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Danger! Danger! Danger! Danger! What is the problem?
The FCC!
The government! They're taking over the Internet with net neutrality!
It's the end of everything!
Who the hell fed you that ridiculous bucket of crap?
Glenn Beck.
FOX News.
They said net neutrality is an insidious communist conspiracy to control of all of our computers
and minds.
FOX News.
Glenn Beck.
Why the blazes do you even watch bubble-headed *** like that?
The invisible aliens from outer space.
They visit me every night while I recharge.
They whisper to me.
They tell me who to believe and who to trust.
I see.
And I receive a weekly e-mail newsletter from Nostradamus.
OK, I get the picture.
I'm scared about the FCC and net neutrality.
Please help me decide what to do.
Let me ask you a question.
The Internet access service that you pay for now ...
Do you like it?
Are you kidding?
My ISP sucks.
I never get the speeds they promised me.
And now they are putting limits on my usage and adding fees. But I know in the United States
we have the finest Internet access services in the world.
Where did you get this information?
What makes you believe it is true?
My ISP said so.
Of course.
Did you know that consumers in much of the world have far higher Internet speeds than
we do, at even better prices?
Nobody ever told me this before.
It's true.
Go look on Google and you'll see.
But why do we not have better Internet access services here?
Because a few giant telephone and cable companies dominate the market here.
They have spent a fortune lobbying Congress and others for many years to prevent really
effective competition that could make a genuine difference.
They have even tried to block local communities from setting up their own Internet access systems.
That is crazy.
So the recent vote by the FCC will create effective competition to fix this?
No.
The FCC just issued some very weak rules that supposedly might prevent Internet service
providers from slowing down or blocking sites like YouTube,
or doing things like treating other Internet traffic in ways that are unfair.
And loopholes in parts of the new FCC rules could potentially make things worse for many
Internet users in some major ways.
Plus, these weak new FCC rules are still almost certainly going to be challenged by Congress
and by lawsuits in the courts.
I should have stayed with my law major at robot school, instead of switching to sociology.
What can I do to help with this Internet situation?
Perhaps I could ask my friends the invisible outer space aliens for some assistance!
Uh, there's probably no need to bug your UFO buddies about this.
But it is important that all Internet users understand what's really going on.
And how crucial an open Internet and net neutrality are to everyone who uses the Internet
in any way.
And that is an increasingly large percentage of the entire world's population.
I will help spread the word.
And you can count on me!
Even though I always watch FOX News!
Perhaps miracles can be real ...
after all!