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Hello everyone, I'm Karyn
Sorry, because this is my first time speaking infront of so many people about my story.
I came from a violent family
I came from a violent family
Since young, I have physically abused by my parents
And i longed to move out of the house
therefore at the age of 18 years old, i moved out of the house.
3 years after that, I got to know my ex-husband.
Within a short time span of 6 months, we registered our marriage
Originally, I thought I would finally have a home of my own. And life would be much better then
But I was wrong...
Therefore don't casually get married to someone
After marriage...
Actually right after marriage, I had some regret but couldn't help it since it was my own choice and just simply carried on
And it was at the point when I was 3 months pregnant, he (husband) beat me.
For the sake of my child, i bear with it
I thought maybe after the child is born, life might get better.
But still it didn't, in fact it got worse after the child was born.
I worked two to three jobs to maintain my living expenses and my child's schooling, medical and living expenses as well.
Because my ex-husband did not provide me with any income, he didn't give me money for living expenses.
I had to demand for the money, then he would give me
Else he wouldn't
He went around saying that I spent the whole of his money
But I wasn't silly, as all the utilities bills and expenses paid are under my name.
I told him, if you still want this house. Then all those utility bills you would need to pay as well
And he paid the bills and S&CC fees
After which, gradually I asked him to pay for the child's schooling expenses.
I couldn't pay it alone as I still have my parents to take care of.
My father was sick, he got cancer.
In 2008, he jumped off the flat and died.
Now my mother too have cancer
that's about it...
At that time, 11 years ago when my child was 2 years old
Because I couldn't bear the emotional trauma that he (husband) was giving me, he was beating me,
got drunk, gambling on soccer, taking bets, throwing tantrums on me when things don't go well at work.
punching and kicking me infront of our child. I told him many times, don't beat me in front of the child but he do not listen.
I endured till the point i couldn't
There was once when I took my child,
seeing the news of Rebecca
She just pushed her child off the flat
I got reminded of the time when my child was 2 years old
I nearly carried him to the twelve floor
I told him,"Mummy cannot endure anymore"
And i can't bear to leave him alone
I'm afraid if i leave him alone with his dad, how life would be for him
Therefore I thought of throwing him down and then jumping down with him.
After that, I told him, "Mummy cannot endure anymore, I want to throw you down the flat, and jump down with you"
Although he was only two years old, but he understood the meaning of death.
He cried and said to me, "Mummy I don't want to die"
Two years old only, he only can say, "No, mummy", "No, mummy"
It was only because he continuing crying so, that I did not make a grave mistake.
That is why i thank God for not letting it to happen.
When i recall back, i am really scared, really scared
That is why I would hope those single mothers, or those who have unhappy marriages to know that you are not alone
If you meet up with such situations, you need to tell someone, do not hold it inside alone
It was because there was no one whom i could confide my troubles with.
My parents did not help me in terms of emotional support, nothing at all.
That is why I started off with depression
I tried to commit suicide a few times but I was very lucky
The first time, the police came and gave me a warning
The second time, i begged the doctor not to report to the police
The third time, I lied about accidental overdosage of medicine, nothing happened, and I lived on.
The King of Hades didn't want me, i wasn't meant to die
And that's why I am here talking to you about all these.
Where is Vivian?
I don't know how to carry on already, I can only share about these points.
Sorry, thank you
My child knows that I will be here today, and he communicated to me online though facebook
I replied the questions he asked me. He knew because he saw the posting that i made
He said, "Mummy, you mean that time when I was two. You want to kill me?"
Actually I have told him before, and he is aware of why my marriage ended up in failure and divorced with his father.
But I didn't wanted him to know as he is not with me, he is with his father. It is because he sticks to his father, i don't bear to split them apart.
So the custody belongs to his father.
So that's about it, I'm a single mother but I didn't take care of my child.
And that's why i feel....
Those kids who are with their mother, should love their mother, and don't let their mother worry and be filial to her.
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