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Hi.
My name is Jimmy and I'm a-
[Go on say it, I know what step one is]
-and I'm a, a romance-aholic.
I've been this way for years. I make people things...
I, I create elaborate multi-stage dates, each with their own soundtrack... I'll write-
[Did I proposition that guy from his online dating ad? ***, it is him. He never responded...]
[Um. Act casual!]
-laughter-
Projected Jimmy: Don't stress out if you get any of that wrong.
Live Jimmy: you'll probably just cause lasting psychological damage.
-laughter-
Projected Jimmy: Shhh! You're making me sound vulnerable
Live Jimmy: sorry.
Projected Jimmy: I'm actually really light hearted and chilled out-
Live Jimmy: don't screw me over.
-laughter-
I create these elaborate stories about them, that they never actually live up to them in reality.
I mean, I know that everybody does that.
[I've always wondered if other people do this too.]
Everybody fantasizes.
[No. Nobody's reacting. I guess it's just me.]
-music and laughter-
Well, I'm very political. Uh, I'm an activist.
Do you admit to experiencing jealousy?
No!
When you feel jealous, look to where it arises from.
As long as everybody likes me best, I'm fine!
Homosexuality, is in fact a mental illness, which has reached epidemiological proportions.
-music-
Must avoid the bad person list. No one will ever love me again.
So, like, this one time I, uh, pretended that I was listening but I actually really wasn't listening at all.
[Are they buying it? Do they still think I'm a good ***?]
-music-
[Or maybe I just haven't met the right person yet?]
You've been fantasizing about monogamy again, haven't you?!
-applause-
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