Demon Pizza ! by Raywilliamjohnson

-What's happenin', forum? Oh, what? You havin' a bad day? Well, you know what will make it better? A black guy who's mad at Toys R Us. -***-*** *** come inside motherf--kin' Toys R Us, don't give me some coloring books and some *** magic markers. I like coloring, I'm a *** artist. I don't give a ---- what nobody said. I go inside and say, "Ma'am, where y'all coloring books and your colors at?" *** talkin' about she ain't got no colors. This is Toys R Us, that means you're supposed to have toys for me, ***-*** ***. -The angry black man is like my favorite guy on the Internet right now. I mean, this dude is jokes. In his video, he goes off for like four or five minutes about a f--king toy store. -They sell whips inside of there. What little kid need a whip? What do you think this is? Roots? You tryin' to be racist, huh, Toys R Us? I don't see you sellin' anything else. Want to sell some damn whips, ***? You tryin' to whip me, ***? Huh, you wanna whip me, huh? -Now, I don't know if this is an act or he's actually that pissed off. All I know is Angry Black Man needs his own TV show. Doesn't matter what it is. Hell, he could replace the weatherman. I'm tired of these motherf--kin' ***-*** clouds! He could even replace Morgan Freeman doing those voiceovers. I'm tired of these motherf--kin' ***-*** penguins! I'm just sayin'. I also love at one point, he's actually inside the store, cussing like that. -$159? Are you out your *** mind, Toys R Us? $159 for a *** motherf--kin' piano? You ain't Lionel Richie, motherf--ker. You ain't singin' my heartbreak ***-*** ***. $159, I'm wettin' my ***, $159. -'Cause you know white soccer moms are walking by with their shopping carts like... "You see that, Billy? This is why you go to private school." So there's this dog who uses auto-tune to sing. "You mean Ke$ha?" No, I mean like the dog howls into an iPad auto-tune app. [auto-tuned howling] Now, this video got like a half a million views in a few days, but even before that, the dog, Mishka had a few viral videos because she can talk. And I'm serious, the *** can talk. She and I once had a three-hour conversation about the social implications of chasing squirrels. But still, you can't deny that Mishka can actually howl a catchy tune. [auto-tuned howling] -Good girl. [Mishka howls pop tune] -Now, the owner has actually put the song on iTunes. So I guess Mishka can use to money to buy Milkbones and prosthetic legs to hump and such. And why not? Mishka looks like she's having fun. And if you look at her, she's a beautiful dog. "I would wreck that chick." No, I'm just saying that she has a well-groomed coat. Guys, I'm not gonna lie. This next video is terrifying. I'm serious. Now, it's based on an old Olsen Twins music video about pizza. -Give me pizza P-I-Z-Z-A Give me pizza -Right? Pretty harmless, huh? No, but about a week ago, somebody took that footage and slowed it down. -[slow-motion, distorted voices] P-I-Z-Z-A Give me pizza -Umm, did I happen to say -No, keep watching. These kids get f--king creepy. -I want pizza -Hey, are you ready to play? -Now set down the pizza and bring me some chicken -Throw it on top and make it finger-lickin' -Guacamole, meatball -Whipped cream pouring like waterfalls -Holy s--t! I'm gonna have nightmares about that. Did you see that? Seriously guys, the Internet was invented for that one moment when that androgynous kid goes... -Whipped cream pouring like waterfalls -Oh, and why they got to make the little black girl want the fried chicken. See, that's just messed up. I'm sure the Angry Black Man will have a little something to say about that. -I'm tired of these motherf--kin' ***-*** satanic children! -Seriously though, I'm not sure what makes this video so damn creepy. I think it might be that every shot lingers on a little too long. -Chocolate sauce, spreading it slow -Oreos -Marshmallows -Caramel coconut cream -[shudders] Ugh, I'm done. I gotta stop looking at it or I'll never get the Olsen Twins' demonic-*** music video out of my head. But you know what will never get head--out of my head? The comment question of the day, which comes from a user named, bing!, and he said... -Define the meaning of life. -So, what's the meaning of life? Leave your interesting or creative responses in the comments section below or on Facebook or Twitter. But thanks for watching today's episode of =3. I'm Ray William Johnson and I approve this message. So tell me forum, what's your favorite emoticon? [Stalkin' Your Mom by Wax playing] Captioned by SpongeSebastian -Whipped cream pouring like waterfalls