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(John A.) TONIGHT,
24 AMERICANS LAY IT ALL ON THE LINE.
THEIR WHOLE LIVES HAVE BEEN LEADING UP
(music distorts)
THIS IS "WIPEOUT"!
(John A.) OOH.
LET'S HOPE THEY HAVE A PLAN "B."
(John A.) THEY'VE COME FROM ALL OVER THE COUNTRY
AND FROM ALL WALKS OF LIFE
TO VIE FOR $50,000
AND THE ULTIMATE BRAGGING RIGHTS.
AT THE END, ONLY THE TOP THREE COMPETITORS
WILL MAKE IT TO THE FINAL CHALLENGE--THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
HERE, ONE CHAMPION WILL EMERGE,
BUT ALL WILL... WIPEOUT.
(woman) BRING IT ON!
HELLO, AMERICA, AND WELCOME TO "WIPEOUT."
I'M JOHN ANDERSON,
AND WITH ME, AS ALWAYS-- MY FRIEND JOHN HENSON.
AW, JOHNNY.
WHENEVER I HEAR YOU CALL ME YOUR FRIEND,
IT FILLS ME WITH A SPECIAL THRILL,
AND DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?
TRUST, JOHN.
AS FRIENDS, WE SHARE A SPECIAL TRUST.
DID YOU TAKE ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE SELF-IMPROVEMENT SEMINARS?
YEAH.
WHAT?
TRUST IS A 2-WAY STREET, JOHN.
MM-HMM.
AND YOU CAN TRUST ME TO ALWAYS NEED STUFF.
RIGHT.
TRUST FALL!
(thuds)
(clatter, cat yowls)
YOU--YOU WANT TO TRY THAT AGAIN?
(strained voice) NO. I THINK WE NAILED IT.
OKAY. WELL, GOOD, THEN, UH, I TRUST OUR CONTESTANTS
WILL TAKE SOME FALLS AS WELL HERE
AS THEY BEGIN BATTLING FOR $50,000.
WHAT ARE ALL THESE POTS AND PANS DOING DOWN HERE?
AND WE MOVE SEAMLESSLY ON TO OUR QUALIFIER.
TODAY, A BIT OF A NAUTICAL THEME.
FIRST UP, THE SPINNING LIFE PRESERVERS
WE CALL "THE BAD BUOYS."
(deep voice) "YEAH, BUOY!"
(normal voice) DON'T FEEL BAD IF YOU CAN'T SWIM.
OUR LIFEGUARD CAN'T EITHER.
(foghorn blows)
THEN IT'S ON TO SWEPT AWAY.
LIKE THE MADONNA MOVIE, ONLY THIS MIGHT INVOLVE A HIT.
NEXT, THE WORLD-FAMOUS BIG BALLS,
WHERE SMALLSY IS READY FOR SOME WATERSKIING.
KNOCK HIM OFF HIS PERCH AND YOU'LL TAKE HOME
(cash register dings)
(clicking)
BECAUSE LET'S FACE IT, SQUID HAPPENS.
AND FINALLY, RELAX AT THE BEACH NUT PANIC HAMMOCKS.
THE PERFECT PLACE FOR A BRUISE CRUISE.
THE TOP 12 TIMES WILL SURF INTO THE NEXT ROUND.
THE REST WILL GO HOME
WITH A GALLON OF WATER IN THEIR EARS.
YEAH, BUT DON'T YOU WORRY YOUR LITTLE WATERLOGGED HEADS
(chuckles)
OUR RANCID LAKE WATER IS YOURS TO KEEP.
OOH. THIRD MEMBER OF OUR TEAM--
VANESSA LACHEY, THE DIVINE MRS. L. STANDING BY.
I'M SO HAPPY TO BE HERE WITH YOU GUYS,
SO LET'S GET STARTED
WITH OUR FIRST CONTESTANT OF THE DAY.
BRING IT ON!
YELLO!
BEEP, BEEP. I'M ABOUT TO TAKE THIS COURSE TO SCHOOL.
BEEP, BEEP.
WHAT IS THAT, THE MINIVAN DANCE?
NO. THINK BIGGER AND YELLOWER. VANESSA?
I'M HERE NOW WITH CHELSEA NOEL. WELCOME TO "WIPEOUT."
THANK YOU. HOW ARE YOU? (chuckles)
I'M GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD. THANK YOU. (chuckles)
AND HOW OLD ARE YOU?
WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING, CHELSEA?
I'M A SCHOOL BUS DRIVER.
(John H.) SHE DRIVES A BUS?!
YOU'RE YOUNG TO BE A SCHOOL BUS DRIVER.
(John H.) NONSENSE.
IN FOUR SHORT YEARS, SHE'LL BE ALLOWED TO RENT A CAR.
(John A.) THERE'S THE LIFEGUARD WHISTLE,
AAH!
FIRST UP, THE BAD BUOYS.
OHH.
ON THE DIVING BOARD. OOH. WHOA!
(grunts)
(high-pitched voice) NO!
(high-pitched voice) BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP.
THAT'S ENOUGH.
BEEP, BEEP.
OH, SHE PARKS IN A RED ZONE.
KEEP THOSE EYES ON THE ROAD.
OHH!
RIGHT IN A POTHOLE!
CHECK IT OUT. THE BUS GETTING STUCK IN REVERSE...
BEEP, BEEP. (grunts)
OHH! AAH! AAH!
NEXT STOP ON THE ROUTE IS SWEPT AWAY.
AAH!
HIT TO THE BACK OF THE BUS, DRIVER.
CHELSEA BACK UP AND LOOKING FOR A "BUSES ONLY" LANE.
AAH!
OHH!
TAKE A LOOK AT THAT AGAIN.
CHELSEA GETS STUCK TO THE VINYL...
LIKE A *** OF CHEWING GUM.
MOTORING SLOWLY UP THE RAMP, WE'LL FIND OUT NOW
IF CHELSEA'S BUS IS BIG BALL ACCESSIBLE.
I CAN DO THIS. I DRIVE A BUS.
BUS DRIVER LOOKING LIKE SHE'S OUT OF GAS.
COME ON, CHELSEA. LET'S DRAG RACE.
BRING IT ON! AAH!
THAT WAS A DRAG.
DON'T BLAME CHELSEA, PARTNER. YOU CAN'T RUN THE BALLS...
WHEN DUTY CALLS.
(singsongy) BYE, KIDS!
(high-pitched voice) HEY, WAIT FOR ME!
(imitates horn honk)
(imitates engine rumbling)
NEXT UP FOR CHELSEA, A FIELD TRIP TO OCEAN COMMOTION.
OH, MAN!
OUR BUS DRIVER NEEDS TO CHECK THE SHOCKS.
THAT'S A ROUGH RIDE.
MAYBE AN OIL CHANGE, TOO.
CHELSEA READY TO OCCUPY OCTOPI.
OH. OH.
(grunts)
OW!
OCTOPUS, I THINK I LOVE YOU.
I THINK SHE HIT EVERY TENTACLE ON THE WAY DOWN. (chuckles)
(grunts) OH, NO!
WARNING--OBJECTS IN YOUR REARVIEW MIRROR
MIGHT BE WETTER THAN THEY APPEAR.
(Vanessa) DRIVE US HOME, CHELSEA.
GO FOR IT.
GET IT?
NOPE.
LAST STOP, THE PANIC HAMMOCKS.
REMEMBER, KIDS, THIS IS A PROFESSIONAL DRIVER
ON A CLOSED COURSE.
WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?
NOTHING. I JUST ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY THAT.
CHELSEA...
OHH!
GETS THROWN UNDER THE HAMMOCK.
YOU KNOW, THIS COURSE HAS BEEN TOUGH ON HER, JOHN.
AAH!
AAH!
TOUGH ENOUGH.
CHELSEA PULLS UP TO THE CURB AT 5 MINUTES, 49 SECONDS.
(high-pitched voice) THAT WAS AWESOME!
(chuckles) NO. YOU'RE AWESOME.
ALL RIGHT. BACK AT THE START OF THE COURSE
IS 44-YEAR-OLD RICHARD GUTIERREZ,
WHO IS, UH, FLAGELLATING HIMSELF.
I USED TO DO THAT, BUT NANA SAID I'D GO BLIND.
WHOO! I'M A HAMBONIN' MAN! I'M A FOOL!
OF COURSE, JOHN! WE GOT A HAMBONER!
A WHAT NOW?
A HAMBONER-- SOMEONE WHO MAKES MUSIC
WHOO!
(grunts)
OHH!
(chuckles) WOW. TALK ABOUT A HOEDOWN.
OUR LIFE PRESERVERS DID A HECK OF A JOB
SLAPPING HIM ABOUT THE BODY.
GIDDYAP. HAMBONE AT SWEPT AWAY.
OH, HO HO!
SWEET!
THAT HIT WAS HAMBONIFIED!
HAM ON IT!
AAH!
AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH!
AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH!
YOU KEEP SLAPPING YOURSELF.
RICHARD READY TO TRY HIS SLAPSHTICK ON THE BIG BALLS.
AAH! OHH!
OH, HO HO!
HAMBONE SLAMBONE!
A SHOT TO THE RHYTHM SECTION.
AAH!
TWIRLS ALL THE WAY INTO THE WATER.
HAMBONE'S BEAT GOES ON. WHO'S NEXT?
I GIVE YOU EVITA BRAVO.
(off-key) ♪ AH, AH! ♪
OH. LIKE "EVITA" THE MUSICAL.
♪ THIS "WIPEOUT" COURSE IS EXCITING ♪
THE VERY MUSICAL.
♪ I CAN'T WAIT TO JUMP THE BIG BALLS ♪
LOOK AT THE LIFEGUARD, JOHN.
HE LOVES IT.
EVITA BRAVO--IS THAT HER STAGE NAME?
(humming)
BUT SHE SINGS WHEN SHE'S NERVOUS.
WHY IS SHE NERVOUS?
I DON'T KNOW. GIANT OBSTACLES, MAYBE?
AAH!
(boing)
AAH!
OHH! EVITA!
COMING UP A LITTLE FLAT.
UH, NO, NO, NO, LIFEGUARD. DON'T GET UP.
WOW. (chuckles)
♪ AAH ♪
(gurgles)
YEAH, IT'S GOT EVERYTHING
(humming)
AAH! AAH!
(slo-mo voice) AAH!
OR "JERSEY BOYS."
SHE'S QUITE A PERFORMER.
EVITA, TAKE A BOW.
NO, SERIOUSLY, DUCK!
EE!
OH, HO HO!
OH, CAN'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YA.
OHH!
RIGHT IN HER SING-HOLE.
OHH!
AND THEN IT'S CURTAINS, COURTESY OF THE SWEEPER BAR.
DON'T CRY FOR HER, ARGENTANDERSON.
EVITA ISN'T THE ONLY ONE WHO'S BEEN THROWN OFF-KEY TODAY.
(high-pitched voice) AAH! AAH! AAH!
AND YOU ARE SUNK.
YOU GOTTA HIT EVERY NOTE.
OH, HO HO HO!
AAH!
AH!
WHOO! OHH!
OOH!
BECAUSE ONE BAD NUMBER...
(John A. and John H.) OHH!
CAN BE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A FLOP...
(John A. and John H.) MM!
AAH!
OHH!
LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S IN THE KEY OF C-SPINER.
LET'S GET BACK UP TO THE TOP OF THE COURSE.
THIS IS "WIPEOUT"!
NOW HERE'S A GUY WITH SERIOUS CHOPS.
YEP. 26-YEAR-OLD MATTHEW SAN NICOLAS,
AND HE SUPPLIES WEAPONS AND OTHER PROPS...
FOR HOLLYWOOD MOVIES.
VANESSA?
OH, I CAN TOTALLY CUT YOUR HEAD OFF WITH THIS. HIYA!
(clanking)
(John H.) WE NEED THE CONTESTANTS ALIVE.
FREEDOM!
(John A.) YOU GUYS DONE HORSING AROUND YET?
"SPARTA." (grunts) CRAP.
SOMETHING TELLS ME SPARTA'S GONNA HAVE TO RELY
AAH!
OUR GLADIATOR STORMING OVER TO THE PANIC HAMMOCKS.
THIS SHOULD BE RIGHT UP HIS ALLEY, JOHN.
THE PANIC HAMMOCKS WERE BUILT FROM THE REMAINS
OF THE ORIGINAL TROJAN HORSE.
YEAH, UH, NO, THEY WEREN'T.
MATTHEW PUTTING THE "GLAD" IN "GLADIATOR."
ROCKING AND ROLLING. BALANCE AWFULLY DICEY.
OH, BOY!
GEE!
HE TAKES A BITE OUT OF THE HAMMOCK,
AND I DON'T THINK HE WAS GLAD-HE-ATE-HER.
ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? HIS TIME--3:58.
THAT OUGHTA PLEASE CAESAR.
ALL RIGHT.
EN ROUTE TO THE BIG BALLS IS 24-YEAR-OLD MARK LYTLE...
THESE GUYS ARE MINE!
WHO IS AN AMATEUR BALLOON ENTHUSIAST.
WELL, AREN'T WE ALL, ANDERSON?
HEY! LOOK AT HIM TIPTOEING ACROSS OUR BIG, RED BALLOONS.
(imitates Hank Kingsley) HEY NOW.
HE GRABS THE $500 SMALLSY BONUS.
BALLOON BOY JUST FLYIN' THROUGH OUR COURSE.
OH, THAT'S NOTHING, JOHNNY.
YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN HIM WHEN HE SHOWED UP EARLIER.
THANKS, GUYS. I'M HERE NOW WITH MARK LYTLE.
(Mark) UP HERE, VANESSA!
(Vanessa) MARK!
(John A.) YEAH. THAT'S EXACTLY HOW HE ARRIVED.
(projectile whistles)
BRING HER ON DOWN, MARK.
HE LANDED IT! (deep voice) NICE!
THANK YOU. THANK YOU. IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE.
YOU'RE MY FIRST HOT AIR BALLOON INTERVIEW.
(chuckles)
(John H.) I'VE DONE HOT AIR INTERVIEWS, TOO, YOU KNOW?
(John A.) YELLING, "GREETINGS, SPACE DOG!
DO YOU COME IN PEACE?!" AT THE BLIMP "SNOOPY TWO"
(chuckles)
BALLOON BOY SET TO TAKE ON THE PANIC HAMMOCKS.
HEY, HENSON, LOOK AT ME!
HEY, IT LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY'S HIJACKED HIS RIDE.
(John H., filtered voice) HEY!
VANESSA, GET DOWN FROM THERE THIS MINUTE!
THAT LOOKS EXTREMELY DANGEROUS AND WHIMSICALLY DELIGHTFUL.
SOUNDS LIKE SOMEBODY'S A LITTLE JEALOUS.
(Vanessa) THIS IS AMAZING! THANKS, BALLOON BOY!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT WANTS A RIDE, OKAY?
GET DOWN HERE! DON'T BOGART THE BALLOON!
OH, MY GOSH. I CAN SEE MY HOUSE FROM HERE!
REALLY? CAN YOU SEE MINE?
EASY, JOHN.
IF YOU BEHAVE, YOU CAN HAVE A TURN.
HERE'S THE PUSH.
OH, HO HO!
(speaks indistinctly)
HA HA HA!
HE IS SAILING INTO THE NEXT ROUND.
I MEAN, IF HE EVER GETS THE BALLOON BACK.
DON'T WORRY. I'M ON IT.
(chuckles) OH, I DIDN'T TAKE THREE YEARS' WORTH
OF ONLINE ARCHERY CLASSES FOR NOTHIN'.
Y-YOU KNOW, IF YOU SHOOT THE BALLOON,
YOU DON'T GET TO RIDE IN IT.
(chuckles) OH, I'M NOT AIMING FOR THE B--
I MEAN... RIGHT!
EXACTLY. WHILE YOU RETHINK THAT,
LET'S TAKE A BREAK. STAY GROUNDED, FOLKS.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
WHEE!
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
WELCOME BACK TO "WIPEOUT," EVERYBODY.
I AM HAVING SO MUCH FUN TODAY, IT SHOULD BE A CRIME.
THAT IS GREAT TO HEAR, BUD.
FUN SHOULD BE A CRIME, JOHN.
I'M NOT KIDDING. KIDDING IS FUN, AND FUN KILLS!
CHECK OUT THESE FANS' E-MAILS.
"THE SHOW WAS HILARIOUS LAST NIGHT. I WAS DYING."
WELL, YEAH, THAT'S...
"THE JOKES WERE KILLING ME."
SOME OF THESE ARE FROM CHILDREN, JOHN, AS YOUNG AS 7!
WHAT HAVE WE DONE?!
WOW. I-I HAD NO IDEA.
I MEAN, I'M ALMOST ASHAMED TO ADMIT,
I LET MY KIDS HAVE FUN SOMETIMES.
WELL, YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.
REMEMBER, FOLKS, IT'S ALL FUN AND GAMES
UNTIL SOMEONE HAS FUN.
WELL, OUR FUN HERE MAY BE DONE,
BUT WE STILL HAVE HALF OUR QUALIFIER LEFT.
TIME TO MEET OUR NEXT CONTESTANT.
FINE, SO LONG AS IT'S A SERIOUS, MILD-MANNERED INDIVIDUAL.
(high-pitched voice) I CAN'T WAIT TO BE IN THE WATER!
AHEM. HE JUST SAID, "BE IN THE WATER," RIGHT?
WHOO! YEAH!
WOW.
HE JUST BUSTED OUT A WHOLE DIFFERENT VOICE.
COME ON! YEAH!
(high-pitched voice) WHOO! COME ON!
THIS GENTLEMAN HAS A LOT OF PERSONALITY... IES.
VANESSA?
THANKS, GUYS. I'M HERE RIGHT NOW WITH PREMYER TAMAYO.
WELCOME TO "WIPEOUT."
(high-pitched voice) GET IT, GIRL. WHAT'S UP?
I'M NOTICING YOUR VOICE IS VERY... BEAUTIFUL.
NO. NO, THIS IS ME.
WELL, I DO MY MAN VOICE SOMETIMES, LIKE...
(deep voice) HEY! WHAT'S UP?
(John H.) COOL. I WISH I HAD A MAN VOICE.
HEY! (chuckles) HEY. HEY, VANESSA. WHAT'S UP?
PREMYER, I HEAR YOU LOVE TO SING AND DANCE.
WELL... (gasps, singsongy) HERE'S YOUR CHANCE.
(whispers) THANK YOU.
(John H.) OH, GOODY! MAN VOICE KARAOKE!
♪ I'M AN ASIAN WITH A DONK, I'M AN ASIAN WITH A DONK ♪
♪ I'M AN ASIAN WITH A DONK, I'M AN ASIAN WITH A DONK ♪
THE MAN SAID HE WAS AN ASIAN WITH A DONK, JOHN,
SO TO RECAP, PREMYER HAS A HIGH VOICE, A MAN VOICE,
AND A DONK, WHICH I BELIEVE MEANS "BUTT."
(John A.) UH, YES, FROM THE LATIN TERM "BADONKA-DONK."
(high-pitched voice, humming) COME ON! I WANT TO RUN!
(blows whistle)
BAM. BAM. BAM. BAM. BAM.
LET'S SEE IF PREMYER CAN SHOW OUR BUOYS
WHOO!
AAH!
OH, HO HO HO!
MAN OVERBOARD!
AAH!
PREMYER-STYLE OR MAN-STYLE?
(slo-mo voice) NO!
THIS GUY IS LIKE JEKYLL AND HYDE.
OH, I DON'T THINK HE'S HIDING ANYTHING.
MOVING UP TO SWEPT AWAY NOW. NO EASY TASK.
HE'S GONNA NEED BOTH OF HIS PERSONALITIES
TO WORK TOGETHER.
AAH!
WHOA!
GETS KNOCKED DOWN A COUPLE OF OCTAVES.
OOH, HOO HOO!
(imitates Hank Kingsley) HEY NOW!
MNH-MNH.
AAH!
AAH!
I HOPE HIS MAN VOICE DIDN'T CRACK.
PREMYER ROARING UP
WHOO!
OH, HO HO HO!
YEAH!
YOU DA MAN... VOICE.
DONK YOU VERY MUCH FOR THE FIVE-HUNDIE.
THAT'S 250 BUCKS PER PERSONALITY, JOHN.
YOU DO THE MATH.
AND PREMYER SWIMS AHEAD, DONK IN TOW.
WELL, WITH ANY LUCK, MAN VOICE WILL HOLLER AT US
IN THE NEXT ROUND. WHO'S NEXT?
THANK GOODNESS IT'S FREITAG, BABY!
THIS IS 22-YEAR-OLD BEACH BUM
AND PROFESSIONAL HANGER-OUTER DAVE FREITAG.
***!
YOU KNOW, "FREITAG" MEANS "FRIDAY" IN GERMAN.
HE IS ONE LAID-BACK, DUDE, JOHN.
VANESSA, WHAT'S HIS SECRET?
ONE OF THE THINGS I REALIZED IN MY LIFE I NEEDED TO DO,
I JUST NEEDED TO STAY TAN, STAY ATHLETIC,
AND, UH, WIN "WIPEOUT."
YOU HEARD IT HERE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
(John H.) LADIES LOVE A GOOD TAN, JOHN.
EMPLOYERS, ON THE OTHER HAND...
BIG FAN OF SHIRTS.
THERE'S THE WHISTLE. TAKING HIS TIME,
STEPPING GINGERLY TO THE BAD BUOYS.
FOR A LAID-BACK GUY LIKE FREITAG,
THAT'S A FULL-ON SPRINT.
THROUGH THE RING.
LOOK AT THAT.
OHH!
OHH! GETS LIT UP LIKE FREITAG NIGHT LIGHTS.
CLEAR EYES, STAY TAN...
CAN'T LOSE.
HE SAUNTERS RIGHT FROM THE SURF TO THE BAR, JOHN.
IT'S LIKE THE COURSE WAS MADE FOR HIM.
FLYIN' FREE. OHH!
TAGGED AND--
OH, WAIT. (chuckles) HE'S NOT TAGGED.
WOW. THIS GUYS HANGS ON JUST AS OFTEN AS HE HANGS OUT.
JOHN, HE IS UP AND READY TO MOVE.
AAH! AAH!
OHH!
TALK ABOUT KICKIN' BACK HARD.
CLASSIC FREITAG, JOHNNY.
HE'LL ALWAYS MAKE TIME TO STOP...
(bones crunch)
AND SMELL THE... ROSES.
T.G.I. FREITAG KEEPS ON KEEPIN' ON,
POISED TO TAKE ON "WIPEOUT'S" OWN WEEKEND WARRIORS,
YOU'RE MINE!
(chuckles) RUNNING, JUMPING, FALL--
OHH!
FOR THE EXTRA FIVE-HUNDO!
EVERYTHING IS COMING UP FREITAG.
COME ON, ANDERSON. THIS IS GETTING EXPENSIVE.
HE'S, LIKE, THE MILLIONTH PERSON TO GET SMALLSY TODAY.
(deep voice) HEY NOW!
AAH!
WHOA!
(grunts)
YEAH, AND, JOHN, YOU LEFT OFF THIS GUY.
WHICH IS EXACTLY WHY IT WAS SO BRILLIANT OF ME
TO HOOK US UP WITH A SPONSOR.
WHOO-HOO!
A SPONSOR?
YEAH. I'VE ALREADY DONE THE WORK, JOHNNY.
HERE'S YOUR COPY. JUST READ IT AND LOOK PRETTY.
"UNCLE STEVIE'S SQUID PIT & BBQ."
IS TH-- IS THIS EVEN A REAL PLACE?
(chuckles) OH, IT'S REAL.
YOU'LL SEE WHEN YOU MAKE YOUR CONTRACTED PERSONAL APPEARANCE.
ALL RIGHT! LET'S DO THIS!
THE FOLLOWING IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY...
WHERE YOU CAN TICKLE YOUR TASTE TENTACLES!
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. YOU SOLD NAMING RIGHTS TO THE MONTAGE.
WELL, BELIEVE IT.
FOLKS, WIPEOUT YOUR APPETITE
AAH! AAH!
(grunts)
OR GIVE IN TO TEMPTATION AND GRAB ONE OF OUR COD PIECES.
AAH! AAH!
GO AHEAD AND DUNK IT IN OUR WORLD-FAMOUS BUTTER GUTTER.
IT'S ALL YOU CAN EAT, SO DON'T WORRY.
BE SHELLFISH.
(whispers) ANDERSON, THAT'S YOUR LINE.
(sighs)
...GET READY TO ROCK-TOPUS.
THIS PLACE SOUNDS AWFUL.
(chuckles) OH, IT SMELLS AWFUL.
WHO'S AT THE TOP OF THE COURSE?
(speaks foreign language)
THAT'S 25-YEAR-OLD DEBRA WICHMANN.
SHE'S ORIGINALLY FROM TAIBEI, TAIWAN.
(filtered voice) EXCUSE ME.
WHAT DO THE SOUNDS YOU JUST MADE MEAN?
OH. I SAID, "HELLO. MY NAME IS--
MY CHINESE NAME IS LAN XIAO MAN."
UH-HUH, AND WHAT DOES "LANN CHOW MEIN" MEAN?
I GUESS, TECHNICALLY, "XIAO" MEANS "SMALL."
REALLY?
"MAN" MIGHT MEAN "SLOW."
GOT IT. WAIT.
WHY WOULD ANYBODY NAME THEIR KID "SMALL AND SLOW"?
LOW EXPECTATIONS.
LESS PRESSURE.
SMALL, SLOW DEBRA SET TO TAKE ON THE QUALIFIER.
WHOA!
WHAT HATERS?
AAH!
HER PARENTS. THEY GAVE HER THAT NAME.
OKAY. THAT--I--WE JUST BROKE HER. I THINK WE BROKE HER.
AAH!
WHOA! AAH!
WHOA! WHOA!
AAH! AAH!
NEXT UP, COMIN' STRAIGHT OUT OF COMPTON, YO,
29-YEAR-OLD FATHER OF ONE RANDY FLUKER.
HEY, JAY-Z, WE SHOULD GET THE KIDS TOGETHER
FOR A PLAY DATE!
JAY-Z? I THOUGHT IT WAS PRONOUNCED "JAYZ."
NO?
THE GUY THAT'S MARRIED TO BEYONK?
RANDY TOLD VANESSA HE HAS SOME BIG ASPIRATIONS
FOR HIS 2-YEAR-OLD BOY.
I'M GONNA TAKE HIM TO, UH, NEW YORK
SO HE CAN SEE BEYONCE.
(John H.) OH, THAT'S NICE. HIS FIRST CONCERT.
(John A. and John H.) WHAT?
WAIT. SO HE CAN HAVE A PLAY DATE WITH BEYONCE?
NO. BLUE IVY. THE DAUGHTER.
(John H.) WAIT A MINUTE. HE'S GOLD-DIGGING
(John A.) HEY.
DON'T HATE THE PLAY DATE. HATE THE GAME.
GOOD GOAL, DAD.
THANK YOU. I'VE BEEN PLANNING THIS
(laughs)
(John H.) SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.
HE WANTS TO HOOK HIS SON UP WITH DESTINY'S CHILD'S CHILD?
THAT WOULD MAKE HIM DESTINY'S GRANDFATHER-IN-LAW.
IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE, RIGHT?
OHH!
WELL, HE'S NOT IN THE FAMILY YET.
TAKE A LOOK.
EW!
BETTER BUY AN EXTRA BIB FOR GRANDDAD.
I THINK HE'S TEETHING.
WELL, WHILE HE DRIES OFF, LET'S REJOIN VANESSA.
SHE'S WITH OUR FINAL CONTESTANT OF THE DAY.
HIS LEGAL NAME IS STARFIRE.
(gong sounds)
MEET 52--
SHH!
SHH!
(whooshes)
(whispers) FOCUS!
(owl hoots)
(whooshes and smacks)
(joints creak)
(passes gas)
(hawk cries)
AWESOME. WELCOME TO "WIPEOUT."
NICE TO BE HERE.
HAVE YOU ALWAYS BEEN "STARFIRE"?
NO, I CHANGED MY NAME ABOUT 20 YEARS AGO.
WHAT WAS IT?
(slide whistle sounds)
GOOD TALK, RUSS.
LET'S SEE IF STARFIRE CAN RUSTLE UP SOME WIPEOUTS.
DOING A LITTLE HALF-LORD OF THE FISHES POSE
ON OUR OCTOPUS.
WHOA! (chuckles)
STARFIRE ON FIRE!
THIS TAI CHI MASTER PULLING A MIYAGI ON THE OCEAN COMMOTION.
CAN HE WAX-ON TO THE PLATFORM?
STARFIRE WITH A BRILLIANT BURST OF ENERGY.
WOW!
HE BECOMES ONE WITH THE WATER.
HOLY TAO! LOOK AT THE LEG SPAN!
SOMEONE'S BEEN DOING HIS STEPS ON THE ZEN MASTER.
WITHOUT STOPPING TO MEDITATE,
STARFIRE ALIGNS HIS CHAKRAS WITH THE HAMMOCKS.
NEEDS TO CENTER HIMSELF UP FOR THIS JUMP.
(grunts) AAH!
(Vanessa) OOPS.
(whispers) STARFIRE.
(blows air)
STARFIRE, NE RUSSELL, GONNA FINISH
WITH A VERY HARMONIOUS TIME, JOHN. 2:21.
BEST TIME OF THE DAY...
AND HE IS FIRED UP.
YEAH.
STARFIRED UP.
WELL, AMONG THOSE JOINING HIM IN THE NEXT ROUND, WE HAVE...
THE HAMBONE RICHARD GUTIERREZ.
(Evita, off-key) ♪ AH, AH! ♪
AND BALLOON BOY MARK LYTLE.
(Premyer, deep voice) COME ON!
(slurps)
AND SMALL, SLOW DEBRA WICHMANN.
DO NOT MOVE, AMERICA.
MORE CONTESTANTS WILL FALL DOWN AND GO BOOM WHEN WE RETURN.
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
WELCOME BACK. "WIPEOUT" ON YOUR TV ONCE AGAIN.
HE'S JOHN. I'M JOHN. THAT MAKES YOU AMERICA.
(chuckles) WE HAVE PUT THE QUALIFIER BEHIND US
AND WATCHED OUR FIELD OF COMPETITORS SHRINK
FROM 24 DOWN TO 12.
YEAH, AND IF YOU'RE PLAYING ALONG AT HOME,
YOU HAVE PROBABLY MADE A MESS OF YOUR LIVING ROOM.
UNDOUBTEDLY SO.
AMONG THOSE STILL IN THE HUNT FOR THE 50 GRAND ARE
THE HAMBONE RICHARD GUTIERREZ,
THE GLADIATOR MATTHEW SAN NICOLAS...
(Matthew) WIPEOUT! OOH!
(Mark) UP HERE, VANESSA!
THERE'S ALSO DAVE "T.G.I." FREITAG,
DESTINY'S GRANDFATHER-IN-LAW RANDY FLUKER,
(marker squeaking)
MM.
YOU KNOW, I FOLLOW THE WAY
OH.
YEAH, I USED TO WAIT TABLES
AT A CHINESE-MEXICAN JOINT CALLED "TAI CHI-CHI'S."
OUR SPECIALTY WAS THE POLLO ZEN-CHILADA.
I SEE.
OH, WAIT. WAS THAT ANOTHER PRODUCT PLACEMENT?
MM-HMM.
DRINK TOO MANY OF OUR STRAWBERRY MIYAGI-RITAS,
AND YOU'LL END UP VISITING OUR NEXT OBSTACLE, THE HANGOVER.
LIKE ANY HANGOVER, THIS OBSTACLE WILL SET YOUR WORLD SPINNING.
THE CONTESTANTS MUST GRAB A HANDLE AND HANG ON,
(high-pitched voice) AAH!
AFTER THAT, THEY'LL GET CHECKED BY OUR BOUNCER,
WHOO-HOO!
NO!
(splashes)
AND IF THEY STAY UNTIL LAST CALL,
OH, NO!
ALL RIGHT!
AND THE OTHER SIX DON'T HAVE TO GO HOME,
BUT THEY CAN'T STAY HERE.
VANESSA, TELL THE GOOD PEOPLE WHAT'S WHAT.
IT'S THAT TIME AGAIN. LET'S GO FROM 12 TO 6.
I'M 100% NERVOUS.
YEAH, BUT SINCE IT'S T.G.I. FREITAG,
HE'S, LIKE, 400% CHILLAXED, BRO.
I'M GONNA FALL RIGHT THERE.
PLEASE TRY NOT TO FALL ON TOP OF ME.
SMALL AND SLOW DEBRA PLANNING A BIG AND QUICK WIPEOUT.
YEAH, I'LL GO FIRST. I'LL GRAB IT RIGHT HERE.
(air horn blows)
THERE'S THE HORN,
AND EVERYBODY'S NOW CLEARED FOR TAKEOFF.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
WHO'S THE MYSTERY GUY UNDER ALL THOSE BALLOONS?
I'LL GIVE YOU A WILD GUESS.
WELL, I CAN'T SEE WITH ALL THE BALLOONS.
(woman) OH, MY GOD.
OOH!
OH! HEY, IT'S BALLOON BOY.
WHOO!
(grunts)
HE'LL FEEL RIGHT AT HOME ON THE HANGOVER.
(grunts) OHH!
OHH!
MISSES THE PLATFORM BUT CATCHES A TASTY WAVE.
AND HERE COMES STARFIRE...
A.K.A. RUSSELL.
OH, HO HO!
(grunts)
THE GLADIATOR ENTERS OUR RING,
(grunts) WHOO!
OHH!
DENIED THE PLATFORM.
NO MERCY. THUMBS DOWN.
THE GLADIATOR DECLARES HIS ALLEGIANCE TO THE WATER.
(deep voice) "I AM SPLAT-ACUS."
CLINGING TO THE ROPE LIKE IT'S BLUE IVY,
WHOA!
AAH! WHOO!
(Vanessa) OH!
(cheering)
VANESSA, SAY HIS NAME, SAY HIS NAME.
YEAH, RANDY! GET OVER HERE, BUDDY.
AND LISTEN UP, MAN VOICE PREMYER TAMAYO ON THE LINE.
(deep voice) YEAH! COME ON!
OH! TWIRLS RIGHT PAST THE PLATFORM.
(woman) AAH!
MM! AND NOWHERE TO PUT HIS DONK,
SO STILL FIVE SPOTS LEFT.
COME ON. GO.
AW. SMALL, SLOW DEBRA GETS A HANDOUT FROM THE HAMBONE.
AHH!
OH, HO HO! LOOKS LIKE SHE'S ON HER OWN WITH THE SWEEPER BAR.
AAH!
ONE SMALL, SLOW SWIM COMING UP.
THE MUSICAL EVITA BRAVO WAITING IN THE WINGS.
AAH!
OH, HO! GETS KNOCKED OFF BROADWAY.
THE HAMBONE SLAPS THE BRAWL WALL.
HEADS FOR THE PLATFORM.
(grunts)
AAH!
OH. WHOA.
HE GOES PORK BELLY UP!
SOMETIMES YOU STICK THE LANDING
AHH!
GLADIATOR SOUNDS SERIOUS AS HE REENTERS THE ARENA.
OOH!
MATTHEW!
FOUR SPOTS LEFT.
BALLOON BOY'S CONFIDENCE SWELLING NOW.
WHOO!
SQUEAKING THROUGH THE BRAWL WALL.
AND A GENTLE TOUCHDOWN.
BALLOON BOY WILL BE BLOWING UP IN THE NEXT ROUND, TOO.
THREE IN. THREE AVAILABLE.
WHOO! YEAH!
MAN VOICE SOUNDING OFF.
HE DOES HIS SWEEPER BAR MITZVAH,
AH!
YEAH! COME ON!
(deepened voice) TODAY, I AM A MAN VOICE.
TWO MORE SPOTS, YOU GUYS. LET'S GET TO THE GIRLS.
FIGHT FOR EQUALITY. ALL GUYS SO FAR.
HERE COMES THE MUSICAL GRABBING THE SPOTLIGHT.
OH! A WICKED HIT FROM THE SWEEPER.
IT IS A HARD KNOCK LIFE FOR HER.
OH! AAH!
OH, HO! GOOD-BYE, DOLLY.
HAMBONE HAMMING IT UP AND OVER THE SWEEPER.
BRAWL WALL GIVES HIM A BEAT,
AND HE JUST SLAPS THE PLATFORM.
YEAH!
WHOO!
FLATTEN SOME SKIN, JOHN. THE HAMBONE IS IN.
DOWN TO ONE FINAL SPOT.
AAH!
NO, IT'S TOO LATE.
(Vanessa) OH.
THAT BRINGS US BACK TO STARFIRE A.K.A. RUSSELL
A.K.A. THAT GUY GUNNING FOR THAT LAST OPENING IN THE NEXT ROUND.
YEE-HAW!
HUH. THE PLATFORM HAS BECOME THE MASTER.
THE SIXTH SPOT STILL UP FOR GRABS.
T.G.I. FREITAG COMING UP ON THE BRAWL WALL.
KNIFING THROUGH.
THE MUSICAL NOT GIVING UP.
AAH!
OH! NO CHANCE. HE IS HOME FREITAG.
T.G.I. FREITAG'S MOVING ON,
AND THAT MEANS WE HAVE OUR FINAL SIX.
(cheering)
CONGRATULATIONS TO DESTINY'S GRANDFATHER-IN-LAW RANDY FLUKER,
THE GLADIATOR MATTHEW SAN NICOLAS,
(Mark speaks indistinctly)
JOINING THEM--THE MAN VOICE PREMYER TAMAYO,
THE HAMBONE RICHARD GUTIERREZ...
(slapping)
AND DAVE "T.G.I." FREITAG.
STICK AROUND, AMERICA.
WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE OF WHAT YOU LOVE.
PIZZA?
NO. WIPEOUTS.
♪♪♪
WE ARE BACK ON "WIPEOUT," EVERYBODY.
THIS MORNING, WE INVITED 24 CONTESTANTS
TO OUR QUALIFIER PARTY.
12 STAYED FOR A SECOND ROUND.
YEAH, ONLY SIX SURVIVED THE HANGOVER,
NO DOUBT USING MY NANA'S PATENTED HAIR OF THE DOG ELIXIR,
MADE WITH GENUINE DOG HAIR.
LET'S GET BACK TO OUR FINAL SIX.
CHECKING THE LEADERBOARD--
DESTINY'S GRANDFATHER-IN-LAW RANDY FLUKER,
THE GLADIATOR MATTHEW SAN NICOLAS,
AND MARK LYTLE THE BALLOON BOY.
ALSO MAN VOICE PREMYER TAMAYO...
(Premyer, deep voice) YEAH! COME ON!
THE HAMBONE RICHARD GUTIERREZ,
AND DAVE "T.G.I." FREITAG.
(Dave) THANK GOODNESS IT'S FREITAG, BABY!
BALLOONS? GLADIATORS? HAMBONE MUSIC?
JOHNNY, IT SOUNDS LIKE
THE PARTIES I USED TO THROW BACK IN COLLEGE.
YEAH, ESPECIALLY SINCE ALL THE WOMEN HERE
HAVE LEFT EARLY, TOO.
UH, THE CHALLENGE FOR THIS ROUND IS CALLED SPIN PSYCHO,
AND TO HELP US EXPLAIN IT, WE HAVE BALLSY'S COUSIN BARSY.
HEY, BARSY? HOW'S IT--
CAN IT, ARCHIE. LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH.
(clears throat) ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE HERE.
SWEEPER BAR, SPINNING STATION.
FALL, RINSE, REPEAT.
DO IT AGAIN, MAKE IT HERE,
THEN ANOTHER SWEEPER BAR, SLIDE THE SLIDE,
AND YOU'RE GOING TO THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
UH, BARSY, THAT WAS KINDA QUICK.
NO TIME FOR PILLOW TALK.
I SAW YOUSE GUYS DID A LITTLE COMMERCIAL TO MAKE SOME DOUGH.
IT'S TIME FOR BARSY TO GET A PIECE.
I'VE GOT MY OWN FAMILY BUSINESS THAT NEEDS P.R.
GREAT. ROLL THE TAPE.
THIS WEEK'S SPIN PSYCHO SPONSORED BY
BARSY'S HOUSE OF BARS.
(squeak)
BARS OF INDETERMINATE SIZE.
AT BARSY'S, OUR DEALS WILL KNOCK YOU OUT.
LITERALLY. YOU'LL BE UNCONSCIOUS.
WE GOT BARS IN THREE GREAT COLORS--
RED, DARK RED, OTHER RED.
WE GOT MORE BARS THAN YOU CAN SHAKE A STICK AT--
A BAR STICK.
SO COME ON DOWN TO HOUSE OF BARS.
JUST OFF THE TURNPIKE,
NEXT TO UNCLE STEVIE'S SQUID PIT & BBQ.
BECAUSE AT BARSY'S HOUSE OF BARS...
(men) ♪ WE RAISE THE BAR ♪
LITERALLY.
THANK YOU, BARSY.
THE FIRST THREE CONTESTANTS TO MAKE IT THROUGH THE SPIN PSYCHO
WILL MOVE ON TO THE WIPEOUT ZONE,
WHICH AT THIS POINT, REMAINS REFRESHINGLY SPONSOR-FREE.
COME ON, BUDDY. MAN VOICE UP.
OKAY, I'M JUST SCARED OF FALLING.
YOU WILL FALL.
YEAH.
GOOD LUCK AND BIG BALLS. THAT'S ALL.
(John H.) HEY, GLADIATOR, THAT'S MY LINE.
YOU DON'T SEE ME RUNNING AROUND IN NOTHING BUT A LOINCLOTH...
VERY OFTEN.
I HOPE IT'S NOT TOO, UH, TOO HARD IN THERE.
(John A.) IT'LL BE EASY, BALLOON BOY,
JUST LIKE RIDING ON THE "HINDENBURG."
VANESSA, RUN THROUGH THE MATH ONE MORE TIME.
SIX FELLAS HAVE MADE IT AND NOW WE'RE LOOKING
FOR THREE TO MOVE ON. WHO'S IT GONNA BE?
WE'RE ABOUT TO FIND OUT.
STANDING HERE WITH ME.
ON TV.
WAIT. WHAT? SHE'S--I MEAN--
WHEE!
THERE'S THE HORN. WHO MAKES IT OUT FIRST?
OH, HO! HERE COMES MAN VOICE PREMYER.
AAH! THAT HURT!
THAT WAS MORE OF A MAN WHIMPER.
BUT PREMYER QUICKLY OUT TO THE FIRST TURNTABLE.
(grunts)
OHH! THE GLADIATOR GETS THROWN TO THE SEA LIONS.
OH!
T.G.I. FREITAG HAS A CASE OF THE MONDAYS.
(deep voice) I WANT TO THROW UP. OH, MY GOD.
REMEMBER, MAN VOICE, BOYS THROW UP.
MEN HURL.
YIKES! BALLOON BOY GETS POPPED.
DESTINY'S GRANDFATHER-IN-LAW...
NOT AS GOOD AS A HANGER-ON.
YOU ARE.
OKAY. HERE I GO. HERE I GO.
HAMBONE READY TO BRING HOME THE BACON.
OOH! PORK CHOPPED!
PREMYER LOOKS CONFUSED,
BUT HE IS STILL OUR LEADING MAN.
GRAB THAT SWEEPER.
HA HA!
OH, HO HO! SIMULTANEOUS WIPEOUT WITH THE GLADIATOR.
ET TU, SWEEPER BAR?
AY!
OH, HO! RIGHT IN THE OLD SANDBAG.
NO NEED FOR HELIUM NOW.
T.G.I. FREITAG MAKES CONTACT.
HE'S TO THE FIRST TURNTABLE.
OH! BALLOON BOY MAY HAVE SPRUNG A LEAK.
T.G.I. FREITAG ON THE SWEEPER.
JUST HANGIN'.
OH, DAVE. T.G.I.F.
OH, HO HO! STILL WORKING FOR THE WEEKEND.
I SPOKE TOO SOON.
OOH!
HAMBONE USED TO TAKING HITS TO THE CHEST,
AND HE HOLDS ON TO THAT FIRST TURNTABLE.
COME ON, PREMYER. SHOOT, YOU HAVE A GRIP, BUDDY.
SIMPLE AS THAT.
(man) OH, PREMYER, THAT'S IT!
IT'S A BROMANTIC DUET--
THE SWEEPER AND THE MAN VOICE.
HE MAKES SWEET HARMONY WITH THE PLATFORM.
HAMBONE...
OH! TAKEN TO THE WOODSHED.
AAH!
OY. DROPS A REGISTER.
YOU GUYS, PREMYER'S THE ONLY ONE OVER HERE. COME ON NOW.
YEAH, YOU GUYS SUCK!
YEAH, YOU HEARD HIM.
(high-pitched voice) YOU GUYS SUCK!
T.G.I. FREITAG ON THE LAST TURNTABLE.
NICE, DAVE! NICE!
MAKING HIS MOVE TO THE FINISH.
GRAB IT. SQUEEZE IT. LOVE IT.
GOOD ADVICE, VANESSA, BUT IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING,
(Vanessa) YEAH!
OHH!
T.G.I.F.T.--
THANK GOODNESS I FILMED THAT.
AAH! AAH! AAH!
HE JUST COULDN'T GET OVER THE HUMP-TAG.
ALL RIGHT, ALL SPOTS STILL AVAILABLE IN THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
BALLOON BOY OUT TO PROVE HE'S NOT A HOAX.
OVER TO THE SECOND TURNTABLE.
(man) COME ON, RICH. COME ON. YOU CAN DO THIS.
NEEDED A LITTLE PORK-ME-UP.
(laughs) SEE WHAT I DID THERE, JOHN?
I'M WITH YOU. MAN VOICE...
AAH!
NOTES, BUT NOT HIGHLIGHTS.
WHOO! GOT IT.
FINALLY. EASY AS CRASHING BLUE IVY'S FIRST BIRTHDAY PARTY.
HERE WE GO.
LET'S HOPE BEYONCE'S WATCHING.
AAH!
HE IS HAVING A BALLAST OUT THERE.
HAMBONE SLAPS ON THAT SWEEPER BAR
LIKE IT'S A MEATY UPPER THIGH.
WE'RE DOING IT.
STILL NO ONE DOWN HERE.
I THINK THEY HEARD YOU, VANESSA.
MAN VOICE READY TO BRING IT LIKE BARRY WHITE.
OOH, HOO HOO.
MORE LIKE BARRY MANILOW.
OH, SHOOT!
PREMYER, USE THE SLIDE NEXT TIME. IT HELPS.
STAND BY YOUR MAN VOICE, VANESSA.
SUPER GNARLY.
DOESN'T MATTER IF IT'S SUPER MEGA GNARLY.
SOMEBODY HAS GOTTA MAKE IT EVENTUALLY.
HEY. WHO BROUGHT BALLOON BOY ON THEIR HAIR
AND STUCK HIM TO A SWEEPER?
(air horn blows)
AND HE'S MADE IT!
(Vanessa speaks indistinctly)
A LOT MORE THAN JUST HOT AIR THERE, PARTNER.
BALLOON BOY'S GOING TO THE ZONE.
YOU GUYS, TWO MORE SPOTS LEFT.
IF MARK CAN DO IT, IT'S POSSIBLE.
YEAH, WAY TO PUMP HIM UP, VANESSA.
DESTINY'S GRANDFATHER-IN-LAW...
OH! HE SLIPS AND BREAKS HIS HIP-HOP.
T.G.I. FREITAG'S BEEN SUSPENDED ON THAT SWEEPER ARM SO LONG,
HE OUGHT TO OPEN UP A RESTAURANT FRANCHISE.
OH! TOO MUCH FLARE AGAIN.
YEAH, BUT HE'S STILL DOING BETTER THAN THE GLADIATOR,
WHO'S JUST ROAMING AROUND IN LAST PLACE
AND FINALLY MAKES IT TO THE LAST TURNTABLE.
WELL, NOW IT'S ANYBODY'S BALL GAME.
ALL THE CONTESTANTS ARE JUST ONE STEP AWAY
FROM THE FINISH AND THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
TWO SPOTS LEFT OPEN.
HAMBONE HAS THE LEG UP, AND HE'S MADE IT!
HAMBONE, HAMBONE, WHERE YOU GOING?
HAMBONE GOING TO THE WIPEOUT ZO-IN.
IT'S OUR LAST CHANCE, BOYS. LET'S DO IT.
YOU GUYS, ONE SPOT LEFT. GET AGGRESSIVE.
AND MAN VOICE IS DOING JUST THAT.
WHAT YOU DOING, GREEDY? THERE'S A LINE HERE, HUH?
TOO AGGRESSIVE. CUTTING OFF T.G.I. FREITAG
AND THE GLADIATOR.
OH! MISSTEP THROWS OFF HIS TIMING.
T.G.I. FREITAG TRYING AGAIN.
HITS THAT SLIPPY SLIDE. STRAIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE.
YES! BOOKED IT!
LET'S GO!
WIPEOUT ZONE PARTY OF THREE, YOUR TABLE IS NOW READY.
YOU THREE ARE MOVING ON TO THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
(John H.) HEADING INTO THE FINAL ROUND,
WE'VE GOT BALLOON BOY MARK LYTLE,
THE HAMBONE RICHARD GUTIERREZ,
AND DAVE "T.G.I." FREITAG.
THE EPIC BATTLE OF MAN VERSUS MAN VERSUS MAN
VERSUS WIPEOUT ZONE IS NEXT.
♪♪♪
NIGHTTIME IS THE RIGHT TIME, JOHNNY,
AS WE RETURN HERE TO "WIPEOUT."
WE ARE JUST ABOUT READY TO DIVE INTO THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
YEAH, THE SUN IS DOWN, THE LIGHTS ARE SHINING BRIGHT,
AND THE CONFETTI CANNONS ARE LOADED AND READY TO FIRE.
CORRECT. EXCEPT, JOHN, THERE ARE NO CONFETTI CANNONS.
WHAT? HOW ARE WE GONNA GIVE AWAY 50 GRAND
WITHOUT CONFETTI CANNONS?
I DON'T LIKE THIS, JOHNNY, AND I AM GONNA START
AN AGGRESSIVE LETTER-WRITING CAMPAIGN IMMEDIATELY.
AS YOU SHOULD. MEANWHILE, OUR THREE FINALISTS
ARE ABOUT TO CONTINUE THEIR AGGRESSIVE CAMPAIGN
FOR OUR GRAND PRIZE.
ONE MONUMENTAL TASK THOUGH, STANDING IN THEIR WAY--
IT'S THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
IT WILL START WITH A WHITE-WATER RIDE DOWN THE TEMPLE OF FLUME.
FROM THERE, IT'S ON TO THE SECOND OBSTACLE,
THE KAMIKAZE.
PERFECTLY TIME YOUR DROP THROUGH THIS GRAMMATICAL PUZZLER
OR PAY THE PRICE, PERIOD.
AND THAT'S FOLLOWED BY THE DIZZY AND DANGEROUS SPINERGY.
BALANCE ON THE ROTATING RING
WHILE AVOIDING SEVERAL PUNISHING SWEEPER BARS.
AND FINALLY, OUR LAST OBSTACLE, THE THREE C's OF "WIPEOUT."
THEY STAND FOR COURAGE, CONFIDENCE,
AND TONIGHT, COLLISION.
FIRST UP, BALLOON BOY MARK LYTLE HAS THE HONORS.
YEAH!
BALLOON BOY MARK LYTLE SHOWED HE WASN'T FULL OF HOT AIR
WHEN HE CAME IN SECOND ON TODAY'S QUALIFIER.
FLOATED OVER THE HANGOVER FOR A THIRD PLACE FINISH,
BUT HIS STOCK ROSE WHEN HE TOOK THE TOP SPOT ON THE SPIN PSYCHO.
HIS DAY SO FAR HAS BEEN A BREEZE.
LET'S JUST HOPE THE WIPEOUT ZONE DOESN'T CAUSE HIS DREAMS OF 50K
WHOO! VANESSA!
ALL RIGHT, JOHNNY, TURN THE FAUCET ON FULL,
FIRE UP THE LIGHTS,
AND FEEL THE EXCITEMENT OF THE WIPEOUT ZONE.
BALLOON BOY EIGHT STORIES UP, JOHNNY.
PROBABLY USED TO THAT VIEW BY NOW.
A DAUNTING DROP AND DOWN HE GOES.
YEAH!
WHOA!
I LIVE FOR THESE LAUNCHES.
SHOW ME THAT AGAIN.
AGAIN, THE AMATEUR BALLOONIST
TAKES TO THE SKY LIKE A PRO.
GREAT LAUNCH.
GREAT DISTANCE. GREAT START.
BALLOON BOY POPPING OUT OF THE WATER
AND SIZING UP THE KAMIKAZE.
WHAT DOES THIS THING HAVE IN STORE?
WONDERING WHAT LIES AHEAD.
UNFORTUNATELY, HE'LL FIND OUT SOON ENOUGH.
WARILY MOVING INTO POSITION.
HE DOESN'T LOOK ALL THAT COMFORTABLE
AS HE TRIES TO GET SETTLED.
OH, HO HO!
WHOA! AND IT TURNED OUT PERFECT!
HE IMMEDIATELY SETS THE STANDARD--
MAKING IT THROUGH ON HIS FIRST TRY,
AND THAT IS AS IMPRESSIVE AS IT IS RARE.
HARD TO DO BETTER THAN
BALLOON BOY'S FIRST TWO MINUTES.
HOPS ON TO SPINERGY, AND THIS IS
QUITE THE UNORTHODOX POSITION.
STAYS UPRIGHT, DODGING SWEEPER ARMS.
OOH! BY THE PLATFORM. NOW BACKTRACKING.
OH, HO HO!
GOES RIGHT DOWN THROUGH THE CENTER.
YEAH, THAT RING IS ONLY ABOUT 18 INCHES WIDE,
SPINNING AND ROTATING,
MAKING BALANCE A VERY DIFFICULT TASK.
DIFFICULT FOR SURE, BUT NOT IMPOSSIBLE.
SECOND ATTEMPT. BALLOON BOY--
STEADY ON. CAREFUL THERE.
DOING A NICE JOB OF MARKING TIME,
LETTING THE RING DO ALL THE HARD WORK.
SKIRTING THE SWEEPER THERE. AT THE PLATFORM.
LEAPING OFF. LANDING ON.
TAKE THAT!
TALKING TRASH, BUT HE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO.
SETTING AN EXCELLENT TIME TO BEAT
(speaks indistinctly)
COURAGE, CONFIDENCE, AND COLLISION, LOOM AHEAD.
YOU KNOW, JOHNNY, BY BALLOON OR BOAT,
CROSSING THE SEAS IS A CENTURY-OLD PURSUIT.
COURAGE AND CONFIDENCE ESSENTIAL QUALITIES.
THAT'S RIGHT, JOHNNY. ALREADY INTO THAT SECOND "C."
STILL A LOT OF HEAVY LIFTING AHEAD.
OH, SPOT ABOUT IT, JOHNNY, WAY UP TOP.
OHH!
DUMPED HARD INTO THAT "C." STILL HAS A PLAY.
LUNGING. OH!
COMES UP SHORT.
BALLOON BOY GETS POPPED
AS HE SHOWS US WHY THAT LAST "C" IS CALLED COLLISION.
BALLOON BOY MARK POISED FOR A SECOND SHOT AT OUR C's.
THAT LONG SWIM BACK SETTING HIM BACK.
LOOKING AT A TIME OF ABOUT 8 MINUTES AND CHANGE RIGHT NOW.
STILL LOOKS TO HAVE GREAT ENERGY AS HE ATTACKS EACH "C."
DIVES INTO THE LAST ONE.
GETTING HOSED DOWN. THE FINISH JUST FEET AWAY.
DIVING FOR HOME. FIGHTING TO PULL HIMSELF UP.
YES!
WHOO!
YEAH!
I FINISHED!
YOU SURE DID. TRUER WORDS HAVE NEVER BEEN SPOKEN.
SO BALLOON BOY SETS A LOFTY TIME TO BEAT--8:32.
WHOO!
LET'S REVIEW HIS DAY.
THE HAMBONE RICHARD GUTIERREZ
HAMMED IT UP ON OUR QUALIFIER THIS MORNING...
AND PLACED THIRD.
HE ALMOST *** HIMSELF AT THE HANGOVER,
COMING IN AT THE BACK OF THE PACK,
BUT GOT SLAPHAPPY ON THE SPIN PSYCHO
AAH!
WHOO!
SO HE'LL HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR ACTUAL INSTRUMENTS.
THAT IS HIS STORY SO FAR, BUT THE FINAL CHAPTER
WILL BE WRITTEN IN THE NEXT 8 1/2 MINUTES.
(beeping)
FOLD THOSE ARMS, BOW THAT HEAD, AND FLY.
WHOA! LOOK AT HIM GO.
WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO! TAKE A LOOK AT THE REPLAY.
NOT MUCH HEIGHT ON THAT LAUNCH,
BUT GREAT BODY ANGLE-AGE
AS HE THROWS HIS HANDS OUT THERE.
I WONDER IF HE WAS TRYING TO HAMBONE THE WIPEOUT ZONE
AS HE CRASHES INTO THE WATER.
THE TEMPLE OF FLUME THOUGH, A POP QUIZ
COMPARED TO THE TEST PRESENTED BY KAMIKAZE.
I'M JUST TRYING TO KEEP MY BALANCE.
WELL, LUCKY FOR HIM, THAT PLATFORM DOESN'T MOVE.
THE PLATFORM BEHIND HIM NOW AS HE TAKES HIS SEAT.
POSITIONING FAIRLY EASY, BUT PUSHING OFF CRUCIAL.
TOO LATE, TOO EARLY,
AND YOU WON'T CLEAR THAT GAP.
OH!
HE SLIPS BACK IN.
TAKE A LOOK. APPEARS TO BE A PERFECT ATTEMPT,
BUT CATCHES THE NOTCH ON THE EDGE OF THAT PLATFORM
AND SLIPS RIGHT BACK IN.
YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS WONDERED WHAT THAT WAS THERE FOR.
TOUGH BREAK.
HE NEEDS TO SHAKE IT OFF ON ATTEMPT NUMBER TWO.
OUR LEADER CLEAN ON THE COMMA,
SO HAMBONE LOSING GROUND WITH EVERY SECOND HE SPENDS HERE.
MOMENT OF TRUTH. THERE'S THE SLIDE. YES!
LOOK OUT, OLD MAN.
NOW HE'S ON TO SPINERGY.
A LITTLE BIT BEHIND BALLOON BOY'S PACE SO FAR,
BUT STILL IN THE GAME.
BELLY FLOPS ONTO THAT RING.
STRUGGLING TO GET TO HIS FEET.
THAT PADDING'S SOFT, BUT IT'S VERY SLICK.
HERE COME THOSE SWEEPER BAR--
MM!
USING THAT POST IN THE CENTER FOR SUPPORT.
YOU KNOW, RIGHT NOW,
HE'S AS SOLID AS WE'VE SEEN UP THERE.
JUMPING FOR THE PLATFORM.
HE HAS GOT IT, AND THAT INCREDIBLE
COME ON, RICK. YOU GOT THIS.
HAS VAULTED HAMBONE INTO THE LEAD.
ONTO THE 3 C's, FACING COURAGE FIRST.
AND HE HAS SHOWN PLENTY OF THAT SO FAR TONIGHT.
OH, HO HO!
YEAH, IT LOOKED LIKE HE DIDN'T START HIS JUMP QUICK ENOUGH.
CAME UP SHORT AND ENDED UP ALL WET.
IT'S CALLED "WIPEOUT" FOR A REASON.
WAIT. I THOUGHT-- OH. NEVER MIND.
LET'S GIVE HER A GO AGAIN.
SNEAKING UP ON 6 MINUTES NOW.
CONFIDENCE A PLUS,
BUT IT COMES DOWN TO EXECUTION.
OH, HO HO!
CATCHES IT RIGHT IN THE STERNUM.
YEAH, AND WITH THAT SECOND WIPEOUT ON THE 3 C's,
HAMBONE'S LEAD HAS NOW DISAPPEARED.
YEAH, JOHNNY, HE HAS REACHED THE COUNTDOWN STAGE,
LIKE 40 SECONDS LEFT AND COUNTING.
BALLOON BOY WITH THE CONFIDENCE NOW.
OKAY. HE'S MADE IT TO THAT SECOND "C."
NOW JUST 30 SECONDS TO GO.
TWO LEAPS TO TAKE THE LEAD. HAS TO BE PERFECT.
OHH!
CAN'T HOLD ON!
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
HIS FOOT SLIPS AS HE PLANTS FOR A JUMP.
DOESN'T HAVE THE DISTANCE, AND CRASHES INTO THE WATER.
SO THE LAST OF HIS 8:32 EXPIRES.
YEAH, BRO!
T.G.I. FREITAG MAKES HIS RUN AT IT
AND THE MONEY NEXT.
♪♪♪
WELCOME BACK TO THE GRAND FINALE OF "WIPEOUT."
JOHN AND JOHN BACK WITH YOU
AND ALL OF YOU AT HOME ARE JUST IN TIME.
SOMEBODY'S ABOUT TO SEE DOLLAR SIGNS
HERE IN THE WIPEOUT ZONE, JOHN.
BALLOON BOY MARK LYTLE HOLDS THE LEAD.
NEEDS TO HOLD OFF DAVE "T.G.I." FREITAG,
OUR THIRD MAN IN THE ZONE TONIGHT.
YOU AIN'T GOT NOTHING ON ME. WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!
ROLL THAT DAY-IN-REVIEW PIECE.
T.G.I. FRIDAY, BABY.
DAVE "T.G.I." FREITAG
TOOK IT EASY ON OUR QUALIFIER THIS MORNING
WHEN HE CAME IN AT THE BACK OF THE PACK.
HIS LAID-BACK APPROACH CONTINUED ON THE HANGOVER
AND THE SPIN PSYCHO, AS HE WAS THE LAST TO QUALIFY ON BOTH.
HE'S BEEN BEHIND OUR CURRENT LEADER ALL DAY,
AND WITH THAT 50 GRAND ON THE LINE, DAVE WILL HAVE TO
LEAVE HIS LAID-BACK ATTITUDE AT THE WIPEOUT ZONE DOOR.
THIS IS FOR YOU, MOM! OH, I FORGOT TO FEED THE CAT!
AND THAT JUST OCCURRED TO HIM NOW?
T.G.I. FREITAG LAST MAN THROUGH ON THE PREVIOUS TWO EVENTS.
LAST TO GO HERE.
GOTTA BE CONSIDERED AN UNDERDOG
HERE IN THE ZONE TONIGHT.
HE'S BEEN LAYING LOW ALL DAY LONG.
TIME TO SEE WHAT FREITAG IS REALLY MADE OF.
THERE'S THE COUNTDOWN. ENJOY THE LAUNCH.
OH, HO HO!
TAKE A LOOK AT THAT LAUNCH AGAIN.
TONS OF VELOCITY.
AND T.G.I. FREITAG
FLAILING HIS ARMS AND LEGS ALL THE WAY DOWN.
I GOTTA SAY IT, JOHNNY-- THANK GOODNESS IT'S FREITAG.
CLIMBING UP KAMIKAZE HALF THE BATTLE.
DON'T HATE! APPRECIATE!
LAIDBACK FREITAG TRYING TO GET HIMSELF FIRED UP.
8:32 THE TIME TO BEAT. CRAWLING INTO POSITION.
NEEDS TO PAY ATTENTION HERE.
OH!
OH! HE WASN'T READY AND GETS BLUDGEONED.
YEAH, BALLOON BOY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THAT'S LIKE,
BUT HE LIKES WHAT HE SEES.
AND THE CLOCK CONTINUES TO TICK.
MAYBE A BIT TOO LAID-BACK WITH THAT FIRST TRY.
A LITTLE URGENCY ON THE SECOND ATTEMPT WOULDN'T HURT.
GETTING FULLY SITUATED THIS TIME.
WHEW!
YEAH! HE NAILS IT!
WELL DONE. WELL DONE.
EVEN BALLOON BOY IMPRESSED BY THAT SLIDE,
BUT HIS LEAD STILL INTACT AT THIS POINT.
T.G.I. FREITAG ABOUT A MINUTE BEHIND THE PACE
AS HE GETS SET TO TAKE ON SPINERGY.
REMEMBER, JOHNNY, HE HAS TO BALANCE ON THE SPINNING RING
TO AVOID THOSE TREACHEROUS SWEEPER BARS.
MOVES FAIRLY SMOOTHLY ONTO THE RING.
EACH REVOLUTION RATTLING THE SENSES.
EACH STEP A POTENTIAL SLIP.
EACH SWEEPER READY TO STRIKE.
A BOLD AND DECISIVE MOVE.
NO! HE FAILS TO STICK THE LANDING.
T.G.I. FREITAG MADE THE JUMP WAY LONGER
THAN IT NEEDED TO BE AND WOUND UP BACK IN THE WATER.
DOESN'T LOOK SCARED TO TAKE A SECOND SHOT AT SPINERGY.
FIVE MINUTES GONE BY.
ANOTHER WIPEOUT HERE, JOHNNY, COULD PROVE TO BE DISASTROUS
WITH THE C's STILL AHEAD.
GAME FACE ON.
HIS LEGS FIRMLY UNDER HIM.
HE HAS GOT THIS SPINERGY THING FIGURED OUT.
HEADED FOR THE DISMOUNT.
YES, SIR!
AND HOW QUICKLY FORTUNES CHANGE, JOHN.
MAN!
BALLOON BOY NOW SHOWING HIS NERVES.
FREITAG ONTO THE THREE C's OF "WIPEOUT"
3 MINUTES TO GO.
PLENTY OF TIME, BUT PLENTY OF WORK STILL.
THE C's HAVEN'T COOPERATED WITH ANYBODY YET.
PUNISHED! HE CAN'T HOLD ON.
OH, HO! TAKE ANOTHER LOOK.
BLASTED IN THE FACE BY THAT WATER CANNON,
AND THAT PERHAPS DISORIENTED HIM,
AND HE MISSED THE MARK BIG-TIME.
500 C-NOTES AT STAKE.
FREITAG WITH ABOUT A MINUTE AND A HALF LEFT TO FINISH.
ANOTHER WIPEOUT HERE WOULD COST HIM THAT CASH.
JUMPS INTO THE SECOND "C."
FREITAG ALL BUSINESS AT THIS POINT.
BOUNDING INTO THAT LAST "C."
A NEAR-BLINDING ASSAULT FROM THE WATER CANNON SPRAY.
FEELING HIS WAY FORWARD,
HE'S ON A COLLISION COURSE WITH BIG MONEY.
YES, JOHNNY,
LET'S GO!
FREITAG, YOU JUST WON "WIPEOUT"!
WHOO-HOO! WHOO!
(Vanessa) $50,000 IS ALL YOURS.
BEST TIME OF MY LIFE.
ANOTHER WIPEOUT ZONE VICTORY.
I STILL THINK IT WOULD'VE BEEN BETTER
WITH CONFETTI CANNONS, BUT WHATEVER.
MAYBE WE COULD JUST, YOU KNOW, TEAR UP SOME NEWSPAPERS, HUH?
THAT'S LITTERING.
AND WITH THAT, IT IS TIME FOR US TO EXIT STAGE RIGHT.
JOIN US AGAIN NEXT TIME WHEN 24 BRAND-SPANKING-NEW CONTESTANTS
WILL BE HERE TO TAKE ON EVEN MORE CRAZY OBSTACLES.
UNTIL THEN, AMERICA, I'M JOHN ANDERSON.
AND FOR OUR COHOST VANESSA LACHEY,
I'M JOHN HENSON SAYING, GOOD NIGHT AND BIG BALLS.
(grunts)
OOH! OH!
AAH!
(thud)
AAH!
OH!
AAH!
OH!
(grunts) AH!
UHH!
OHH!
OH! OH!
AAH! UGH!
AH! UHH!
OKAY. OOH. OH.
BEEN WORKING OUT, OKAY?