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Suicide doesn't stand alone.
It doesn't just happen as the result of nothing out of
nowhere-it's the result of something.
I-I was a mess before I was diagnosed.
I was sick, and I-my thoughts were so scattered and-and so
psychotic at that point I was very afraid 'cause
I didn't know where I was.
I did not know what was going to happen to me.
I was a popular student.
I was one that was always smiling, always laughing.
If you saw me in the hallway, you would think that's the last
person in the world to have depression.
I was in a very self-destructive mode.
I was drinking more alcohol, I was taking pain killers.
I was suicidal.
When I had these suicidal thoughts, um, of not wanting
to be here, I didn't know how to talk to anyone because
I figured I was the only one who had those thoughts and emotions.
And if I told someone of having these thoughts, of not wanting
to be here, I just figured that the automatic reaction would be
I have to go to a psych ward.
I have to go to a mental hospital.
I knew that nine stories, it was a miracle that I was alive.
There are a lot of things that happen in your life that
you can't choose.
There's losses, there's abuse, there's traumas.
The one thing that can never be taken away from you is
your ability to choose how to respond.
I firmly believe that life turns around when
you take ownership of your problems.
I didn't know that there were other people going through
the same type of issues, the same type of problems.
That there would ever be anyone else that would
have suicidal thoughts.
Instead of somebody saying, you need to get help,
when I knew I needed help and when I asked for the help,
I really believe that's when my life started to turn around.
I wish I did speak up about my emotions, about my feelings,
because I could have heard someone else say,
"Why go through those struggles as well?"