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This is the day you voice your opinion You call out stupidity
And you rant about your most annoying pet
peeves
The day you work out your jaw muscles
You can speak it
You can type it
You can even sign it
But make it loud and do it in all caps
So most stores have self-checkout now
Now that's a wonderful concept
So long as stupid humans aren't operating it
And you know it never fails, never fails
And I've failed a lot of things in life
Math
English
Which is, perhaps, quite obvious to you at this point in the video
But when it comes to this particular thing
I'm a brown nosing
Hand raising
Book reading
Straight 'A' student
Without fail
I always seem to get in the line behind the buffoon
That doesn't know the difference between a
computer
And an etch-a-sketch
Yet he's gonna be a pioneer
And tackle this self-checkout concept
Eeeehhhhh
I don't know
Ummmmmm
Whhhhhat do I do?!
Ma'am
Miss
And there's really nothing that I can do
Yet stand there and try to be patient
And go into my self-meditation state of mind
UHHHHHHHHHHHH
Meanwhile
Self-checkout pioneer boy
Has been staring at the screen for five minutes now
You know in my particular grocery store
There's two simple touchscreen options
You can choose either English
Or you can choose Spanish
Let me make it quite simple for you
If no hablas espaƱol
Then push English!
UHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Moving on!
Everybody's got to have their special card
You know
I'm sick of all these grocery stores, convenient stores
And just places of purchase in general stores
Requiring me to sign up for their special high priority club card
Just to get the sale price that they stuck
in my face
When I took the item off the shelf
Either you give me the sale
Or you charge me the extra thirty cents
I shouldn't have to sign up for some plastic card
To put on my keyring to get the thirty cents off
This isn't how we conduct business in a democracy
Sir do you have your card?
I need your card, your club card
No!
I don't!
I don't have a card
OH NO!
He doesn't have his card
You need your card sir
I need a club card to save ten percent
What are you talking about?
I thought I was saving ten percent
When the sign in front of me clearly said
ten percent off
I give you money
You give me my item
This is how we operate in a relatively sophisticated society
I need your zip code
What's your zip code?
Oh, he doesn't have his zip code
You don't know your...you don't live anywhere?
Sir, can I get your email?
Sir, can I get your email?
Why do you need my email?
So you can send me hundreds of spam
About sale prices regarding things that I need a card for?
I THINK NOT!
And of course the most irritating thing of
this month
Easily goes to the government shutdown
You know as an American citizen
It would be irresponsible of me to not exercise my rights
And make a small snack out of that
Earlier on in the month I made a comment
That us as U.S. citizens should rise up
And decide that we are going to shutdown on
April 15th
I wonder how well that would go over in the government
Someone was kind enough to me to respond of
a list
Of all the things that we are allowed to do during the government shutdown
Of course, one thing that was on the list
Is that we as American citizens
Are still allowed to pay our taxes
Well isn't that great
I am kind of curious given the battle of what
it's about
How our new system of medical care is going to be
Perhaps it might be something like the self-checkout
That our grocery stores have embraced
I can only imagine how the government controlled program is going to look twenty years from now
Alright, listen up people, I'm Billy Bob
I'm in charge of the medical department
Here for cancer and heart patients
Listen, if you're a cancer patient
And you're looking to get Chemotherapy today
You need to be over here in line A
Yeah, just go ahead and walk on over there
If you're suffering from some sort of heart condition
Like rhythmia or if you're currently having
a heart attack
You need to be over in line B
Now if you're here just to give blood you're in luck
We have here in the corner our self-checkout line
Just get in line over there and put your arm up against the screen
And it'll suck that blood right out for ya
I can only imagine that getting any assistance
In these touch screen lines from the government
Is gonna be quite difficult
See attendant to move forward
Hey Sir
Sir
Sir
Sir!
What?
Oh, no wait!
Whatever you do, hold on!
Don't touch
Break time
Wait, wait, no, no wait
Come on!
So you're making your way through the prompt screen
And some self-sterilizing sharp needle
Drills into your arm like a dagger
And then it sucks your blood through your
arm like a hoover vacuum cleaner
Before you know it, it's in a biodegradable pouch
And all the blood is taken care of, and you're
on your merry way
Oh wait
Just make sure you're carrying your government issued
High priority club card
You need your card
Do you have your card?
Like every government run program
You're bound to come across a few glitches
No, no, wait no
It SHUTDOWN!
NOOOOOOOOOO!
I'm sorry I couldn't resist
These are the things that irritated me this
month
Thanks for watching
If you have any rants, or pet peeves
Or just things you want to scream to the top of your lungs about
Make sure you write it down below
DO IT IN ALL CAPS AND I'M OUT!!