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INTO THE SCANDALOUS LIVES OF MANHATTAN'S ELITE.
GUESS THE ARCHIBALD CHARM WASN'T AS RUSTY AS YOU THOUGHT...
UNLIKE THE KNIFE IN MY BACK.
I LIKE RAINA, ALL RIGHT, AND SHE LIKES ME.
BECAUSE OF YOUR FATHER, MY WIFE IS DEAD.
NO ONE KNOWS THE TRUTH, NOT EVEN RAINA.
BLAIR, WE KEPT US A SECRET
'CAUSE WE WERE AFRAID THERE WAS SOMETHING MORE.
YOU NEED TO GO BACK TO BROOKLYN.
THE ONLY MISTAKE WAS MINE, WHEN I FORGED SERENA'S SIGNATURE.
HE SIGNS OVER THE COMPANY RIGHT NOW OR YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL.
BUT NOT BECAUSE OF YOU OR ANYONE ELSE.
I CALLED THE D.A. TEN MINUTES AGO.
ONCE I GO ON RECORD WITH THE TRUTH,
NO ONE CAN HOLD THIS AGAINST US ANYMORE.
I DON'T THINK LILY QUITE REALIZES WHAT SHE'S IN FOR.
TIME TO CIRCLE THE WAGONS, RUFUS.
AND WHO AM I?
THAT'S A SECRET I'LL NEVER TELL.
YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME.
X.O.X.O., GOSSIP GIRL.
(The Naked and Famous' "The Sun" playing)
♪ HERE IT COMES ♪
(siren whoops, crowd speaking indistinctly)
THE VAN DER WOODSEN FAMILY IS NO STRANGER TO THE TABLOIDS,
BUT THIS TIME IT APPEARS THE MOTHER OF ALL SCANDALS
SURROUNDS THE MOTHER.
(woman) SOURCES SAY THAT LILY HUMPHREY
COULD BE FACING UP TO TEN YEARS IN PRISON
FOR FORGERY AND OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE...
TURN THAT OFF.
AND LEAVE ME ALONE, DOROTA. I'VE TAKEN TO MY BED.
I THOUGHT HEARING SOMEONE HAS LIFE WORSE THAN YOURS
WOULD HELP.
WELL, YOUR JOB ISN'T TO THINK. IT'S TO SERVE.
SO IF I NEED YOUR HELP, I'LL RING THE BELL.
(bell ringing)
(sighs)
WILL LILY HUMPHREY END UP BEHIND BARS?
THE SOCIETY QUEEN
ALLEGEDLY FORGED HER DAUGHTER'S SIGNATURE
ON AN AFFIDAVIT
THE VICTIM, BEN DONOVAN, HAS BEEN CLEARED OF ALL CHARGES,
BUT IT'S UNLIKELY LILY HUMPHREY WILL BE SO LUCKY.
SHE'S HOLED UP IN HER PENTHOUSE APARTMENT
WHILE HER LAWYERS SCRAMBLE TO WORK OUT A DEAL.
WE ARE CURRENTLY OUTSIDE
OF THE VAN DER WOODSENS' UPPER EAST SIDE RESIDENCE...
I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU STAYED.
GOOD MORNING TO YOU, TOO.
♪ HERE IT COMES, THE UNAVOIDABLE SUN ♪
♪ OF WHAT'S JUST HAPPENED AND WHAT'S BEEN DONE ♪
♪ AND YOU KNOW I DON'T REMEMBER A THING ♪
YOU OKAY?
(sighs) IT'S SURREAL.
EVERYTHING HAPPENING TO LILY IS BECAUSE OF MY DAD,
AND I KINDA FEEL LIKE IT'S ALL MY FAULT.
LOOK, IT PROBABLY WOULD'VE HAPPENED SOONER OR LATER ANYWAY.
(cell phone rings)
YOUR DAD'S BEEN CALLING ALL MORNING.
(ring)
(ring, beep)
HELLO?
I ALREADY TOLD YOU MY ANSWER.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN EVERYTHING COULD CHANGE?
♪ SO I STOP RUNNING AND I JUST STOP ♪
(sets down glass)
ODDSMAKERS AROUND TOWN ARE TAKING BETS
ON THE LENGTH OF HER PRISON SENTENCE.
(man) SERENA!
H-HEY, MS. VAN DER WOODSEN! HAS YOUR MOTHER HEARD ANY NEWS?
(man) STAND BACK. LET HER THROUGH. STAND BACK.
(reporters shouting at once)
(cell phone rings)
(mutes TV)
Hey, Chuck.
HOW'S LILY HOLDING UP?
I'M HERE NOW. AREN'T YOU COMING OVER FOR BRUNCH?
LILY THOUGHT IT WOULD BE COMPLICATED ENOUGH WITHOUT ME.
Oh, my grandmother and my stepfather
AND MY FATHER, WHO WAS LAST SEEN FLEEING FROM THE POLICE?
"COMPLICATED" IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT.
HOW ARE THINGS WITH WILLIAM?
WELL, IF I CUT EVERYONE OUT OF MY LIFE
WHO MADE A MISTAKE, I WOULDN'T HAVE ANYONE LEFT.
ON THE TOPIC OF MISTAKES, DO YOU KNOW ONE I MIGHT HAVE MADE
TO CAUSE BLAIR TO CUT ME OFF?
YOU DIDN'T TALK TO HER AFTER YOUR PARTY?
She wouldn't let me in her room.
WHEN SHE SAID SHE DIDN'T WANT TO TALK TO ME,
I DIDN'T THINK SHE MEANT EVER AGAIN.
SHE'S NOT SEEING SOMEONE, IS SHE?
MM, NO, NOT UNLESS YOU COUNT DOROTA.
SHE HASN'T LEFT HER BED IN A WEEK.
SHE'S PULLING A CAMILLE. BUT WHY?
I THINK HER POWERFUL WOMAN PATH HIT A ROADBLOCK,
AND YOU KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THAT IS TO HER.
THANKS FOR THE HEADS-UP.
GIVE LILY MY LOVE.
I WILL. BYE.
(beep)
(beep)
MM, COME ON, LIL.
READING THIS IS NOT GONNA MAKE THINGS ANY EASIER.
WELL, SOMETIMES IT'S BETTER TO KNOW WHAT'S OUT THERE.
YOU KNOW, DEAL WITH IT, MOVE ON.
LILY AND I WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT MOVING ON.
OH, WHAT WAS THE TOPIC OF THAT CONVERSATION? OH, YEAH--YOU.
HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU? I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE
UNTIL I KNOW THAT MY CHILDREN ARE TAKEN CARE OF
IN THE EVENT THAT LILY CAN'T DO SO HERSELF.
IT'S NOT LIKE SHE'S DYING, WILL, NO THANKS TO YOU.
AND ERIC AND SERENA ALREADY HAVE A FATHER IN THEIR LIVES.
STEP... FATHER. IT'S NOT THE SAME.
(CeCe) OH, PLEASE!
BE GENTLEMEN, YOU TWO. WE'RE ALL HERE FOR LILY.
OH, DARLING.
OH, YOU LOOK LOVELY IN YOUR MUG SHOT.
IT WAS SMART OF YOU TO TURN YOURSELF IN
SO YOU COULD MAKE SURE YOUR HAIR WAS DONE.
YES, MOTHER, THAT'S WHY I DID IT.
(clears throat) WELL, FORTUNATELY,
IN A FEW SHORT HOURS, I WILL BE IMMORTALIZED
IN A MUCH MORE DIGNIFIED FASHION.
THE TASCHEN BOOK-- THAT'S, UH, TODAY?
(elevator bell dings, doors open)
I JUST LOVE THAT TITLE.
HEY, MOM, DAD.
(William) HEY. HI, SWEETHEART.
HEY. (chuckles) MM.
SERENA, DARLING, WE WERE...
GRANDMA.
MM, JUST TALKING ABOUT THE PORTRAIT.
HOW CAN YOU DO A BOOK ON MODERN ROYALTY
WITHOUT INCLUDING ME AND MY GIRLS?
ALL OF MY GIRLS.
WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
HEY, YOU KNOW, LISTEN, THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME HIDE OUT HERE.
I JUST NEEDED A TIME-OUT
FROM MY MOM AND MY GRANDMA AND MY DAD AND... YOUR DAD.
OH, YEAH. I MEAN, OF COURSE. MY--MY HOUSE IS YOUR SAFE HOUSE.
I'M SURPRISED SERENA DIDN'T CALL YOU
AND ASK YOU TO BE HER BACKUP.
SHE DID, BUT I FIGURED I'D DODGE THAT WAR.
HEY, DOES WILLIAM CARLOS WILLIAMS
GO UNDER "W" OR "C"?
TO SAVE SERENA, AND YOU'RE ALPHABETIZING. WHAT'S UP?
(sighs)
YOU SWEAR NOT TO TELL ANYONE OR LAUGH?
UH, I'LL TAKE YOUR SECRET TO MY GRAVE, BUT LAUGHTER IS
AN UNCONTROLLABLE BODILY RESPONSE.
(sighs)
I KISSED BLAIR WALDORF.
(chuckles)
WOW.
I DIDN'T SEE THAT COMIN'.
YEAH, NEITHER DID I.
OH, I WOULD EXPECT SO, YES.
BUT WEIRD GOOD?
LIKE, "I--WOW, IT'S WEIRD THIS IS SUCH A GOOD KISS"?
OR WEIRD BAD? LIKE, YOU KNOW, JUST, "WOW. WEIRD"?
(laughs) UH... SHE DIDN'T GIVE YOU ANY INDICATION AT THE TIME?
NO. NO, SHE--SHE JUST WALKED AWAY, STUNNED,
LEFT ME STANDING THERE IN HER FOYER.
MYSTERIOUS.
I KNOW, RIGHT?
CALLED HER THE NEXT DAY.
IT'S BEEN ALMOST A WEEK, AND I HAVEN'T HEARD BACK.
W-WAIT, WAIT. WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH? DO YOU...
DO YOU LIKE HER?
WHAT? NO. NO, NO, NO. I DON'T LIKE HER.
NO, OF COURSE NOT. NOT AT ALL. I'M JUST CURIOUS.
SH--AND--AND, YOU KNOW, SHE-- I MEAN, SHE DOES SMELL NICE.
OH! YOU ARE ***-BACKWARDS CRUSHING ON BLAIR WALDORF!
(ringing)
(dishes clattering)
TAKE THAT AWAY, DOROTA!
I CAN'T EAT. I ONLY RANG TO TELL YOU TO CALL THE DOCTOR.
I THINK I HAVE CONSUMPTION.
CONSUMPTION NOT SINCE 19th CENTURY. THEY HAVE VACCINE.
WELL, THEN I'M DYING OF MALAISE.
I KNOW EVERYTHING HAS GONE WRONG SINCE YOU LOST FOCUS ON WORK,
BUT CARMELA ON "SOPRANOS" DIDN'T GET BIG BREAK TILL SHE WAS 40.
THIS ISN'T ABOUT WORK OR TIME, DOROTA.
IT'S ABOUT THE TRUTH.
AND I'VE BEEN HIDING EVER SINCE
'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH IT.
(cell phone ringing, beep)
EPPERLY? WHAT DO YOU WANT?
I'M STYLING THE PHOTO SHOOTS FOR THE NEW YORK PORTIONS
OF TASCHEN'S "MODERN ROYALTY" BOOK.
I KNOW ALL ABOUT IT. SERENA'S IN IT.
WELL, MY ASSISTANT JUST LEFT ME
TO WORK FOR WILLIAM AND KATE'S WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHER.
I COULD REALLY USE YOUR HELP.
ME? AFTER OUR PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE?
AW, YOU'RE A NATURAL FIT FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS,
what with your impeccable taste
AND MASTERFUL WAY OF GIVING ORDERS.
UM, IT'LL BE HARD TO CLEAR MY SCHEDULE.
MEET ME IN AN HOUR? I'LL TEXT YOU THE ADDRESS.
(beep)
YOU'RE RIGHT, DOROTA.
MAYBE I SHOULD REFOCUS ON WORK.
FEELINGS AND REVELATIONS WILL JUST HAVE TO WAIT.
SHE ACCEPTED THE JOB, JUST LIKE YOU KNEW SHE WOULD.
BUT, UH...
WHY GO TO THESE LENGTHS, IF I MAY ASK?
SOMEONE TOLD ME SOMETHING THAT MADE ME WANT MY OWN LEGACY,
NOT MY FATHER'S.
I CAN'T CONVINCE BLAIR OF HER PLACE IN IT
UNTIL SHE'S FEELING POWERFUL AGAIN.
WELL, I HOPE IT WORKS OUT FOR YOU.
EVER SINCE I CAME BACK FROM BALI, I'M A SUCKER FOR ROMANCE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ASKED CAROL HERE
WITHOUT CLEARING IT WITH ME FIRST.
WHAT'S TO ASK? YOU'RE HER SISTER.
AND BESIDES, I KNEW YOU'D SAY NO.
OH, FOR GOOD REASON, THOUGH,
BECAUSE CAROL TURNED HER BACK ON LILY.
BUT RUFUS DOES MAKE A POINT... FOR ONCE.
YOU KNOW, HAVING CAROL HERE WOULD BE STRESSFUL FOR LILY.
OH, MY GOD. WHAT COULD BE MORE STRESSFUL THAN THIS?
SHE HASN'T EVEN WALKED THROUGH THE DOOR,
AND YOU GUYS ARE ALREADY AT EACH OTHER'S THROATS.
I WOULDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU GUYS IF IT WERE ANY OTHER WAY.
(Carol) HI, SIS!
BUT I NEVER DREAMED YOU'D ACTUALLY WIND UP BEHIND BARS.
(kisses) HUH?
AH, WELCOME, CAROL.
AND HEY! MOM.
DARLING.
(kisses) AND LILY'S HUSBANDS--
ONE AND... FIVE?
FIVE.
AND SERENA.
HI, AUNT CAROL. GOOD TO SEE YOU.
OH, MY. YOUR MOM USED TO HAVE LONG HAIR JUST LIKE YOURS,
BUT THAT'S WHEN SHE WAS CRASHING ON TOUR BUSES, BEFORE SHE WAS
GETTING BRAZILIAN BLOWOUTS. RIGHT, RUFUS?
LOVE THE LOAFERS.
ARE THOSE TOD'S?
(clears throat)
(telephone ringing)
I'LL GET IT.
(ringing continues)
SO, CAROL, YOU'RE HERE FOR THE RHODES WOMEN PORTRAIT.
MAYBE YOU COULD HELP US PICK A THEME.
I WAS THINKING "LA DOLCE VITA."
DOES IT HAVE TO BE A MOVIE? WE COULD DO "CHICAGO."
YOU COULD PLAY ROXIE HART 'CAUSE SHE WAS IN JAIL. (laughs)
(sighs) I KNOW YOU THINK THIS PHOTO'S FRIVOLOUS,
BUT IT'S AN IMPORTANT HONOR FOR OUR FAMILY.
I'M NOT THE ONE WHO RUINED THIS FAMILY'S HONOR.
(telephone receiver clatters)
IT WASN'T YOUR LAWYER. IT WAS SOMEONE FROM THE BOOK.
THEY CANCELED THE PORTRAIT BECAUSE OF THE SCANDAL.
I'M SORRY, MOM.
(Gossip Girl) UH-OH, LILY.
LOOKS LIKE INSTEAD OF BEING ON THE PAGES,
YOU'RE ABOUT TO HAVE THE BOOK THROWN AT YOU.
DO YOU MIND HAILING ME A CAB? THANK YOU.
(crowd shouting indistinctly)
HEY, SERENA?
SORRY. MY FAMILY'S NOT TALKING TO THE PRESS.
OH, WELL, THEN I GUESS I'M NOT EITHER,
BECAUSE, TECHNICALLY, I'M YOUR FAMILY.
YOU'RE PROBABLY WONDERING HOW YOU COULD BE RELATED
TO SOMEONE WHO'S SO SOCIALLY AWKWARD. (chuckles)
UM... BUT I'M YOUR COUSIN.
(laughs) CHARLIE! OH, MY GOD! I MEAN, CHARLOTTE.
(laughs)
OH, MY GOSH!
YOUR MOM DIDN'T TELL ME YOU WERE HERE!
THAT'S BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T KNOW. (chuckles nervously)
UM... CAN WE GO SOMEWHERE AND TALK?
YEAH, OF COURSE. COME ON. (chuckles)
BOYS, WILLIAM MAY HAVE A SOLUTION.
IMAGINE THAT.
I KNOW BENEDIKT TASCHEN PERSONALLY.
OF COURSE YOU DO.
I'D BE HAPPY TO CALL HIM, SEE IF I CAN GET THE LADIES
BACK IN THE BOOK. ERIC, WHAT DO YOU SAY?
UH, WELL, I-I THINK THAT MOM WOULD REALLY LIKE THAT.
FINE. MIGHT AS WELL TRY.
GREAT.
MM.
(whispers) THANKS.
YOU MET UP WITH US IN THE KEYS ON CLAUS' BOAT.
UM, I THINK THEY CALL THAT A YACHT.
DIDN'T IT HAVE AN ELEVATOR IN IT?
YEAH, WHICH APPARENTLY WAS ENOUGH TO MAKE YOUR MOM DECIDE
TO NEVER LET YOU SEE US AGAIN.
WELL, SHE THINKS YOUR WORLD'S TOXIC.
IF I'M EXPOSED, I'LL CATCH IT.
OH, WELL, WE MAY NOT BE PERFECT,
BUT COMPARING US TO THE PLAGUE IS A LITTLE EXTREME.
OKAY. SO YOU AND YOUR BROTHER DIDN'T BOTH END UP
GOING TO A MENTAL INSTITUTION?
AND YOUR DAD DIDN'T GIVE YOUR MOM FAKE CANCER?
AND YOUR MOM DIDN'T SEND AN INNOCENT MAN TO PRISON
JUST TO GET YOU BACK INTO PRIVATE SCHOOL.
YEAH, MAYBE WHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY,
WE SHOULD BE QUARANTINED.
NO.
I'M SORRY. THAT'S MY MOM TALKING.
I'VE GROWN UP SO ALONE, THAT I...
I WANTED TO SEE WHAT SHE'S BEEN HIDING FROM ME
ALL THESE YEARS.
OKAY. WELL, I'M NOT LETTING YOU GO HOME
UNTIL YOU SPEND A DAY WITH ME.
LET ME SHOW YOU THIS WORLD, AND YOU CAN DECIDE FOR YOURSELF
WHAT YOU THINK OF IT. WE'LL START WITH BARNEYS
AND THEN WORK OUR WAY BACK TO INTERMIX.
I'M SORRY, LIL.
I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW IMPORTANT THIS PORTRAIT WAS TO YOU.
WHATCHA LOOKING AT?
WELL, I JUST FIGURED IF I CAN'T TAKE A NEW PHOTO,
I COULD DISTRACT MYSELF WITH OLD ONES, THAT'S ALL.
OHH.
REMEMBER THAT?
MY... GOD.
WE WERE GONNA AUDITION TO BE "SOLID GOLD" DANCERS.
AND THEN WE WENT LOOKING FOR HALTER TOPS
THAT LOOKED LIKE THE GIRL IN THE "CHERRY PIE" VIDEO.
YEAH, AND ALL WE COULD FIND WERE THESE GOLD UNITARDS.
OH, HOW'D OUR DANCE GO? IT WAS LIKE...
THIS WAS OUR AUDITION. THIS WAS OUR AUDITION.
RIGHT, RIGHT. IMAGINE, IN HALTER TOPS. OKAY.
NO.
OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? WHO NEEDS TASCHEN
WHEN WE CAN TAKE OUR OWN FAMILY PHOTO?
BUT WE NEED THE UNITARDS.
(whispers) YES.
(whispers) LET'S GO.
LET'S GO.
♪♪
KAT ORTH IS BEING SHOT WITH HER SIX MAIDEN NIECES,
AND CHUCK BASS WILL BE SHOT BY HIMSELF.
ALL BY HIMSELF? HE HAS AN UNCLE.
NOPE. CHUCK BASS IS REPRESENTING HIS FAMILY ALL ALONE.
THE SUTTONS ARE NEXT.
THEY WANT TO BE SHOT WITH THEIR ENGLISH SETTERS.
(under breath) THE SETTERS ARE BETTER-LOOKING THAN THE SUTTONS.
AW, BUT THEY LOVE EACH OTHER ANYWAY,
JUST PROVING THAT EVERYONE HAS THEIR SOUL MATE.
YEAH, DID YOU JOIN A CULT IN BALI?
OH, COME ON, BLAIR. I KNOW YOU BELIEVE IN TRUE LOVE, TOO.
WELL, I DID RECENTLY HAVE A MOMENT OF PERSPECTIVE MYSELF,
BUT THANKFULLY, I DIDN'T HAVE TO GO TO AN ASHRAM TO HAVE IT.
WHAT HAPPENED?
I KISSED SOMEONE,
AND IT WAS TRULY A LIFE-CHANGING EXPERIENCE.
DO TELL.
I JUST DID. THAT WAS IT.
BUT THE POINT IS, THAT ONE KISS CHANGED ME.
FUT-THE-WUCK IS SHE DOING HERE?
(beeping)
HOW DARE YOU SHOW YOUR FACE HERE?
OH, WELL, HELLO TO YOU, TOO, BLAIR.
I'M A CAMERA ASSISTANT. THE JOB WAS POSTED AT N.Y.U.
I DIDN'T KNOW SERENA'S FAMILY WAS COMING UNTIL I ARRIVED,
AND NO, I'M NOT LEAVING.
(sighs heavily)
OH, MY GOD.
WOW, THAT DRESS IS INCREDIBLE.
IT WOULD LOOK GREAT ON YOU.
UH, YEAH, EXCEPT FOR IT COSTS
AS MUCH AS ALL THE STUFF WE GOT TODAY PUT TOGETHER,
SO I CAN'T ACCEPT THAT.
WELL... YOU CAN ACCEPT THIS.
IT'S A FAMILY HEIRLOOM,
SO IT'S JUST AS MUCH YOURS AS IT IS MINE ANYWAY.
SERENA...
THANK YOU...
FOR EVERYTHING.
OH, MY GOD. I CAN'T BELIEVE WE FOUND THEM.
YOU MIGHT BE UPPER EAST SIDE BLUE BLOOD,
AND I MIGHT BE FLORIDA BOHEMIAN, BUT AT BOTTOM,
THE RHODES SISTERS ARE STILL BADASSES FROM THE VALLEY.
(cell phone rings)
RUFUS! YEAH, WE FOUND LEG WARMERS.
NO, I'M NOT DRUNK. ALTHOUGH... (gasps)
(whispers) YES!
OKAY, WE'LL BE RIGHT HOME.
(beep)
THE PHOTO SHOOT'S BACK ON.
OH!
SHOULD WE GO BACK AND BUY SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE?
MOM IN A UNITARD. AWESOME.
(laughs)
I LOVE IT!
SERENA?
CHARLIE?
I CAN EXPLAIN.
(knock on door)
(clank)
HEY, CHUCK, UH, WHAT-- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
MAY I COME IN?
YEAH.
THAT'S MAKING ME RECONSIDER MY FUTURE--
MY FUTURE WITH BLAIR.
HOWEVER, MY INTEL INDICATES THAT SHE'S SEEING SOMEONE ELSE.
WHAT'S THAT GOT TO DO WITH ME?
I THINK IT COULD BE SOMEONE AT "W." DIDN'T YOU WORK THERE?
UH... YEAH. FOR ONE DAY.
DID YOU NOTICE HER TALKING TO ANYONE?
WHOEVER SHE KISSED SEEMS TO HAVE HAD AN EFFECT--
"LIFE-CHANGING" WERE THE WORDS SHE USED.
UH, WELL... (chuckles) A LIFE-CHANGING KISS
MIGHT NOT BE SOMETHING YOU WANNA MESS WITH.
WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY, HUMPHREY?
WITH YOU, SHE WAS ALWAYS CAUGHT UP IN SCHEMES AND TAKEDOWNS,
BUT THAT'S NOT-- THAT'S NOT REALLY HER.
SHE'S INTELLIGENT. SHE'S INTUITIVE, YOU KNOW?
SHE--SHE WEEPS WHEN SHE WATCHES "NIGHTS OF CABIRIA."
HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?
UH... SERENA... TOLD ME, BUT LISTEN, THE POINT IS,
IF BLAIR'S HAPPY, THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD LET HER BE.
YOU CARE MORE ABOUT BLAIR'S HAPPINESS THAN I KNEW.
YEAH.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME.
(door opens)
(beep)
EPPERLY, I FOUND OUT WHO BLAIR KISSED.
I'M GOING TO NEED ONE MORE FAVOR.
I WORKED HARD TO KEEP YOU AWAY FROM THIS WORLD.
I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO BECOME A SOCIALITE OBSESSED
WITH CLOTHES AND CLUBBING AND GETTING YOUR PICTURE TAKEN.
THAT'S NOT FAIR.
FAIR IS IRRELEVANT. I'M YOUR MOTHER.
I MAKE THE RULES. YOU NEED TO TRUST ME.
I HAVE NEVER LIED TO YOU.
(sighs)
LISTEN, I WANT YOU TO RETURN EVERYTHING THAT YOU BOUGHT
AND MEET ME BACK AT MY HOTEL.
UH, NECKLACE?
(necklace clacks)
(sighs)
FOR GOD SAKES, CAROL, IT'S A NECKLACE,
NOT A *** NEEDLE.
WE WERE JUST HANGING OUT.
AND YOU BOUGHT HER $1,000 WORTH OF CLOTHES. THAT'S OBSCENE.
WE'RE LEAVING. I'M JUST HERE TO SAY GOOD-BYE TO MOTHER.
I JUST GOT YOUR MESSAGE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WON'T COME UPSTAIRS.
CAROL, PLEASE. SERENA DIDN'T MEAN ANY HARM.
YOU AND I WERE JUST HAVING SO MUCH FUN TOGETHER,
AND WILLIAM AND RUFUS GOT THE PHOTO SHOOT BACK ON.
AT LEAST STAY FOR THAT.
YOU MAY THINK IT'S OKAY FOR YOUR KIDS TO HAVE SUPERFICIAL VALUES,
BUT I LEFT THIS LIFE TO RAISE CHARLIE IN THE REAL WORLD,
AND I AM NOT LETTING YOU SEDUCE HER.
GREAT, THEN I HOPE YOU WON'T MIND
IF I DON'T STAY AND WATCH YOU GO.
HEY, YOU OKAY?
OH, YES, I'M FINE, SWEETHEART.
MWAH. YOU DON'T HAVE TO COME UP.
FUNNY.
WANTING NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS SUPERFICIAL WORLD
HASN'T DETERRED YOU FROM TAKING MY MONEY.
OH, YOU GOT WHAT YOU PAID FOR, MOTHER.
I SHOWED UP. I WAS AS SUPPORTIVE AS I POSSIBLY COULD BE,
AND NOW I'M LEAVING.
I SEND YOU A CHECK EVERY MONTH.
YOU WILL STAY FOR THIS PHOTO.
THAT WASN'T PART OF THE DEAL.
NOW I'M GOING TO MY HOTEL TO PACK,
AND CHARLIE AND I ARE GONNA TAKE THE NEXT PLANE OUT.
SO GET THIS--I GOT A CALL THAT I'M BEING INCLUDED
IN THE "MODERN ROYALTY" BOOK.
HMM, NO OFFENSE, BUT WHY?
I-I GUESS THERE'S SOME "COUP D'éTAT" SECTION
FOR UP AND COMERS.
UH, YEAH, THAT SOUNDS TOTALLY MADE UP.
UM, YOU KNOW, BLAIR IS WORKING THE PHOTO SHOOT.
SHE CALLED TO CONFIRM MY MOM'S CALL TIME.
MAYBE SHE GOT YOU IN?
WHY, TO RAISE MY SOCIAL STATUS
SO I'LL BE A MORE SUITABLE SUITOR?
ACTUALLY, THAT SOUNDS COMPLETELY LIKE HER.
AND YOU WOULD USUALLY FIND THAT REPELLENT, EXCEPT YOU DON'T,
because you like her. Uh...
DOES SERENA KNOW?
IT WAS ONE KISS. THERE'S NOTHING TO KNOW... YET.
JUST... BE--BE CAREFUL?
(beeps)
AND--AND--AND, UM...
AND WEAR A NICE SUIT. I HAVE TO GO.
(beep)
HELLO? YEAH, THIS IS ERIC.
WHAT? NO, I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS EXPECTED AT THE PHOTO SHOOT.
YOU'RE LATE.
AND YOU'RE GLOWING.
WHY MAKE ME BRING OVERNIGHT BAG,
INCLUDING LA PERLAS?
BECAUSE... I'M GOING TO TELL
THAT CERTAIN SOMEONE MY TRUE FEELINGS TONIGHT,
AND IF EVERYTHING GOES AS I HOPE,
I DON'T WANNA BE CAUGHT IN LAST YEAR'S CHANTELLE.
I DON'T THINK DAN HUMPHREY WILL KNOW DIFFERENCE.
DAN HUMPHREY? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
THE REASON YOU TAKE TO BED.
SHAME FROM EMOTIONAL AFFAIR WITH LOWLY BOY.
IT'S LONELY BOY, AND IT WASN'T AN AFFAIR--
JUST A KISS,
WHICH MADE ME SEE HOW MUCH I WISHED IT WAS WITH CHUCK.
MR. CHUCK?
BUT YOUR POWER PLAY GO KAPUT.
THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME.
LOOK, I... WANTED TO REALIZE MY FULL POTENTIAL
BEFORE JOINING FORCES WITH A POWERFUL MAN,
BUT CHUCK HAS... MATURED PAST GAMES AND FATWAS.
I BELIEVE WE CAN BUILD OUR FUTURES TOGETHER.
AND IF CHUCK IS DESTINED TO BE MY PRINCE,
WHY KISS ANY MORE TOADS?
HUMPHREY MORE... LABRADOR THAN TOAD.
WHO CARES WHAT BEAST DAN HUMPHREY IS?
CHUCK IS ON HIS WAY. I'M GONNA TELL HIM I'M READY.
IT'S TIME.
THEY SAY THAT FORTUNE FAVORS THE BOLD.
THANKS.
(register beeping)
SERENA.
LOOK, I'M SORRY I LEFT WITHOUT SAYING GOOD-BYE,
BUT AS MUCH FUN AS I HAD, MY MOM IS RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, SHE SACRIFICED A LOT
TO RAISE ME THE WAY SHE THOUGHT WAS BEST.
I HAVE TO RESPECT THAT.
WELL, SHE MAY NOT HAVE SACRIFICED AS MUCH AS YOU THINK.
BUT WATCH OUT FOR THE BOLD-FACED LIES
THAT COME WITH FORTUNE'S FAVORS.
(Sola Rosa's "King of Hush" playing)
HI. GRANDMA, THE BOOK PEOPLE CALLED AND TOLD ME
I HAD TO COME DOWN HERE A.S.A.P.
OH! ARE YOU ERIC VAN DER WOODSEN? ALL RIGHT.
WE NEED TO START SETTING UP FOR YOU AND YOUR SISTER.
AND ARE YOU DR. VAN DER WOODSEN?
NO. UH, WH-WHAT'S GOING ON?
UH, THE REVISED PORTRAIT CONCEPT IS WILLIAM VAN DER WOODSEN
AND HIS TWO CHILDREN.
WHAT? NO, THE WHOLE POINT WAS TO DO THIS FOR MY MOM.
WE HAVE TO FIX THIS. YOU FIND WILLIAM.
I'LL MAKE SURE THAT LILY'S OCCUPIED,
AND YOU... SAY ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO ANYBODY
UNTIL I TELL YOU.
(horn honks in distance)
HEY.
I JUST NEEDED SOME TIME TO THINK.
ABOUT WHAT? WHAT'D YOUR DAD SAY?
IT WASN'T MY DAD ON THE PHONE.
IT WAS THE PEOPLE DOING THE "MODERN ROYALTY" BOOK.
THEY WERE CALLING FOR THE SAME REASON HE WAS.
THEY WANT US IN THE BOOK.
AND... YOU SAID NO, OF COURSE.
YES.
BUT THEN THEY ASKED IF I DIDN'T WANT TO POSE WITH MY FATHER,
WHY NOT... TAKE IT WITH MY MOTHER?
(sighs) OH.
(sighs) HAVING TO SAY IT OUT LOUD THIS MORNING
MADE ME REALIZE IF I'M ESTRANGED FROM MY DAD...
I REALLY HAVE NO ONE.
(indistinct conversations, camera shutter clicking)
BLAIR. HEY. UH... I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND,
BUT I CAN SEE YOU'VE GOT YOUR HANDS FULL.
THE LANDSBURYS HAD TOO MUCH LICORICE. WH-WHAT'S UP?
I'M READY TO GET MY PHOTO TAKEN.
UH... (inhales sharply)
FOR THE "UP AND COMERS" SECTION, YOU KNOW?
THIS ISN'T A PHOTO SHOOT FOR A HIGH SCHOOL YEARBOOK.
THERE IS NO "UP AND COMERS" SECTION,
AND EVEN IF THERE WERE, I MEAN, LET'S FACE IT, HUMPHREY.
YOU STILL WOULDN'T MAKE THE CUT.
(chuckles) TELL ME YOU DIDN'T DO THIS JUST TO HUMILIATE ME.
WHAT? NO. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT "THIS" IS.
EPPERLY CALLED ME AND TOLD ME I WAS IN THE SHOOT.
WHAT, YOU DIDN'T--YOU DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THAT?
NO, AND I DON'T KNOW WHY EPPERLY WOULD...
OH, GOD.
IT'S CHUCK.
HE KNOWS.
AH, BELLISSIMA.
OH, YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL.
THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
OF COURSE.
WE'VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH TOGETHER,
AND I LET YOU DOWN SO MANY TIMES.
(voice breaking) AND HERE YOU ARE.
MOM, DON'T START TO CRY RIGHT NOW.
YOU'LL RUIN YOUR MAKEUP. (chuckles) STOP.
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY DAUGHTER?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
CHARLIE. SHE NEVER MADE IT TO THE HOTEL,
AND SHE DOESN'T KNOW THE CITY.
SHE'S OUT THERE SOMEWHERE ON HER OWN. UGH! I KNEW IT!
ONE DAY WITH YOU, AND SHE'S RUN AWAY. THIS IS NOT A COINCIDENCE.
WATCH HOW YOU TALK TO MY DAUGHTER.
SHE DIDN'T RUN AWAY BECAUSE OF ME.
SHE RAN AWAY BECAUSE I TOLD HER THE TRUTH ABOUT YOU.
YOU GO AROUND ACTING LIKE WE'RE MONSTERS,
YET YOU TAKE MONEY FROM GRANDMA EVERY MONTH.
IS THAT TRUE?
I'M SORRY, MOM. I OVERHEARD THEM EARLIER.
THE ONLY REASON SHE CAME HERE IS BECAUSE GRANDMA PAID HER TO.
I'LL CALL CHARLIE NOW AND SEE IF SHE'LL TELL ME WHERE SHE IS.
OF COURSE MOTHER PAID YOU TO BE HERE.
I AM SO FOOLISH TO THINK THAT YOU WOULD HAVE COME
BECAUSE YOU CARED.
LILY...
THIS WAS ALL YOU, WASN'T IT? YOU HAD EPPERLY HIRE ME
AND CALL DAN AND TELL HIM THAT HE WAS AN--
AN "UP AND COMER"? WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM, MAN?
YOU'RE TRYING TO HUMILIATE HIM? WHAT, IS THAT IT?
I DON'T CARE ABOUT HIM ONE WAY OR THE OTHER. I JUST WANTED YOU
TO SEE HE'S NOT PART OF THIS WORLD. I KNOW YOU KISSED HIM.
SO?
YOU AND I ARE NOT DATING.
AND YOU KISS A LOT OF PEOPLE.
YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KISS HIM. HE'S HUMDRUM HUMPHREY.
EPPERLY TOLD ME IT WAS LIFE-CHANGING.
BECAUSE IT MADE ME REALIZE I WANTED TO BE WITH YOU.
DAN AND I BOTH KNOW IT MEANT NOTHING--LESS THAN NOTHING.
RIGHT?
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
I WAS GONNA TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT TONIGHT.
BUT THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A HUGE MISTAKE.
DAN HUMPHREY MAY NOT BE ROYALTY,
BUT AT LEAST HE'S NOT A CHILD.
♪♪
HEY.
LILY IN MAKEUP YET?
WE KNOW YOU SWITCHED THE PHOTO FROM RHODES TO VAN DER WOODSEN.
I-I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
SURE YOU DON'T, BUT LET ME TELL YOU.
HAVING A PICTURE WITH YOU AND YOUR KIDS
DOESN'T MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE A REAL FATHER.
BACK OFF, RUFUS.
LOOK, THERE'S JUST-- THERE'S NO PHOTO WITHOUT MY MOM.
OF COURSE THERE ISN'T.
I WOULDN'T WANNA CUT YOUR MOTHER OUT OF ANYTHING.
IT'S OVER, WILL. JUST FIX IT BEFORE LILY FINDS OUT.
FINDS OUT ABOUT WHAT?
FINDS OUT THAT, UM,
THAT I'M NOT HAPPY WITH MY HAIR. IT'S TOO FLAT.
MOTHER, YOUR HAIR IS ENORMOUS.
WE'RE READY FOR THE VAN DER WOODSEN PHOTO.
OH, IT'S THE RHODES PHOTO, AND WE'RE HERE.
OKAY, I COULDN'T FIND CHARLIE.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
YOU GONNA TELL 'EM WHAT YOU DID?
NO, BECAUSE I DIDN'T DO IT.
WOULD EVERYBODY PLEASE TAKE THEIR PLACES?
DOES ANYONE WANT TO BE IN THIS PICTURE OR IN THIS FAMILY?
I DO.
CINDERELLA FINALLY SHOWED UP AT THE BALL.
TOO BAD IT WAS CANCELED.
OH, THANK GOD. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? YOU HAD ME WORRIED SICK!
I'M FINE.
UH, THIS IS ONLY SUPPOSED TO BE
WILLIAM VAN DER WOODSEN AND HIS TWO CHILDREN.
WHAT? SINCE WHEN?
YEAH, I'M SORRY, LILY.
THE BOOK NEVER REINSTATED YOU. WILL DID THIS INSTEAD.
DAD?
WHAT'S THE POINT OF TELLING THE TRUTH
IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE ME ANYWAY?
I'M GONNA GO GET SOME AIR.
THIS LOOKS LIKE THE DRESS DIANA WORE
THE DAY AFTER SHE BECAME PRINCESS.
IT IS.
I WANTED YOU TO WEAR IT IN THE PHOTO WITH ME.
I HAD NO IDEA I COULD JUST ASK.
IT'S NOT TOO LATE.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE POWERFUL ON YOUR OWN FIRST.
WE CAN BUILD OUR FUTURES TOGETHER.
THE SADDEST PART IS THAT I'D COME TO THE SAME CONCLUSION.
BUT... NOW THAT I KNOW I'M READY,
I REALIZE YOU'RE NOT.
WHAT?
AND I THOUGHT THAT AFTER EVERYTHING YOU WENT THROUGH--
PRAGUE, EVA, RUSSELL, THAT... MAYBE YOU'D CHANGED.
BUT WHO WAS I KIDDING?
DON'T SAY THAT.
YOU HAVE YEARS BEFORE YOU'RE CAPABLE OF A REAL RELATIONSHIP,
IF YOU EVER WILL BE.
I'M SORRY, CHUCK.
(sighs)
AH. LILY, I... DID NOT SABOTAGE THE PHOTO SHOOT.
I HOPE THAT YOU REALIZE THAT.
OHH. I'M NOT EVEN SURE I CARE IF YOU DID.
I MEAN, LET'S FACE IT.
ME, CeCe, AND CAROL ALL IN THE SAME ROOM--
THE NIGHT WAS DOOMED TO BE APOCALYPTIC.
(chuckles)
BUT THE FACT THAT MY REBEL SISTER
HAS BEEN JUDGING ME ALL THESE YEARS
WHEN SHE WAS TAKING MONEY FROM MY MOTHER--
THAT'S A WHOLE NEW SPIN.
REMEMBER WHEN SHE MOVED TO MAUI,
DALLAS, AND THEN DOWNTOWN DETROIT? (chuckles)
ANYWHERE YOUR MOTHER WOULDN'T GO?
AND NOW SHE LIVES ON A HOUSEBOAT.
AND YOU LIVE IN A PENTHOUSE.
YEAH, FOR NOW.
AND THEN IT'S THE BIG HOUSE.
LILY...
TONIGHT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A WAY TO FORGET THAT.
LISTEN, NOBODY KNOWS WHAT YOUR SENTENCE WILL BE,
AND YOUR FAMILY'S HERE FOR YOU,
EVEN THOUGH THEY'RE SCREWED UP AND DANCE IN SILVER LEOTARDS.
(laughs) UNITARDS, AND THEY WERE GOLD.
THANK YOU, WILLIAM. YOU'RE RIGHT.
I JUST SPOKE TO JULIA CHAPLIN AND FOUND OUT
THAT BENEDIKT TASCHEN WAS TRAVELING
AND NEVER GOT YOUR MESSAGE.
THE VAN DER WOODSEN PHOTO WAS THE EDITOR'S IDEA,
AND WILLIAM HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.
WELL, IF THAT'S AN APOLOGY, RUFUS, UH, I ACCEPT.
COME ON. LET'S, UH... (clears throat)
GO GET OUR FAMILY AND GO HOME.
(indistinct conversations)
I HAD NO IDEA.
I KNOW.
NICE SUIT, THOUGH.
(chuckles) THANKS.
UH... WHAT DID YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME ABOUT EARLIER?
OH, I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE YOU KNEW THAT
THAT KISS MEANT NOTHING TO ME LIKE IT DID TO YOU.
OH. RIGHT.
SOCIAL EXPERIMENT GONE WRONG.
A PRINCESS KISSING A LABRADOR.
UH, I APPRECIATE YOU NOT CALLING ME A TOAD.
UH... BLAIR, YOUR PRINCE IS OUT THERE WAITING FOR YOU.
IT MIGHT NOT BE ME OR CHUCK,
BUT... HE'S OUT THERE.
YOUR PRINCESS IS, TOO, IF YOU'RE READY FOR HER.
ALL THESE YEARS, ALL YOU DID WAS LIE TO ME.
I MADE SOME MISTAKES, BUT I WAS TRYING TO PROTECT YOU.
HOW, BY SECRETLY TAKING MONEY?
BY MAKING ME FEEL HORRIBLE ABOUT WHO MY RELATIVES WERE?
I'M NOT 8, MOM. I'M 18. I DON'T NEED TO BE PROTECTED.
I ONLY WANTED WHAT WAS BEST FOR YOU.
YOU MEAN WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU.
WELL, THAT ENDS TONIGHT.
CHARLIE, DON'T.
(sighs) SO... EPIC BETRAYAL BY MOM,
ABORTED PHOTO SHOOT, NO PLACE TO SLEEP.
WHAT WOULD SERENA VAN DER WOODSEN DO?
WELL, THE SALTED CARAMEL GELATO AT il laboratorio CAN END WARS.
(sighs) TAKE ME THERE.
DID SOMEONE SAY "GELATO"?
OH, BLAIR, THIS IS MY COUSIN, CHARLIE RHODES.
HI. THE BLAIR. I'M HONORED.
AND I'M CRAVING VANILLA PECAN AND A GIRLS' NIGHT.
LET'S GET OUTTA HERE.
COME ON.
(sighs)
(Hurricane Bells) ♪ NOTHING TO SAY ♪
POOR LOST PRINCE.
WHAT'S THE POINT OF HAVING A KINGDOM
IF YOU HAVE TO REIGN ALONE?
♪ FROM THE DEEP END ♪
(camera shutter clicks)
(Electric Sunset's "Prayer" playing)
♪ I BELIEVE IN THE REAL WORLD ♪
♪ IT CONTAINS ME ♪
♪ LOSE MYSELF ♪
(spritzes)
♪ IN THE CITIES ♪
♪ ALONE ♪
♪ AMONG ♪
♪ MANY ♪
(inhales and exhales deeply)
STILL NO WORD ON THE SENTENCING?
UH, NO, NOT YET. UM...
DID YOU KNOW THAT MARTHA STEWART TAUGHT CRAFTS IN PRISON?
THE FLIGHT'S IN A FEW HOURS.
I HOPE WE HEAR BY THEN.
AND... I HOPE
THAT CHARLIE SPEAKS TO ME ON THE PLANE.
SERENA SAID THEY HAD A GREAT GIRLS' NIGHT.
PROBABLY JUST WHAT SHE NEEDED--
IN LIGHT OF, YOU KNOW,
YOUR DECADES OF MASSIVE HYPOCRISY. AHEM.
(sighs)
I SO WANTED YOU TO THINK I WAS DIFFERENT,
THAT I'D GOTTEN OUT.
OH, WHEN YOU LEFT L.A., I HAD...
I HAD NO ONE.
AND THEN ONE DAY, I WAS 24, LIVING OUT OF MY CAR,
BUYING A PREGNANCY TEST AT THAT DRUGSTORE UP ON LAUREL.
EVERYTHING CHANGED.
I DID NOT WANT MOM'S HELP,
BUT IT WASN'T ABOUT ME ANYMORE.
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?
AND HAVE YOU FIND OUT I FAILED?
AFTER YOU REJECTED ME AND EVERYTHING I STOOD FOR?
NO WAY!
I DID NOT REJECT YOU.
ALL I EVER WANTED WAS YOUR APPROVAL.
WELL, YOU GOT IT NOW.
TURNING YOURSELF IN,
NOT GIVING A DAMN WHAT PEOPLE THINK--THAT'S MY LILY.
(sighs)
WILL YOU COME VISIT ME IN PRISON?
I WILL SMUGGLE YOU POT BROWNIES.
AHH.
OH. (chuckles)
(sighs)
SO HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT
YOU'RE GONNA SAY TO YOUR MOM YET?
I FIGURED IT WOULD JUST KIND OF COME TO ME
IN THE MOMENT.
SHE'S NEVER GONNA LET ME DO IT.
WHAT IS THIS "LET"? YOU'RE AN ADULT.
YOU MAKE YOUR OWN DECISIONS, AND YOU SAY
THAT YOU HOPE THAT SHE SUPPORTS YOU.
I'M STARTING TO REALIZE WHY YOU'RE SO SCARY TO HER.
(cell phone ringing)
YOU WANNA GET THAT?
NO.
(ringing stops, beep)
(beep)
SO I KNOW YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR FROM ME,
BUT I HAD TO SHARE.
DAN HUMPHREY KISSED BLAIR WALDORF.
YOU CAN CONFRONT THEM. THEY'LL DENY IT,
BUT IT'S TRUE. I OVERHEARD THEM MYSELF,
AND BELIEVE ME, IF I WAS LYING JUST TO MESS WITH YOU,
IT WOULDN'T BE SOMETHING AS UNBELIEVABLE AS THIS.
(beep)
I'M SURPRISED RUFUS IS LETTING YOU MAN THE BRUNCH TABLE.
HE'S USUALLY VERY TERRITORIAL ABOUT HIS WAFFLES.
YOUR STEPFATHER AND I HAVE COME TO AN UNDERSTANDING.
BESIDES, HE'S OUT ON A MISSION RIGHT NOW.
WELL, I AM INTRIGUED AND PROUD OF BOTH OF YOU.
I KNOW YOU'RE MAKING THIS WORK FOR MY SAKE.
(elevator bell dings, doors open)
OH, AND HERE I THOUGHT YOU WERE DOING IT FOR ME.
(Charlie) HEY, MOM.
(both) HI, SWEETHEART. (chuckle)
HOW WAS THE SLEEPOVER?
IT WAS GOOD. IT WAS... SO GOOD,
THAT, UM...
IF IT'S OKAY WITH YOU, AUNT LILY,
I-I'D LIKE TO STAY IN SERENA'S OLD ROOM,
CATCH UP WITH THE FAMILY, MAKE UP FOR LOST TIME.
OH, I THINK THAT'S GREAT, CHARLIE.
CHARLIE, THAT'S A MISTAKE.
WHAT HAPPENED WASN'T SO LONG AGO.
YOU'RE NOT READY FOR THIS.
I AM.
BECAUSE OF YOU, I KNOW WHO I AM,
AND... NOTHING'S GONNA CHANGE THAT.
AND THANKS FOR SUPPORTING ME.
WHY DON'T I SHOW YOU YOUR NEW ROOM?
(lowered voice) MY GOD. I SUCK AT THAT.
(lowered voice) YOU'LL GET BETTER WITH PRACTICE.
WHAT? SHE'S GONNA BE FINE. WE'LL TAKE GOOD CARE OF HER--
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. A FEW MONTHS AGO,
SHE LEFT COLLEGE BECAUSE...
WH-WHAT'S GOING ON, CAROL?
JUST PROMISE ME THAT YOU WILL MAKE SURE
SOMEONE WATCHES HER CLOSELY, OKAY?
I PROMISE.
HEY, YOU'RE AWAKE.
I'M NOT SURE IF I EVER FELL ASLEEP.
YOU, UH... STILL THINKING ABOUT YOUR MOM?
YES, BUT NOT FOR THE REASON YOU THINK.
MY DAD ALWAYS SAID SHE NEVER TRIED TO CONTACT US.
BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER SINCE HE LIED
ABOUT SO MUCH OTHER STUFF--
MAYBE HE LIED ABOUT HER, TOO.
YOU COULD FIND OUT FOR SURE, YOU KNOW.
YOU COULD LOOK FOR HER.
WALKING DOWN THE PRIMROSE PATH,
YOU RISK FINDING HELL INSTEAD OF HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
SAVE ME A WAFFLE, BUT FIRST WE HAVE A SURPRISE.
YOU'RE SOCIALIZING WITH MY MOTHER?
THAT IS SURPRISING.
RUFUS HAS GATHERED THE FAMILY, DARLING.
LILY, I ASSUME YOU KNOW LAURIE SIMMONS?
(Lily gasps)
OH!
(I Blame Coco's "Selfmachine" playing)
(laughs) SO GREAT.
HI. UH, THIS IS A FAMILY PORTRAIT,
SO I'M ASSUMING YOU ARE COUSIN CHARLIE.
YEAH. HI.
YOU'RE DAN?
YEAH.
HOW LONG YOU GONNA BE HERE?
UM... DEPENDS, I GUESS.
♪ IT SAID I GAVE YOU THESE SCARS ♪
OKAY, I'M GOOD TO GO IF EVERYONE ELSE IS.
AH, CeCe, COME ON. YOU'RE SITTING NEXT TO ME.
OH, HOW ABOUT IF I'M IN THE MIDDLE
BETWEEN YOU AND WILLIAM?
ALL RIGHT.
(speaking indistinctly, laughing)
♪ LONELY ROBOT IN A WASTELAND ♪
♪ RUSTING IN A LONELY HARBOR ♪
♪ LONELY ROBOT IN A WASTELAND ♪
LOOK AT ME.
(telephone ringing)
LILY, YOU WANT ME TO...
OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. UM... JUST LET IT RING.
I WANT MY FAMILY PHOTO TO CAPTURE THIS MOMENT.
THAT'S MY LILY.
(ringing continues)
(Laurie) OKAY, SAY "CHEESE."
AS WITH ANY JOURNEY, WHO YOU TRAVEL WITH
CAN BE MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR DESTINATION.
♪ ...SPOKEN AND IT WAS FORESEEN ♪
WHY DOES LOVE HAVE TO BE SO HARD, DOROTA?
ALL I EVER WANTED WAS A SIMPLE FAIRY TALE.
KATE MIDDLETON HAS IT, AND I HAVE MUCH SHINIER HAIR.
ALTHOUGH SHE DOES HAVE A BETTER ASSORTMENT OF HATS.
DON'T DESPAIR, MISS BLAIR.
DESTINY FULL OF SURPRISES.
♪ LONELY ROBOT IN A WASTELAND ♪
YOU NEVER KNOW WHO YOU'LL ENCOUNTER ALONG THE WAY.
WHO KNOWS? MAYBE FAIRY TALES COME TRUE AFTER ALL.
♪ I'M NOT A HUMAN IF MY ENGINES LOCK ♪
♪ AND THIS MOTOR THAT YOU CALL MY HEART ♪
X.O.X.O., GOSSIP GIRL.
♪ THAT WILL STOP ♪