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CLOSED CAPTION BY YOUTUBE! I said there's a reason why the wife checked out hmm
and it needs to like go focus on his on his GPS hello everyone welcome to Lola
and alikom we have another video for you today and the topic of this of today is
my wife not loving me the way she did kills me though question is me and my
wife I've been together for 20 years we have six children I lied to her she's
just trying to be my friend again how not loving me the way she did kills me
we don't fight she is fake in front of our kids I just
want her to be in love with me hmm do you think Wow seems like someone is
someone's wife checked out on them mm-hmm soon like um you know he's she's
willing to be friends hmm looks like something they can still walk on mm-hmm
should he be friends um he can be friends but with that being said there's
a reason why the wife checked out hmm and it needs to like go focus on his on
his GPS which is got purpose and self yeah absolutely
what do you think what do I think so let's let's get through this together um
so basically what is going on here it sounds like you said the wife has
checked out and and that's as simple as it gets you know but it must hurt let me
get through the question so I make sure I cover everything since me and my wife
are being together 20 years I mean that's a long
time there's a lot of stuff that can happen in 20 years a lot of ups and
downs you know so it's not easy to get to 20 years in marriage you know it's
not even easy to get to 2 years in marriage you know they have six children
which is a beautiful thing I lied to her she's just trying to be my friend again
so I don't know if you mean because you lied to her one time is why she's trying
to be your friend it's deeper than that right no I can't be yeah there's a lot
more going on or you're just a liar like a liar a liar would you call them like
pathological liar right if you lie all the time of course that can throw
somebody off right and if you're not always a straight forward pressing and
is being she's been talking about it for a long time I you've completely ignored
her yes that can that can get a person to a place where to shut down but I feel
like there's probably a lot more going on that he's not saying so she's just
trying to be be my friend again some people would say no don't try to be
friends you know but I disagree when it comes to a marriage you know sometimes
that's the leverage point that you have that you can use to attract your wife
back because the bottom line is that she's lost attraction completely for you
just like you're admitting here she's lost complete attraction for you and the
only thing you can do right now the one and only things you focus on is building
that attraction back up and sometimes you need things that are still working
as a leverage point to build that attraction but back up the first thing
you said is that you have six children so you probably have to spend some time
together by default this is a good time that you can use to showcase you
becoming a better your better self okay like you said he needs to focus on Jeep
on the GPS which is he needs to create a relationship with his own personal God
because that's gonna be the only source of unconditional love because you're
gonna need that a lot because when somebody shuts down on you right and
they're trying to be that really must hurt you know so it takes
conditional love for you to stay there concern continue to do the right thing
and the only source of that is unconditional love generally we're just
not built for that means we were built to only a joy when this in one way in
love that's that's when we enjoy and that's what we can do but that only
lasts for so long but when you have God purpose your personal purpose will give
you something to be busy with right when doing this checkout period cuz she's
checked out and she's probably asked for time and space you need to give her
exactly that yes but it's not gonna be easy unless you have your own personal
purpose that keeps you busy during that period of time and told me the s the GPS
you have to work on yourself you have to build yourself because something about
you is dreamed and that's why that's why she's not attracted to you right now
okay and in any way you should always be working on yourselves anyway so this is
a good time to take advantage of that to build yourself so two things will happen
you will give that person time and space to be able to process their decision for
shutting down on you if the human the will come back alright you just have to
be patient as a man especially you have to have in finite patience so it's not
something you can say after 30 days you can come back no you have to be
extremely generous with the time and the space that you will give her right and
it goes so be friend with her is a leverage point having sixth you know as
a leverage point don't listen to people that will say no don't be friend you
should don't do any what you call it a platonic friendship I don't listen to
that because again it's a leverage point and you don't have to worry about being
friend-zoned because you already are does own six children you're not gonna
be friends own with this person in fact anybody who gets with her ever will be
always jealous I always tell my told my wife when she shut down on me I told her
like anybody would guess with you after me
is jealousy that will kill them you know and vice versa you know because of what
we have we have the memories we have so much much to count on but if you don't
get out of that person's face if you don't give them time and space they will
not have time to says that they will only remember your
negative the negative effect of your face in that moment so you really need
to be generous with even I'm the time and space and take advantage of it to
work on yourself she's faking front of our kids what do you think about that I
don't underst know what is what it means bite me fake like is she supposed to be
dramatic in front of my kids no no you have to protect the children
they don't need to see they already says things you're doing are very wise this
see things is sensible you don't need to showcase your mess in front of your kids
so I don't think Creek is the word yeah so that also tells me that you're still
in denial about the fact that you need to work on yourself right you're still
pointing blame fingers at to your wife yes see you've got to where you are your
marriage got to where it is right now because at the very minimum you're 50%
responsible for how it got here right yeah she's responsible too but she
shut down so you're not gonna worry about her plus you're not gonna make
another adults do what they don't know what did I do
that's true so the best thing you can do is work on yourself because all of this
comes down to attraction if you work on yourself
it's only natural that you attract her back because of time right and also
because you will become a lot more attractive as you work on yourself the
time the distance the space will create attraction so that's what you need to be
focused on you don't need to be calling names you don't need to be saying she's
being fake no she was probably you called it pretending but she was doing
the right thing she doesn't need to expose the keys to the negativity or
anything like that that's what it sounds like to me you're trying to say
you want her to fight in front of the kids yeah you know that's not going to
be beneficial to so anyone anyone especially the kids that's the last
thing you want to do they already sense if anyway so you don't have to paint
additional picture of how negative things are being right so no I don't
think she was being fit if that's what you're referring to I think it's
actually a testament do you really need to work on yourself so you can stop
calling your ex policy your spouse or if you guys still live in the house that's
your spouse to start looking at the positive outlook on what's going on
sure fact that she's checked out and it's a positive time let me sorry and
she's asking for it's actually a good thing because yeah
because chances are you were complicit you were probably absent out - you were
just in denial you were pushing things under the rug and she had to check out
so you can get to the table and say wait something is wrong well I didn't admit
it for so long but obviously I need to work on myself and you calling her fake
here tells me that you truly need to work on yourself you know and if you do
that she's human she was already attracted to you in the past she doesn't
she's not feeling it right now because when a woman says she loves you she
loves you now if you keep misbehaving she can fall out of love with you they
are not like men you know a man can know that a woman is completely negative for
him and stupid like I'm in love with her men can do that but and that's not a
healthy thing by the way that's not always a healthy and that's not the same
thing as unconditional love either I'm just saying men and women are beautiful
a woman when they say that they love you they love you now it doesn't mean they
love you tomorrow if they say they love you tomorrow they love you tomorrow you
know is in the moment in time so she's out of love right now it's just the same
thing it's just now he's just a feeling you don't have to do all over that you
don't have to be attached to the words right that she's not in love and now
everything's not the end of the world no it's not the end of the world especially
if you still live in the house with this woman you just need to walk in yourself
and then you start need to leverage the six kids right the the fact that you
guys she's open to being friend you need to leverage that in your favor to
showcase your new self and avoid all kind of reactions take 30 seconds before
you react to anything there's so much more on exactly how you can fix this
that we cover in the book I just want her to be in love with me well if you
want her to be in love with you that's cool but it sounds to me like you need
her to be in love with you and that's neediness and if you're being
needy it's gonna show she can't feel it and she's trying to run remember now
you're saying you need her I guess what she's gonna do is just gonna run more
right because you're not giving her the time on the space you know to fall back
in love with you so you need to do that because this does make the heart fonder
so you need to allow that a lot of that time and how is it gonna be easy for you
to do that take that time to work on yourself yeah starting by reading the
book get my marriage back you see that the link on the screen go to get my
marriage back on get that book read it 10 to 15 times you will be shocked
underneath the same mistakes okay I made the same mistake she made the same
mistakes we went through very similar ok very similar to what you're going to so
you need to go read that book and read it 10 to 15 times you will find that
there were some mistakes and it's probably just high time for you to build
yourself to the level you need to be so you can have a better brand-new solid
marriage with the person you love how's that good right so hopefully that was
good enough for you you don't have anything else to add
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