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Hi guys, I realise that it's been a long time since I made a video but after I went through
all the possible ways I could stick John Riccitangodellacachi's on random videos I was really stuck for ideas.
However, one day, while browsing Kotaku, I realised that the game review industry was
booming and you apparently didn't even need to play the game anymore to review it.
So here it is, my new Mark Of The Ninja review.
Mark of the ninja is a new puzzle platformer game developed by... Kleh entertainment and
published by xbox.
In the game, you play as Mark the Ninja on a quest to retreive his stolen poetry before
the big English exam on Thursday. To do this, Mark must avoid the Goth kids by luring them
out the way with eye liner and Marilyn Manson albums. You must choose when to do this carefully,
as you only had enough pocket money to afford 4 CDs. Sometimes Mark comes across Goths who
think Marilyn Manson is too mainstream and so he must use his wits to defeat them by
dropping things on their head.
As you progress through the game, you gradually pick up some sweet new tats to make your parents
angry. These tats look totally rad but I was a little disappointed that they didn't have
anything to do with the story. It wasn't too much of a big deal but it was really just
wasted potential.
Mark is also completely mute, as the theft of his poety that he poured his soul into
has left him in a state of emotional shock. As I am also an extremely deep and emotional
person, I totally understood this and even went temporarily mute through proxy while
playing the game. Luckily my mum snapped me out of it when I had to shout at her to say
I hated her.
Speaking of annoying ***, you're also joined by your girlfriend Nikki, who tells
you what to do and totally doesn't understand you but you're just going out anyway because
you just need someone to not talk to sometimes and have totally hot sex with. While I can
appreciate no-one understanding me (oh god I'm so alone), I also thought it was pretty
sexist the Nikki was not a playable character. All she does during the game is give tactical
advice and hide in the shadows and scale buildings and jump 30 feet gaps while the male Mark
gets to throw CDs about. This is clearly mysogynistic and implies that women lack the cognotive
and physical ability to chuck disks at the floor.
As for the gameplay itself, it's pretty ok. Mark moves smoothly, imitating the parkour
from French films you probably haven't seen and it's pretty easy to control, with the
exception of climbing down where the hair gel on Mark's hands sticks you to the walls
rather than *** DROPPING DOWN. If you *** up and the Goth kids do find you, you
can run and hide like a little *** in the shadows until their drugged up minds think
that it was just a hallucination. At which point you can *** up again and they become
terrified that they're in the matrix and start randomly shooting with daddy's gun.
Apart from the poetry there's plenty of stuff to find in the game, Mark's furry memorobilia
has also been stolen and needs retreiving and sometimes you can find the Goth kids used
needles on the floor which transport you to a magical dream land where a puzzle needs
solving. These puzzles are often dangerous and there is a strong possibility of dying.
Luckily you always instantly get brought back to life like in IHNMAIMS and the reward for
successfully completing the puzzle is a new poem which will help towards your final grade.
This section is a big metaphor for the torturous artistic process behind creating a new piece
of art that us artists go through on a daily basis. As a wordsmith myself, I really appreciated
these segments.
Overall Mark Of The Ninja is a fun game with a lot of fun elements that are reflected in
the fun story and the fun gameplay. However, it does have its flaws like the blatantly
sexualised female character and the casual racism. It's not perfect but it's a pretty
good game nontheless.
10/10.