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>>> WELCOME TO "RED EYE."
I'M GREG GUTFELD OR AS I AM
KNOWN IN THE UKRAINE, SARAH
JESSICA PARKER.
LET'S GO TO ANDY LEVY TO SEE
WHAT IS GOING ON IN TONIGHT'S
SHOW.
>> AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
PRINCIPAL REFUSES TO LET
KINDER GARDENERS SING "DODD
--" GOD BLESS THE USA" CAUSING
PEOPLE TO OVER HEAT.
AND WHAT DOES A NEW STUDY SHOW
ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS OF COUPLES
WHO HAVE SEX EARLY ON?
THE STORY SO SHOCKING WE
DIDN'T GET TO IT TWICE LAST
WEEK AND WON'T TONIGHT.
GREG?
>> THANKS, ANDY.
>> YOU BET.
>> WHY DO YOU TEASE A STORY WE
NEVER DO?
>> WHY DO YOU NEVER DO A STORY
I TEASE, TBREG?
>> FAIR ENOUGH.
>> THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
YOU HAVE NOTHING.
>> YOU WIN THIS ROUND.
>> I ALWAYS DO.
>> GO AWAY.
>>> SHE IS SO SWEET SHE GIVES
SUGAR DIABETES, WHAT A JERK.
I AM HERE WITH ANCHOR --
REPORTER SORRY, NICOLE
PETOLIDIS.
AND IF HE WAS A SACKS SAW FINE
I WOULD WATCH HIM BLOW UNDER A
NEW YORK BRIDGE.
BILL SCHULZ IS OUT OF THE
COUNTRY GETTING HORMONE
TREATMENTS.
IT HAPPENS EVERY FOUR MONTHS.
FILLING IN MICHAEL MOYNAHAN.
AND SITTING NEXT TO ME
JONATHON HUNT, FRESHLY
MARRIED.
CHIEF CORRESPONDENT FOR STUDIO
B, WHATEVER THAT MEANS AND
"THE FOX REPORT" ON FOX
NEWSCHANNEL.
NO PINCH TODAY.
>> NO.
>> ALL RIGHT.
THEN LET'S START THE SHOW.
SHE USED TO HAVE A CRUSH, AND
NOW SHE IS IN NO RUSH.
AMBERLY EDINGER BETTER KNOWN
AS OBAMA GIRL IS NO LONGER
BONKERS FOR BAGRAM.
FOR BARAK.
SHE SAID, QUOTE, NOT AS
EXCITED AS THE LAST TIME.
THAT'S FOR SURE.
IN 2008 THE MODEL
MODEL/ACTRESS/WHATEVER WENT
FROM THE UNKNOWN TO THE
OPPOSITE OF UNKNOWN AFTER
APPEARING IN THIS VIRAL
VIDEO.
I LOVE VIRAL.
>>
♪ SO I PUT DOWN.
>>> -- DOWN MY KERRY SIGN AND
I HAD TO MAKE YOU MINE.
ARE YOU SEXY, YOU ARE SO
FINE.
BECAUSE I HAVE A CRUSH ON
OBAMA.
♪♪
♪♪ BARAK OBAMA ♪
BABY YOU ARE THE BEST
CANDIDATE ♪
>> IT IS AMAZING SHE DIDN'T
TAKE OFF.
THEY SAY THOSE CRAZY TIMES AND
BARACK OBAMA WAS THE FIRST
INTERNET PRESIDENT AND HER
EXPERIENCE WAS A ROLLERCOASTER
RIDE.
BUT NOW SHE IS NOT SURE ABOUT
THE MAN SHE HELPED MAKE
PRESIDENT.
SHE WAS THE DECIDING VOTE.
AT THIS POINT I AM KEEPING
THAT TO MYSELF.
IF I AM NOT MAKING VIDEOS I AM
NOT SURE IT IS ANYBODY'S
BUSINESS WHO I AM VOTING FOR
THIS TIME AROUND.
YOU KNOW WHO I AM ENDORSING.
THIS LITTLE GUY.
>> PIGS CAN ONLY GO DOWN.
THEY CAN NEVER GO UP.
ALL OF THE VIDEOS HAVE THEM
TRAPPED AND HAVE THEM DYING AT
THE BOUGHT M TO OF THE
STAIRS.
ISN'T OBAMA GIRL A PERFECT
METAPHOR FOR THE ELECTION.
SHE WAS HOT FROM FOUR YEARS
AGO.
MUCH LIKE AMERICA, BUT GROWN
COLD.
>> MUCH LIKE OBAMA.
THEIR CAREERS HAVE SHADOWED
EACH OTHER.
THEY BOTH MADE CAMPAIGN
IN ESSENCE.
SHE TRIED ACTING WITH LIMITED
SUCCESS.
SHE TRIED ACTING PRESIDENTIAL
LIMITED SUCCESS.
SHE TRIED DESIGNING JEWELRY,
LIMITED SUCCESS.
HE TRIED DESIGNING HEALTH
CARE, LIMITED SUCCESS.
AND THEY LOOKED A HECK OF LOT
BETTER FOUR YEARS AGO IN A
SWIMSUIT.
HE GOT GRAYER AND SHE GOT --
WELL, SHE IS STILL CUTE.
I DON'T KNOW.
I HAVEN'T BEEN PAYING
ATTENTION.
YOU HAVE BEEN COVERING THE
PRESIDENTIAL ELECTIONS SINCE
THE 70s.
IS OBAMA GIRL BELL WEATHER OF
WHAT IS TO COME?
>> I ESPECIALLY REMEMBER THE
1980 ELECTION WHEN I WAS
FOLLOWING RONALD REAGAN AS A
NEGATIVE 3-YEAR-OLD.
I REMEMBER SEEING SO MUCH HEAT
BEHIND HIS PASSION THAT IN
1988 IT KEPT UP.
I LIKE THAT SHE IS TRYING TO
KEEP HER OPINION LIKE WE
CARE.
IF I WANT YOUR OPINION I WILL
TRACK YOU DOWN AT WHATEVER
VAUNT ARE YOU A WAITRESS AT
AND I WILL ASK YOU WHO ARE YOU
VOTING FOR.
>> SHE IS NOT VOTING FOR OBAMA
BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T HAVE A
JOB.
THAT'S THE WHOLE IDEA HERE IS
THAT ALL OF THE AMERICANS ARE
OUT OF WORK.
THEY ARE NOT GETTING MORE
JOBS.
SHE DOESN'T HAVE A JOB.
WHAT'S HER JOB?
SHE IS NOT MAKING MORE
VIDEOS.
SHE IS MAKING JEWELRY.
AND WHAT ELSE IS SHE DOING?
>> IT IS A GOOD POINT.
>> HOLD ON! IF SHE HAD A JOB
SHE WOULD SAY.
♪♪ OBAMA HAS A CRUSH ON YOU ♪
>> NO, WOMEN ALWAYS DO THIS --
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE MALE
EQUIVALENT, BUT THEY EITHER
DESIGN JEWELRY OR WRITE
CHILDREN'S BOOKS.
WHEN YOU WRITE A CHILDREN'S
BOOK IT IS NOT REALLY A BOOK.
>> MONICA LEWINSKI DID
HANDBAGS.
>> I REMEMBER THAT.
>> SHE SAID I AM WRITING BOOKS
AND I AM RUNNING FOR OFFICE, I
THINK SHE SAID.
>> HER HANDBAG WAS FOR
CHILDREN'S BOOKS AND JEWELRY.
>> MAYBE MICHELLE OBAMA WILL
SEND A PREDATOR DRONE AFTER
HER.
>> INTERESTING.
>> MAYBE MICHELLE OBAMA IS NOT
SO HOT WITH THE "I'VE GOT A
CRUSH ON YOU."
>> SHE IS NOT SURE IT IS
ANYONE'S BUSINESS WHO SHE IS
VOTING FOR.
BUT SHE SAID, YOU KNOW WHAT, I
WOULD RATHER NOT TALK ABOUT
IT.
THAT'S WHAT I AM TALKING
ABOUT.
EVERYBODY WAS SO HAPPY TO SAY
"I AM VOTING FOR OBAMA."
ANT I SPECIAL?
AND THEN -- AREN'T I SO
SPECIAL?
IT IS KIND OF SAD.
>> IT IS LIKE WHEN A ONE HIT
WONDER DECIDES THEY WILL GET
ALL OF THIS EGO.
NO ONE CARED ABOUT YOUR MUSIC
IN THE FIRST PLACE.
YOU SUCK.
>> SHE IS THE FLOCK OF
SEAGULLS OF POLITICAL ICONS.
>> AND SHE IS RUNNING FAR, FAR
AWAY.
>> BUT IT IS LIKE BEING IN A
FAD, 2008 I WASN'T REALLY INTO
FLOSSING.
>> SHE IS A HOT LITTLE
NUMBER.
SHE HAS OBAMA ON HER REAR END
LIKE JUICEY COUTURE.
SHE IS HOT.
I AM INTERESTED TO SEE WHAT
SHE WILL SING ABOUT NEXT.
>> SHE IS BRITISH.
SHE IS FLUFFING.
>> SHE REFLECTED A LARGE GROUP
OF PEOPLE WHO THOUGHT IT WAS
COOL TO EXPRESS THAT VOTE.
AND NOW THEY ARE BOARD.
>> MAYBE SHE GOT PAID TO DO
THIS IN 2008.
I DON'T THINK SHE WROTE THOSE
LYRICS.
THERE WAS A COMPANY BEHIND
THEM CALLED SOMETHING OR
OTHER.
>> I REFUSE TO SIT HERE AND
HEAR THAT LYRICAL GENIUS.
>> JUST BE SMUDGED.
>> SHE GOES LIKE THIS.
B, IT IS ME.
I'M WATCHING YOU ON CSPAN.
CALL ME.
>> BY THE WAY, I JUST NEED TO
POINT OUT IT IS BE SMIR OFED
AND -- BESMIRCHED AND NOT BE
SMUDGED.
>> I AM A BEAT WRITER FOR
PRESIDENTIAL ELECTIONS.
THAT'S WHY I HAVE EDITORS.
>> I BESMUDGE MYSELF NIGHTLY
WHEN I AM WALKING HOME.
I CAN'T GET HOME QUICK ENOUGH,
BESMUDGE.
>>> FROM A GIRL GONE MILD TO A
PRINCIPAL GONE WILD.
WAS SHE WRONG TO PULL THE
SONG?
THE QUESTION WAS JUST A
FORMALITY, FOLKS.
A BROOKLYN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
PRINCIPAL, IS THERE ANY OTHER
KIND HAS REFUSED TO LET KINDER
GARDENERS SING "GOD BLESS THE
USA" AT GRADUATION.
ANGRY PARENTS WHO LOVE THIS
COUNTRY, TEACHERS AT THE
SCHOOL WHICH HAS MANY STUDENTS
SAYING TO DROP THE DITTY FROM
THE CEREMONY BECAUSE, QUOTE,
WE DON'T WANT TO OFFEND,
QUOTE, OTHER CULTURES.
SAYS ONE MOM, QUOTE, A LOT OF
PEOPLE THOUGHT TO MOVE TO
AMERICA TO MOVE FREELY.
THAT SONG SHOULD BE SUNG WITH
A LOT OF PRIDE.
WE HAVE TO AGREE TO DISAGREE.
MEANWHILE BIEBER'S SONG "BABY"
WAS DEEMED ACCEPTABLE ALONG
WITH SOMETHING CALLED" THE
WORLD IS A RAINBOW" WHICH
CELEBRATES DIVERSITY.
ON MONDAY THE SCHOOL CAFETERIA
WORKERS WENT ABOUT THEIR
BUSINESS PREPARING LUNCHES FOR
THE DAY.
>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT
WAS.
WHATEVER IT WAS IT WAS GREEN
AND WAS ONCE ALIVE.
PRINCIPAL SOUNDS LIKE A REAL
WINNER.
>> SHE IS ONE OF THE GREATEST
PATRIOTS I HAVE EVER MET IN MY
LIFE.
>> IF YOU DON'T LIKE THAT SONG
YOU ARE A TERRORIST.
YOU KNOW MY MA MILITIA GROUP.
WE START OUR CALISTHENICS TO
THAT SONG.
ESPECIALLY IN THE COLD WEST
VIRGINIA MOUNTAIN AIR.
>> IT GETS THE BLOOD FLOWING.
JONATHON YOU WERE SAYING
BECAUSE ARE YOU A FOREIGNER
FROM THE OTHER PLACE WHERE
THEY HAVE ROYALTY.
YOU FIND THE SONG SO
OFFENSIVE, AND YOU AGREE WITH
THE PRINCIPAL.
YOU WERE SAYING THAT, WEREN'T
YOU?
>> IT WAS A WONDERFUL SONG.
IT IS GLORIOUSLY CHEESY, BUT
WHAT SONG ISN'T?
"GOD SAVE OUR GRACIOUS
QUEEN"?
COME ON.
>> THIS IS AN INTERESTING
POINT ABOUT PATRIOTISM BECAUSE
IT IS VIEWED AS CORNY.
BUT PEOPLE -- MEN ARE HAPPYO
IMMERSE THEMSELVES IN POP
CULTURE.
I SPENT IN A HALF AN HOUR
READING "MAD MEN" PLOT POINTS
AND GETTING INTERESTED BECAUSE
I I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND LAST
NIGHT BECAUSE I WAS DRUNK WHEN
I WAS WATCHING IT.
THAT'S OKAY, BUT BEING
SENTIMENTAL ABOUT YOUR COUNTRY
IS SOMEHOW EMBARRASSING.
>> GO AHEAD.
>> DID I MAKE A POINT?
WHAT I AM SAYING IS PEOPLE ARE
MORE INTERESTED IN IMPORTING
THEIR EMOTIONS INTO SOMETHING
MEANING LESS THAN SOMETHING
MEANINGFUL.
NO?
>> NO, I DON'T QUITE --
>> ALL RIGHT, LET ME CLARIFY.
>> CAN I CLARIFY WHAT YOU ARE
TALKING ABOUT?
THE SONG IS TERRIBLE.
I KNOW I HATE AMERICA AND I
WAS A MEMBER OF A SECT AND
THAT STUFF ASIDE, THE POINT
HERE IS NOT ABOUT THE SONG.
IT IS ABOUT THIS HORRIFYING
PRINCIPAL WHO SHOULD BE SENT
TO GUANTANAMO WHICH I BELIEVE
IS A SMALL ISLAND IN CUBA.
BUT THIS IS THE PREEMPTIVE.
NOBODY HAS BEEN OFFENDED BY
THIS.
EVERYBODY IS FINE.
BUT IT MIGHT OFFEND PEOPLE
BECAUSE THEY ARE IMMIGRANTS
HERE.
THIS IS SOME SORT OF LEFTY
KIND OF WOMAN.
IF THEY ARE GOING TO HEAR THIS
THEY ARE GOING TO GET ANGRY.
THEY WANT TO HEAR SOME SONG
ABOUT IRELAND.
I THINK THEY ARE ALL IRISH.
>> THIS IS THE POINT I DON'T
GET.
WHO WOULD BE SURPRISED TO HEAR
A PRO AMERICAN SONG IN
AMERICA?
HOW WOULD THAT BE OFFENSIVE?
>> THIS IS GREAT.
THIS IS A GREAT COUNTRY.
THE IMMIGRANTS WHO COME HERE
LOVE THAT SONG AND THEY LOVE
AMERICA.
THE PEOPLE WHO DON'T LIKE THAT
SONG WOULD WANT TO KILL US
ANYWAY.
LAST TIME THEY PERFORMED THAT
SONG AT THAT SCHOOL THEY GOT A
NICE STANDING OVATION.
LAST TIME THEY GOT A STANDING
OVATION.
I AM ALL FOR THE PATRIOTIC
SONG.
>> IF AMERICA HAS ONE THING TO
BE ASHAMED OF IT IS JUSTIN --
JUSTIN BIEBER HIMSELF.
>> HE GOT INTO A LOOPHOLE IN
NATO.
>> IT IS NATO.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT I LOVE ABOUT
OUR SHOW?
WE ARE OPERATING ON 8% FACT
TODAY.
>> IT IS OVER RATED.
>> THERE IS ANOTHER FACT THAT
WE OVER LOOKED.
GRADUATION AT KINDERGARTEN,
WAS THAT WHAT I HEARD?
THEY WERE KEEPING IT FROM IT
BEING SUNG BY KINDERGARDEN
HERS HERS -- KIPPEDDER
GARDENERS AT GRADUATION?
>> THEY PREPARE FOR A MONTH.
YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TAKES A
KINDER GARDENER TO LEARN THOSE
WORDS?
>> THAT'S THE WHOLE HOOPLA.
>> I DON'T GET IT AT ALL.
I LOVE THAT THERE WAS ONE SONG
THAT WAS ALLOWED AND IT WAS
"THE WORLD IS A RAINBOW" WHICH
IS FACTUALLY INCORRECT.
WHAT ARE YOU TELLING KIDS THE
WORLD IS A RAINBOW FOR?
IT IS NOT.
A RAINBOW -- WHAT IS A
RAINBOW.
IT IS A COLLECTION OF COLORS
THAT HAPPENS AFTER IT RAINS.
>> AND THE WORLD IS NOT THAT.
>> THE JUSTIN BIEBER SONG,
GIRL ARE WE AN ITEM?
THAT'S GOOD FOR KINDER
GARDENERS.
>> IT WAS NOT ABOUT OTHER
CULTURES BEING OFFENDED.
IT WAS ABOUT HER BEING
OFFENDED.
>> THERE WAS A QUOTE THAT WAS
A FINE NEWSPAPER.
>> IT IS GREAT.
AND SHE WAS REPRIMANDED IN
2010 BY THE DEPARTMENT OF
EDUCATION FOR SAYING THAT THE
SCHOOL THAT SHE WORKED AT WAS
RACIST.
AND THEN SHE FOLLOWED THAT BY
SAYING "I AM BLACK" YOUR
PREVIOUS PRINCIPAL WAS WHITE
AND JEWISH.
THERE ARE MORE OF US COMING.
IS THIS THE CAVALRY OF
MULTI-CULTURALLISM?
SHE SEEMS LIKE A SENSIBLE
WOMAN.
>> WHY ARE THEY BEING SO COOL
-- CRUEL TO THESE KINDER
GARDENERS?
THIS IS A DAY TO BLOW OFF SOME
STEAM WITH BRICKS AND TBLIEW.
>> FROM A STUPID BAND TO THE
KU KLUXLA KN, SHOULD THE HATE
CLEAN THE INTERSTATE?
THE *** IF THAT'S THEIR REAL
NAME WANTS TO TAKE PART IN THE
GEORGIA'S ADOPT A HIGHWAY
PROGRAM.
A DUMB IDEA BY THE WAY.
HOW CAN YOU ADOPT A HIGHWAY?
ANYWAY, AND THEY ARE GOING TO
SPONSOR A ONE-MILE STRETCH OF
ROAD WHICH COULD FORCE A LEGAL
BATTLE THAT DOES PRESIDENT --
THAT DOESN'T REALLY WANT THEIR
HELP.
IT WAS A ROAD SIDE SIGN
ANNOUNCING IT.
KLANSMAN HARLEY HANSON --
THAT'S HIS REAL NAME -- THE
GROUP'S EXALTED CYCLOPS SAYS
THEY ARE JUST TRYING TO CLEAN
UP THE ROAD.
QUOTE, WE HAVE ALL OF THE
MEMBERS WE WANT.
IT IS A SECLUDED ROAD AND IT
GIVES OUR MEMBERS SOMETHING TO
DO.
THAT'S A GOOD POINT.
ONE LAW I CAN MAKERS ARGUES
THAT IT SHOULD BE DENIED JUST
AS WE WOULD DENY THE REQUEST
FROM ANY OTHER HATE GROUP.
FOR MORE WE CHECK IN WITH OUR
RACISM CORRESPONDENT, LAZY
CARL.
>> THIS IS WHY WE MISS ALL OF
THE SCOOP.
WE HEARD ABOUT THIS STORY A
COUPLE WEEKS AGO, BUT LAZY
CARL COULDN'T ROLL OVER.
WHEN HE DOES ROLL OVER HE ENDS
UP SMOTHERING ONE OF HIS
KIDS.
>> IT LOOKS LIKE AN OVER FULL
TICK.
>> I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT
WAS, BUT HE IS LAZY.
WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THIS?
SHOULD THE *** -- IS PICKING
UP LITTER A PRIVILEGE?
>> PICK UP THE LITTER AND
LEAVE THE SIGN.
IT IS A VERY CLASSY THING TO
DO.
>> THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT
REALLY IS ABOUT THE SIGN.
AND MISSOURI LOST A SIMILAR
CASE WITH THE CLAN IN 2 --
*** IN 2000.
>> WHAT I WANT TO KNOW FROM
THEM FIRST IS MR. ***, WHEN
YOU SAY YOU WANT TO CLEAN UP
THE HO HIGHWAY WHAT EXACTLY DO
YOU MEAN.
AND ARE THEY GOING TO DO IT IN
THE WHITE ROBES AND THE .Y
HATS?
>> PROBLEM SOLVED.
>> EXACTLY.
IF THEY ARE GOING TO DO IT,
THEY HAVE TO BE IN THE
UNIFORM, DAN.
WHICH YOU HAPPEN TO OWN.
>> WHOLE DIFFERENT VARIATION.
I HAVE A SUMMER VERSION.
IT IS SLEEP LESS.
I HAVE A NICE WINTER ONE THAT
IS EXTRA PADDED.
>> I LOVE YOUR CYCLOPS SHORTY
ROBE.
>> THAT'S NOTHING TO SCOFF
AT.
JAY EXACTLY.
YOU SCR ONE EYE.
>> WHY DON'T THEY TRY TO
REHELP WHAT THEY HAVE DONE,
THE DAMAGE THEY HAVE DONE.
WHY DON'T THEY PLANT TREES
DISM DISM -- PLANT TREES ?
>> GOOD POINT.
>> HERE IS THE THING.
YOU ARE A LIBERTARIAN.
IS THIS PROTECTED UNDER FREE
SPEECH?
IS THERE A WAY THE STATE CAN
FIND ANOTHER ANGLE BY SAYING
-- LIKE WHAT IF THEY SAID THIS
GROUP INSIGHTS VIOLENCE.
>> THEY WOULD HAVE TO PROVE
THESE PARTICULAR GUYS WERE
INCITING VIOLENCE.
I DIDN'T GUESS HE WAS GOING TO
BE A RACIST.
>> YOU KNOW THERE IS PROBABLY
SOMEBODY AT HOME WHO IS VERY
UPSET.
>> IF THERE IS ANOTHER HARLEY
HANSON, I APOLOGIZE TO YOU.
IT IS PROTECTED.
THE MISSOURI CASE WHICH I
BELIEVE IS IN 2000 ALLOWED
THIS AS PROTECTIVE SPEECH.
LOOK, THESE GUYS ARE OBVIOUSLY
COMPLETE [BLEEP] HEADS.
THEY ARE ENTITLED TO DO THAT
AND THEY WILL PUT THEIR STUPID
NAME ON THE SIDE OF THE
HIGHWAY.
>> THEY SAID THEY ARE NOT
AGAINST ANY OTHER RACES, BUT
THEY THINK THEIR RACE IS --
>> THAT'S THE HUGE SIGN.
>> THEY PROBABLY LEFT 40
MESSAGES JAY I USED TO BE A
BIG FAN OF "RED EYE" BUT NOW
YOU HAVE OUTED ME.
HERE IS THE BIG LIE ABOUT THE
*** HAVING MEMBERS.
WHEN I LIVED IN EASTERN PA
THEY USED TO TRY TO ORGANIZE A
THING IN A SMALL TOWN.
ONE PERSON WOULD SHOW UP.
ONE.
THERE WOULD BE 20 COPS AND
ONE.
THE GUY IS SENDING OUT NOTICES
TO HIMSELF.
>> I HAVEN'T HEARD OF THE ***
SINCE LIKE MOVIES FROM WHEN I
WAS BORN.
>> YOU WORE THAT ON PURPOSE,
DIDN'T YOU?
SHE HAS THE HOOD.
I AM KIDDING.
SHE IS NOT REALLY A RACIST, OR
IS SHE?
WE WILL NEVER REALLY KNOW
UNTIL SHE COMES CLEAN ON HER
BLOG, WHY I AM NOT A RACIST
.ORG.
COMING UP, STORIES SO
DELICIOUS THAT IF THEY WERE
KILT 10s YOU -- KITTENS YOU
WOULD SAY THEY ARE DELICIOUS
KITTENS AND THEN YOU WOULD EAT
THEM.
ARE HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS
HOOKED ON ADEROL?
YES.
WELL, WE ARE NOT GOING TO DO
THAT STORY NOW.
>>> SHOULD WE NOT PRAISE
AIMING FOR STRAIGHT A'S.
ACCORDING TO THE NEW YORK
TIMES, A PAPER, STUDENTS ARE
HOOKED ON STIMULANTS LIKE
ADEROL,
STUFF, THAT HELPED THEM STUDY
AND FOCUS DURING TESTS.
IT IS A RESPONSE TO PRESSURE
OVER GRADES AND COLLEGE
ADMISSIONS.
AND MANY SAY THEY CAN GET THE
DRUGS FROM FRIENDS OR STUDENT
DEALERS OR FAKE SYMPTOMS TO
GET A PRESCRIPTION FROM AN
UNKNOWING DOCTOR.
GOOD IDEA.
SAYS ONE BOY WHO SNORTED
ADEROL BEFORE TAKING THE
S.A.T. OR SAT.
EVERYONE HAS A PRESCRIPTION OR
HAS A FRIEND WHO DOES.
BUT ARE STUDY DRUGS A FORM OF
CHEATING?
STUDENTS ARE SPLIT, BUT ONE
THING IS CLEAR, MORE ARE
TAKING THEM IF ONLY TO STAY
COMPETITIVE WITH THEIR
CLASSMATES.
WE ASKED A TYPICAL HIGH SCHOOL
STUDENT TO COMMENT.
>> I TOOK ADEROL FOR A YEAR.
I WENT FROM A D MINUS TO A D
PLUS.
>> THAT IS QUITE AN
ENDORSEMENT.
IF THESE DRUGS ARE MAKING KIDS
STUDY LONGER, IN THE LONG-TERM
WHAT IS AN ADDICTION IF THEY
ARE AT HARVARD.
>> THE PROBLEM HERE IS IT IS A
TWO-TIER SYSTEM.
YOU HAVE AN ACCOMMODATING
POSITION.
HERE IS THE BIGGER PROBLEM FOR
AMERICA OUR KIDS MINDS HAVE
BEEN TURNED TO MUSH BY THAT
CANADIAN DEVIL, JUSTIN
BIEBER.
THEY WERE PLAYING "GLAD TO BE
AN AMERICAN" INSTEAD OF" BABY"
THEY WOULD NOT NEED THESE
DRUGS.
YOU HAVE LEARNED THE FINE ART
OF RED MEAT.
NICOLE, DO DRUGS GIVE KIDS AN
UNFAIR ADVANTAGE?
HOW IS THAT NOT LIKE GOING TO
THE GYM TO WORK OUT?
>> IF EVERYBODY IS DOING IT
EVERYBODY IS DOING IT.
IT IS LIKE TAKING AN S.A.T.
COURSE.
EVERYBODY SHOULD TAKE ADEROL
THEN.
>> WOW, I LIKE THE WAY YOU
TALK, YOUNG LADY.
YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS, DAN, IT
IS LIKE AN S.A.T. COURSE.
>> YOU SAID HIS NAME, BUT ARE
YOU LOOKING AT ME.
>> YOU KNOW WHY, BILL IS NOT
THERE.
>> DAN, YOU HAVE BEEN TAKING
ADEROL FOR MANY YEARS.
AND IT DOESN'T HELP YOUR
COMEDY.
>> FIRST OFF, I AM A DOWNER
GUY.
HOW DARE YOU?
AND SECOND OFF, WE ARE NOT
SEEING THE REAL VICTIM HERE,
***.
STRAIGHT ***.
NOW ALL KIDS ARE CALLING IT
GRANDPA'S HAPPY POWDER.
THERE IS A MARKET FOR THIS.
*** DEALERS ARE GOING
UNDER.
>> I LIKE HOW YOU ARE ALWAYS
THINKING ABOUT THE LITTLE
GUY.
>> I AM.
I AM ABOUT SMALL BUSINESS.
>> I DON'T REMEMBER THE
EARLIER QUESTION, BUT ARE YOU
LIBERTARIAN.
>> YES, I AM.
WHICH SEEMS TO PREFACE EVERY
QUESTION.
>> LIBERTARIANISM IS THE WAY
TO GO.
IT IS THE FUTURE.
GET USED TO IT.
IF IT WAS YOUR KID?
>> YES.
TAKE IT.
COME ON, MAN.
TAKE TONS OF IT.
THE MORE YOU TAKE, THE BETTER
YOU DO.
THE WEIRD THING ABOUT THIS,
THE FIRST THING I HAVE TO DO
IS CRITICIZE THE NEW YORK
TIMES WHO PUT THIS ON THE
COVER OF THE SUNDAY TIMES.
THEY ARE 19 YEARS BEHIND THE
STORY.
>> AND IT IS SPEED.
>> THE OTHER THIN I WANT TO
POINT OUT, GREG, IS A DUMB KID
BECAUSE THERE ARE SOME OF THE
KIDS THAT ARE IN SCHOOL, BUT
THE DUMB KID WHO TAKES ADEROL
IS STILL A DUMB KID ON
ADEROL.
THE KID WHO IS LIKE GETTING AN
"A" NOW WHO WAS A SMACK JOB
BEFORE DOESN'T HAPPEN.
>> BUT HIS ENERGY IS
ENERGETIC.
>> HE IS SELLING IT MORE.
I LOVE JELLO.
>> HE STUDIES POORLY, BUT HE
STUDIES POORLY FASTER, SO HE
GETS THE WRONG ANSWER
QUICKER.
>> SUPER FAST.
>> EXACTLY.
>> I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THE TEEN
AIMINGERS WERE DOING THIS.
TEENAGERS WERE DOING THIS.
>> WHERE DO YOU THINK I GET
MINE?
HERE IS MY SUGGESTION.
I THINK DRUGS SHOULD BE LEGAL,
BUT THEY SHOULD BE A REWARD
FOR AGING.
HERE IS MY THEORY.
THE MOMENT THAT A SINGLE MALE
LIKE MYSELF LOOKS WEIRD GOING
ON AN AMUSEMENT PARK RIDE.
I LOVE AMUSEMENT PARK RIDES
BECAUSE I CAN'T GO ALONE
BECAUSE PEOPLE THINK IT IS
WEIRD AND I AM ASKED TO
LEAVE.
THE MOMENT I DON'T GO TO AN
AMUSEMENT PARK ALONE IS WHEN
THEY REPLACE THE AMUSEMENT
PARK IN YOUR BRAIN.
I WILL TAKE THIS AND GO ON THE
MATTERHORN OR THEN I WILL TAKE
THIS AND GO ON A TEA CUP.
>> ARE YOU ON ADEROL RIGHT
NOW.
>> I DON'T LIKE IT, DON'T LIKE
IT, DON'T LIKE. IT DON'T LIKE
IT, DON'T LIKE IT, DON'T LIKE
IT.
>> TONIGHT'S HALF TIME REPORT
IS SPONSORED BY BLOW DART, THE
PROJECTILES SHOT OUT OF A TUBE
USING THE FORCE FROM ONE'S
BREATH.
THANKS BLOW DART.
>>> WELCOME BACK.
LET'S FIND OUT IF WE GOT
ANYTHING WRONG SO FAR.
FOR THAT WE GO TO ANDY LEVY.
>> HI, GREG, HOW ARE YOU?
>> GOOD.
>> WHATEVER.
>> OBAMA GIRL WON'T ENDORSE
OBAMA.
JONATHON, YOU SAID OBAMA
GIRL'S CAREER AND OBAMA'S
CAREER OVERSHADOW EACH OTHER.
HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS SOME.
>> I HAVE SEEN THINGS YOU
WOULD NOT BELIEVE.
AND I LOOK WAY BETTER AND
STILL ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS IN A
SPEEDO.
MOST OF THE ITALIAN PEOPLE
WILL ATTEST.
>> WELL, I AM GOING TO --
YIKES.
>> DAN YOU SAID THIS REMINDS
YOU OF BACK IN 1980 WHEN THERE
WAS ALL OF THAT FOR RONALD
REAGAN AND IT KEPT UP.
I'M ASSUMING YOU MEANT 1984.
>> YES, I DID.
I HAVE BEEN 0 FOR 8 ON
EVERYTHING I HAVE SAID SO FAR
TODAY.
>> THERE IS AN EASY FIX FOR
THAT.
>> IF IT TALKS ABOUT LOOKING
IT UP, I WON'T DO IT.
>> DON'T SCREW UP.
>> WHAT IS THE FUN IN THAT?
>> YOU SAID THAT AMBER
EDINGER, THE SEW BOUGH MA
GIRL, SAID SHE WOULD WRITE
BOOKS.
AND THEN YOU SAID YOU THINK
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.
>> I WAS TOLD WHEN I CAME THAT
IT WAS LIKE -- THERE ARE A
BUNCH OF GUIDELINES.
YOU ARE SAYING STUFF THAT IS
NOT TRUE.
I AM TRYING TO DO THAT.
>> BUT BILL CAN'T GET THIS
WHERE HE IS.
>> HE IS OUT OF THE COUNTRY.
>> THIS STUFF ISN'T GOING
ON-LINE.
>> AND HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO
WORK A DVR.
JONATHON, YOU ASK WHAT
FLOSSING IS.
IT MEANS SHOWING OFF AND
LETTING PEOPLE KNOW WHAT
YOU'VE GOT.
>> I DO MY FLOSSING WITH MY
SPEEDO.
>> AND ALSO BY THE WAY KNOWN
AS FLOSS.
>> CAREFUL.
>> STILL IMAGES I DON'T WANT.
>> IT IS A BIT AROUSING.
I THINK I SAW THAT ON A CHIP N
DALES REVIEW.
>> THAT WAS PROBABLY ME.
>> THAT WAS AMAZING.
>> CAN'T WAIT FOR THAT
CHANNING TATUM MOVIE TO COME
OUT.
>> I WILL BRING MY WIFE TO
THAT CHANNING TATUM MOVIE.
>> ABOUT MALE STRIPPERS.
>> ME AND THE WIFE.
SHE LOVES THAT STUFF.
I CAN'T STAND IT.
>> PRINCIPAL BANS "GOD BLESS
THE USA."
YOU TALKED ABOUT HOW LONG YOU
SPENT READING "MAD MEN" PLOT
POINTS AND YOU ENDED BY ASKING
IF YOU MADE A POINT AND YOU
DIDN'T.
>> I THOUGHT I MADE AN
ELOQUENT POINT WHEN I WAS
ASKED TO CLARIFY BY NICOLE.
I SAID AS A MALE IN YOUR
MIDDLE AGE, IT IS SOMEHOW OKAY
TO INVEST A LOT OF EMOTIONAL,
SERIOUS TIME INTO FEMORAL
THINGS INSTEAD OF SOMETHING
THAT MATTER.
THAT'S A GOOD POINT.
>> GOD BLESS, THE USA.
>> THERE YOU GO.
THANK YOU.
MICHAEL, YOU SEEM TO BE UNDER
IMPRESSION THAT THE STUDENTS
WHO ARE CHILDREN OF IMMIGRANTS
MOSTLY HALE FROM IRELAND.
>> YES.
>> BECAUSE IN BROOKLYN THERE
IS A LOT OF IRISH PEOPLE.
>> I BELIEVE IT IS PAKISTAN OR
PACK-Y-STAN AS I LIKE TO SAY.
AND MEXICO OR MEHICO AND
ECUADOR OR ECUADOR.
>> IS THAT TRUE?
>> I DON'T HAVE THE EXACT
NUMBERS.
YOU DID CORRECTLY POINT OUT
THAT THIS PRINCIPAL GRETA HUH
KINS IS A WHACK JOB.
SHE IS THE SAME PRINCIPAL WHO
IN JANUARY WANTED TO GIVE
EXTRA CREDIT FOR NOT GOING TO
THE BATHROOM.
>> WHAT?
>> I REMEMBER THAT.
>> THAT'S TRUE?
>> YES.
>> WOW.
THEY SHOULD HAVE PUT THAT IN
THE NEW YORK POST.
THEY MENTIONED SHE WAS A
JEHOVAH'S WITNESS OUT OF NO
WHERE, BUT THEY DIDN'T MENTION
THAT MORRELL VENT BIT OF
PREVIOUS IDIOCY.
>> SHOULD POINT OUT HAWKINS
RECEIVED SOME NASTY E-MAILS
ABOUT THIS.
>> THERE IS NOTHING LIKE
SHOWING HOW UNPATRIOTIC YOU
ARE AND HOPING AIDS KILLS ALL
BLACK PEOPLE.
>> WHY DID YOU SEND THAT
STUFF?
>> AND THEN THERE IS THIS ONE,
N-WORDS AND THEIR JEW COMMI
BOSSES --
>> WHY DO YOU HATE LEE
GREENWOOD AND AMERICA?
>> IT IS NOT FAIR.
DAN, THANK YOU FOR POINTING
OUT THE TRUE LOSERS ARE THE
KINDER GARDENERS.
>> DO WE GET EXTRA POINTS?
I DIDN'T GO TO THE BATHROOM
THE WHOLE SHOW.
>> THE SHOW IS NOT OVER YET.
WE HAND OUT POINTS
AFTERWARDS.
*** WANTS TO ADOPT A HIGHWAY.
YOU SAY THE CLAN THAT PICK UP
THE LIQUOR AND FORGET THE
SIGN.
NOT EXACTLY THE SPIRIT OF THE
FIRST AMENDMENT.
>> SKIP THE SIGN.
JUST SKIP IT.
BE ANONYMOUS.
CLEAN IT UP.
>> DAN, YOU POINTED OUT BEING
AN EXALTED CYCLOPS IS NOTHING
TO SCOFF ABOUT.
PART OF THE JOB IS TO PRESIDE
OVER THE COUNCIL OF THE
SENTORS AND WRITE REPORTS TO
THE GRAND GIANT.
HOW DOES THAT SOUND?
>> THEY REALLY SHOW STUPID
NAMES.
THEY REALLY WERE IN A BASEMENT
AND LONELY.
>> YOU TAKE THE RACISM OUT OF
IT AND HE SOUNDS AWESOME.
>> THEY ARE GRAND GIANTS?
>> IT DOESN'T SOUND DANGEROUS
UNTIL YOU REALIZE THEY ARE
FULL OF HATE.
THEN IT SOUNDS LIKE A BUNCH OF
NERDS WHO AREN'T GOING OUT ON
A FRIDAY NIGHT.
>> AND YOU WANT THE CLAN TO
PLANT TREES.
I AM GUESSING BLACK PEOPLE
MIGHT NOT AGREE WITH YOU.
>> YOU KNOW, ANDY.
THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO
ARE ON A WAITING LIST TO ADOPT
A HIGHWAY.
TO GET IN FRONT LIKE THAT --
>> I LOVE THAT IT GIVES OUR
MEMBERS SOMETHING TO DO.
YOU CAN ONLY BE AT THE PHYSICS
LAB SO MANY HOURS A DAY.
>> YOU SAID IT IS A BIG LIE
EVEN HAVING MEMBERS.
IN FACT, *** MEMBERSHIP
DROPPED FROM WHAT WAS REPORTED
THE MILLIONS IN THE 1920S TO
ROUGHLY 5,000 TODAY.
THEY ARE DOING SOMETHING
WRONG.
>> THEY ARE.
>> THEY STOPPED BRINGING RICE
CRISPY TREATS TO THE
MEETINGS.
>> THE OTHER THING IS THAT
THEY ARE COMPLETELY RACIST.
YOU DON'T GET A LOT OF PEOPLE
LIKE THAT ANYMORE.
>> THEY DO SAY THE FLUB OF
HATE GROUPS, THE NUMBER OF
PEOPLE IN HATE GROUPS IS
ACTUALLY RIDING, BUT THE CLAN
IS GOING DOWN.
>> WHAT IS A NEW HATE GROUP?
>> GREG I WILL LET YOU GET AT
THAT.
THEY NEED AN IMAGE MAKEOVER.
THEY NEED A NICER, FRIENDLIER
VERSION OF THE ***.
>> OR MAYBE THEY ARE TOO NICE
AND FRIENDLY.
THE TRUE HARD CORE HATERS
DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH THEM
ANY SMORE.
ANYMORE.
GREG, DON'T MENTION SOME OF
THE KIDS #R* GETTING ADEROL
AND MAKING SYMPTOMS AND THEN
SAY GOOD IDEA.
>> JONATHON YOU ARE OBSESSED
WITH JUSTIN BIEBER, MAYBE A
LITTLE TOO MUCH?
>> MAYBE A LITTLE TOO MUCH.
>> HE NEEDS TO GO AWAY.
HE NEEDS TO GO BACK TO CANADA
WHICH I SAID HE INITIALLY
WAS.
>> YOU WANT TO SEE JEDWARD
REPLACE HIM.
>> I WANT MICHAEL BOUBLE
REPLACE HIM.
>> DO YOU KNOW WHO JEDWARD
IS?
>> NO.
>> HOW CAN YOU SPEAK THE
QUEEN'S ENGLISH AND NOT KNOW
WHAT JEDWARD IS?
>> IS IT A HEAVY METAL BAND.
>> THEY ARE TWIN BRITS.
THEY ARE ARE THE GREATEST TWIN
MALE CREATURE EVER TO EXIST.
>> SINCE THING ONE AND THING
TWO.
>> CLEARLY ONE OR TWO MORE
REASONS I LEFT.
>> DAN, THANKS P OI NTING --
.ING OUT THE REAL LOSERS ARE
THE DRUG DEALERS.
>> IF I HAVE A PLATFORM I AM
DOING IT.
DOCTORS ARE ALREADY MAKING
ENOUGH MONEY.
>> DID YOU ONE OF THESE?
I WASN'T LOOKING.
>> I CAN'T SELL THEM OUT.
>> BY THE WAY, ABOUT MAKING
YOU FOCUS, AUTHORS INCLUDING
AGIE, GREEN AND TOOK XENADRINE
WHICH USED TO HELP THEIR
RIDING OUTPUT.
>> I KNOW A LOT OF RIDERS NOW
THAT DO THE SAME THING.
I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT ME.
IT IS NOT ONE OF THOSE THINGS
-- I HAVE A FRIEND WHO -- I
KNOW A LOT OF WRITERS DO.
WE SHOULD STOP BLAMING THEM.
>> THE ONLY WAY FOR US TO TELL
IT IS NOT YOU BY YOU TELLING
US WHO IT IS.
>> I REALLY COULD.
>> APPARENTLY THIS IS COMING
FROM IN THE PANEL.
>>-
Q. I IF YOU HAVE SEEN MY ACT
--
>> IF YOU HAVE SEEN MY ACT YOU
KNOW I DON'T TAKE IT.
>> YOU ARE AS YOU SAID A FAN
OF THE DOWNERS.
I WOULD NOT GUESS.
>> ANDY KNOWS ME.
>> THIS IS AN INTERESTING
FACT.
IT WAS APPROXIMATELY 10,000
WORDS.
WHO WAS DOING THE ADEROL?
>> THAT'S A GOOD POINT.
>> I DID SEE A LOT OF WEIRD
THINGS.
>> CLEARLY THAT PERSON WAS ON
ADEROL.
>> I'M DONE.
>> THAT YOU ARE.
COMING UP, THE FRENCH OPEN
CAUSED QUITE A STIR THIS
YEAR.
WEHAVE THE LATEST SCORES.
>> WAS DON RICKLES JOKING
ABOUT OBAMA RACIST?
I HAVEN'T HEARD IT YET, BUT IT
SOUNDS RACIST.
>>> WAS IT RACIST OR RICKLES?
HE WAS ONE OF THE GREATEST
COMEDIANS WHO MADE A JOKE
ABOUT COMPARING PRESIDENT
OBAMA TO A JANITOR.
SAYS SHIRLEY McCLAIN, WHY
WASN'T I THERE, SAID, QUOTE, I
SHOULDN'T MAKE FUN OF THE
BLACKS.
PRESIDENT OBAMA IS A PERSONAL
FRIEND OF MINE.
HE WAS OVER TO THE HOUSE
YESTERDAY, BUT THE MOP BROKE.
DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
RICKLES' SPOKESMAN SAYS HE IS
NO BIGOT TELLING POLITICO THAT
IT WAS A JOKE AS WERE THE
OTHER COMMENTS DON MADE.
ANYONE WHO KNOWS HIM KNOWS HE
IS NOT A RACIST.
HE ALWAYS SAYS THAT.
LET'S DISCUSS THIS, SHALL WE
IN THE --
>> LIGHTNING
ROOOOUUUUNNNNNDDD.
LIGHTNING ROUND.
>> DAN YOU ARE A STUDENT OF
COMEDY.
IT DOESN'T SHOW.
THIS PROBABLY HAPPENED TO
RICKLES MANY TIMES IN HIS
LIFE.
HE SAID I AM NOT RACIST.
>> SO WHAT IF HE IS.
HE IS NOT RUNNING ANYTHING.
HE IS TELLING JOKES.
IF YOU DON'T ENJOY IT, DON'T
WATCH HIM.
LEAVE THE MAN ALONE.
HE IS A LEGEND EVEN IF HE IS A
CRAZY OLD BIGOT.
>> HERE IS WHY I FIND IT
INTERESTING.
IF YOU SAW ANY OF THE
COMMERCIALS ABOUT THE ROAST IT
WAS 10 TIMES WORSE.
>> LOOK, RICK KILLS IS ONE OF
MY FAVORITE COMEDIAN EXPIZ
CAN'T BELIEVE ANYONE WAS
SURPRISED BY THIS.
>> HERE IS THE WEIRD THING
ABOUT THE GENERATIONAL THING.
IN THE FIRST THREE QUARTERS
REALLY, REALLY, REALLY
OFFENSIVE.
THE LAST 15 MINUTES, NO JOKE,
IN 68 IT IS RICKLES TALKING
ABOUT HOW HE IS KIDDING ABOUT
RACISM AND MAKES A HUGE PLEA
TO TOLERANCE IN 1968.
TO THINK IN 2012 WE ARE
ACCUSING HIM OF BEING A
RACIST.
>> AT THE END OF HE SAYS, I
LOVE EVERYBODY.
HE IS SWEATING AND
EVERYTHING.
>> NICOLE, WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF
THIS?
>> DO THEY HAVE PICTURES
TOGETHER?
WHEN MY FRIENDS COME OVER MY
HOUSE WE TAKE PICTURES
TOGETHER.
>> IT IS ALL IN THE FAMILY
TYPE.
HE HATED EVERYBODY.
DON'T BE SUCH A STICK LEER.
>> I THINK IT BELONGS IN
ANOTHER CENTURY.
I THINK THERE ARE HIGHWAYS IN
GEORGIA THAT NEED CLEANING
UP.
>> HE IS TOO OLD FOR ME.
>> THE REASON THE JOKE WAS
MADE MAKES IT BEYOND BAD OR
GOOD BECAUSE NOBODY MAKES
THOSE JOKES.
>> IF YOU WANT RICKLES STAND
UP, IT IS NOT -- THAT'S THE
WAY RICKLES' JOKES ARE.
THE PUNCH LINES ARE GOOD.
>> HERE IS THE THING.
>> I GREW UP ON RICKLES.
I LOVED CPO SHARKY.
I LOVED THAT.
AND I WATCHED THE ROAST.
IF SOMEBODY ELSE MAKES THAT
JOKE TO YOU THEN IT IS
RACIST.
SOME GUY SAYS, HEY, COME ON
OVER MY HOUSE. WE HAVE A
MOP.
YOU ARE GOING TO PUNCH HIM IN
THE FACE.
DON RICKLES HAS GRANDFATHERED
INTO THIS.
>> HE HAS BEEN DHOG FOR 70
YEARS.
>> HE HATES EVERYBODY.
IT IS HIS SCHTICK.
>> THERE IS NOTHING MORE FUNNY
THAN THE ODDLY RACIST
GRANDFATHER TO TAKE YOU TO A
SIMPLER TIME.
>> I INTERVIEWED HIM IN 1996
OR 1997.
THE FIRST THING HE SAID TO ME,
GUTFELD, ARE YOU A JEW?
IS THAT THE THING HE SAID.
I SAID NO I AM CATHOLIC.
HE SAID, WHY IS YOUR NAME
GUTFELD EXPRU A CATHOLIC?
THAT MAKES THAT SENSE.
AND HE WAS --
>> AND HE IS A JEW.
>> I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
>>> WHEN WE COME BACK, WE WILL
TALK ABOUT SOMETHING.
>>> HOW ABOUT JOEY LAWRENCE'S
BODY DURING THE BREAK?
>> IT IS VERY HOT.
>> AL-QAEDA IS NOW OFFERING
BOUNTIES FOR THE HEADS OF
PRESIDENT OBAMA AND SECRETARY
OF STATE HILLARY CLINTON.
THE PRIZE IS 10 CAMELS FOR
OBAMA AND 20 CHICKENS FOR
CLINTON.
THIS AFTER $33 MILLION FOR
INFORMATION LEADING TO THE
CAPTURE OF SEVEN DIFFERENT
AL-QAEDA LEADERS.
SHOULD THE PRESIDENT BE
INSULTED THAT THE BOUNTY IS SO
LITTLE OR IS 10 A BIG DEAL?
>> I WAS TRYING TO FIGURE THIS
OUT.
I WAS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT THE
EXCHANGE RATE FOR CHICKENS TO
CAMELS.
HILLARY CLINTON HAS MORE.
HE HAS 10.
I DON'T KNOW.
I THINK HE SHOULD BE FLAT
TERRED.
FLATTERED.
WHERE THEY COME FROM CAMELS
ARE A BIG DEAL.
>> YOU KNOW WHO GOES BANKRUPT
IN SOMALIA?
WALLET SALES MEN.
THERE IS NO CURRAN TEE.
>> THAT'S TOTALLY TRUE.
>> THAT COULD NOT BE TRUE.
THEY DON'T HAVE WALLETS.
>> WELL THEN THEY DON'T HAVE
PANTS.
>> I DON'T WANT TO GO TO
SOMALIA.
THIS IS WHAT THEY ARE
OFFERING?
>> I DON'T KNOW IF IT IS A
SIGN OF THAT, BUT WHAT I AM
GOING TO DO IS CLAIM THE
REWARD.
ALL I WANT IS INFORMATION ON
THE WHEREABOUTS.
HE IS AT THE WHITE HOUSE IN
WASHINGTON.
I CLAIM MY 10 CAMELS.
HILLARY IS AT THE STATE
DEPARTMENT.
I WANT WHAT THE ACTUAL REWARD
IS WHICH IS NOT 20 CHICKENS,
BUT IT IS WRITTEN IN THE
TRANSLATION AS 10 HENS AND
10.
>> YOU TRANSLATED THAT.
>> THAT WAS A GOOD ONE.
>> DON'T ASK ME ABOUT IT.
>> I JUST LIKE YOU SAYING IT.
>> WHAT WAS IT AGAIN?
>> I AM SO CONFUSED ON THIS
SHOW.
I AM KIDDING.
>> YOU CAN'T STOP THINKING
ABOUT IT.
>> WHAT DID YOU SAY?
>> WHAT HAPPENED HERE?
>> WE CAN'T EVEN DO A TERROR
STORY.
>> IT IS LIKE BETWEEN THE
BREAK WE WERE TALKING ABOUT
JOEY LAWRENCE'S BODY.
>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT
HAPPENED.
SHOULD I MOVE AWAY QUICKLY?
>> I THINK THE LIVESTOCK WAS
BETTER THAN JOEY LAWRENCE'S
WHATEVER.
>> IF THERE WAS A BOUNTY ON
YOU, I AM GUESSING, WHAT, FIVE
BIG GULPS?
>> THAT'S AN INTERESTING
QUESTION.
THE SON OF BAR TERRERS I WOULD
BE FLATTERED IF THERE WAS 15
BEAVER PELTS.
THAT'S THE RANGE IT GOES FOR
ME.
OR MAYBE A WAGON WHEEL.
>> I DON'T KNOW WHY THE HATE
IS SO STRONG TO JUSTIN
BIEBER.
HE HASN'T DONE ANYTHING BUT
BRING BACK THE BANGS.
>> HIS DANCING IS SO SWEET.
>> THERE IS ONE LESS LONELY
GIRL.
THAT'S SALINA.
>> MY NIECE HAS PICTURES OF
HIM ALL OVER HER WALL.
>> SHE IS 47.
>> SHE LIVES WITH YOU ?IE. WE
WILL CLOSE THINGS OUT WITH A
POST GAME WRAP UP WITH ANDY
LEVY.
WHY DID I DO THAT?
NOBODY CAN SEE ME.
>>> I'LL SEE YOU BACK HERE AT
5:00 P.M. EASTERN ON "THE
FIVE."
WE HAVE RETURN APPEARANCES
FROM JESSE JOYCE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT WAS.
ANNA GILLIGAN AND JOE
RINDALDO.
BACK TO ANDY LEVY FOR THE POST
GAME WRAP UP.
>> CONGRATS ON THE WEDDING.
SORRY I COULDN'T MAKE IT OR
SEND A GIFT.
HOW WAS THE HONEYMOON?
>> STILL WAITING FOR YOUR
GIFT.
IT WAS FABULOUS.
WE TREATED IT AS TWO WEEKS OF
ONE NIGHT STANDS WHICH
ACCORDING THE SEX STORY WE
DIDN'T GET TO MEANS WE ARE 14
TIMES MORE LIKELY TO HAVE A
LASTING RELATIONSHIP.
>> GOOD POINT.
GOOD WE DIDN'T GET TO THAT
STORY.
>> NICOLE, HOW MANY TIMES A
DAY DO YOU WATCH FOX NEWS?
80?
>> SOMETHING ABOUT THAT.
THAT SEX STORY, I SHOULD HAVE
HAD SEX EARLIER AND MORE OFTEN
WHICH YOU HAVEN'T DONE THE
STORY, SO THANK YOU TO THE
NEXT -- STAY TUNED TO THE NEXT
"RED EYE."
32 TIMES A DAY.
32 TIMES A DAY I AM ON THE FOX
NETWORK.
>> NOT THAT ANYONE CARES, BUT
ANY UPCOMING GIGS?
>> FUNNY YOU ASK.
THIS WEEKEND I WILL BE AT THE
CHICAGO FESTIVAL.
>> THAT WAS GREAT.
>> NOTHING ELSE AT JUST FOR
LAUGHS?
>> YOU WALK AND AND WANT A