, in which her whole thoughts seemed absorbed: on her hard
forehead, and in her commonplace features, was nothing either of the paleness or
desperation one would have expected to see
marking the countenance of a woman who had attempted ***, and whose intended victim
had followed her last night to her lair, and (as I believed), charged her with the
crime she wished to perpetrate.
I was amazed--confounded. She looked up, while I still gazed at her:
no start, no increase or failure of colour betrayed emotion, consciousness of guilt,
or fear of detection.
She said "Good morning, Miss," in her usual phlegmatic and brief manner; and taking up
another ring and more tape, went on with her sewing.
"I will put her to some test," thought I: "such absolute impenetrability is past
comprehension." "Good morning, Grace," I said.
"Has anything happened here?
I thought I heard the servants all talking together a while ago."
"Only master had been reading in his bed last night; he fell asleep with his candle
lit, and the curtains got on fire; but, fortunately, he awoke before the bed-
clothes or the wood-work caught, and
contrived to quench the flames with the water in the ewer."
"A strange affair!"
I said, in a low voice: then, looking at her fixedly--"Did Mr. Rochester wake
nobody? Did no one hear him move?"
She again raised her eyes to me, and this time there was something of consciousness
in their expression. She seemed to examine me warily; then she
answered--
"The servants sleep so far off, you know, Miss, they would not be likely to hear.
Mrs. Fairfax's room and yours are the nearest to master's; but Mrs. Fairfax said
she heard nothing: when people get elderly, they often sleep heavy."
She paused, and then added, with a sort of assumed indifference, but still in a marked
and significant tone--"But you are young, Miss; and I should say a light sleeper:
perhaps you may have heard a noise?"
"I did," said I, dropping my voice, so that Leah, who was still polishing the panes,
could not hear me, "and at first I thought it was Pilot: but Pilot cannot laugh; and I
am certain I heard a laugh, and a strange one."
She took a new needleful of thread, waxed it carefully, threaded her needle with a
steady hand, and then observed, with perfect composure--
"It is hardly likely master would laugh, I should think, Miss, when he was in such
danger: You must have been dreaming."
"I was not dreaming," I said, with some warmth, for her brazen coolness provoked
me. Again she looked at me; and with the same
scrutinising and conscious eye.
"Have you told master that you heard a laugh?" she inquired.
"I have not had the opportunity of speaking to him this morning."
"You did not think of opening your door and looking out into the gallery?" she further
asked.
She appeared to be cross-questioning me, attempting to draw from me information
unawares.
The idea struck me that if she discovered I knew or suspected her guilt, she would be
playing of some of her malignant pranks on me; I thought it advisable to be on my
guard.
"On the contrary," said I, "I bolted my door."
"Then you are not in the habit of bolting your door every night before you get into
bed?"
"Fiend! she wants to know my habits, that she may lay her plans accordingly!"
Indignation again prevailed over prudence: I replied sharply, "Hitherto I have often
omitted to fasten the bolt: I did not think it necessary.
I was not aware any danger or annoyance was to be dreaded at Thornfield Hall: but in
future" (and I laid marked stress on the words) "I shall take good care to make all
secure before I venture to lie down."
"It will be wise so to do," was her answer: "this neighbourhood is as quiet as any I
know, and I never heard of the hall being attempted by robbers since it was a house;
though there are hundreds of pounds' worth
of plate in the plate-closet, as is well known.
And you see, for such a large house, there are very few servants, because master has
never lived here much; and when he does come, being a bachelor, he needs little
waiting on: but I always think it best to
err on the safe side; a door is soon fastened, and it is as well to have a drawn
bolt between one and any mischief that may be about.
A deal of people, Miss, are for trusting all to Providence; but I say Providence
will not dispense with the means, though He often blesses them when they are used
discreetly."
And here she closed her harangue: a long one for her, and uttered with the
demureness of a Quakeress.
I still stood absolutely dumfoundered at what appeared to me her miraculous self-
possession and most inscrutable hypocrisy, when the cook entered.
"Mrs. Poole," said she, addressing Grace, "the servants' dinner will soon be ready:
will you come down?"
"No; just put my pint of porter and bit of pudding on a tray, and I'll carry it
upstairs." "You'll have some meat?"
"Just a morsel, and a taste of cheese, that's all."
"And the sago?"
"Never mind it at present: I shall be coming down before teatime: I'll make it
myself."
The cook here turned to me, saying that Mrs. Fairfax was waiting for me: so I
departed.
I hardly heard Mrs. Fairfax's account of the curtain conflagration during dinner, so
much was I occupied in puzzling my brains over the enigmatical character of Grace
Poole, and still more in pondering the
problem of her position at Thornfield and questioning why she had not been given into
custody that morning, or, at the very least, dismissed from her master's service.
He had almost as much as declared his conviction of her criminality last night:
what mysterious cause withheld him from accusing her?
Why had he enjoined me, too, to secrecy?
It was strange: a bold, vindictive, and haughty gentleman seemed somehow in the
power of one of the meanest of his dependants; so much in her power, that even
when she lifted her hand against his life,
he dared not openly charge her with the attempt, much less punish her for it.
Had Grace been young and handsome, I should have been tempted to think that tenderer
feelings than prudence or fear influenced Mr. Rochester in her behalf; but, hard-
favoured and matronly as she was, the idea could not be admitted.
"Yet," I reflected, "she has been young once; her youth would be contemporary with
her master's: Mrs. Fairfax told me once, she had lived here many years.
I don't think she can ever have been pretty; but, for aught I know, she may
possess originality and strength of character to compensate for the want of
personal advantages.
Mr. Rochester is an amateur of the decided and eccentric: Grace is eccentric at least.
What if a former caprice (a freak very possible to a nature so sudden and
headstrong as his) has delivered him into her power, and she now exercises over his
actions a secret influence, the result of
his own indiscretion, which he cannot shake off, and dare not disregard?"
But, having reached this point of conjecture, Mrs. Poole's square, flat
figure, and uncomely, dry, even coarse face, recurred so distinctly to my mind's
eye, that I thought, "No; impossible! my supposition cannot be correct.
Yet," suggested the secret voice which talks to us in our own hearts, "you are not
beautiful either, and perhaps Mr. Rochester approves you: at any rate, you have often
felt as if he did; and last night--remember
his words; remember his look; remember his voice!"
I well remembered all; language, glance, and tone seemed at the moment vividly
renewed.
I was now in the schoolroom; Adele was drawing; I bent over her and directed her
pencil. She looked up with a sort of start.
"Qu' avez-vous, mademoiselle?" said she.
"Vos doigts tremblent comme la feuille, et vos joues sont rouges: mais, rouges comme
des cerises!" "I am hot, Adele, with stooping!"
She went on sketching; I went on thinking.
I hastened to drive from my mind the hateful notion I had been conceiving
respecting Grace Poole; it disgusted me. I compared myself with her, and found we
were different.
Bessie Leaven had said I was quite a lady; and she spoke truth--I was a lady.
And now I looked much better than I did when Bessie saw me; I had more colour and
more flesh, more life, more vivacity, because I had brighter hopes and keener
enjoyments.
"Evening approaches," said I, as I looked towards the window.
"I have never heard Mr. Rochester's voice or step in the house to-day; but surely I
shall see him before night: I feared the meeting in the morning; now I desire it,
because expectation has been so long baffled that it is grown impatient."
When dusk actually closed, and when Adele left me to go and play in the nursery with
Sophie, I did most keenly desire it.
I listened for the bell to ring below; I listened for Leah coming up with a message;
I fancied sometimes I heard Mr. Rochester's own tread, and I turned to the door,
expecting it to open and admit him.
The door remained shut; darkness only came in through the window.
Still it was not late; he often sent for me at seven and eight o'clock, and it was yet
but six.
Surely I should not be wholly disappointed to-night, when I had so many things to say
to him!
I wanted again to introduce the subject of Grace Poole, and to hear what he would
answer; I wanted to ask him plainly if he really believed it was she who had made
last night's hideous attempt; and if so, why he kept her wickedness a secret.
It little mattered whether my curiosity irritated him; I knew the pleasure of
vexing and soothing him by turns; it was one I chiefly delighted in, and a sure
instinct always prevented me from going too
far; beyond the verge of provocation I never ventured; on the extreme brink I
liked well to try my skill.
Retaining every minute form of respect, every propriety of my station, I could
still meet him in argument without fear or uneasy restraint; this suited both him and
me.
A tread creaked on the stairs at last. Leah made her appearance; but it was only
to intimate that tea was ready in Mrs. Fairfax's room.
Thither I repaired, glad at least to go downstairs; for that brought me, I
imagined, nearer to Mr. Rochester's presence.
"You must want your tea," said the good lady, as I joined her; "you ate so little
at dinner.
I am afraid," she continued, "you are not well to- day: you look flushed and
feverish." "Oh, quite well!
I never felt better."
"Then you must prove it by evincing a good appetite; will you fill the teapot while I
knit off this needle?"
Having completed her task, she rose to draw down the blind, which she had hitherto kept
up, by way, I suppose, of making the most of daylight, though dusk was now fast
deepening into total obscurity.
"It is fair to-night," said she, as she looked through the panes, "though not
starlight; Mr. Rochester has, on the whole, had a favourable day for his journey."
"Journey!--Is Mr. Rochester gone anywhere?
I did not know he was out." "Oh, he set off the moment he had
breakfasted! He is gone to the Leas, Mr. Eshton's place,
ten miles on the other side Millcote.
I believe there is quite a party assembled there; Lord Ingram, Sir George Lynn,
Colonel Dent, and others." "Do you expect him back to-night?"
"No--nor to-morrow either; I should think he is very likely to stay a week or more:
when these fine, fashionable people get together, they are so surrounded by
elegance and gaiety, so well provided with
all that can please and entertain, they are in no hurry to separate.
Gentlemen especially are often in request on such occasions; and Mr. Rochester is so
talented and so lively in society, that I believe he is a general favourite: the
ladies are very fond of him; though you
would not think his appearance calculated to recommend him particularly in their
eyes: but I suppose his acquirements and abilities, perhaps his wealth and good
blood, make amends for any little fault of look."
"Are there ladies at the Leas?"
"There are Mrs. Eshton and her three daughters--very elegant young ladies
indeed; and there are the Honourable Blanche and Mary Ingram, most beautiful
women, I suppose: indeed I have seen
Blanche, six or seven years since, when she was a girl of eighteen.
She came here to a Christmas ball and party Mr. Rochester gave.
You should have seen the dining-room that day--how richly it was decorated, how
brilliantly lit up!
I should think there were fifty ladies and gentlemen present--all of the first county
families; and Miss Ingram was considered the belle of the evening."
"You saw her, you say, Mrs. Fairfax: what was she like?"
"Yes, I saw her.
The dining-room doors were thrown open; and, as it was Christmas-time, the servants
were allowed to assemble in the hall, to hear some of the ladies sing and play.
Mr. Rochester would have me to come in, and I sat down in a quiet corner and watched
them.
I never saw a more splendid scene: the ladies were magnificently dressed; most of
them--at least most of the younger ones-- looked handsome; but Miss Ingram was
certainly the queen."
"And what was she like?"
"Tall, fine bust, sloping shoulders; long, graceful neck: olive complexion, dark and
clear; noble features; eyes rather like Mr. Rochester's: large and black, and as
brilliant as her jewels.
And then she had such a fine head of hair; raven-black and so becomingly arranged: a
crown of thick plaits behind, and in front the longest, the glossiest curls I ever
saw.
She was dressed in pure white; an amber- coloured scarf was passed over her shoulder
and across her breast, tied at the side, and descending in long, fringed ends below
her knee.
She wore an amber-coloured flower, too, in her hair: it contrasted well with the jetty
mass of her curls." "She was greatly admired, of course?"
"Yes, indeed: and not only for her beauty, but for her accomplishments.
She was one of the ladies who sang: a gentleman accompanied her on the piano.
She and Mr. Rochester sang a duet."
"Mr. Rochester? I was not aware he could sing."
"Oh! he has a fine bass voice, and an excellent taste for music."
"And Miss Ingram: what sort of a voice had she?"
"A very rich and powerful one: she sang delightfully; it was a treat to listen to
her;--and she played afterwards.
I am no judge of music, but Mr. Rochester is; and I heard him say her execution was
remarkably good." "And this beautiful and accomplished lady,
she is not yet married?"
"It appears not: I fancy neither she nor her sister have very large fortunes.
Old Lord Ingram's estates were chiefly entailed, and the eldest son came in for
everything almost."
"But I wonder no wealthy nobleman or gentleman has taken a fancy to her: Mr.
Rochester, for instance. He is rich, is he not?"
"Oh! yes.
But you see there is a considerable difference in age: Mr. Rochester is nearly
forty; she is but twenty-five." "What of that?
More unequal matches are made every day."
"True: yet I should scarcely fancy Mr. Rochester would entertain an idea of the
sort. But you eat nothing: you have scarcely
tasted since you began tea."
"No: I am too thirsty to eat. Will you let me have another cup?"
I was about again to revert to the probability of a union between Mr.
Rochester and the beautiful Blanche; but Adele came in, and the conversation was
turned into another channel.
When once more alone, I reviewed the information I had got; looked into my
heart, examined its thoughts and feelings, and endeavoured to bring back with a strict
hand such as had been straying through
imagination's boundless and trackless waste, into the safe fold of common sense.
Arraigned at my own bar, Memory having given her evidence of the hopes, wishes,
sentiments I had been cherishing since last night--of the general state of mind in
which I had indulged for nearly a fortnight
past; Reason having come forward and told, in her own quiet way a plain, unvarnished
tale, showing how I had rejected the real, and rabidly devoured the ideal;--I
pronounced judgment to this effect:--
That a greater fool than Jane Eyre had never breathed the breath of life; that a
more fantastic idiot had never surfeited herself on sweet lies, and swallowed poison
as if it were nectar.
"You," I said, "a favourite with Mr. Rochester?
You gifted with the power of pleasing him?
You of importance to him in any way?
Go! your folly sickens me.
And you have derived pleasure from occasional tokens of preference--equivocal
tokens shown by a gentleman of family and a man of the world to a dependent and a
novice.
How dared you? Poor stupid dupe!--Could not even self-
interest make you wiser?
You repeated to yourself this morning the brief scene of last night?--Cover your face
and be ashamed! He said something in praise of your eyes,
did he?
Blind puppy! Open their bleared lids and look on your
own accursed senselessness!
It does good to no woman to be flattered by her superior, who cannot possibly intend to
marry her; and it is madness in all women to let a secret love kindle within them,
which, if unreturned and unknown, must
devour the life that feeds it; and, if discovered and responded to, must lead,
ignis-fatus-like, into miry wilds whence there is no extrication.
"Listen, then, Jane Eyre, to your sentence: to-morrow, place the glass before you, and
draw in chalk your own picture, faithfully, without softening one defect; omit no harsh
line, smooth away no displeasing
irregularity; write under it, 'Portrait of a Governess, disconnected, poor, and
plain.'
"Afterwards, take a piece of smooth ivory-- you have one prepared in your drawing-box:
take your palette, mix your freshest, finest, clearest tints; choose your most
delicate camel-hair pencils; delineate
carefully the loveliest face you can imagine; paint it in your softest shades
and sweetest lines, according to the description given by Mrs. Fairfax of
Blanche Ingram; remember the raven
ringlets, the oriental eye;--What! you revert to Mr. Rochester as a model!
Order! No snivel!--no sentiment!--no regret!
I will endure only sense and resolution.
Recall the august yet harmonious lineaments, the Grecian neck and bust; let
the round and dazzling arm be visible, and the delicate hand; omit neither diamond
ring nor gold bracelet; portray faithfully
the attire, aerial lace and glistening satin, graceful scarf and golden rose; call
it 'Blanche, an accomplished lady of rank.'
"Whenever, in future, you should chance to fancy Mr. Rochester thinks well of you,
take out these two pictures and compare them: say, 'Mr. Rochester might probably
win that noble lady's love, if he chose to
strive for it; is it likely he would waste a serious thought on this indigent and
insignificant plebeian?'"
"I'll do it," I resolved: and having framed this determination, I grew calm, and fell
asleep. I kept my word.
An hour or two sufficed to sketch my own portrait in crayons; and in less than a
fortnight I had completed an ivory miniature of an imaginary Blanche Ingram.
It looked a lovely face enough, and when compared with the real head in chalk, the
contrast was as great as self- control could desire.
I derived benefit from the task: it had kept my head and hands employed, and had
given force and fixedness to the new impressions I wished to stamp indelibly on
my heart.
Ere long, I had reason to congratulate myself on the course of wholesome
discipline to which I had thus forced my feelings to submit.
Thanks to it, I was able to meet subsequent occurrences with a decent calm, which, had
they found me unprepared, I should probably have been unequal to maintain, even
externally.