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I made everyone a music mix
see if you can guess the theme.
Jimi Hendrix, Elvis, Mozart.
People who died too soon.
Too easy.
A little smug, Ryan.
Nobody likes a know-it-all.
Really?
'Cause I don't know anything.
I dig that.
Hello, baby
I wanted to bring in
some outside tragedies.
Freshen things up a bit.
Yeah, this is the
big bopper speaking ♪
- Why is Owen singing?
- oh, you sweet thing
It's not Owen.
It's the Big Bopper.
He was in that plane crash
with Buddy Holly.
I thought it'd be a fun tragedy
to start things off with.
Look, with all due respect
To Mr.
Bopper,
I've got something fresh
I need to deal with.
Losing Simone has really
hit me kind of hard.
I mean, look what I'm missing.
I mean, look at that.
That's a picture of the
night we first kissed.
- Oh, so romantic.
- Oh, my God.
And we are wasting time feeling bad
for the guy from Blind Melon?
Exactly.
What you need is
a good breakup song.
My wife sent me CDs
full of those
when I was in Afghanistan.
If I had half a brain,
I'd have known
she was cheating on me.
But I didn't.
D-u-m.
Dumb.
No, Ryan needs a
personalized breakup song,
one that captures
his singular grief.
Let's write it.
Simone
you left me all alone
- Yes, Ryan.
Jump in.
- You cut me to the bone
Love it.
Anne, build on it.
- With your heart of stone
I wouldn't say she
had a heart of stone.
It doesn't matter.
This is bigger than you.
We've gotta serve the song.
My name is Ryan ♪
and I can't find love
Great.
Why is Ryan unlovable?
- Because he's a racist.
- Yes!
- What?
- My name is Ryan,
I'm a bigot ♪
and you know what I mean
I'm a racism machine
- he's a racism machine
- yeah
And he's like to ***
And he hates children
♪And he kicks puppies
has a big carbon footprint
and he smells ♪
I miss Simone
Perfect.
I'm all better.
Simone was a great distraction.
And now as if on cue,
this morning,
I got Janie's
life insurance check.
Ooh.
Now I've got to think of an
appropriate way to spend it.
Wow.
That's a lot of money.
A man could do some
pretty crazy things
to earn that much cash.
Ryan is guilty,
he did it for the money ♪
Okay, you know what,
no more Ryan songs.
That's the new rule.
I can't face my empty house.
I just don't want to be alone
this weekend.
Well, with that,
we can help you with.
Who's available to be with Ryan?
I'm going to a bookstore.
I'm looking for a used copy
- of a Flannery O'Connor.
- Hmm.
- There is bingo at la Iglesia
Nuestra Señora
del Sagrado Corazón.
I heard "bingo,"
and I did not hear "books.
"
I'm in.
All right.
This, please.
I like your glasses.
Thanks.
I'd rather see well.
You're funny.
No, I'm not.
"A good man is hard to find.
"
A good woman is harder to find, huh?
Okay, what the hell is happening?
I'm making conversation.
I think you're cute.
Uh, is this a cult?
Because I'm an episcopalian.
We're right.
I'm good.
I wrote my number
on your receipt.
What?
Why?
You are not making any sense.
You want to sit right here?
Don't commit to seat too early.
We don't want to get
stuck with a loser.
Loser, loser.
Loser.
Mi hijo!
- Loser.
- Okay.
My friends,
Lourdes, Maria, and Dorotea.
And b-I-n-g-o.
Bingo is my name-o.
Maybe I'll save the wordplay
for people who speak English.
We speak English.
Oh, so just not funny then.
Okay.
- What's this?
- It's horchata.
Traditional Mexican rice drink.
I spike it with something
I use sometimes
to get through Lauren's class.
After we drink,
it's custom you shout,
"Andele, arriba.
"
Andele, arriba.
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
Uno, dos
Tres.
Andele, arriba!
You're mean.
Yes.
Here we go.
B-2.
Ryan king, he said B-2.
You have.
Oh, I'm not playing.
I'm just hanging out.
I tend to get
a little compulsive
when it comes to gambling.
When I was younger
Perdio Los cojones?
Don't need rosetta stone
to recognize sass
when I hear it.
Okay.
I'm in.
Cojones.
You're
supposed to be a church group.
G-47, say G-47.
Come on!
G-47.
Yes!
I win!
I win!
Bingo!
You can all go to
Boy, there's a lot of
pictures of Jesus in here.
We have a bingo.
- All right, yes!
- Yes!
Why does this feel so good?
Because for one moment,
this is all there is.
You can forget and live.
You're right.
You don't have to think
about Simone or Janie
or your insurance check or the fact
that each beat of our heart is
like a clock winding down.
Your pretty face
It lose its luster.
Hey, guys.
I'm so glad you're here.
We are gonna have a night.
Are you wearing makeup?
No.
Yes.
My face has lost
a little luster,
so I went into
my dead wife's makeup.
Come on in.
What are we doing here?
Well, I didn't want
to be alone,
so we're gonna watch
March Madness.
I don't know anything
about college basketball.
You don't have to.
I learned a very interesting
lesson today from Fausta.
Everything is better
with gambling.
I think you get
the wrong message.
Everything better with alcohol.
Sports are so boring.
How's gambling gonna
make it better?
I'll give you 20 bucks
if the next shot goes in.
No.
That hardly
He made it.
I'm lucky.
I'm not a curse!
My parents were wrong!
Three, two one- yeah!
Pay up, Owen.
I guess I know
a little bit more
about basketball than you do.
No.
I really know this stuff.
Okay?
I bet based on conference-winning
percentage and RPI.
You bet based on something
called the "do-ability factor.
"
Okay.
Next game is Syracuse.
Come on, do not Owen on me.
Wait, I'm not synonymous
with losing.
Of course not.
Shh, I'm calling my ***.
Who do you like
in the Missouri-Temple game?
- Oh, you gotta go Missouri.
- Put 200 on Temple.
- Yeah, bet Temple for me.
- Everybody?
I am on a hot streak.
Three wins, no Owens.
Where do you think
you're going, man?
I gotta ***.
Yeah, I just put a big
bet on this game,
and I've won
the last three times
when our knees are touching.
So there's an Afghan
and a soda bottle.
Do what you need to do, man.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Ooh!
- Oh, my God.
They just scored.
Owen, this position
is good luck.
I'm not staying like this.
Spank him.
See if it helps.
Oh, steal.
It helps!
Keep spanking me!
Well, good luck with the
tourney this weekend, coach.
- I'm feeling a win.
- Thanks, Ryan.
On the other hand, you
are 20-point underdogs.
If Kansas has the game
firmly in hand,
would you just let them
cover the spread?
Wait, you have a son
who sucks, right?
Why don't you put him
in the game,
get the old lady off your ***?
Coach?
And we'll be right back.
Are you gambling again?
Yeah.
I'm having
so much fun with it.
I can't even remember
why I stopped.
I remember why.
Back in college
Guys, I'm not Ryan King.
I don't care.
The colts lost.
Pay me.
How much that stereo cost?
- 600 bucks.
- Give me your shoes too.
- Those L.
L.
Bean socks?
- Yeah.
- Is that a toe ring?
Whoa.
I don't want it.
I just felt I needed it
to be commented on.
I'm not watching you do this.
You had a toe ring
and a grunge mullet,
and I'm the one getting
an intervention?
You're an addict.
You promised Janie
you'd never do this again.
Well, she's not exactly here
anymore to stop me, is she?
No.
But you remember the way
she'd look at you,
those big blue eyes judging you
while believing in you?
Ryan, you're
a better man than this.
Be better for me.
Wow.
It's a big swing.
Ooh.
Hate myself right now.
Guys.
Why is Anne with the hottest
woman I've ever seen?
♪
I
Sweet sour, sweet sour ♪
Oh, my.
Sweet sour
That
Sweet sour
- interests me.
- sour by the minute
but you're sweeter by the hour ♪
♪
What I'm feeling is
getting more.
Oh.
Good, good.
Owen's not here.
So we had fun at my house
last night, right?
So I figured we get
a little betting action
here in group today.
Are you wearing makeup again?
Just a little blush.
I'm comfortable with it.
Okay, so Owen sounds
like the Big Bopper.
So we're gonna compete
and try to get him
to say lines from
Chantilly Lace.
Everybody kicks in some money.
Dollar values are on the board
and on these cheat sheets.
Sonia, you mind passing
that around, please?
Okay.
"Hello, baby.
"
"You know what I like.
"
"Will I what?"
Those are the easy ones.
"Long-necked goose,"
"the Big Bopper Everest.
"
Hey.
Don't forget to sign up
for little league, buddy boy.
Hello, baby.
Hi.
You suck.
Owen, do you like ice cream?
Yeah, I like ice cream.
I know you like ice cream,
but what do you like?
You know what I like.
- And that's how it's done!
Oh, baby,
that's what I like ♪
Oh, sorry.
Sorry I'm late, everyone.
Hey, treasure.
You look dapper.
Are those new cords?
No.
They're the ones
that my uncle died in.
Ooh, what a hoot, this guy.
Silly.
Anne, you're in
a very good mood.
- There is a girl.
- She's got a girlfriend.
- And she is smoking.
- With what kind of face?
- With a nice face.
- "With a nice face"?
With a pretty face.
- I hate you so much.
- Sonia.
- Hello, baby.
- "Hello, baby"?
Yes.
Anne, this is
a huge breakthrough.
Okay, tell us about
your smokin' lady.
Oh, there's nothing really to tell.
I mean, she's very special.
I guess she's attractive.
I really haven't noticed.
- Oh, come on.
- Oh, shut up.
She's very intelligent.
I met her at the
independent bookstore
- where she works.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You mean you know someone smart
enough to put books on shelves?
Oh, we're doing this.
Yeah.
Back off.
I'm not like you two.
No, no.
I'm looking forward
to meeting her tonight.
We'll do a little March
Madness, place some bets,
and then I'll invite
my good friend
Stephen Hawking over,
so she'll have
someone to talk to.
- Crosstown it.
- There's a train coming.
Fine.
We'll be there.
- You guys are betting?
- Mm-hmm.
No, gambling can lead you
down a very dangerous path.
Oh, no.
That's just for normal people.
We're compulsive and prone
to spirals and poor judgment.
Gambling is an illness
that has affected people
very close to me.
- My own father
- Whoa!
Ohh.
My own father almost
tore our family apart
with his selfish
and destructive actions.
Now I want you all
to promise me
no more gambling.
We promise.
- Nope.
- Excuse me?
I've been going through
a very hard time.
I'm having fun.
I can handle it.
Okay.
Well, I hope you can.
I hope it stays fun, and
you don't lose everything.
Your daughter's college fund
and her trust and her future.
Okay, maybe I'll stop.
Owen, will you buggle
my frogger ham basket?
- Will I what?
- Big bopper.
- Oh.
- 20 bucks.
I'm not stopping.
I am hot.
- Remember how it was so much
fun betting with Ryan - Oh, come on!
Yeah, it's taken a turn.
Hey, guys.
I'm on a little bit
of a bad streak,
but I feel much better
now that you're here.
I got action on three
basketball games
and a Scottish caber
tossing competition.
You gotta get back on "D.
"
I can't believe
you missed that shot.
You call that log tossing,
ya bogger ***-mister!
Who's that?
Oh, that's my horse guy, Marty.
Don't worry about him.
My tout's moving three dimes
on a kingsland superfecta.
I love this guy, can't
understand a word he says.
Put $500 on that.
Hey, everyone.
This is the lovely and fun
- And intelligent Brittney.
We were just at an art museum.
Was she on display?
I can't handle this.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Yes.
My luck's turning around.
What's happening?
What's different?
Anne's girlfriend is here.
You, you
You're good luck.
Come sit over here.
So which one is basketball
and which one is log tossing?
- Scoot over.
- Yes, yes!
You are my new best friend.
Brittney, tell Ryan
about the art museum.
Oh, I was hoping
there would be dinosaurs.
You like dinosaurs, brittney?
No, honey,
we talked about this.
The dinosaurs are
at the natural history museum.
But there's nothing natural
about the dinosaurs
becoming instinct.
"Instinct"?
Uh
I thought you were dumb.
She's not dumb.
I'm dumb.
Me is.
You try too hard.
Is desperate.
Brittney is smart.
Brittney, tell them
what we were talking about
at dinner last night.
Oh, you asked me what
my favorite book was.
- Yeah.
- I said to read or to look at.
And then you made out with me.
What was it like?
Did her spit taste
like strawberries?
Hey, remember Dumb Donald
from Fat Albert?
What about Dumb Danny?
Hey, gamblin'-ba Ryan-ba.
Oh, my God.
- I'm dating Hot Danny.
- Mm-hmm.
That voice you're doing,
that's mushmouth.
- My bu-bad.
- Stop it.
Hey, what the hell?
- You're all enabling an addict.
- Attic?
Like he can't control himself
or the top of a house?
- What's the point?
- I'm fine.
I'm shutting you down.
I called your money guy.
- Your accounts are frozen, buddy.
- I'm out.
- Bye.
- What?
Marty, I thought
we were best friends.
All right, look.
It's fine.
I just got to win
this one last bet,
and then I'm flush.
You lost?
You were supposed to be a lock.
Oh!
I did that for you.
Me.
Marty, Marty, Marty.
It's like I don't even exist!
So after Ryan's party,
I told Brittney it was over.
I was kidding myself.
Dating someone like that
It's embarrassing.
I need Patty.
I owe her better
than to replace her
with some ***.
You're not replacing her,
and you're allowed to have fun.
And if Patty was as great
as you say she was,
she'd want you to be happy.
- Mm-hmm.
- Brittney did make me happy.
She took me roller-skating.
We got fake braids together.
Look.
- Wow.
- Like katniss.
- Hmm.
- I really miss her.
Okay.
I may not be
the brightest bulb,
but I spent ten years
in a marriage
that didn't work at all.
You found something
that makes you happy.
After all you've been through,
why are we talking?
Go to her.
Now.
Okay.
You're right.
I'm gonna go.
That was really smart.
Don't make a habit of it.
I guess Ryan's not coming, huh?
Yeah, he was in a bad way
last night.
He's in the city of Temecula.
There's a big casino there.
My dad used to go.
How do you know where he is?
Oh, I hacked
into all of your phones,
so I can always find
the people I love.
So you can track all of us?
Oh.
Hi.
Yolanda,
I didn't know you were here.
But all his money's cut off.
What's he using to play?
It's my wife's
life insurance check.
You've probably seen
a lot of stuff
way worse than this, right?
Don't answer that.
All right, gentlemen.
Place your bets.
Here's a bet.
And it's a sure thing.
Walk away from this table.
Go all-in on yourself,
and when you experience
self-love,
there's your jackpot.
What, we're not all
bringing our grief counselors?
Ryan, you have got
to stop gambling.
I fold.
I'm out.
Look, you're bad luck.
You gotta leave.
Oh, no, no, no.
She's good luck.
The *** stays.
I appreciate
what you're trying to do,
but I'm not leaving.
Then neither am I.
I learned some things
from my dad.
Deal me in.
What?
You don't gamble.
I do tonight.
Gambling is
all about the thrill,
whether you're gonna win or lose.
Well, I'm gonna take
that thrill away, Buster,
'cause I'm gonna beat you,
every time.
Get ready to hit rock bottom.
Buckle up, dirtbags.
I'm gonna take your money
and call you lady names.
You got a problem with that, Mary?
- Leave the cigar in your bag.
- Nope.
- Hi.
- You look nice.
I'm wearing the braid.
- I know.
- Yeah.
Brittney, I miss this.
I'm sorry.
I got so caught up
in what I thought
that you should be
that I didn't appreciate
what you are
Someone I love being around.
Anne, I may not know
a lot about books
or movies or third things
to end lists with,
but I know this much.
I deserve to be with someone
who's proud of me.
Good-bye.
You've got great arms.
Would you like to get a drink?
What is this place?
Is anyone buying books?
- I'm all-in.
- Whoo! Big bet.
Should I fold?
You look confident.
Although you are breathing
through your nose,
which you do
when you're withholding
and experiencing
deep inner turmoil.
I call.
Hey, that's not fair.
You can't use therapy
stuff against me.
That's a breach.
Dude, your ***'s
in your head.
Set of jacks.
Boom!
A flush as in "whoosh!"
Your hopes and dreams,
your hopes and dreams,
your hopes and dreams,
your hopes and dreams.
All right, that's it.
I'm out, I'm out.
You have ruined gambling for me.
Come on, let's go.
Ladies.
I can't believe I lost
all of Janie's money.
I am really out of control.
Look.
I'm gonna give you
back Janie's money.
It wasn't fair,
I was in your head.
I know what you're thinking.
Oh, yeah?
What am I thinking right now?
That now you have to go home
and deal with your loneliness.
And that you're angry,
but like a little bit aroused
by how badly I beat you back there.
That's exactly
what I was thinking.
You are really good.
You're gonna be good.
You're strong.
You are too.
You were on fire back there.
And then to walk away
from the table
while you're still up?
Yeah, it's a benefit
from my weight-loss journey.
I've learned to control
my compulsions.
What's that?
What'd you just do right there?
Oh, my God.
I think I accidentally put
a chip on the roulette table.
Red, seven.
Yeah!
That's a new sound out of you.
I don't care for it.
Let's go.
Oh, no, no, no.
I can double this.
- Let's go.
- I never get to have any fun.
- Let's go.
- I'm so hungry!
Yeah.
Hey.
I blew it with Brittney.
Come on in.
I figured if anybody
would understand
what I'm going through,
it's you.
Yeah.
Here, look.
It's me and Simone.
Oh, we're doing this?
It's Brittney's butt.
Oh.
I used to drop stuff
just so she'd pick it up.
You know what
the worst part is?
Mm?
I was getting used
to being alone.
And then I met someone
And it reminds you
of what it feels like
to not be alone.
And now being alone
is so much worse.
So bad.
It's gonna be really hard
to meet someone.
Oh.
With our baggage, the guilt,
comparing everyone
to the people that we lost.
I don't know about you, but
I was pretty bad at it before.
Ugh, I always go out
with the wrong people.
I once went on a date
with a girl
- I married a guy.
- Okay, you win.
We need a fresh start.
It's hard with
this constant reminder.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Ready?
Nope.
Three, two, one
Let go.
Oh, honey.
We're gonna be okay.
Yeah.
Here.
Take that.
Okay.
Thanks, King.
So tell me about your husband.
Was he anything like me?
Yes.
I'll bet you 50 bucks
my voice returns
to normal faster.
- You're on.
- I win.