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1
(school bell ringing)
SUE:
"Madonna.
"
Simply saying the word aloud
makes me feel powerful.
Even in voice-over,
how I have worshipped her
ever since I was a little girl.
Sorry, Angie Jolie,
Catherine the Great
Madonna is the most
powerful woman
to ever walk
the face of the Earth.
I'm instating
a new policy whereby
we play Madonna's Greatest Hits
over the P.
A.
system,
quite loudly, throughout
the entire school day.
But blasting her delicious hooks
would make it impossible
for the students to concentrate.
Ah, who cares? Madonna
never finished college.
She hopped a cab
for the bright lights
of New York City with
And I think we should encourage
our pupils to do the same.
You say the word,
and I willhprovide you
a list of the students
I believe should be
rounded up and shipped
off immediately.
I am sorry, Sue.
This is insanity!
What you call insanity
I call inspiration.
Let me break it
down for you.
It's been the biggest
dream of my career
to pay homage to Madonna--
the woman most responsible
for my take-no-prisoners
demeanor, and my subconscious
tendency to always be
desperately looking
for someone named Susan.
And now, my
Cheerio Squad this year
finally has the talent to
make that dream come true.
You will not take
that dream from me.
Do you not understand
the blackmail process
and how it works?
Smile.
I have your wife's phone
number on speed dial.
To recap, you will be
playing those Madonna hits
throughout the day
at an earsplitting volume.
Understood?
Santana.
What does your
bracelet say?
"W.
W.
M.
D.
"
"What would Madonna do?"
Well, the answer to that
question is usually
date a younger man.
So, let's see some
arm candy, girls.
Sorry, freshmen.
You're going to have to start
trolling the middle schools.
And you know why?
'Cause if you want to be
as riveting a performer
as Madonna--
a skill that
will nab us Nationals
this year-- you're
going to have to start
thinking like her,
acting like her.
Also
à la Madonna,
I will no longer acknowledge
that any of you have last names.
Becky Jackson.
From now on,
you're just Becky.
You know, it's like
Madonna once said,
"I'm tough, I'm ambitious,
and I know what I want.
If that makes me a ***, okay.
"
I'm pretty sure
she stole that line
from one Sue Sylvester.
No, really,
she stole it from me.
I said it first.
Palladium.
'87.
Can I ask you guys
something private?
Yes, you should
move to Israel.
It's about dating.
Not that I'm
dating anyone.
We all know that Finn
and I are no longer an item,
and for the sake of the team,
I broke up with Jessie.
But let's just say
I was dating someone.
Let's just say, hypothetically,
we went to a Wiggles concert
last Friday night, and
then because my dads
weren't home,
we went up to my room
and started making out.
It was *** and romantic.
And then he said
We should do it.
"It"?
Totally.
Haven't you done it before?
No.
Have you?
What do you think?
It's no big deal.
For a girl, it is.
What if then he got really
crabby and left, and didn't even
take home the Care Bear
I won him playing Skee Ball?
QUINN:
Would you please
stop talking?
You're grossing
out my baby.
I just want to be ready;
I know I'm getting older,
and these things are going
to happen someday, but
how do I stop a guy from getting
mad at me for saying "no"?
Just do what I do.
Never say "no.
"
Oh, totally.
I mean, what's
the worst that can happen?
Sorry, Quinn.
MERCEDES: Look, girl,
don't ask me.
The last guy I liked
was the mayor of gaytown.
And I can't wait
to get a guy
mad at me for saying "no.
"
We just have to accept
that guys don't care
about our feelings.
Like, the other day,
I was walking with Artie
I've thought a lot about it,
and I forgive you
for lying about your stutter.
However, if you're planning
on getting all up on this,
I'm going to need you
to make some changes.
The goth thing was two years
ago, so maybe lose
the vampire makeup and consider
some tighter-fitting clothing.
You've got the pow, and I
believe you should work it more
if we're going to be an item.
That's got to sting.
Hey, guys.
I'm sorry
to interrupt
your little sorority,
but I couldn't help
but overhearing.
Are you really having
that much boy trouble?
You wouldn't
understand,
Mr.
Shue.
You're a guy.
Well, then maybe you should
talk to someone else about it.
Like Ms.
Pillsbury.
I tried that.
Oh, um, that's a hot-button
topic, isn't it?
I mean, when to do that.
This is the perfect chat
to have with your mom.
I have two gay dads.
Right, right-- you, um
How about your rabbi?
I really don't feel comfortable
talking about this
with Rabbi Greenberg.
Aren't you a guidance counselor?
Uh
(school bell rings)
The fact is
is that women
still earn 70 cents
to every dollar that a man does
for doing the same job.
That attitude starts
in high school.
EMMA: I don't know what to say.
I mean,
I can't do this job if I don't
have the kids' confidence.
Now, I get that this
area of interest is, uh,
your blind spot, but I want to
help you so that the next time
a girl comes in
here asking those
kinds of questions,
you'll be prepared.
I'm not saying
you need to have sex.
No! No, no, no.
No, that's not
what you were offering.
Just
Why would you
offer that?
It wasn't what
I was thinking.
Wishful thinking
is all that was.
I mean, what this is
all really about is
teenage girls feeling
like they have no power.
Right, and it makes sense, too.
I mean, look at their
role models, you know?
You've got Britney Spears
and her shaved head.
Lindsay Lohan looks
like something out of
Lord of the Rings.
Ann Coulter.
Let's work together
to try to find a way
to make them feel
more confident about themselves.
Yeah, I like that.
Yes, we will change the world
one girl at a time.
We'll be like
a girl-saving team.
And maybe along the way,
we can find
a way to help you, too.
(Madonna's "Ray of Light" intro
begins)
(pulsating rock beat plays)
Zephyr in the sky
At night I wonder
Do my tears of mourning
Sink beneath the sun?
She's got herself
a universe gone quickly
For the call of thunder
Threatens everyone
And I feel like I just
got home, and I feel
And I feel
like I just got home
And I feel
(song ends)
Sloppy freak show babies!
mewhere in the
English countryside,
in a stately manor home,
Madonna is weeping!
Hit the showers!
(sniffing)
Oh, hey, William.
I thought I smelled
cookies wafting
from the ovens of the little
elves who live in your hair.
Wow, Sue.
I'm really impressed.
Yeah, well,
Madonna is legend.
And I want my
girls to learn
all the lessons
she has to offer:
strength,
independence
Nobody quite like
the Material Girl
to empower my Cheerios.
Just like your hairdresser
has empowered you
to look absolutely
ridiculous.
I'll see you later, Sue.
You think this is hard?!
I'm passing a gallstone
as we speak!
That's hard!
What comes to mind
when you see that name?
Genius.
Icon.
Hall of Fame MILF.
So, we're all aware of Madonna's
musical and cultural
significance,
which is why this week,
your assignment
is to come up
with a Madonna number.
(all gasp)
Yes! Yes!
PUCK:
Uh, Mr.
Shue?
As a dude, Madonna makes me
kind of uncomfortable.
FINN:
Yeah, she's smokin'
and everything,
but can't some of us do
something else?
Like the guy version of Madonna?
Like, you know, Pantera?
Guys! You know, it's
come to my attention
that many of you
haven't been treating
the young ladies of our
group very nicely lately.
You're disrespectful,
bullying,
sexist, and I hate to say it,
misogynistic.
I have no idea what that means.
When I pulled my hamstring,
I went to a misogynist.
What it means is, put yourself
in their shoes for a change.
Culturally, Madonna's legacy
transcends her music,
because by and large, the
subtext of her songs are about
being strong, independent
and-and confident,
no matter what your sex.
But more than anything,
Madonna's musical message
is about equality.
And that is something I ink
you guys need to work on.
Mr.
Shue, I don't think we can
have an honest conversation
about Ms.
Ciccone
without acknowledging
that her images are as indelible
as her songs.
I would like to honor
her contributions by tackling
a multi-media project
with Mercedes.
WILL: Great.
Go for it, Kurt.
I'm still not down.
And no chick
intimidates Puckzilla.
I just don't think her music
translates to show choir.
Really? Well I, for one,
couldn't disagree more.
(whispering):
"Express Yourself," go.
Come on, girls!
Do you believe in love?
'Cause I got something
to say about it,
and it goes something like this.
Don't go for second best,
baby
Put your love to the test
You know, you know,
you've got to
Make him express
how he feels
And maybe then you know
your love is real
You don't need diamond rings
Or 18-karat gold
Fancy cars that go very fast,
you know
They never last, no, no
What you need
is a big, strong hand
To lift you
to your higher ground
Make you feel
like a queen on a throne
Make him love you
till you can't come down
Don't go for second best,
baby
Put your love to the test
You know, you know,
you've got to
Make him express
how he feels
And maybe then you'll know
your love is real
And when you're gone,
he might regret it
Think about the love
you once had
Try to carry on
But he just won't get it
Hey
He'll be back on his knees,
so please
Don't go for second best,
baby
Put your love to the test
You know, you know
you've got to
Make him express
how he feels
And maybe then you'll know
your love is real
Let him know
your love is real
You've got to make him
express himself
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Put your love to the test
So if you want it right now
Make him show you how
Make him show how he feels
Express what he's got
Oh, baby, ready or not
Express yourself.
That's what I'm talking about.
All right.
ok smokin' hot.
(Madonna's "Burning Up" plays)
Guess who I'm dating.
Who?
Wes Brody.
He's super cute.
He plays soccer
with my sister.
He's seven.
Oh! Crap.
I need a younger, inferior man.
If I don't find one,
Coach Sylvester will kick me
off the Cheerios, for sure.
Hello? Finn!
His birthday's like
three days before yours,
and he's super dumb.
We already tried
with Finn, and he hates us.
Trust me, the way to get a man
to follow you forever
take his virginity.
Madonna, like, wrote
a song about it.
You're not convinced that that
is enough
Hey, Finnocence.
You know, I've been thinking,
and I think we should go out.
Just you and me this
time, no third wheel.
Will you talk to me this time?
I don't really talk during.
Look, Finn, It's high time
you lost the big V.
Everything about you
screams ***.
You're about as sexy
as a Cabbage Patch Kid.
It's exhausting to look at you.
Well, look,
I appreciate the offer,
but I have feelings
for someone else,
and I'm trying to work
things out with them.
So
Who, Rachel?
She's dating that Jessie
kid from Vocal Adrenaline.
No, she's not.
Please, you can smell it on her.
She's like a cat in heat.
She talked about him
yesterday and practically
sprayed the choir room.
So come on,
let's do the deed.
It'll be great for my image,
and Sue will promote me
to head cheerleader.
It's win-win.
Wait, what what
do I get out of it?
I don't know.
You get to have sex
and make Rachel jealous.
I meant for me, okay?
It's win-win for me.
You wanted to see me?
Sue! (clearing throat)
Um, yeah, thank you for coming.
Please sit down.
No.
("Burning Up" plays faintly in
distance)
Okay.
Um, I was just wondering
why Madonna's playing everywhere
except my office.
Well, it's simple, Arlene.
You don't deserve
the power of Madonna.
You have none
of her self-confidence,
her power over her body
or her *** magnetism.
Simply put, you have
all the sensuality
of one of those pandas
down at the zoo
who refuse to mate.
I had your, uh, intercom
disconnected.
("Burning Up" plays full-blast,
then muffled)
There you go.
Finn, I was just
coming to find you.
Look, I know that the boys
were a little uncomfortable
about this Madonna assignment,
so I figured you
and I as co-captains
could do a little mash-up
of a bunch of her songs
just to show everyone
how cool it can be.
Yeah, sure, whatever.
Look, are you still dating
that Jessie kid?
No, no.
Who-who told you that?
Look, I know things have
been weird between us,
but I never thought
you'd lie to me.
Look, please just
don't tell anyone.
Unbelievable.
We may not be together
the way that Jessie and I are,
but we can still be friends.
I-I'm asking you
as my friend to trust me.
Fine but if this leads to
something bad for all of us,
don't expect any more
friendship from me.
Noted.
All right, let's rehearse, then.
(playing intro to "Borderline")
Something in the way you
love me won't let me be
I don't wanna
be your prisoner
So baby, won't you
set me free?
Stop playing with my heart
Finish what you start
When you make
my love come down
If you want me, let me know
Baby, let it show
Honey, don't you fool around
Don't try to resist me
Open your heart
to me, baby
I'll hold the lock
and you hold the key
Open your heart to me,
darling
I'll give you love if you,
you turn the key
Something in your eyes
is making such a fool of me
You're making me, you're
making such a fool of me
I see you on the street
and you walk on by
You're on the street, I see
you when you're walking by
When you hold me
in your arms
You love me
till I just can't see
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
So you choose
to look the other way
Well, I've got
something to say
Open your heart to me, baby
I'll hold the lock
and you hold the key
Open your heart to me,
darling
I'll give you love if you,
you turn the key
Open your heart,
I'll make you love me
I'll hold the lock
and you hold the key
Open your heart to me,
darling
I'll give you love if you,
you turn the key
Open your heart
with the key.
(panting)
Th-That was good.
Totally.
("Frozen" playing)
Oh, amazing.
You know how Madonna kind of
reinvented the video, right?
Well, we got Artie
and the A/V Club to help out.
We're gonna make a Madonna
video of our own.
It's going to be "Madge-ical.
"
Madge-- you know,
Madonna's nickname?
Okay, you really got to
get up to speed here.
Hey
SUE:
Schuester!
I heard a juicy little rumor
that your Up With People rejects
were doing some Madonna songs.
Is that true?
Yeah, well, to be honest, Sue,
I got inspired
watching your Cheerios.
Well, I have been waiting
years to pay tribute to her,
and you are not swooping
in at the last minute
to *** her
from my talons.
Madonna belongs to me,
and I will not be copied.
It's in my contract.
I want you to listen
very closely.
You can have your
Barbras and your Chers
and your Christinas
and wow, I just lost
my train of thought.
You have so much
margarine in your hair.
Okay, first of all,
my kids are doing Madonna.
She's public domain,
and there's nothing
you can do about it.
Secondly, enough
with the hair jokes.
Oh, by the way, how's the
Florence Henderson look
working out for you?
Oh
And you should know
I suffer the same
Oh, maybe you should try
a new setting on your Flowbee.
Oh, snap!
Love is a bird
She needs to fly
Let all the hurt
inside of you die
You're frozen
When your heart's
not open
SUE:
Who else wants a piece
of this, huh?!
Mm hmm, hmm
Give yourself to me
Mm.
hmm, hmm
Hey, uh, so,
that offer of yours
uh, to lose the big V
Mm-hmm.
I'm in.
If I could melt
your heart
(knocking)
Ms.
Sylvester,
we'd like a word.
We saw how upset
you got today.
I don't know what
you're talking about.
We saw your face
after Mr.
Schuester
insulted your hair.
Close the door.
(door closes)
Sit down.
You know, kids, I grew up
with a handi-capable sister.
My parents were
famous Nazi hunters,
so they weren't
around a lot.
I had to bring
her up on my own.
I didn't have a lot
of time or money
to keep up
with all the latest looks.
But on my sixth birthday,
True Blue was released.
An album that would later sell
over 30 million copies.
My sister and I took it upon
ourselves to bleach my hair
with whatever chemicals we could
find around the house.
Ammonia, ***.
My hair was so damaged,
I've been forced to
wear it short
ever since.
It's been a daily, ongoing pain.
Wait, that would make you,
like, 30.
And here's the truth--
I mercilessly pick on
Will Schuester's
lustrous, wavy hair
because I'm jealous.
There, I said it.
I think we can help.
Mercedes is black;
I'm gay.
We make culture.
Go on.
We're working
on an exciting new project
and would like to use
the Cheerios.
And we can help you
find a new look.
Interesting.
Do, do, do, do, do, do,
do, do
Do, do, do, do,
do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do,
do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do,
do, do, do, do, do, do!
Sondheim on Music.
(gasps)
(whispering)
Jessie, is that you?
I'm so glad you came.
I picked the Stephen
Sondheim biography section
for our clandestine
meeting place,
because only he would be able
to express my melancholia.
I feel bad about what
happened at your house.
Do you still have my Care Bear?
Yes.
Since we're meeting
in the shadows,
there's something I wanted
to talk to you about.
Me first.
I was out of line
the other night.
You deserve more than that.
You deserve romance--
no, you deserve
epic romance.
I feel badly that I pressured
you into you know,
going all the way.
I'm willing to wait.
You tell me when
you're ready.
And I'll make sure that
I'm fastidiously groomed.
What did you want to tell me?
I'm ready.
(chuckles)
(sighs, chuckles)
(school bell rings)
Hey, that catch was amazing
Tuesday.
(chuckles)
Will!
Hey.
Hey, wait up.
All right.
How's it going?
Good.
Um okay,
I've realized something,
something really important.
You know when we were talking
about Madonna the other day
and how her music
was being blasted
like an intimidating
cluster bomb
into everybody's office
except for mine
because, apparently,
I lack a shred of sex appeal?
Well, it struck me
that the Big Mo is always
in control of everything.
Her life is her own.
Okay.
So I need to take control
of myself and my body,
just like Madonna.
Which is why
I'm planning on doing
the nasty with you
tonight at your place.
Foreplay shall begin
at 7:30 sharp.
So, what do you think?
Not that it matters.
I couldn't agree more.
Great.
Great.
Cool.
Mm-hmm.
(big sigh)
ARTIE:
"Vogue," take one.
Sound speed
and action.
And playback.
(soft synthesizer chords
playing)
(rhythmic finger snaps)
Strike a pose.
Look around, everywhere
you turn is heartache
It's everywhere that you go
Go, go, go, go
You try everything you can
to escape
The pain of life
that you know
The life that you know
When all else fails
and you long to be
Something better
than you are today
I know a place
where you can get away
It's called a dance floor,
and here's what it's for
So come on, vogue
Let your body move
to the music
Move to the music
Hey, hey, hey
Come on, vogue
Let your body go
with the flow
Go with the flow
You know you can do it
Beauty's where you find it
Not just where you
bump and grind it
Soul is in the musical
That's where I feel
so beautiful
Magical
Life's a ball
So get up on the dance floor
Come on, vogue
Vogue
Let your body move
to the music
Move to the music
Hey, hey, hey
Come on, vogue
Vogue
Let your body go
with the flow
Go with the flow
You know you can do it
Vogue, vogue
Beauty's where you find it
Move to the music
Vogue
Vogue
Beauty's where you find it
Go with the flow
Greta Garbo and Monroe
Dietrich and DiMaggio
Marlon Brando, Jimmy Dean
On the cover of a magazine
Grace Kelly, Harlow, Jean
Picture of a beauty queen
Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire
Sue Sylvester dance on air
They had style,
they had grace
Rita Hayworth gave good face
Lauren, Katherine, Lana, too
Will Schuester, I hate you
Ladies with an attitude
Fellas that were in the mood
Don't just stand there,
let's get to it
Strike a pose,
there's nothing to it
Vogue, vogue
Vogue, vogue
Ooh
You've got to let your body
move to the music
Ooh
You've got to just
(echoing):
Vogue
JESSIE:
Are you ready?
In a minute.
(intro to "Like a ***" plays)
I made it through
the wilderness
Somehow I made it through
I didn't know how lost I was
Until I found you
I was beat, incomplete
I'd been had
I was sad and blue
But you made me feel
Yeah, you made me feel
shiny and new
Like a ***
Touched for
the very first time
Like a ***
When your heart beats
next to mine
Gonna give you
all my love, boy
My fear is fading fast
I'd been saving it all
for you
'Cause only love can last
You're so fine
And you're mine
Make me strong
Yeah, you make me bold
Oh, your love thawed out
Yeah, your love thawed out
What was getting cold
Like a ***
You make me feel
like a ***
Touched for
the very first time
Oh, baby
Like a vir-ir-irgin
When your heart beats
next to mine
Like a ***
Oh-oh-oh, like a ***
Yeah, it feels
so good inside
When you hold me
When you hold me
When your heart beats
When your heart beats
When you love me
When you love me, baby
Oh-oh
Whoa
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, yeah
Oh-oh yeah
Oh, like a ***.
(breathes deeply)
JESSIE:
Rachel?
I'm ready.
wonder which look
she's gonna rock.
Doesn't matter.
They were all fantastic.
Oh, dear.
Miss Sylvester.
Oh, hey, there, Whoopi,
Don Knotts.
What happened?
Well, I'll tell you what.
All those costumes
and the hairstyles,
I'm gonna leave constant
reinvention to Madonna.
Know why? Had a revelation.
Here's a list
of the kids
I want shipped
off to New York
with 35 bucks
in their pocket.
Operation Madonna
is now complete.
Sue, these are all Glee kids.
Yep.
Um I-I'm sorry, Sue.
("Justify My Love" plays)
I'm having trouble
concentrating.
Your new look is
Fantastic.
Yeah, I agree.
Unnecessary.
Sue, you're a powerful woman.
You don't need
to copy anyone else.
You're an original,
just like Madonna.
Don't lose that quality.
Do you mean that,
or are you just saying that
because I poked
a couple of kids' eyes out
before second period today?
(scoffs)
See, kids, Sue Sylvester
realized
she didn't need
to reinvent herself.
She needs to reinvent
everybody else,
starting with you two.
(exhales deeply)
Hey.
Hi.
So how'd your date with Jessie
go Friday night?
It went wonderfully.
Honestly, it wasn't
that big of a deal.
I mean, you know,
it-it was great.
But when it was over,
I just, uh,
you know, didn't know why
I was so nervous
in the first place.
(knocking)
Just come out so we can talk
or sing about it.
(door opens)
Look, Jessie,
I really like you, but
I can't do it.
It wouldn't be right
for the team.
What does the team have
to do with this?
If I give myself to you
knowing that my teammates
wouldn't approve,
it would be like I was
sleeping with the enemy.
I'd be betraying them.
And because I'm truly
not ready to do this,
I'd be betraying myself.
I'm happy for you.
And, uh, what about you?
I heard that you had a date
with Santana on Friday night.
Yeah.
I-I couldn't go through
with it.
Why?
I guess I'm just waiting
for the right person.
(passing truck horn blows)
Do you think they have
room service in this place?
'Cause I want a burger.
I thought I'd feel
different after.
Yeah, well, I've noticed that it
takes about 20 or so times
before the feeling of
accomplishment really kicks in.
There's no menu,
so you're gonna have
to take me to a burger joint.
How do you feel?
I don't feel anything
'cause it didn't mean anything.
(school bell rings)
Where have you been? I've been
calling you all weekend.
I was kind of embarrassed.
I really wanted to go
through with it, Will.
You were so gracious
and gentle and
handsome, and it felt so good
to be close to you in that way.
I just, I don't know why
I always freak out like that.
Stop, stop-stop-stop.
You don't need to sleep
with me to prove anything.
You took ownership of
your body on Friday
when you told yourself
you weren't ready
and then ran out of my
apartment with no shoes on.
They're my favorites.
Did you bring them?
(sighs) I feel bad, Emma.
I've been working so hard
trying to get the guys
to start treating the girls
with more respect,
and I haven't been
walking the walk.
I never should have agreed to
have you come over that night.
I did kind of
throw myself at you.
That is the point.
We're falling into
a pattern here.
We need to instate an official
no-dating policy until
my divorce is final.
Well, when will that be?
I filed today.
So that's a start.
But while we're waiting,
I want you to get some help
for your problems;
we need to take action here.
They're not gonna go away
unless we do.
Now, our health union
covers counseling.
They'll come to the school,
meet you in your office,
whatever you need.
And
I polished them myself.
Thank you.
(knocking)
Mr.
Schuester?
Yes?
I'm Jessie St.
James.
Can I talk to you
about something?
What the hell?! It seems like
now everybody's doing things
just to hurt my feelings.
I thought you all
would take this news
a little better.
I'm a star.
You can learn from me.
We were already fighting
for second leads.
And now that you've shown up,
I've lost all hope
at ever getting a solo.
Yeah, that's right.
And y'all just trot me out
at the end of every number
so I can wail on the last note.
How is that okay?
He's a spy, Mr.
Shue.
I would know.
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, guys.
I saw all the paperwork,
I spoke with his parents
They winter in Bali.
It's a very expensive
phone call.
WILL:
Jessie just moved in
with his uncle,
which is in our
school district.
It's all above
board, guys.
He goes to this
school now.
But this isn't fair.
Guys!
Everyone who's
ever auditioned
for this group
has gotten in.
That's how we
do things here.
Okay, to suddenly
change the rules now,
that would
be unfair.
Brittany.
Mr.
Shue, is
he your son?
I don't understand
why you're doing this.
Because when you love something,
you got to go for it.
You would never be
with me completely
if I were on the opposing team.
And I care about you more than
winning another national title.
So I left Vocal Adrenaline.
For you.
WILL:
All right, guys, we have
got a lot of work to do.
Jessie, great to
have you here.
Welcome aboard.
Okay, from the top.
Five, six, seven, eight!
(band playing "4 Minutes
To Save The World")
MERCEDES:
Hey
Unh, come on
Kurt Hummel,
take it
Come on, girl
I've been waiting for
somebody to pick up my stroll
Unh
Well, don't waste time,
give me the sign
Tell me how you want to roll
I want somebody
to speed it up for me
Then take it down slow
There's enough room for both
Well, I can handle that
You just got to show me
where it's at
Are you ready to go?
Are you ready to go-o-o-o?
If you want it
You already got it
If you've thought it,
it better be what you want
Time is waiting
We only got four minutes
to save the world
No hesitating
Yeah
Grab a boy and grab a girl
Time is waiting
We only got four minutes
to save the world
No hesitating
We only got four minutes,
four minutes
Don't be afraid,
hey, Madonna, unh
You got to get 'em up, hop
Tick-tock, tick-tock,
tick-tock
That's right,
keep it up, keep it up
Don't be afraid, hey,
Madonna, unh
You got to get 'em up, hop
Tick-tock, tick-tock,
tick-tock.
(cheering, applause)
Sue, what the hell
is going on here?
Oh, what's the matter, buddy?
Did you miss the show?
You probably had to run
to the powder room.
Let me fill you in.
Future center square
Kurt Hummel there
and his brassy hag Mercedes
just tore that Madonna song
a new one.
Wait, you two
are Cheerios now?
Yeah, I've decided
to add vocals
to my already wildly
overproduced Cheerios numbers.
It'll give us
the edge at Nationals.
You guys could've at least
given me the heads-up.
You mean, the same way
you gave us a heads-up
before not giving us
a solo almost every week?
KURT:
Mr.
Shue,
Mercedes and I
talked it over, and
we love being in Glee,
but being in the
Cheerios will give us
more opportunities
to shine.
So we're doing both.
Ah, chipper up, Tiger.
You know, I was down
at the pharmacy today,
and they're having
a monster sale on Dep.
Dep is a hair gel.
And once again,
I am making fun of
your incredibly
stupid hairdo.
(buzzer sounds)
Girls can wear jeans and
cut their hair short,
wear shirts and boots,
'cause it's okay to be a boy.
But for a boy to look like
a girl is degrading,
'cause you think that
being a girl is degrading.
But secretly you'd love to know
what it's like, wouldn't you?
What it feels like for a girl.
(slow pop rhythm begins)
Silky smooth
Lips as sweet as candy
Baby
Strong inside,
but you don't know it
Good little girls,
they never show it
When you open up
your mouth to speak
Could you be a little weak?
Do you know
Do you know
What it feels like
in this world
For a girl?
For a girl?
Oh
For a girl
In this world
Do you know
What it feels like
in this world?
(music fades)
I am not down
with this.
I like being a dude.
That's because it's
easy to be a dude.
Uh, Mr.
Shue, I think
we're gonna need a new baritone,
'cause Finn would like
to become Finnessa.
Wait, h-hold on, Puck.
Finn has a point.
I mean, haven't you notid
how low morale has been
around here lately?
ARTIE:
I have.
I think the way
I was objectifying Tina
may have sent her over the edge.
(school bell ringing)
Hey, girl.
My eyes are up here!
I am a person with feelings!
Get out of my grill!
I am a powerful woman,
and my growing feminism
will cut you in half
like a righteous blade
of equality!
We've been treating
the girls like crap--
not caring about their feelings,
not listening, objectifying.
That's the right word,
right, Mr.
Shue?
That's right.
Objectifying.
As an honorary girl,
I have to agree.
This team shouldn't work,
but it does
because we respect
each other's talent.
And if we want
to take it to
the next level,
we have to start
respecting each other
as individuals.
Really see each other.
Why were you
singing with us, Mr.
Shue?
Because apparently
I need to learn that lesson.
Fine, but I'm not
singing this song.
We don't have to.
We just have to make it
right with the girls,
show them
we get how it feels.
I would get down on
one knee if I could.
Why would you propose to me?
You don't even like me.
Stop.
That's where
you're wrong.
I was really
rude to you.
You're awesome.
And you shouldn't change,
unless you want to.
And if you want to
get up on this,
just let me know.
Yep.
That's more like it.
(school bell ringing)
Hey.
If you're gonna criticize
and mock me again
about Jessie, you can can it.
I wanted to apologize.
The only reason
you were even
open to dating Jessie was
because I was such an ***.
Mr.
Tough Guy
and all that.
I really liked you.
And I could have had
you, but I blew it.
You really liked me?
Okay, Finn.
I know we have
a big showdown coming, so
let's just decide on the arena.
Sing-off, the parking lot,
No.
Welcome to
New Directions.
Frankly, I need
you.
I'm tired of
carrying the male
vocals all by myself.
I'll do my best to stay
away from your girl.
I appreciate that.
She's a keeper.
Walk with me to
the auditorium.
I put together a
new Madonna number;
I'll talk you through
it on the way.
Sweet.
("Like A Prayer" playing)
Life is a mystery