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♪ GOOD MORNING, U.S.A. ♪
♪ I GOT A FEELING THAT IT'S GONNA BE A WONDERFUL DAY ♪
♪ THE SUN IN THE SKY HAS A SMILE ON HIS FACE ♪
♪ AND HE'S SHINING A SALUTE TO THE AMERICAN RACE ♪
♪ OH, BOY IT'S SWELL TO SAY ♪
♪ GOOD MORNING, U.S.A. ♪
[ Chorus ] ♪ GOOD MORNING, U.S.A. ♪♪
[ Dogs Barking ]
[ Whistle Blowing ]
I THINK HE WENT THIS WAY! COME ON!
[ Barking Continues ]
- [ Whistle Blowing ] - [ Barking continues ]
LOOKS LIKE SMITH WEASELED OUT OF GYM CLASS AGAIN, DAD.
I TOLD YOU. HERE AT SCHOOL, YOU CALL ME COACH, DIPWAD!
WHERE DID THOSE DOGS COME FROM?
[ Panting ]
YOU DITCHING GYM CLASS TOO?
[ Panting ] TODAY IS TRACK.
I HATE RUNNING.
THEN WE'RE ON THE SAME PAGE. WELCOME TO MY SANCTUARY.
LOOK AT THEM, SCURRYING AROUND LIKE ANTS.
GO AHEAD. EXERCISE ALL YOU WANT.
YOU'LL NEVER ESCAPE THE SMOKY DEATH OF TIME'S MAGNIFYING GLASS.
WOW, THAT'S A LITTLE DARK.
NOT AT ALL. LIFE IS A BANQUET.
I LOVE DESSERT!
[ Together ] MMM.
THAT'S ONE IMPRESSIVE MAN.
HANDSOME, FIT, THE WHOLE PACKAGE.
THAT'S GREAT, STAN. CAN WE STOP STARING AT YOUR REFLECTION IN THE TV...
AND ACTUALLY TURN IT ON NOW?
I PROMISED MY MR. BELVEDERE CHAT GROUP...
I'D POST A SUMMARY OF THIS EPISODE BY 6:00.
THOSE LOSERS ARE PRETTY PUNCTUAL.
GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE. I'M IN LOVE.
HER NAME IS DEBBIE.
SHE SMELLS LIKE A GLUE STICK, SHE SHARES MY INTEREST IN BUG ZAPPERS...
AND SHE LIKES READING OLD BOOKS BY GUYS WHO DIED OF SYPHILIS.
SYPHILIS! OOH, LA, LA!
GREAT. THANKS TO YOUR GASSING ON,
I COMPLETELY MISSED WHY MR. BELVEDERE IS STOMPING ON HIS HAT.
THE INTERNET IS NOT GOING TO BE HAPPY.
SO, WHAT'S THIS DEBBIE'S AFFILIATION?
VARSITY CHEERLEADER OR REGULAR CHEERLEADER?
ACTUALLY, SHE'S MORE OF AN ARTIST.
SHE PLAYED LADY MACBETH IN OUR SCHOOL PRODUCTION OF OKLAHOMA.
FRANKLY, IT WAS A MESS,
BUT OUR DRAMA TEACHER FINALLY GOT SOBER, THANK GOD.
SO SHE'S AN ACTRESS. ATTABOY!
MY SON IS DATING A HOT ACTRESS.
I GUESS. BUT MOSTLY I LIKE HER BECAUSE SHE'S SO UNUSUAL AND FASCINATING.
OF COURSE SHE'S FASCINATING. SHE'S GORGEOUS.
YOU KNOW, I HEAR SHE'S AN ACTRESS.
AND THIS GIRL ACTUALLY WANTS TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU?
FOR YOUR INFORMATION, SHE SAID SHE THINKS I'M CUTE.
SO SHE LIES. GREAT. THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW SHE DOESN'T HAVE A ***.
YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN.
IT'LL BE NICE TO HAVE A PRETTY GIRL AROUND THE HOUSE FOR A CHANGE.
I-I MEANT, A PRETTY YOUNGER GIRL.
DON'T GET MAD AT ME. IT'S CALLED MAKEUP.
DAD, I HAVE A CONFESSION ABOUT DEBBIE.
I HAVEN'T ACTUALLY ASKED HER OUT YET.
OH, THANK GOD. I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA TELL ME SHE ISN'T A CHEERLEADER.
THE THING IS, I REALLY LIKE DEBBIE, BUT I KEEP CHICKENING OUT.
STEVE, I'M GOING TO MOTIVATE YOU...
THE SAME WAY THE C.I.A. MOTIVATES ITS ASSASSINS,
YOU KNOW, WHEN THEY HAVE TROUBLE ASKING OUT A GIRL.
THERE. IF YOU DON'T ASK DEBBIE OUT IN 24 HOURS,
THE COLLAR WILL SENSE YOUR STRESS LEVEL AND BLOW UP.
[ Beeping ]
WHOOPS. I ACCIDENTALLY SET IT FOR 24 MINUTES.
[ Gasps ]
GOTTA GET TO DEBBIE'S HOUSE.
[ Gasps ]
♪♪ [ Circus Tune ]
OH, BOY! THE CIRCUS IS COMING TO TOWN.
AND I'M GONNA DIE!
OKAY, ACCORDING TO MY TIMEX WATCH,
I STILL HAVE FIVE MINUTES LEFT.
[ Screams ]
[ Panting ]
STEVE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
[ Beeping Rapidly ]
[ Sobbing ]
I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED ME OUT. THIS IS MY FAVORITE SPOT.
IT'S SO ROMANTIC.
[ Woman ] WHY DID HE HAVE TO DIE?
IT SUCKS WE PUT OUR DEAD IN THE EARTH WHERE WE CAN'T WATCH THEM DECOMPOSE.
YOU KNOW, PUTREFACTION IS SIMPLY A COMMUNITY OF NECROPHORES...
THAT ENGORGE THE CARRION WITH SULFUR DIOXIDE GAS.
ALL THIS TALK OF DEATH IS MAKING ME CREMATE.
[ Both Moaning ]
MOM, DEBBIE'S GONNA BE HERE ANY MINUTE.
I HOPE YOU LIKE HER, DAD.
OF COURSE I'LL LIKE HER. AFTER ALL, SHE'S YOUR GIRLFRIEND.
ONE DAY, SHE MIGHT EVEN TAKE THE SMITH NAME.
WHAT A WEDDING IT WILL BE.
PURPLE NAPKINS, A MAKE-YOUR-OWN-CREPE STATION...
AND A TOUCHING SPEECH, IN WHICH I REMINISCE ABOUT THE TIME...
I DROPPED YOU ON YOUR HEAD AS AN INFANT.
AND THEN SOMEONE IN THE CROWD YELLS OUT, "THAT EXPLAINS A LOT."
- AND WE ALL SHARE A LAUGH. - HERE SHE COMES.
NO, DAD, THAT'S--
NO, THAT'S--
SHE'S CARRYING A PURSE. SHE MUST HAVE A MAP TO DEBBIE IN HER PURSE.
TO THE PANIC ROOM!
[ Knocking ]
STAN, YOU'RE BEING RIDICULOUS. WE HAVE A GUEST OUT THERE.
PLEASE, FRANCINE, SHOW SOME PANIC. OUR SON IS DATING A FATTY.
DAD, THAT'S AWFUL. PLUS-SIZE WOMEN DRIVE OUR ECONOMY...
WITH THEIR PURCHASES OF GARFIELD BOOKS AND HÄAGEN-DAZS.
YOU APOLOGIZE TO YOUR SON.
FOR WHAT? YOU BROUGHT FAT INTO OUR HOUSE.
YOU'D LIKE DEBBIE IF YOU GOT TO KNOW HER, DAD.
- THERE'S A LOT MORE TO HER THAN YOU THINK. - THERE'S MORE OF HER?
SO, WHAT ARE WE PANICKING ABOUT? IS THERE ANOTHER NEW POPE?
DAMN IT, ROGER! LOCK THE DOOR!
HELLO? ANYONE HOME?
SHE SMELLS PEOPLE FOOD. DON'T WORRY.
SHE'LL PROBABLY JUST RUMMAGE AROUND IN THE REFRIGERATOR AND THEN RETREAT BACK TO HER LAIR.
MY STARS! WHO IS THAT ENCHANTING RUBENESQUE VISION?
[ Gasps ] SHE'S LIKE A FEMALE MR. BELVEDERE.
HMM.
I FORBID YOU TO SEE THAT GIRL.
YOU CAN'T KEEP US APART. DEBBIE!
HOW CAN YOU BE SO CRUEL?
DO YOU WANT YOUR GRANDCHILDREN TO BE HALF FAT, FRANCINE? IS THAT IT?
WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE SOMEONE'S WEIGHT?
JA, YOUR SUIT IS STUFFED TIGHTER THAN, UM,
SOME FUNNY GERMAN WORD.
ACH, SORRY. I'M KINDA RUNNING OUT OF FISH SHTICK.
[ Gasps ] OH! AND JUST LIKE THAT, I'M BACK!
YOU PEOPLE ARE CRAZY. I'M IN GREAT SHAPE.
THEY'RE RIGHT, STAN. YOU'VE LET YOURSELF GO.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
GOOD GOD, IT'S TRUE!
I'VE BECOME ONE OF THEM.
[ Screams ]
THANKS, MOM.
NOT ON MY DIET. JUST SOME O.J.
[ Shatters ]
WHERE'S STEVE? STILL CAUGHT IN DEBBIE'S GRAVITATIONAL PULL?
THAT'S SO UNFAIR, DAD. OVERWEIGHT PEOPLE HAVE IT HARD ENOUGH...
BEING DISGUSTING WITHOUT YOU MAKING FUN OF THEM.
GOD, LOOK AT ME. I'M HIDEOUS.
STAN, YOU'VE BEEN WORKING OUT FOR THREE WEEKS. YOU LOOK GREAT.
GREAT AS IN GREAT BIG FATSO. YOU KNOW, THIS IS HOW IT STARTS, FRANCINE.
FIRST YOU GO SOFT IN THE BELLY. THEN YOU GO SOFT IN DEFENSE.
NEXT THING YOU KNOW, YOU'RE WEARING A TOWEL ON YOUR HEAD...
AND USING YOUR LEFT HAND FOR TOILET PAPER.
WELL, NOT IN MY AMERICA.
HEY, BRO. I COULDN'T HELP NOTICING YOU'RE KINDA FAT AND PATHETIC.
AND YOU'RE KINDA PERFECT AND SCRUMPTIOUS. WHAT'S YOUR POINT?
NAME'S ZACK. I'M A PERSONAL TRAINER.
I WEAR A TRUCKER CAP, AND I CAN MOLD YOU...
INTO A DUDE WHO WON'T SEND THE LADIES PUKING.
I'LL DO ANYTHING TO LOOK LIKE YOU. WHEN CAN WE START?
DON'T WASTE TIME ASKING QUESTIONS WHEN YOU SHOULD BE ROCKIN' IT.
EXERCISE IS EVERYWHERE. SEE THOSE KIDS?
POTENTIAL BARBELLS. NOW ROCK ME TWO "HUNDY"!
[ Kids Whimpering, Screaming ]
SHUT UP AND HELP ME COUNT!
HERE HE COMES. REMEMBER, WE HAVE TO DO WHATEVER WE CAN...
[ Door Opens, Closes ]
OH, ZACK REALLY KICKED MY *** AT THE GYM TODAY.
[ Beeping ]
♪ LET'S HEAR IT FOR THE BOY ♪
♪ LET'S GIVE THE BOY A HAND ♪
♪ LET'S HEAR IT FOR MY BABY ♪
♪ YOU KNOW YA GOTTA UNDERSTAND ♪
YOU ARE FREAKING ME OUT! SIT DOWN AND EAT!
NO CAN DO. SOMEHOW I'VE GOTTEN EVEN HEAVIER.
UNTIL THESE POUNDS START COMING OFF,
♪♪ [ Switches Off ]
STOP IT. YOU'RE NOT FAT.
GET THAT AWAY FROM ME!
DIE, CALORIES! DIE!
♪ LET'S HEAR IT FOR MY MAN ♪
♪ LET'S HEAR IT FOR THE BOY ♪
YOU SUNK MY BATTLESHIP. 800 SOULS WERE LOST.
AMONG THEM, LIEUTENANT DON SHARP.
HE MADE IT THROUGH THE BULKHEAD BEFORE IT WAS CLOSED.
AT LEAST, HALF OF HIM DID.
TAKE ME.
[ Both Moaning ]
[ Camera Shutter Clicking ]
OH, MY DEBBIE.
THAT SHOULD BE ME HANDLING YOUR FOLDS...
AND SQUEEZING YOUR EXQUISITE BACK FAT.
BUT YOU DON'T KNOW YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME YET, SO I FORGIVE YOU.
[ Beeping ]
[ Clicking ]
1,001, 1,002, 1,003--
WHOA THERE, JUMPY. I CALL YOU "JUMPY" IRONICALLY...
BECAUSE YOU SUCK AT JUMPING ROPE.
JUST LIKE I CALL FAT PEOPLE "TINY." SO START OVER, JUMPY TINY.
HEY, YOU'RE MY CLIENT.
NOW LET'S ROCK IT UP A BUMP, "CHUNKY" BREWSTER.
WHAT AM I DOING WRONG? NO MATTER WHAT I DO, I KEEP GAINING WEIGHT.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
YOU SAID THEY WERE ALL FARKED AT YOU FOR DISSIN' YOUR SON'S FAT GIRLFRIEND.
THEY-- THEY WANT ME TO GET FAT LIKE THAT GIRL...
SO I'LL APOLOGIZE TO STEVE.
HELLS, YEAH. NOW DROP AND GIVE ME A THOUSAND!
OH, YEAH! DETAILS PUBLISHED PART OF MY LETTER.
[ Whispering ] NO, HAYLEY. NO, PUT IT OVER HERE.
[ Whispering ] COME ON. IT'S FINE. IT'S FINE, MOM. JUST DO IT. GO.
STAN! YOU STARTLED US.
NOTHING.
TAMPONS.
IT'S A WOMAN THING.
KEEPS THEM CRISP. GREAT IN THE SUMMER.
MORE REFRESHING THAN A POPSICLE.
LIARS! YOU WERE SABOTAGING MY VEGGIES TO KEEP ME FAT.
DAD, YOU'RE NOT FAT. BESIDES, HOW COULD WE SABOTAGE YOUR VEGGIES?
OH, YOUR DIET IS MAKING YOU PARANOID, STAN.
I'M WATCHING YOU TWO.
WHEW, THAT WAS CLOSE. HAND ME THE SYRINGE OF LARD.
THIS'LL FATTEN HIM UP.
[ Bullock ] THIS LATEST BILLION-DOLLAR OBSTACLE COURSE...
HAS BEEN DESIGNED TO PUSH EACH OF YOU TO THE LIMIT.
YOU'LL BE CLIMBING A NET, SLINKING THROUGH TIRES...
AND, MOST DANGEROUS OF ALL, CLIMBING ANOTHER NET.
OF COURSE, NONE OF THIS SHOULD BE ANY PROBLEM FOR A FIT AGENT.
[ Groans ]
[ Sighs ]
OH, LOOK. MISS PINKERTON FAINTED AT THE MARKET...
BUYING CANNED SALMON FOR HER ***-***.
GET UP, SMITH!
I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO SUSPEND YOU UNTIL YOU DEAL WITH YOUR WEIGHT PROBLEM.
[ Groans ]
I HOPE ALL YOU BLUBBER-LOVING JUDASES ARE HAPPY.
I JUST GOT SUSPENDED BECAUSE I'M IN SUCH BAD SHAPE.
WELL, MAYBE NOW YOU'LL LISTEN TO US.
WE'RE ALL SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU.
WE HAVE GREY'S ANATOMY ON SEASON PASS, YES?
[ Gasps ] YES.
I WAS JUST FINE UNTIL YOU ALL DECIDED TO TEACH ME A LESSON BY SCHEMING AGAINST ME.
NOW EVEN MY BOSS SAYS I HAVE A WEIGHT PROBLEM.
YOU DO HAVE A WEIGHT PROBLEM!
BUT IT'S NOT THAT YOU'RE TOO FAT.
DAD, WE'VE DONE SOME RESEARCH, AND WE THINK YOU'RE ANOREXIC.
- WHAT? - YOU KEEP THINKING YOU'RE FAT NO MATTER HOW SKINNY YOU GET.
THAT'S RIDICULOUS. LOOK AT ME.
IT'S WORSE THAN WE THOUGHT.
I KNOW. I'M A HUGE TUB OF LARD.
NO, YOU AREN'T. YOU'RE JUST SUFFERING FROM A DELUSIONAL STATE.
DELUSIONAL? I'M NOT DELUSIONAL.
BRO, DON'T LISTEN TO THEM.
STAN, THERE'S NO ONE THERE. WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?
Z-MAN, THIS IS FRANCINE, STEVE, MY DAUGHTER, HAYLEY.
I KNOW, I KNOW. BUT SHE WON'T WEAR MAKEUP.
[ Stan ] NO! I DON'T HAVE A WEIGHT PROBLEM!
YOU'RE SICK, AND YOU NEED HELP.
AND YOU'RE UNCOMMONLY STRONG.
SO THEN I SAID, "WHAT THE HELL. I'M ON VACATION."
AND I HAD A SECOND TIC TAC.
YOU CAN TOTALLY TELL. LOOK AT HER MASSIVE TIC TAC THIGHS.
[ Snickering ]
YOUNG LADY?
NOW, NOW. I-I KNOW IN HIGH SCHOOL, IN THE SHOWERS WITH THE OTHER GIRLS,
YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE WITH YOUR BODY.
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU MENSTRUATED?
- I'VE NEVER MENSTRUATED! - HEAR THAT, GIRLS? CAUTIONARY TALE.
ANOREXIA WILL DRY UP YOUR OVARIES LIKE TOBACCO IN THE SUN.
NOW, INSTEAD OF STARVING YOURSELVES,
LET'S DISCUSS HEALTHIER WAYS TO GET BACK AT DADDY.
LIKE MARRYING A BLACK DUDE.
- LIVING WITH AN ANOREXIC CAN BE A REAL CHALLENGE. - HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
WELL, WHEN YOUNG GIRLS LIKE YOUR FATHER GET THIS DISEASE,
IT'S USUALLY THE RESULT OF A JARRING EVENT.
WAS HE RECENTLY CUT FROM THE CHEERLEADING SQUAD?
NO.
- HAS THERE BEEN A CHANGE AT HOME? - A CHANGE AT HOME?
[ Gasps ]
I SHOULDN'T BE HERE, VERONICA.
YEAH, BUT YOUR FAMILY WILL KEEP SENDING YOU BACK...
UNTIL THEY THINK YOU'RE "GETTING BETTER."
BUT I DON'T WANNA EAT. I HATE FOOD.
DON'T SWEAT IT. I'VE GOT A FEW TRICKS I CAN TEACH YOU.
THAT'S BEEN IN THERE FOR DAYS.
NO, NO, DEBBIE. THIS BREAKUP HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY DAD AT ALL.
IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW, THIS IS A REALLY BAD TIME FOR ME.
THE GHOSTBUSTERS BOX SET JUST CAME OUT.
WHAT WITH THAT AND THE NEW DOOM BEING RELEASED,
I JUST DON'T THINK I CAN GIVE YOU THE TIME YOU NEED.
FORGET ME, BIG, BEAUTIFUL CREATURE!
[ Sobbing ]
THE GIRL WHO LOVES TO GO TO THE MARKET IS NOW BACK ON IT.
SOON SHE'LL BE MINE. DEBBIE!
[ Laughing ]
OH! WHOSE FOOT IS THAT? PADDINGTON BEAR, YOU RANDY ***.
MMM.
LET'S JUST SAY I LEARNED A LOT FROM MY NEW FRIEND VERONICA.
YOU JUST KEEP FOCUSING ON GETTING BETTER, DAD.
AND YOU'LL BE GLAD TO KNOW DEBBIE WON'T BE AROUND TO UPSET YOU ANYMORE.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, STEVE? - WE... WENT OUR SEPARATE WAYS!
[ Sobbing ]
IT'S GOOD TO SEE HE'S FINALLY HAPPY.
WELL, I'M STUFFED. I'M GONNA TAKE A WALK AND DIGEST THIS NUTRITIOUS REPAST.
THANK YOU, VERONICA, YOU FAT ***.
[ Both Retching ]
GOOD-BYE, DEBBIE. I'M GETTING RID OF EVERYTHING THAT REMINDS ME OF YOU...
AND SEALING IT IN THIS BEAUTIFUL HOPE CHEST YOU MADE ME.
FAT AND HEALTHY, SON.
IN A FEW WEEKS, I'LL BE A REGULAR DEBBIE.
[ Sobbing ]
STEVE, WHAT'S WRONG? WHAT ABOUT THE WORD "REGULAR" SET YOU OFF?
[ Sobbing ]
WHAT, NOW IT'S THE WORD "LITTLE"?
YOU KNOW WHAT? WHY DON'T I PUT ON SOME DEBBIE GIBSON,
[ Wailing, Sobbing ]
I'M GLAD YOU'RE BETTER, DAD, BUT I MISS DEBBIE.
OH, IS THAT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT? LOOK, YOU'RE BETTER OFF.
- IN FACT, I'VE GOT A HOT FRIEND I WANNA SET YOU UP WITH. - I DON'T KNOW, DAD.
COME ON. SHE'S A CHEERLEADER. AND A REAL ONE, NOT ONE OF THOSE FAT JOBS...
WHOSE MOTHER HAS TO SUE TO GET THEM ON THE TEAM.
OKAY, SO WE'LL SPLIT THE OLIVE. YOU HAVE THE RADISH.
I'LL HAVE SOME OF THAT DECORATIVE PARSLEY.
GREAT.
I'M GONNA WALK PAST THE STROGANOFF AND SNIFF IT A LITTLE.
WHAT'D I TELL YOU, HUH? LOOK AT HER. SHE'S THE PICTURE OF HEALTH.
[ Groaning ]
[ Sighs ]
THANKS FOR LETTING ME INTERVIEW YOU...
OH, NO PROBLEM.
HUH?
OH, FROM YOUR HIGH SCHOOL PRINCIPAL.
YEAH, HUGE ANNE RICE FAN. TOTAL 'MO.
HI. UH, RESERVATIONS FOR TWO UNDER "ROGET."
EXCELLENT.
OF ALL THE BUFFETS, STEVE'S AT THIS ONE?
HERE WE ARE. OH, LUCKY YOU.
YOU GOT A PERFECT VIEW OF THE BUSBOY STATION.
DINNER AND A SHOW. THANK YOU, SHERRY.
EXCELLENT.
[ Grunting ]
WHOA!
WHOA!
[ Gasps ]
[ Whimpering ]
[ Screaming ]
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
HE NEVER CLEANED HIS PLATE. HE JUST MOVED THE FOOD.
HE JUST MOVED THE FOOD.
WHY?
WHY? [ Sobbing ]
OH. I THOUGHT WE WERE HERE SO YOU COULD INTERVIEW ME.
I AM. I AM. SO, QUESTION ONE--
WHAT?
SPEAKIN' OF BACK RUBS, YOU LOOK LIKE YOU COULD USE A RUB-A-DUB-DUB.
IT'S OKAY. I'M A LICENSED CHIROPRACTOR OR SOMETHING.
LOOK, MY BOYFRIEND AND I JUST BROKE UP,
BUT I'M STILL KINDA HOLDING OUT HOPE THAT WE'LL GET BACK TOGETHER.
OH.
OH!
CHINESE FIRE DRILL! AH, WE'RE HAVIN' FUN.
HMM?
OH, MY GOD. THAT'S MY EX-BOYFRIEND.
YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD TEACH HIM A LESSON?
IF HE SAW ME AND YOU MAKIN' OUT.
I DON'T KNOW. HE'S NOT EVEN LOOKING.
[ Francine ] STAN SMITH!
WE FOUND YOUR FOOD GRAVEYARD.
YOU HAVEN'T BEEN GETTING BETTER AT ALL.
WHAT? I BROKE UP WITH DEBBIE 'CAUSE I THOUGHT IT WOULD HELP YOU.
AND YOU WEREN'T EVEN TRYING?
GUYS, I CAN EXPLAIN. I WAS LYING TO YOU.
DEBBIE WAS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME,
AND YOU DROVE HER AWAY BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPID OBSESSION WITH HOW PEOPLE LOOK.
I HAD A REAL CONNECTION WITH SOMEONE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE,
AND ALL YOU CARED ABOUT WAS HER APPEARANCE.
I DON'T CARE IF SHE WAS FAT OR THIN.
SHE WAS SWEET AND BEAUTIFUL AND KINDA FREAKY IN A GOOD WAY.
AND I'M GONNA CHECK EVERY BUFFET IN TOWN UNTIL I FIND HER.
DEBBIE!
I NEVER SAID LASAGNA.
WELL, I WAS THINKING ABOUT IT.
I MISSED YOU TOO.
OH, I LOVE YOUR CHUNKY LIPS.
NO!
UH, HI. STILL WAITING FOR BREAD STICKS.
I ASKED, LIKE, FIVE TIMES. I DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS YOUR STATION.
THEY'RE SO... HAPPY TOGETHER.
STEVE'S RIGHT. IT'S ME THAT'S BEEN UGLY.
INSIDE... AND OUTSIDE.
HAND ME THOSE ROLLS.
DON'T DO IT, BRO. YOU'RE A FATTY.
NO! NO!
[ Echoing ] BRO! BRO! BRO! BRO!
STEVE, WHETHER YOU WANNA DATE A FATSO, A GIRL WITH HAIRY ARMS...
OR EVEN ONE WITH KIRSTEN DUNST TEETH,
IT DOESN'T MATTER TO ME.
THANKS, DAD.
IT'S GOOD TO HAVE YOU BACK, STAN.
IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK.
HAYLEY, ARE YOU WEARING MAKEUP? YOU LOOK LIKE A ***.
BYE-BYE. SEE YOU SOON.