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Hi, Billy Mays here—
[♫]
—for the most important product I have ever endorsed:
The 99% Bottle.
The world’s greatest problems are caused by the 1%.
Bring the 99% back into power and restore the world
(and its fresh orange scent) with the 99% Bottle.
The secret to the 99% Bottle is that the 99% Bottle
is only 99% bottle;
it’s 1% hole.
The hole allows you to eliminate the 1% at over a hundred miles an hour
and get rid of those greedy, rich, six-thousand-pound guys.
That’s the power of the 99% Bottle.
Ninety-nine percent of people are part of the 99%,
so buy the 99% Bottle and join the craze with me, Billy Mays!
If you don’t, then you are part of the world’s greatest problems.
You are part of the 1%.
You scare the **** out of me.
But wait! There’s more!
If you buy the 99% Bottle, you might bring me, Billy Mays, back to life.
[♫] Bring me back to life.
Buy the 99% Bottle.