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(door opening)
What are we doing here again?
Well Benny invited us so I thought it would be nice if we
Actually showed up
Looks like it's good we did
It's pretty sparse
If you're nice to him then he keeps coming back
Shh!
If we see Benny you're gonna be nice to him
You're always so mean to him
I am never mean to anybody
I just treat people the way they should be treated
You know they say there's a fine line between love and hate?
Meaning what?
That I have sexy feelings for Benny?
Well no just that he's not that bad of a guy
I mean at the play on the weekend
He had some pretty interesting things to say
Believe me I have less than feeling for Benny
I can just be a *** sometimes
What is the name of this exhibit?
Oh um 'Sexy Things'
Classy title
Hello Boys
Hey
Hey
Have you seen the picture of the ***?
What the hell is this place?
Ted you getting *** now you've been hanging out with Marty?
What does that mean?
Gay guys are more...
Oh this should be good
Gay guys are more open with their sexuality
Heterosexual guys keep that stuff to themselves
Uh huh
Oh there's a picture of *** over there
Where?
Well well well look who showed up
Come to see the dirty pictures did ya boys?
Thanks for the invite Benny
Marty it's good to see you
Is it Benny? That wasn't my intention
Charming as ever
Well so far this place is a bust
Literally
I thought the breast exhibition was highly unimpressive
I prefer your *** any day sweet thing
You are such a poet
This on the other hand is a...
Giant ***
Wow
That is a good looking ***
I mean it's big but it's uh
it's pretty
What is so pretty about it?
What?
Would you prefer if mine were humungous like this one?
What are you talking about? Yuck
Oh please it didn't sound so yuck a second ago
Well Valerie I am just appreciating art
Oh please
You made a b-line for the *** and now
You are drooling over this va jay jay
Listen they are not just here to satisfy your
Masculine primal urges buddy ya know
They are not just for recreation
They are for procreation too!
Geez
(music)
Hey you ever have sex with a woman?
Why do you wanna know that?
I don't know I was just wondering I guess
It was sort of on a bet
A bet that you won or a bet that you lost?
Well somebody won and somebody lost
I'm not exactly sure who
It was alright
What about you?
I have had sex with women yes
I assumed that Ted
I mean what was your first time like?
Uh high school sweetheart prom night
Hotel room candy flowers
Champagne?
We were under age
Hey there Eddie
Hey Benny
What do you think of the exhibit?
It's pretty graphic but uh I like it
What's the matter? You seem blue
Female trouble?
How would you know that?
You're staring at a huge ***
They used to have this nickname for me in school
Goody Goody Ted Shoes
Darn kids
Did they call you any nicknames in high school?
Oh yes but I wouldn't repeat any of them
Damn kids
Damn kids
I think that's the first time I've heard you swear
Note to Valerie: I know that 'vaginas' are for making babies
Well not technically but I know what you're going for
Why are you whispering the word '***'?
Always thought it wasn't nice to say it out loud
Why not they're splattered all over the walls!
Bad choice of words
Let me give you a little advice
You see what she's thinking Eddie is that
After a month's worth of post-marital relations
You've got this
Golden chalice of pleasure right at your fingertips
(Laughs) God I wish I hadn't said that
No no it's good
In a nutshell...
I wish I hadn't said that either
She wants to know that you think of her and her
Parts as there for more than just
Ya know...
I'm speechless
Is that even possible?
This is why I don't date women
Ok it's one of the very minor reasons I don't date women
We were talking about the ***
And I said that it looked pretty
You did?
Yeah
You think it's pretty?
Yeah in a biological sort of way I do
Oh and Valerie didn't agree huh?
No she thinks I'm a pig
And then she went on and on about how
'Vaginas' aren't just for recreation
Oh she wouldn't have to tell me twice
Yowza
So who was this mysterious woman you had sex with?
Oh a girl in college a long time ago
God we were both aching to lose our virginities
(laughs)
Some of the guys betted I couldn't do it
Your virginities? Was it Val?
No but Val knew her
Her name was Alicia
What was it like?
That
She called me asking about apartments
I think she's thinking about a family
You've talked about it right?
Yeah but not ya know today!
Some day
Well maybe you should start thinking about making a family
She obviously is
The big *** is a sign
It is? There's a *** sign?
You seem like you'd be good with kids
Really?
Yeah
You think so?
Yeah
Oh
Yeah right?
I thought someone stuck their gum there
That's...
Great composition
It's shiny
Like it's wet
Mm Hm
(music)
Oh thank God
You were gone such a long time
Which is disconcerting seeing as we're at the
*** and Gomorrah art show
I was chatting with Benny
He said I may be missing some signs
What signs?
The *** ya know a sign
A sign
What is a *** a sign for?
You know!
The *** symbolizes family
What are you talking about?
Babies
Benny said that you may not like the fact I'm drooling over a ***
Because it might seem that I view you as a *** plaything
That I can have whenever I want when in fact
You may be thinking about us starting a family
How does Benny know these things?
Well he says you're looking for an apartment so
Am I close?
I don't know Eddie
I mean I see us having kids someday but um
We just got married
And?
Well I guess I got a little upset back there
Because I, I don't know
Eddie my clock is ticking louder
I mean
I really still think of myself as a girl
I mean not a girl but certainly not old enough to be
Somebody's mother
You know I still think about us getting out of the city
backpacking for a little while, see the country
Sleep under a tent where it's cold and there's no TV
Ok I don't really think about that
I mean having a family now?
I don't know
Wow kids
It's kinda confusing Val
Yeah
Why don't we go and check out that *** exhibition that
Ya know that might clarify some things
Think there's gonna be a giant *** like a giant ***?
Oh baby
In this town there are bound to be some big dicks around
Wow that *** sculpture was really...
You've always been a bit of a ladies' man Martin
I don't think Alicia would agree
Hope you can come to our next exhibit
Why thank you
Ha thanks
Hey weren't you gay like five minutes ago?
Maybe I'm jumping the fence
So what did you all think of 'Sexy Things'?
Oh very eye-opening
Ah all in the average day of Benny Costa
Smile Marty!
Oh hey Marty don't forget to catch my cabaret!
It's coming up
I didn't say one mean word to him
(music)