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{Bells Jingling}
HERO LASS: It's kinda beautiful.
BUG BOY: Or sad...look how few presents the kid's getting.
SAMURAI SNAKE: Safer for us, though.
BUG BOY: Yeah, good point.
HERO MAN: Hey, guys! I found a rocket!
Look, we can all escape now!
Let's go! N-n-n-eannnh!
HERO LASS: Now there's a gift that keeps on giving.
{MUSIC - THEME SONG}
The world needs a team of braver, smarter, faster heroes
To give us hope and fight for justice not just 1s and 0s
To lead us forth into a brand new kind of love and adventure
Confronting villains, fighting danger, life is so much better
Shelf life!
Shelf life!
The world needs a team of braver, smarter, faster heroes
HERL LASS: Well I for one can't wait; a little new blood couldn't hurt.
HERO MAN: What're you, nuts? New Blood means we're old;
old means we get replaced.
HERO MAN :{Panting}
BUG BOY: What're you doing?
HERO MAN: Trying to stay current.
BUG BOY: It's a fact of life, Hero Man. You can't escape Christmas.
HERO MAN: Oh, you wanna bet? Watch me.
BUG BOY: Well, it could be worse. Chanukkah's 8 days long; Christmas is just one.
It's more like pulling off a bandaid that way..
SAMURAI SNAKE: Could be worse. Could be Kwanzaa.
BUG BOY: Why would Kwanzaa be worse?
Right, you don't know, do ya? That's cause nobody understands Kwanzaa..
HERO LASS: Racist! You're just saying that because you don't celebrate it.
BUG BOY: Explain Kwanzaa to me.
Explain to me.
HERO MAN: I don't wanna die!
BUG BOY: You're not gonna die. Maybe the kid'll just get video games this year.
HERO LASS: What are you doing?
HERO MAN: Praying that the kid gets video games for Christmas.
HERO LASS: To whom? You don't believe in anything.
HERO MAN: To the fat guy that makes ***' video games, what's his name...
Santa Claus!
HERO LASS: Santa Claus? Really?
HERO MAN: What, at least I'm not a racist.
HERO LASS: No? You're the one who dated Smurfette cause you said you never banged a blue chick before.
HERO MAN: Yeah, I did - how does that make me racist?
BUG BOY: Come on, guys; where's your Christmas spirit?
Can't forget that Christmas brought us Snake.
SAMURAI SNAKE: Agreed.
HERO LASS: That is true.
HERO MAN: And if I remind you, Christmas also brought us Black Velvet.
Does that make me less racist?
BUG BOY: Actually, more; but good point.
Those were good times...
HERO MAN: Yo! Black Velvet! What it is, my brother?
BLACK VELVET: Oh hey, please; don't do any of that.
HERO MAN: Fo' reals?
Cos you know I jus' be tryin' to pick up whatchoo layin' down, son!
BLACK VELVET: Do you hear me speaking like that?
BUG BOY: Velvet, that reminds me.
Would you prefer that we call you African American Velvet?
BLACK VELVET: What?
BUG BOY: Because we wouldn't wanna be you know,
dissin' on your culture or getting all up in your history and ***.
BLACK VELVET: I bet this never happens to Luke Cage or Static Shock.
HERO LASS: So, do they call you Black Velvet cause you so smooth with the ladies?
BLACK VELVET: No, little dumplin'.
They call me Black Velvet because I was created by the white man...
The white man who has no earthly idea what a black super hero should represent.
I mean look at this hair!
And what the hell is this?
I mean, what purpose could this possibly have for fighting crime? None!
BUG BOY: But that was Black Gold!
The mystical medallion your tribe gave you to call upon the spirits of your African ancestors!
VELVET: Yeah, you see? You're making my point for me.
HERO MAN: Yo! Man, I don't understand why you bein' all uppity and ***.
I just axed you for some props, my nizzy.
BLACK VELVET: Aw HELL! What, "axed you"? Aaargh!
HERO MAN: Oh, right. I was the racist.
BLAK VELVET: No, you were all the racists.
GROUP: Black Velvet!
HERO MAN: It's a Christmas miracle!
BLACK VELVET: Wrong again, ***.
It'a a Kwanzaa miracle!
Happy Kwanzaa, everyone!
GROUP: Happy Kwanzaa!
BLACK VLET: I love you racist ***!
GROUP: {Laugh}
{MUSIC}
Shelf Life!
Shelf Life!
Shelf!
The world needs a team of braver, smarter faster heroes!