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>>> WELCOME TO "RED EYE
LIKE THIS WEEK IN BASEBALL IF
BY BASEBALL YOU MEAN JOHN
GIBSON'S HOTS DOG.
WHAT IS COMING UP ON TONIGHT'S
SHOW?
>> I WILL STAY WITH YOU UNTIL
MY SEEDS ARE DRIED UP.
AND A NEW SURVEY SAYING
SCHOOLS ARE TOO EASY.
AND YOU WON'T BELIEVE HOW A
GROUP IS MAKING CREATIVE USE
OF CHICAGO'S GUN BUY BACK
PROGRAM.
AND FINALLY, A MUSLIM AND A
CHRISTIAN WALK INTO A HOTEL
ROOM, AND IT TURNS OUT THEY
AGREE ABOUT ***.
GREG?
>> THANKS, ANDY.
>> YOU BET, GREG.
>> THAT'S IT?
>> I HAVE NOTHING, MAN.
>> NOTHING?
>> NOT A THING.
ALL I'M THINKING ABOUT, "DARK
KNIGHT" NEXT WEEK.
DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE
INCLUDING YOUR STUPID SHOW.
>> WELL, AT LEAST ARE YOU
HONEST.
>> YES, I AM, SIR.
>> GO AWAY.
LET'S WELCOME OUR GUEST.
SHE IS SO HOT THAT BASEBALL
COACHES NOW TELL PITCHERS TO
BRING THE BROOKE GOLDSTEIN.
I AM HERE WITH BROOKE
GOLDSTEIN.
THAT WAS A CLEVER SWING
THERE.
FOUNDER OF THE CHILDREN RIGHTS
INSTITUTE, TOTALLY MADE UP,
AND THE DIRECTOR OF THE LAW
FARE PROJECT.
HER LATEST BOOK IS CALLED LAW
FARE, THE WAR AGAINST FREE
SPEECH.
IT IS A REAL KNEE SLAPPER.
AND HE IS FUNNIER THAN A MIME
STUFFED IN A CLOWN STUFFED IN
A VEN TRILLION LAW QIS AND
COVERED IN BLOODS.
AND HE WREAKS OF FAILURE AND
HOT POCKETS.
IT IS BILL SCHULZ.
AND IN THESE PARTS THEY CALL
HIM JOHN GIBSON.
AFTER ALL, HE IS JOHN GIBSON,
HOST OF THE VERY SEXY AND
SYNDICATED RADIO PROGRAM NAMED
AFTER HIM, THE JOHN GIBSON
SHOW ON FOX NEWS RADIO WEAK
DAYS -- WEEKDAYS AT NOON
EASTERN.
AND HE IS A LEFTY FREAK WHOSE
OUTLOOK IS BLEAK.
GOOD TO SEE YOU, PINCH OWE.
>> IN TODAY'S TIMES HE WRITES
OF A FAMOUS NUDE BEACH
DESTINATION IN WISCONSIN?
OH MAY WORD.
WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF NAKED BEER
BELLIED SUN BATHERS SMACK DAB
IN THE MIDDLE OF DAIRY LAND.
PORCH, DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT
YOU ARE LAUGHING AT?
>> DINOSAUR?
>> OKAY.
GET HIM OUT OF HERE.
>> HE REALLY IS EMBARRASSING.
>> YES.
>>> IS SCHOOLING LESS THAN
GRUELING?
WELL, STUDENTS NATIONWIDE
REPORT THEIR STUDIES AIN'T NOT
EASY.
WELL, PRPS THE SYSTEM REALLY
IS FAILING THEM.
ACCORDING TO ANALYSIS OF
FEDERAL SURVEY DATA, MY
FAVORITE WAY TO COME UP WITH A
SENTENCE, MANY DON'T FIND
SCHOOL CHALLENGING.
THEY SAY WORK IN SUBJECTS LIKE
MATH AND HISTORY IS OFTEN OR
ALWAYS EASY.
AND 12th GRADERS REVEALING
THEY RARELY WRITE ABOUT WHAT
THEY READ IN CLASS.
SAID THE CO AUTHOR OF THE
REPORT, QUOTE, THE NOTION THAT
EVERY AMERICAN KID IS GOING
HOME WITH A BACKPACK LOADED
WITH 70 POUNDS OF BOOKS, WELL
THAT'S NOT HAPPENING.
WHICH RAISES THE QUESTION,
WHAT ARE THEIR BACKPACKS FULL
OF?
SEE FOR YOURSELF.
>>> THEY CAN'T READ A PUPPY,
BUT THEY ARE SURE ADORABLE,
MUCH LIKE YOURSELF.
IF SO MANY KIDS THINK SCHOOL
IS EASY, DOESN'T THAT MEAN
AMERICA'S YOUTH IS REALLY JUST
GETTING STARTED.
GETTING SMARTER?
>> COULD IT BE?
>> I GUESS IT COULD BE.
THIS REPORT COMES FROM THE
CENTER FOR AMERICA IN
PROGRESS, FAMOUSLY A BUNCH OF
LIBERALS.
IF THEY ARE COMPLAINING ABOUT
SCHOOLS FAILING, IT IS THE
FAULT OF LIBERALS.
IT IS THEIR OWN DARN FAULT.
JAY DO THEY HAVE AN AGENDA?
>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY
WANT.
FIRST THEY MADE IT SO KIDS
CAN'T LEARN ANYTHING, AND NOW
THEY ARE COMPLAINING ABOUT
IT.
WHAT THEY OUGHT TO DO IS FLUSH
THE LIBS OUT OF THE SCHOOL
ADMINISTRATION BUILDINGS AND
THE UNIVERSITY OF -- THE
UNIVERSITY EDUCATION SYSTEMS.
>> I LIKE THE WAY YOU THINK,
YOUNG MAN.
YOU HANG AROUND PLAY --
>> YOU HAPPENING AROUND --
HANG AROUND PLAYGROUNDS OF ALL
AGES.
I SKIPPED 10th, 11th
AND 12th GRADE.
YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS?
IT WAS SO EASY.
THESE KIDS ARE REALLY DUMB FOR
SAYING, MAKE IT TOUGHER.
THEY ARE PRETTY DUMB.
LET'S KEEP IT AT AN EASY
PLAYING FIELD.
I KNOW SOMEBODY WHO WORKED AT
A SCHOOL SIS STEEL IN JERSEY.
THEY WERE FIRED BECAUSE HE WAS
FAILING.
THEY HAVE TO MEET THE QUOTA
AND THEY GET THEIR MONEY FROM
THE STATE OR BASICALLY FROM
PAYING TOLLS AND THEY HAVE TO
REACH THE QUOTAS.
>> IF A TEACHER FAILS
STUDENTS, THEN THEY ARE
FAILING THEIR OWN JOB.
THEY HAVE TO GET THESE KIDS
THROUGH.
BROOKE, YOU ARE NODDING AS IF
YOU AGREE WITH SOMETHING I
SAID.
IT IS HARD TO TELL WITH YOU
SOMETIMES.
HOW SHOULD WE FIX THE
EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM.
YOU ALWAYS HAVE ANSWERS.
PLEASE KEEP IT TO 10 SECONDS
OR LESS JIE. IT IS NOT BY
MAKING ALAH PART OF THE
EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM.
DID YOU HEAR WHAT
REPRESENTATIVE ANDRE CARSON
RECENTLY SAID WE SHOULD MODEL
OUR SCHOOLS AFTER MADRAFFA?
WE AT THE CHILDREN'S RIGHTS
INSTITUTE LOOK AT THEM AND
THEY ARE BASICALLY SUICIDE
SCHOOLS.
LOOK AT WHAT IS HAPPENING IN
PAKISTAN.
THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THE MEDIA IS
NOT ALL OVER THIS STATEMENT.
JAY WE ACTUALLY TALKED ABOUT
IT YESTERDAY ON THE SHOW.
IT WAS ON "THE FIVE."
BUT I AM GLAD YOU BROUGHT IT
UP.
WHAT A WONDERFUL THING.
>> IT SHOULD BE BROUGHT UP
MORE.
EVERY NEWS STATION SHOULD BE
TALKING ABOUT THIS ISSUE.
>> THE BEST SCHOOL SYSTEM WAS
WHEN BILLY JACK RAN HIS
SCHOOL.
THERE WAS NO PRESSURE.
YOU MAYBE DO YOGA ONE DAY AND
TIE DYE SOME GRAW NOEL LAW,
AND THEN THE PRINCIPAL KICKS
SOMEBODY IN THE HEAD AND KILLS
THEM AND THEN EVERYBODY SITS
ON THE SIDE SINGING "ONE TIN
SOLDIER."
>> THAT IS A SPOILER.
NOT EVERYONE HAS SEEN "BILLY
JACK."
BILL, YOUR MOUTH IS OPEN.
>> I HAVE TO DISAGREE.
THE GREATEST SCHOOL SYSTEM AS
WE KNOW IS THE YOU ARE RECEIVE
VENS CLASS IN "HEAD OF THE
CLASS" THE SITCOM OF THE EARLY
TO LATE 80s AND THE BEAUTY
OF" HEAD OF THE CLASS" IS THEY
DIDN'T HAVE TO CHANGE THE ***
NAME.
>> VERY, VERY IMPORTANT.
ALTHOUGH MY FAVORITE CLASSROOM
WAS IN THE CLASS OF 1984
STARING TIMOTHY VAN PATTON.
>> WHAT ABOUT THE MOVIE
CLASS?
YOU CAN'T SPELL CLASS WITHOUT
*** AND THE TOUR DE FORCE
ABOUT A COUGAR.
>> HOW ABOUT THE HOTTIES ON
"SAVED BY THE BELL"?
SCREECH?
>> OKAY, I WILL SEE YOU "SAVED
BY THE BELL" AND SAY" WELCOME
BACK CARTER."
WELCOME BACK CARTER BECAUSE IT
FEELS LIKE YOU NEVER LEFT.
>> FORGET "WELCOME BACK
CARTER" AND HOW ABOUT" ROOM
222" BECAUSE IT WAS EASY TO
REMEMBER.
>> LET'S TALK ABOUT ROOMS.
LET'S TALK "227" WHICH WAS THE
PLACE TO BE WITH MARLA GIBBS
AND HER FAMILY.
IT IS "227" ON SATURDAYS ON
NBC.
>> WHEN YOU SAY "227" AS
GAMBLER I WILL WHEEL THOSE
NUMBERS TOMORROW.
>> THAT ENDED ODDLY.
>> AND YET IMPORTANTLY.
>> I HAVE TO GO BACK BEFORE WE
MOVE ON TO THE RICHEST
POINTS.
THESE KIDS #R* FINKS.
THE KIDS IN THE RESEARCH WERE
FINKS.
THEY TOLD THEM IT WAS TOO EASY
WHEN THEY SHOULD HAVE SAID IT
WAS TOO HARD.
THAT'S THE LESSON I LEARNED.
>> THEY ARE SNITCHES.
THOSE ARE THE KIDS IN WORLD
WAR II ARE LIKE -- YOU DON'T
WANT TO GET PULLED OVER.
IT IS IN THE TRUNK.
>> THANK YOU.
FROM GRADES TO GUNS THEY ARE
USING THE CITY'S LOOT TO
TEACHERS AND KIDS HOW TO
SHOOT.
A PRO GUN GROUP IN ILLINOIS,
IS THERE ANY OTHER KIND,
CLAIMS IT USED MONEY IT GOT
FROM THE CHICAGO GUN BUY BACK
PROGRAM TO FUND A SHOOTING
CAMP FOR KIDS.
GUNS SAVE LIFE, GREAT NAME,
PEOPLE AND SOLD 60 FIREARMS
INCLUDING FIVE BB GUNS AND A
SHOTGUN HELD TOGETHER BY DUCT
TIFF AND ZIP TIES FOR OVER SIX
GRAND.
AND THEY ARE USING THE MONEY
TO BUY RIFLES AND AM MOW FOR
AN NRA CAMP TEACHING KIDS 9 TO
16, QUOTE, HOW MUCH FUN
SHOOTING SPORTS ARE AND HOW TO
HANDLE GUNS SAFELY.
THE GUN BUY BACK PROGRAM IS
AIMED FOR THE STREETS, BUT THE
REAL DELICIOUS IRONY HERE IS
THAT THE CITY OF CHICAGO IS
PAYING FOR RIFLES THAT WERE
GIVING AWAY TO YOUNG PEOPLE AS
PART OF THE CAMP.
FOR MORE LET'S GO TO THE
ALCOHOL, TOBACCO AND FIREARMS
CORRESPONDENT.
>> SEE, ANY ANIMAL CAN ENJOY
THE PLEASURES OF SMOKING.
I THINK THIS IDEA WAS
INGENUOUS.
AM I WRONG?
>> NO.
BUT THERE IS NO EVIDENCE THAT
KIDS IN CHICAGO DON'T KNOW HOW
TO SHOOT.
THEY ARE ACTUALLY SHOOTING UP
THE TOWN EVERY WEEKEND.
MORE PEOPLE HAVE BEEN KILLED
IN CHICAGO THIS YEAR THAN HAVE
BEEN KILLED IN AFGHANISTAN.
FORGET THE GUN BUY BACK
PROGRAM.
THEY SHOULD BE TAKING THEM OFF
THE KIDS ON THE STREETS.
>> I THINK THAT'S AN -- THERE
ARE TWO POINTS THERE.
GUN BUY BACK PROGRAMS DO NOT
DO ANYTHING.
>> THE PEOPLE WHO
PEOPLE --
>> THAT'S EXACTLY.
SO THESE GUYS WERE BRILLIANT,
BROOKE, BECAUSE THEY TOOK THAT
USELESS PROGRAM AND TAUGHT LAW
ABIDING CITIZENS TO USE GUNS
IN WHAT IS REALLY A CRIME
RIDDLED SOCIETY.
ISN'T IT BETTER YOU HAVE YOUNG
PEOPLE WHO ARE LAW ABIDING
LEARNING TO SHOOT.
>> IS IT BETTER THEY ARE
TAKING THE YOUNG PEOPLE OFF
THE STREET AND TRAINING THEM
HOW TO USE GUNS.
>> THEY ARE THINKING ABOUT TWO
DIFFERENT GROUPS OF PEOPLE.
>> I AM ALL FOR THE
CONSTITUTIONALLY PROTECTED
RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS.
I AM ALSO FOR CHILD SAFETY.
AND THE TWO ARE NOT MUTUALLY
EXCLUSIVE.
IT UNDERMINES THE CAMPAIGN
THAT THEY ARE SHOWING THE
STUPIDITY OF THE GOVERNMENT
PROGRAM.
AND IT IS RIDICULOUS.
THEY ARE NOT BUYING GUNS FROM
CRIMINALS.
THEY ARE NOT BUYING GUNS THAT
CAN BE USED.
AND THEY TURN AROUND AND THEY
HAVE THIS CAMP FOR
NINE-YEAR-OLDS.
IT UNDERMINDS THE CREDIBILITY
OF THE WHOLE THING.
>> THEY UNDERMIND THE
INCREDITED BUILT, AND THEY
WERE ABLE TO TEACHERS AND THE
LAW ABIDING CITIZENS HOW TO
USE THE GUNS.
>> WE WERE GOING TO SENTED OUR
FIVE-YEAR-OLD TO GUN CAMP.
HE IS MORE OF A SCIENCE
FREAK.
SO WE ARE SENDING THEM TO METS
CAMP.
THAT'S WHY PEOPLE HATE RICH
PEOPLE.
THEY GET TO GO TO GUN CAMP.
POOR PEOPLE HAVE TO LEARN TO
USE GUNS IN THE STREETS.
CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT LETTER
HOME?
MOM, I GOT SUNBURNED, MOSQUITO
BITES AND A BULLET LODGED IN
MY SHOULDER.
I WANT TO COME HOA. I DON'T
LIKE THIS CAMP.
>> CAMPS ARE GOOD.
IT IS TEACHING KIDS HOW TO USE
WEAPONS.
>> ARE YOU SUGGESTING THAT
THIS M CAY P IS DESIGNED TO
TEACHERS AND -- THIS CAMP IS
DESIGNED TO TEACHERS AND LAW
ABIDING KIDS TO SHOOT?
>> IT IS LIKE LEARNING TO
DRIVE A CAR.
>> HOW TO HAVE FUN.
>> RESPONSIBILITY COMES WITH A
WEAPON.
THAT'S THE WAY IT WORKS.
>> DO YOU THINK NINE-YEAR-OLDS
SHOULD BE SHOOTING GUNS?
THAT'S WHAT IT BOILS DOWN TO.
>> IT ALREADY HAPPENS.
KIDS ARE LEARNING TO SHOOT.
IF YOU LIVE ON A FARM, IF YOU
ARE IN A HUNTING FAMILY, WHEN
DO YOU -- YOU KNOW, JOHN.
>> BOY SCOUTS USED TO GIVE UH
MERIT BADGE FOR THIS.
NOT ANYMORE.
>> IF YOU ARE PART OF THE AB
OR THE K, YOU KNOW --
>> THIS -- THAT IS ***
BROTHERHOOD.
GEE --
>> WE DIDN'T KNOW THE ACRO
NAME.
I DID NOTICE YOU HAD
INTERESTING TATTOO.
BILL, YOU TRIED TO TURN INTO
TWO FROSTING GUNS FROM YOUR
BAKING CLASS.
DID YOU GET MONEY FOR THAT?
>> NO, I GOT A SWIFT KICK IN
THE HEAD.
AS THE ONLY ONE THAT IS FROM
THE CHICAGO AREA, HERE IS HOW
IT WILL GO.
THE WHITE SOX FANS WILL LOOK
AT THE FACT THAT THEIR TEAM IS
INEXPLICABLY IN FIRST PLACE AT
THE ALLSTAR BREAK AND THEY
WILL TAKE THEIR GUNS AND SHOOT
THEM IN THE AIR.
THE GUNS FANS WILL STICK THEM
IN THEIR MOUTH AND BLOW THEIR
HEADS OFF.
THIS ENDS BADLY FOR EVERYONE.
>> WELL OTHAT NOTE LET'S MOVE
ON.
>>> FROM FIREARMS TO
FINANCES.
HE WANTS A PEEK AT MITT'S
BALANCE SHEET.
PRESIDENT OBAMA IS PUTTING
PRESSURE ON ROMNEY TO RELEASED
DETAILS ABOUT AN OFFSHORE BANK
ACCOUNT SAYING, WHAT IS
IMPORTANT IS THE AMERICAN
PEOPLE KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND
WHAT YOU HAVE DONE AND THAT
YOU ARE AN OPEN BOOK.
DEMOCRATS HAVE POUNCED ON MITT
LIKE THEY ALWAYS DO.
AFTER DETAILS OF OFFSHORE
ACCOUNTS IN SWITZERLAND,
BERMUDA AND THE CAYMEN
ISLANDS.
ROMNEY'S CAMP DENIES HE USED
FOREIGN FUNDS TO LOWER HIS TAX
BILL.
MEANWHILE, A NEW SURVEY FOUND
USERS OF THE IPHONE, WHATEVER
THAT SARE MORE OBAMA PRONE.
PEOPLE WITH HIGH-TECH HANDS
HELD DEVICES ARE MORE LIKELY
TO SUPPORT THE PRESIDENT IN
NOVEMBER.
ALL OF WHICH RAISES ANOTHER
QUESTION, DO CLAMS LIKE POTATO
CHIPS?
>> I DON'T KNOW HOW TO RESPOND
TO THAT EXCEPT TO SAY, GOOD
FOR YOU, CLAM.
WATCH YOUR CHOLESTEROL AND
YOUR SODIUM.
>> HOW SHOULD ROMNEY RESPOND
TO THIS?
I FEEL HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO
RESPOND TO ANYTHING LIKE THIS.
>> IS ANYBODY CLUELESS THAT
ROM INY IS RICH?
THAT ROMNEY IS RICH?
HOW DOES HE KNOW -- THE REASON
THEY KNOW HE THE ACCOUNTS IN
BERMUDA AND THE CAYMENS AND
SWITZERLAND WAS IN THE TAX
RECORDS THAT ROMNEY RELEASED.
WHAT IS THE SECRET HERE?
THERE IS NO SECRET.
ROMNEY IS RICH.
GET OVER IT.
MAYBE YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE
RICH TOO.
VOTE FOR HIM.
>> BROOKE, YOU WERE WAIVING
YOUR HAND.
THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT IS
AGREEING.
IT IS NOT THE ROMNEY CAMPAIGN
THAT HAS THE SECRECY AND
TRANSPARENCY PROBLEMS.
THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION
ENTIRE DRONE WAR IS DEFINED BY
SEE CRAW VEE.
WHY IS HILLARY CLINTON MEETING
WITH THE ISLAMIC CORPORATION.
WHERE IS THE INFORMATION ON
THE FAST AND FURIOUS?
WHERE IS OBAMA'S TRANSCRIPT.
THE WHOLE PLOY TO USE THE
SECRECY THING IS ALMOST
LAUGHABLE TO ME I THINK.
>> BROOKE BRINGING IT.
>> HE IS NOT HIDING MONEY FROM
THE PEOPLE.
IT IS FROM HIS WIFE.
THAT'S LIKE EVERY NORMAL
MARRIAGE.
YOU HAVE A SHIRT PUT AWAY FOR
WHEN THINGS DON'T WORK OUT.
OBAMA IS TRYING TO GET
TRICKY.
HE IS THE RICH GUY.
YOU CAN'T CONNECT ORIE LATE TO
HIM.
YOU CAN RELATE TO ME.
HE IS AS LOADED AS THE NEXT
MAN.
HE IS TRYING TO TRICK YOU, HE
IS TOO POWERFUL AND RICH.
I WANT A GUY WITH MONEY.
I WANT A GUY LIKE THAT.
THAT GUY WILL NOT DO ANYTHING
SHADY TO MAKE MORE MONEY.
>> HE DOESN'T HAVE TO.
>> HE DOESN'T NEED IT.
>> THAT'S LIKE BLOOMBURG.
THEN YOU END UP WITH A
BLOOMBURG SO WEALTHY ALL HE
WEARS ABOUT IS SODA POP.
THAT'S WHAT WE WILL TALK ABOUT
IN THE NEXT SEGMENT.
BILL, YOU HAVE A SWISS SOCK
ACCOUNT.
YOU KEEP YOUR MONEY IN YOUR
SWISS SOCKS.
>> JUST A SWISS ARMY KNIFE.
WE DON'T KNOW WHY -- WE DON'T
KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY HE HAS IN
THE OVERSEAS ACCOUNTS, AND WE
DON'T KNOW WHY THEY ARE THERE,
AND HE IS NOT TELLING ANYONE.
THE AMERICAN VOTERS DESERVE TO
KNOW WHY.
IT COULD BE ANYWHERE FROM $20
MILLION TO $100 MILLION.
YOU HAVE TO ASK YOURSELF, WHY
HASN'T HE TOLD US BY NOW?
THERE IS SOMETHING HE DOESN'T
WANT US TO KNOW, AND IT IS
PROBABLY NOT GOOD.
FURTHERMORE GEORGE ROMNEY
WHOSE DAD PAID MORE IN TAXES
THAN ROMNEY EVER WILL, 36%
WHICH IS DOUBLE WHAT ROMNEY IS
PAYING, HE DISCLOSED
EVERYTHING.
HE DIDN'T JUST DISCLOSE HIS
TAXES, BUT HE DID IT 12 YEARS
BACK.
HE DIDN'T FIND LOOPHOLES
EITHER.
I WANT TO KNOW WHY.
>> IF IT IS KOSHER, ARE YOU
VOTING FOR ROMNEY?
>> HE IS MORMON, NOT JEWISH.
>> YOU REALIZE THE ACCOUNTS
WERE CLOSED TWO YEARS AGO?
>> HUH?
WHY ARE THEY THERE?
>> THEY ARE NOT THERE.
THEY CLOSED TWO YEARS AGO.
>> NO, THEY ARE STILL THERE.
THE OVERSEAS ACCOUNTS ARE
STILL THERE.
>> THE WORST THING ABOUT THE
STORY IS "VANITY FAIR" SPENT
4,000 WORDS FROM AN AUTHOR
CLOSELY ALIGNED WITH OCCUPY
WALL STREET TO DO THIS STORY
AND THERE ARE NO LAWS BROKEN.
>> I DIDN'T SAY HE BROKE ANY
LAWS.
THERE ARE A MILLION LEGITIMATE
REASONS TO HAVE MONEY
OVERSEAS.
HE HASN'T GIVEN US A REASON.
>> I WISH YOU FELT LIKE THIS
WITH OBAMA'S TRANSCRIPTS.
>> WHEN DID I SAY I DIDN'T
FEEL THAT WAY?
WE HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW WHAT
THEY WERE DOING.
>> I NEED TO KNOW.
>> YOU KNOW WHY HE HAS MONEY
OVERSEAS?
>> HE IS NO DUMMY.
>> HE HASN'T SAID WHERE IT
CAME FROM.
>> I WANT TO KNOW HOW TO GET
AN OFFSHORE ACCOUNT.
>> ANSWER THOSE E-MAILS.
>> TECHNICALLY IT IS.
>>> WHAT IS THE SECRET TO
HEALTHY, BEAUTIFUL SKIN?
BROOKE GOLDSTEIN ON WHY SHE
DRINKS A QUART OF KITTEN'S
BLOOD EVERY DAY.
BUT FIRST, DOES THE MILLION
GULP MARCH LIVE UP TO ITS
NAME?
IF IT WAS A FEW PEOPLE
SHOUTING, THEN YES.
>> GUESTS ON "RED EYE" STAY
WITH GREG'S NEIGHBOR CARL, NOW
OFFERING PULL OUT COUCH, FUTON
OR BEANBAG CHAIR.
♪ HE'LL WATCH YOU WHILE YOU
SLEEP ♪
>>> WELL, HE IS THE SIZE OF A
DOLL, AND HE HATES ALL THINGS
TALL.
I SPEAK OF MICHAEL BLOOMBURG
WHO IS PUSHING SMALLER SIZES,
AND NOT JUST IN SODA.
THE BIG APPLE'S TINY MAYOR,
ALL TWO FEET 6 INCHES IS
ASKING DEVELOPERS TO TEST TINY
APARTMENTS WHICH THE CITY
PLANNERS BELIEVE COULD BE THE
ANSWER TO THE GROWING NUMBER
OF SMALLER HOUSEHOLDS.
THE SO-CALLED MICROUNITS,
WHICH IS MY NICKNAME IN
COLLEGE, WOULD COME WITH A
BATHROOM AND KITCHENETT WITH
400 SQUARE FEET OF SPACE,
WHICH IF MY MATH IS CORRECT IS
ROUGHLY THE SIZE OF A FOOTBALL
FIELD.
AND ONE REPORTER ASKED ABOUT A
NEARBY PROTEST AGAINST THIS
SODA BAN -- OR HIS SODA BAN
CALLED THE MILLION BIG GULP
MARCH.
HAVE A LISTEN TO THE NEW YORK
GNAW POLL YEN'S RESPONSE.
>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE MARCH
IS ALL ABOUT.
IF YOU WANT TO KILL YOURSELF,
I GUESS YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO DO
IT.
WE ARE TRYING TO DO SOMETHING
ABOUT THAT.
>> DID HE JUST ENCOURAGE
PEOPLE TO COMMIT SUICIDE?
WHAT KIND OF MAYOR ARE YOU?
IN OTHER NEWS, LET'S SEE HOW
THE ON GOING SINGLE MOON
WALKER MARCH IS COMING ALONG.
>> NOT SURE WHAT HE IS
PROTESTING, BUT I'M WITH HIM
100%.
THE BIG GULP MARCH HAD 50
PEOPLE.
DO THEY GET MAD AND STOP
CARING ABOUT SOMETHING?
>> THEY WORK AND HAVE THINGS
TO DO.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I WILL DRINK WHAT I WANT TO
DRINK.
AND I WILL EAT WHAT I WANT TO
EAT.
THESE POLITICIANS ARE LIKE
CELEBRITIES.
THEY HAVE TO HAVE A CAUSE.
THEY HAVE TO BE IN THE NEWS.
HERE IS A CAUSE, PAY FOR THE
FREEDOM TO TOWER WITHOUT BOND
MONEY.
THERE IS A GOOD CAUSE.
THESE ARE DUMB CAUSES.
THEY JUST WANT FACE TIME.
I ALSO THINK HE HAD STOCK IN
SMALL CUPS.
>> HE DOES.
THAT MAKES GOOD SENSE.
BROOKE, YOU STRIKE ME AS
SOMEBODY FOR THE STUPID SODA
BAN.
>> ABSOLUTELY NOT.
I LOVE WHEN HE SAID YOU WANNA
KILL YOURSELF, FINE.
THE GOVERNMENT WILL LET YOU.
AS IF THAT IS SOMETHING BAD.
EXACTLY! THAT'S WHAT WE
WANT.
THE GOVERNMENT OUT OF OUR
PERSONAL SPACE.
HE GETS IT FINALLY.
>> I THINK YOU MIGHT WANT TO
KILL YOURSELF IF YOU ARE
LIVING IN ONE OF THOSE TINY
APARTMENTS.
>> IS THAT A BAD IDEA?
>> THERE ARE ALREADY
MICROSCOPIC APARTMENTS IN THIS
TOWN.
HOW MUCH SMALLER CAN THEY
GET?
HOTEL ROOMS I GUESS.
HE SAID I DON'T WANT YOU TO
DRINK SODA OR SMOKE.
YOU NEED CANOLA OIL TO HAVE
FRENCH FRIES.
AND HE PUTS YOU IN AN
APARTMENT SO SMALL YOU WANT TO
OPEN THE WINDOW AND JUMP.
>> OBVIOUSLY IT IS NOT FOR
FAMILIES.
IT IS FOR SINGLE GUYS.
IF YOU ARE SINGLE IN NEW YORK
AND CAN'T AFFORD A PLACE YOU
SHOULDN'T BE IN NEW YORK.
IF I WAS A SINGLE GUY, I WOULD
LOVE TO LIVE IN ONE OF THOSE
PLACES BECAUSE I HAVE LOW
SELF-ESTEEM.
THIS WAY I KNOW I WOULD NOT BE
BRINGING A FATTY BACK.
>> THAT IS THE MOSTIZARRE
LOGIC.
I WOULD LIKE THE TINY
APARTMENTS BECAUSE BRINGING
SOMEBODY HOME I WOULD APPEAR
RNLG LAKER -- I WOULD APPEAR
LARGER WHICH I WOULD LITERALLY
BE A 6 FOOT 8, 260 LINE BACKER
WHICH WOULD BE AWESOME GIVEN
THE FACT I AM 6 FOOT 2 AND
190.
BILL, WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF
THIS?
YOU DON'T HAVE AN APART
MEANT.
YOU DON'T HAVE AN APARTMENT.
YOU LIVE IN AN UNDER PASS.
>> I DON'T LIKE YOUR COMMENT
ABOUT OBVIOUSLY THEY ARE NOT
FOR FAMILIES.
MY WHOLE THING IS GET IN MY
MICROAPARTMENT AND THEN
ACTIVELY RECRUIT LARGE
FAMILIES TO LIVE WITH ME.
I WILL FORCE THEM TO GO IN
THERE IF THEY SAY NO.
I WILL DO IT.
THE MORE TOGETHER WE ARE THE
BETTER.
>> THAT IS BEAUTIFUL.
THAT IS TRUE.
WE HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK.
>>> DO YOU HAVE A COMMENT?
E-MAIL US.
212-462-5050.
STILL TO COME, THE HALF TIME
REPORT FROM TV'S ANDY LEVY.
HE LIVES IN A TINY APARTMENT.
>> TONIGHT'S HALF TIME REPORT
IS SPONSORED BY THE FICTIONAL
AIRBORNE BALLGAME WHERE
PLAYERS FLY ON BROOM STICKS.
>>> LET'S SEE IN WE GOT
ANYTHING WRONG SO FAR.
FOR THAT WE GO TO ANDY LEVY.
>> OH HEY.
>> DID WE CATCH YOU BY
SURPRISE?
>> A LITTLE BIT.
WASN'T READY.
>> STILL THINKING ABOUT "THE
DARK KNIGHT."
>> NEVER STOPPED THINKING
ABOUT IT.
>> FUNNY THING IS AREN'T
TALKING ABOUT THE MOVIE.
>>-
Q. I IT IS A FRIEND OF MINE
--
>> IT IS A FRIEND OF MINE
COMING TO TOWN.
SCHOOLS ARE TOO EASY.
JOHN, YOU BLAME THIS ON
PROGRESSIVES.
I DON'T THINK IT IS A
COINCIDENCE THAT WHEN WE
STARTED GIVING OUT THINGS LIKE
MEDALS FOR PARTICIPATION
SCHOOLS BECAME EASIER BECAUSE
IF YOU MAKE THINGS HARDER SOME
MAY NOT DO AS WELL AND IT MAY
HURT THEIR PRECIOUS
SELF-ESTEEM.
BUT IT IS ALSO DUE TO THE
EMPHASIS ON STANDARDIZED
TESTS.
STUDENTS ARE NOT GIVEN A
CHANCE TO THINK.
AND I'M SORRY, BUTS A LOT OF
THAT FALLS ON GEORGE W. BUSH
AND THE NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND.
>> NICE TRY.
>> THANK YOU.
I THINK I SUCCEEDED.
>> NOT SO SURE.
>> BLAME BUSH FOR EVERYTHING.
>> THAT'S WHEN I DO.
>> YOU ARE ON A ROLL.
>> THAT'S TRUE THOUGH, RIGHT?
>> BUSH STARTED STANDARDIZED
TEST ?G.
>> NO, NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND.
>> STANDARDIZED TESTING IS THE
DISEASE.
WE CAN TALK ABOUT THAT WITHOUT
SAYING BUSH MADE A REGULATION
THAT MADE MORE STANDARDIZED
TESTING.
THAT IS THE REGULAR IN OUR
SCHOOL.
WHO STARTED STANDARDIZED
TESTING?
>> DON'T TELL ME WHAT A
DISEASE IS.
I HAPPEN TO BE AN EXPERT IN
ALL MANNER OF DISEASES.
>> BROOKE, LET ME QUOTE FROM
BUSH'S ASSISTANT SECRETARY OF
EDUCATION WHO IN 2010 DECIDED
SHE DIDN'T LIKE IT.
SHE SAID, QUOTE, INSTEAD OF
RAIDING STANDARDS, NO CHILD
LEFT BEHIND ACTUALLY LOWERED
STANDARDS BECAUSE MANY STATES
HAVE DUMBED DOWN THEIR TEST OR
CHANGED THE SCORING TO SAY
MORE KIDS ARE PASSING THAN
ACTUALLY R.
>> OKAY, FINE, BUT THAT IS
IRRELEVANT TO THE STORY WE
WERE DISCUSSING.
>> HOW IS THAT IRRELEVANT TO
THE STORY?
THE STORY IS THAT KIDS ARE
SAYING SCHOOL IS TOO EASY.
I'M SAYING PART OF THAT IS
BECAUSE TEACHERS ARE TEACHING
WITH STANDARDIZED TESTS AND
THEY HAVE DUMBED DOWN THE TEST
BECAUSE THEY WANT MORE KIDS TO
PASS.
>> YOU WANT TO BLAME GEORGE
BUSH OR THE TEACHERS?
>> I AM NOT BLAMING GEORGE
BUSH, JOHN.
ALL I AM SAYING IS YOU WANTED
TO BLAME IT ALL ON
PROGRESSIVES.
THERE IS PLENTY OF BLAME TO GO
AROUND.
>> YOU CAN LOOK AT YEARS AND
YEARS AND YEARS OF SCHOOLS AND
THE PHILOSOPHY BEHIND
EDUCATION AND IT COMES FROM
LIBERALS.
>> I DON'T DISAGREE WITH
THAT.
I AM NOT LETTING THEM OFF THE
HOOK.
>> YOU SAID, YOU KNOW WHAT?
WE HAVE A PROBLEM HERE.
WHAT DOES BUSH HAVE TO DO WITH
IT?
>> THAT'S WHAT I SAID?
THAT'S REALLY ODD.
I DIDN'T SAY THAT AT ALL.
>> I LEFT MY KID BEHIND ONCE
AT A REST AREA.
I CAN'T BLAME BUSH FOR THAT.
I HAVE THREE KIDS.
>> I AM TOLD THEY FOUND YOUR
CHILD AND HE WAS IN THE
BUSHES.
YOUYOU CAN BLAME BUSH TO SOME
RESPECT.
>> WHEN I SAID HAVING NOTHING
TO DO WITH THE STORY, MAKE
SURE THE WAY THE EDUCATION
SYSTEM WORKS WHICH HAS NOTHING
TO DO WITH THE STORY
WHATSOEVER.
>> YES.
WHY DO YOU THINK I COME ON THE
SHOW TO TALK ABOUT IT IS
THINGS YOU GUYS PICK OR THINGS
THAT MEAN SOMETHING TO ME?
>> IT IS A FAIR POINT.
>> THAT'S WHY WE LOVE BROOKE.
>> YOU SKIPPED 10th,
11th, 12th GRADES?
>> I DIDN'T SHOW UP.
I WENT THERE TO SELL THINGS.
>> STAY IN SCHOOL, KIDS.
>> ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY THEY
WILL END UP LIKE ME?
>> REALLY?
I HAVE A ROLEX, PAL.
>> IT CAME WITH A HAND.
>> LIKE THAT'S REAL.
>> THE LESSON YOU LEARNED IS
THESE KIDS ARE FAKES?
>> YES.
>> IT IS HARD TO BELIEVE THE
CHINESE HAVE TAKEN OVER THE
WORLD.
JOY DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN
BY THAT, BUT I AGREE.
SEE, I AM STUPID.
>> WELCOME BACK CARTER, ARE
YOU KIDDING ME?
>> CODER.
>> AND NOBODY CORRECTED YOU.
>> WE HOPED IT WOULD BE OVER
IN A MATTER OF TIME, BUT IT
KEPT GOING.
>> FULL DISCLOSURE, I HAVE
NEVER ACTUALLY SEEN. IT BUT I
AM TOLD TOM CRUISE IS
AMAZING.
JOHN, YOU SAID MORE AMERICANS
HAVE BEEN KILLED IN CHICAGO
THAN KILLED IN AFGHANISTAN
WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY CORRECT.
275 MURDERS IN CHICAGO, 168
FATALITIES IN AFGHANISTAN SO
FAR.
JOHN, HERE IS WHAT MAYOR
EMMANUEL AND GARY McCARTHY
SAID AT A NEWS CONFERENCE ON
MONDAY.
I THINK YOU WILL THINK THIS
SOUNDS FAMILIAR.
THEY SAID THE GANG STRATEGIES
IN PLACE BEFORE THEY ARRIVED
WERE THE ONES THAT FAILED AND
NOT THEIR POLICIES.
>> HE IS BLAMING BUSH!
>> EXACTLY.
>> I GIVE THEM CREDIT.
THEY ARE TRYING.
THEY ARE ONE MILLIMETER
SHORT.
>> THEY ALSO STOPPED THE
PREVIOUS POLICE SUPERINTENDENT
WHO USED TO DO THESE THINGS
WHERE THEY WOULD DO HEAVY
RAIDS TO DRUG AREAS AND THEY
STOPPED THAT NOW.
>> THEY HAVE ANOTHER TACTIC.
>> I BLAME THE WHOLE THING ON
FRANK.
>> IT IS GOOD TO STAY
CURRENT.
>> ONCE THE CAPONE BOYS WERE
TAKEN OUT OF THE PICTURE, IT
GOES TO HELL.
>> THEY WERE IN A WAY
ENFORCING THEIR OWN KIND OF
ORDER, WEREN'T THEY?
>> ABSOLUTELY.
OBAMA STUFF, JOHN, I
COMPLETELY AGREE THE WHOLE
ROMNEY IS RICH STUFF HAS
GOTTEN OLD.
SHOULDN'T HE JUST RELEASED 10
YEARS OF TAX RETURNS TO SHUT
EVERYONE UP.
>> I GUESS, BUT MAYBE NOT
NOW.
THEY ARE DEMANDING HE REVEAL
HIS PLAN FOR THIS THING OR
THAT THING, AND HE PROBABLY
WILL, BUT WHY DO IT BECAUSE
THEY ARE DEMANDING IT?
JOY IT IS SUCH A GOOD STRATEGY
IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT.
IF HE DOESN'T RELEASED THEM
AND THE OBAMA CAMPAIGN KEEPS
HARPING ON IT AND HARPING AND
ON AND HE RELEASED EASY THEM
AND THERE IS NOTHING IN THERE,
DOESN'T HE LOOK BETTER?
>> THAT'S THE SAME STRATEGY
FOR THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE
WHICH IS LIKE THE -- LET
EVERYBODY FOLLOW IT.
>> WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, THE
ALLEGED BIRTH CERTIFICATE,
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU ARE AWARE
--
>> I CAN TELL WHAT YOU IS IN
HIS TAX RETURNS.
YOU OPEN THEM UP AND YOU WILL
SEE $250 MILLION.
THERE YOU GO.
>> I AGREE.
I DOUBT SERIOUSLY HE HAS
ANYTHING TO HIDE WHICH IS WHY
I DON'T GET HE DOESN'T DUMP
THEM OUT THERE.
>> I REMEMBER HOW BAD THIS WAS
AT JOHN KERRY OR DOING IT
GREN.
OR DOING IT AGAIN.
>> EXACTLY.
>> RICH, YOU NOY A LOT ABOUT
MEN KEEPING BANK ACCOUNTS
SECRET FROM THEIR WIVES.
>> THIS IS MY SECOND
MARRIAGE.
HE IS NOT GOING TO TAKE --
WELL, THE LAST ONE I HAD A
COUPLE OF CRATES AND A UM
COULD OF PITCHERS I BOUGHT AT
A FLEA MARKET.
NOW I HAVE A ROLEX.
>> NOT THAT WATCH.
>> I AM NO EXPERT WHEN IT
COMES TO EXWIVES, BUT WHEN YOU
ARE TALKING ABOUT THEM, YOU
SHOULDN'T SHOW THEM YOU HAVE A
ROLEX.
>> NO, I JUST -- YOU HAVE HAVE
SOMETHING ON THE SIDE.
YOU MAY WANT TO TAKE A
VACATION.
>> I AM TOO OLD.
>> BILL, YOU SAID ROMNEY IS
HIDING SOMETHING HE DOESN'T
WANT THE AMERICAN PEOPLE TO
KNOW.
ROMNEY DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHERE
THE OFFSHORE ACCOUNTS ARE.
THEY ARE PART OF A BLIND
TRUST.
JI WHY WOULD HE KNOW WHERE
THEY ARE?
>> THAT'S WHAT I AM SAYING.
>> THAT'S WHAT I AM ASKING.
I NEVER SAID HE IS HIDING
SOMETHING.
IT IS JUST THAT HE WONTED
RELEASED THEM.
>> BUT THEY ARE PART OF A
BLIND TRUST.
DO YOU BUY THAT?
>> HE DOESN'T KNOW WHERE HIS
MONEY IS?
>> MOST ARE IN A BLIND TRUST,
YES.
>> AND THEY DON'T KNOW WHERE
THAT IS?
>> THEY HAVE TO.
IT WON'T INFLUENCE THEIR
DECISION MAKING.
JAY HAVE I A BLIND TRUST.
--
>> I HAVE A BLIND TRUST.
>> DO YOU?
>> NO.
>> I PLAY IT IN A QUASI ROCK
BAND CALLED BLIND TRUST.
IT IS AN AMALGAM OF ERIC
CLAPTON MEANS MILES DAVIS.
>> YOU PLAY A GAME WITH YOUR
HOUSE BOYS CALLED -- CALLED
BLIND TRUST.
>> AND THEY FALL FOR IT EVERY
TIME.
>> IT IS UNBELIEVABLE.
AND THEY ARE BLIEBD AND TRUST
ME.
>> TINY APARTMENTS AND
DRINKS.
JOHN, YOU SAID YOU MIGHT WANT
TO KILL YOURSELF IF YOU LIVED
IN THAT APARTMENT.
>> I LIVED IN A SHOE BOX FOR
FOUR YEARS AND WAS MISERABLE.
I MOVED TO A NICE BIGGER PLACE
AND LOOK HOW MUCH MORE
CHEERFUL I AM.
>> PO NIE T TAKEN.
POINT TAKEN.
>> THAT IS YOUR SELLING
POINT?
>> THAT IS MY ROLEX.
THAT'S ALL I HAVE.
>> IS THE DECK ROUGHLY THE
SIZE OF THE LITTLE AREA YOU
WERE IN RIGHT NOW OR SMALLER?
>> IT IS ABOUT THIS SIZE FNLT.
THIS IS A NICE SIZE.
>>
>> LOOK AT THOSE SHARING A
LIVING SPACE.
>> I CAN SEE COMING HOME AND
PUTTING ON YOUR DECK SHOES TO
GO OUT ON YOUR DECK.
>> WITH MY ASCOT.
I DRESS UP LIKE THE SKIPPER
FROM "GILLIGAN'S ISLAND."
>> WHO DOESN'T?
>> BUT IT IS COOLER ON A DECK
AND MY NEIGHBORS THINK SO.
I'M DONE.
WHATEVER.
>> ARE YOU DONE?
>> WHY NOT?
>> I CAN'T REMEMBER.
COMING UP, STORIES SO AMAZING
IF THEY WERE PICKLES YOU WOULD
SAY, THOSE ARE AMAZING PICK
QELS, AND THEN STAIR OUT A
WINDOW OUT OF A MIDDLE.
COMING A STORY ON MORE THAN --
A STORY ON
>>> I ALWAYS SAW THAT WORD AND
NEVER KNEW HOW TO PRONOUNCE
IT.
*** IS AVAILABLE AT MOST
HOTELS BASED ON STATISTIC EASY
MADE UP.
NOW A PAIR OF RELIGIOUS
LIEDERS, A CHRISTIAN AND
MUSLIM, ARE TEAMING UP TO GET
THE SHARE RAW TONS AND THE --
THE SHERATONS AND THE RED
ROOVES TO REMOVE THE ***.
THEY ARGUED IN AN OPEN LETTER
THAT JUST BECAUSE SOMETHING IS
LEGAL DOESN'T MAKE IT RIGHT.
AS ANOTHER EXAMPLE, THEY CITE
THE CIVIL RIGHTS STRUGGLES.
THEY ARE NOT CALLING FOR A
BOYCOTT JUST THAT THEY DO WHAT
IS RIGHT AS A MATTER OF
CONSCIENCE.
LET'S DISCUSS THIS IN THE --
>> LIGHTNING
ROOOOUUUUNNNNDDD.
LIGHTNING ROUND.
>> BROOKE, COULD HATRED OF
*** BRING ALL RELIGIONS
TOGETHER, INCLUDING THE ONES
THAT YOU HATE?
>> THIS IS AN INTER FAITH
INITIATIVE.
IT WARMS MY HEART.
THE THING ABOUT FREE SPEECH,
GREG, FIRST IT IS *** AND
THEN IT IS CARTOONS OF MOHAMED
ON COMEDY CENTRAL.
AND CARTOONS OF MOHAMED ARE
BANNED ON COMEDY CENTRAL.
THEY ARE RELIGIOUS POLICE.
WHAT CAN I SAY?
HOTEL ***, SAME THING?
>> I HAVE NEVER SEEN HOTEL
***.
I HAVE NO IDEA.
YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TRAP ME
THAT WAY, GREG.
>> I WASN'T TRYING TO TRAP
YOU.
>> YOU ARE ASKING IS THE RIGHT
TO WATCH *** IN YOUR HOTEL
THE SAME AS THE RIGHT TO
VOTE?
>> I GUESS SO.
THEY WANT TO BAN HOTEL ***,
AND THEY ARE BEARING THAT
FIGHT TO THE CIVIL RIGHTS.
>> IT IS THE DEEPENED OF THE
POOL TO COMPARE ANYTHING AND I
WON'T GO THERE.
I SPENT YEARS AND YEARS AND
YEARS GOING INTO HOTELS
WITHOUT ***.
IF THEY DIDN'T HAVE IT TODAY I
DON'T THINK I WOULD MISS IT.
SO WHAT?
>> HAVE YOU AN ACTIVE
IMAGINATION.
>> NO, NOW WE HAVE THE
INTERNET.
>> IF HOTELS NO LONGER PROVIDE
***, WHAT WILL STAND UP
COMICS LIKE YOU DO?
>> WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO,
STOP YOU FROM BRINGING YOUR
COMPUTER IN?
HOW ABOUT THE CUP I PUT TO THE
WALL IN THE ROOM NEXT TO ME.
>> THEY CHARGE $19 AT THE
MARRIOTT.
>> IF I AM TRYING TO GET
EXCITED I THINK ABOUT SOME OF
THE BEST GOLF COURSES I
PLAYED.
IF I GET TO BETH PAGE AND I
CAN'T CLIMAX THEN, I'M DONE.
IT IS GOOD MEMORIES.
>> THAT IS UP LIFTING AND
DEPRESSING OF THE DO YOU EVER
TRY TO TAP IN AND GET FREE
***?
>> I DO A LOT WITH THE
ANTENNA, BUT THIS IS A FAMILY
SHOW.
THESE GUYS JUST ON THE I --
JUST OUTED THEMSELVES.
RED ROOF THE ONLY ONE WE CAN
AFFORD.
>> TAKE THE *** OFF THE
CHANNELS BECAUSE WE CAN'T
CONTROL OURSELVES.
THE FACT THE THERE
MEANS WE WILL USE THE OPTION.
>> I FIND THE TWO WORDS
TOGETHER, HOTEL ***, IS SO
DEPRESSING.
HOTEL IMPLIES YOU ARE
SOMEWHERE IS, BUT YET HOTEL
*** SAYS YOU ARE NOT OUTSIDE
OR NOT OUTDOING SOMETHING.
YOU ARE IN A ROOM WHERE YOU
CAN BE ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD.
HOTEL *** SAYS YOU ARE COULD
BE OUTDOING SOMETHING.
GO ON A HAUNTED TOUR.
>> THAT'S ONLY BECAUSE YOU
CHOOSE TO LOOK AT IT AS GLASS
HALF EMPTY.
AS A GLASS HALF FULL GUY I
LIKE TO LOOK AT IT I AM
SURROUNDED BY.
>>> -- BY THE NAKED FRIENDS.
>> IT IS ONLY THE FEMALES.
WE HAVE SEEN THAT A MILLION
TIMES.
>> THAT'S A BIG COMPLAINT
AMONG MANY VIEWERS.
>>> WE HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK,
BUT DON'T THINK OF LEAVING
NOW.
>>> NEXT TOPIC.
SOME BRITISH LADY JUST WROTE
AN ARTICLE ABOUT HOW SHE
SNOOPS ON HER HUSBAND'S
E-MAILS, VOICEMAILS AND
TEXTS.
I BELIEVE SPECIAL REPORT LEAD
WITH THIS TONIGHT, BUT I DON'T
KNOW.
SAMANTHA BRICK WHO LOOKS
FAMILIAR TO ME.
I SWEAR WE HAVE DONE STORIES
ON HER IN THE PAST.
AND I WILL REMEMBER IT
SHORTLY.
SHE SAYS SHE SPIES ON HER HUB
BE, NOT BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T
TRUST HIM, BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T
TRUST OTHER WOMEN.
YES, BECAUSE HE IS SO
IRRESISTIBLE.
>> I KNOW WHO SHE IS.
>> WHO?
>> SHE SAID SHE IS THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD,
AND WOMEN ARE SO JEALOUS OF
HER EVERY TIME SHE WALKS IN A
ROOM.
>> THAT'S THE ONE.
IT CREATED A BREW HUH HUH IF I
MAY USE THAT PHRASE.
THAT'S THE ONE.
WHAT SHE DOES IS LIKE EVERY
TWO MONTHS SHE MUST WRITE A
STORY THAT IS ABOUT HERSELF
AND THEN WE GO FOR IT.
IT IS JUST SO ANNOYING.
>> WE ARE THE REAL LOSERS.
>> WE ARE THE REAL LOSERS.
>> ONE THING SHE DOES
PRESIDENT USE IS USE
CONDITIONER.
TERRIBLE HAIR, GIRLFRIEND.
>> THEY ARE GOING TO COME
AFTER YOU, HER FANS.
>> LOOK AT THAT.
>> I NEVER WROTE AN ARTICLE
SAYING I AM THE AMAZING
LOOKING GUY OR GIRL.
>> YOU WERE THE EDITOR OF
MEN'S HAIR MONTHLY.
>> MEN'S STAIR MONTHLY.
I WAS ON THE COVER AND I JUST
STAIRED.
>> I ALWAYS SEE YOU AS A FREE
SPIRIT, INDEPENDENT AND
STRONG.
IF A BOYFRIEND LOOKE INTO
YOUR E-MAIL HOW FAST WOULD HE
BE GONE AND WHAT WOULD HE
FIND?
>> I WOULD PUT HIM IN JAIL.
IT IS ILLEGAL.
>> PUT HIM IN JAIL?
>> SORRY.
IT JUST MADE ME SO MAD.
SHE MAKES WOMEN LOOK TERRIBLE
AND MEN LOOK TERRIBLE.
I READ THIS ARTICLE.
IT IS DISGUSTING.
SHE IS OUTRAGEOUS.
>> WHO TOLD YOU TO READ IT?
I THINK THAT IS THE FIRST TIME
YOU HAVE EVER DONE THAT.
YOU KNOW HOW MUCH BETTER IT IS
WHEN SHE DOES IT THAN BOB
BECKLE.
>> THE FUNNY THING IS THIS IS
THE FIRST SHOW SHE HAS BEEN ON
THAT SHE WAS NOT ***.
>> I THINK IT HELPED.
>> SHE'S MAD.
>> YOU BETTER CORRECT THAT ON
RECORD RIGHT NOW OR YOU ARE
GOING DOWN.
>> *** BY INFIDELS THAT ARE
ANGRY AT THE GOOD WORK SHE
DOES.
>> IS THAT GOOD ENOUGH?
>> WELCOME.
>> SO NOBODY IS CONFUSED ABOUT
WHAT THE WORD WAS?
>> NO ONE IS CONFUSED.
LET ME SAY THAT WAS A JOKE,
BROOKE.
I DON'T WANT YOU SUING US
BECAUSE YOU KNOW YOU WILL.
>> I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE
MEDIA LIABILITY.
>> ARE YOU DIGGING THE HOLE
EVEN WORSE.
>> WHAT IS YOUR TAKE ON THIS?
>> AS A MARRIED MAN THERE WERE
TIMES I WAS INSECURE AND A
JEALOUS GUY.
YOU HAVE TO LET GO.
I WILL G ON THE ROAD AND
SOMETIMES I WILL COME UP AND
LEFT A FINGERPRINT OFF A GLASS
OR PICK UP A HAIR SAMPLE, BUT
I DON'T GET CRAZY.
I HAVE MY OWN LAB, BUT YOU
KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
I AM NOT GOING TO SPY.
I AM OUT OF MY HIND.
I WON'T STOP.
I DON'T TRUST HER.
I DON'T LIKE HER.
>> BILL, YOU ACTUALLY
CONTACTED HER HUSBAND ON MY
SPACE AND FLIRTED QUITE A
BIT.
DID SHE EVER CATCH YOU.
>> NO, SHE PRETENDED TO BE HIM
AND IT GOT BACK TO ME.
I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS
OPPORTUNITY TO APOLOGIZE TO
GIRLS AND HER VERY CUTE
HOUSE.
>>> WE HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK.
OH BROOKIE.
>> BROOKIE IS HUNGRY FOR A
COOKIE.
>> STOP IT! WE WILL CLOSE
THINGS OUT WITH A POST GAME
WRAP UP WITH TV'S ANDY LEVY.
TO SEE CLIPS OF RECENT SHOWS
>>> WE WILL SEE YOU BACK HERE
FOR "THE FIVE."
COMING UP WE HAVE KEITH ALB RE
STAT.
BACK TO ANDY LEVY FOR THE POST
GAME WRAP UP.
>> NICE SHIRT.
WHERE DID YOU GET IT?
>> IT IS A PERSONA-NONGRATA
WHICH IS WHAT I AM ON THE SHOW
JIE. YOU ARE THE BEST.
>> IT IS MADE BY A NEW
COMPANY, LRCT'S LEFT RIGHT
TEE'S.
THEY EXPRESS ALL SORTS OF
POLITICAL OPINIONS.
CHECK IT OUT.
>> DOES IT GO TO CHARITY OR TO
YOU?
>> FROM NOW ON IT DOES.
I JUST DID THE PLUG.
IT GOES TO MY CHARITY.
RIGHT?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
JOHN, WHEN IS YOUR NEXT COMEDY
GIG?
>> JUST RADIO.
NOON TO 3.
GREAT RADIO STATIONS ACROSS
THE LAND.
>> HOW IS IT GOING?
>> IT IS CALLED MY LIFE HATES
ME.
IF YOU WANT TO APPRECIATE YOUR
MARRIAGE, LISTEN TO OUR POD
CAST.
YOU WILL LOVE IT.
>> WHERE DO YOU FIND POD
CASTS?
>> WHERE DO YOU FIND THEM?
ON ITUNES OR VIA CAST.COM.
DID I SAY IT WRONG?
>> NO, IB MA I DWINT HEAR IT.
>> HE KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT
TECHNOLOGY.
I THINK WE HAD A POD CAST FOR
AWHILE.
>> YOU DID.
>> I NEVER KNEW WHERE IT WAS
THOUGH.
I COULDN'T FIND.
IT ALL RIGHT, ANDY.
BYE.
>> THANK YOU, BROOKE GOLDSTEIN
, BILL SCHULZ, JOHN GIBSON.
THAT DOES IT FOR ME.
I'M GREG GUTFELD.
SEE YOU TOMORROW MAYBE.