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When I was a girl I had a favorite story About a little old lady, sweet as you could find
And she'd sit on her porch, knit sweaters and bake cookies
and she was kind yes she was kind
I wanted to be just like this little lady
On a day when I passed beyond a certain age
But instead I'm a crazy nut job, mean and angry Hear me rage
Why do we have Menopause? Why do we soak the sheets each morning?
Thought I'd be like Mrs. Claus But I'm turning from sparkling jewel
Into Queen of the *** Cruel And I'm tired of being a tool
Why do we? I seem to be always in my own private summer
I have hairs cropping up in places where they should not grow
Maybe somebody could have warned me of this bummer
I didn't know How could I know
I'd have zits right on top of lovely sharpei wrinkles
A direct result of hormones running wild And that every time I sneezed I would feel
tinkles Like a child
Why do we have Menopause? Why do we have ten years of burning?
Set me free from Menopause For one day I'm hot and ***
Then the next I'm dry and thorny And Richard's called his divorce attorney
Why do we? But I'm finding my true voice,
I don't really have a choice It's low and mean and won't take any crap
Maybe it will give me strength And depending on it's length
I will conquer my foes with just a snap Just as soon as I can take a nap
I could power a factory with the steam I let off
I could gleefully scare the spots off a baby fawn
If you look at me wrong I might just rip your head off
Till it's gone Completely gone
My hope is that all this lack of a certain hormone
Will result in a great big hairy pair of balls That I use to deal with the crap that my teenagers
throw at the walls and down the halls Bring it to me
This Menopause Bring to me the is cup of courage
Fling to me some wonder bras For while my ambition's popping
My birthday suit is dropping And I don't have much time for shopping
Fling to me And all this fuss cuz the flow is stopping
Why do we? I know I ought not to be distraught
I don't complain a lot but I am hot!