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- Is in a meeting!
- Dad, dad!
What if I told you
that I found a way
to combine one of
my favorite passions
with an employment
opportunity?
I'd say just make sure
you thought it through.
Okay, I thought, I thought
you were going to say
"tell me more," so we're
kind of going off script here.
- Which passion are we talking about?
- Magic.
No.
Good, then we're
back on the script.
Look, you know
I've got the skill.
There's not a pair of
cuffs that can hold me.
And you've always
said do what you love,
and the money will follow.
That's not the
case with magic.
Isn't it?
What's that?
I believe this
is yours, sir?
Don't dad, don't you
want to ask how I did that?
I can't tell you,
but you can ask.
Good morning, everybody.
We don't have much.
Today, the president
and first lady
welcome the Austrian Chancellor
for a series of bi-lateral
meetings.
So, I'm sure you have
questions about that.
Evan.
Who's the father
of Becca's baby?
Is it any of the men who
have come forward?
As-as I have said, it is
a private family matter.
I'm not going to stand
up here and give every
fame-seeking wacko a comment.
Is it the physical
therapist from the Bethesda?
Is the puppeteer
from Wichita Falls?
It's a private family
It's not the damn puppeteer.
No comment.
No comment.
I beg you,
can we please, please,
focus on the arrival of
the Austrian Chancellor?
Sure.
Does the Austrian Chancellor
have any comment on
Becca's pregnancy?
Sir, ma'am
You'll greet her, followed
by the first gentleman.
"Mister," or
"herr Von Konig," for him.
"Madame Chancellor" for her.
You know, I met her at a
conference a few years ago,
I'll probably call her Bianca.
How wonderful.
Hopefully, she'll
take it in the spirit
it's intended, and not as
a naked breach of etiquette.
That guy's obsessed
with protocol.
Winslow is the chief
protocol officer, honey.
I mean, you don't
complain that your doctor's
obsessed with medicine.
Yeah, well,
I'm tired of the
passive-aggressive
history lessons.
Jackie Kennedy did this,
Dolly Madison did that
Guess what? On Dolly's watch,
this place burned to the ground.
Because of a war.
I'm just saying.
Hey, Brad, I was so
excited about their visit,
I ate five Vienna sausages.
You want to see
a magic trick?
Madam Chancellor, Mr.
Von Konig,
welcome to the White House.
Madam Chancellor
Please, call me Bianca.
I
mean, did we not meet in Bonn?
We certainly did, Bianca.
Mr.
President,
may we have a photo, please.
Absolutely.
Herr, if you don't mind, here.
I'm needed in a situation.
Of course,
Mr.
President.
First lady and I will
take it from here.
We've secured
the perimeter.
Just waiting for
your order.
We're sure this
is our man?
The leads pan out.
He matches the description.
Short of a DNA test,
we believe
that he's the father
of Becca's baby.
Was he in the Navy,
as Becca suspected?
Well, not the "new Navy.
"
Hey, buddy,
you're not allowed to bring
food or beverages
into the fitting room.
Dude, I saw you bring your
yoshinoya beef bowl in there.
We're with the
secret service, son.
We're going to need you
to come with us.
S01 Ep04 - Meet the Parent
You and I are going to
have a conversation now.
But I don't know
Don't interrupt me!
Yes, yes, president
Mr.
Pres Mr.
President
Did you really think
you could do
what you did,
and then just disappear?
Whatever it is I did,
I did not think
I could just do it
and disappear.
No way I wouldn't do that
If I did that
Are you playing
games with me?
Wait, do you think
I'm a spy?
I'm not a spy.
Or maybe I'm one of those
spies that doesn't know it
until I've been activated.
What?
Why would I suggest
something like that?
I haven't been activated.
Send her in.
Do you even know
who my daughter is?
Maybe we're
spies together
Damn it, please don't
listen to me.
I'm super nervous.
Hey, dad, what's up?
Dad?! You said you were having
trouble tracking this guy down.
I just wanted you to find
his phone number.
You didn't tell me your dad was
the president of America.
Yes, I did.
So, you don't think it's weird
that I'm the first daughter?
Not at all, I'm the oldest
in my family, too.
So what do you do?
I work at Old Navy.
A Navy man.
So, what's why
you kept asking
if the secret service agent
was my boyfriend?
That guy seemed
really clingy.
Come on
Dad, can I just speak with
D.
B.
Alone please?
If you so much as utter
one disrespectful word
to my daughter,
I will find you.
I have robots that
roam the skies.
Cool.
Sky robots.
Sorry he can be
a little protective.
That's okay.
At least we're
back in touch.
What have you been up to?
You really don't know?
Don't you
watch the news?
Sports news.
It's a kind of news.
Okay well
You remember that
time we played
one-on-one and
didn't have a goalie
and we bowled a strike?
Wait, are you pregnant?
Seriously?
That made sense to you?
Look, I'm only telling you because
you have the right to know,
not because I expect anything
from you and your do you call
that a swimmer's build?
I know what to do.
No, no, no, no,
don't do that.
Will you marry me
Becca?
It's Becca, right?
That
is very sweet,
but, I can do
this on my own.
So, it does not take
a village.
Not for me.
So just stay right there,
and I will leave you now.
Good day, sir, good day.
Good luck with
the athletics.
Is it cool for me
to be in here alone?
You're not alone.
My toilet was clogged
again, so I used dad's
powder room
Heard everything.
- You are having a day?
- Well
I'm Standrich Gilchrest Jr.
,
but my friends all call me Skip, and
I would like you to do the same.
Okay.
I don't believe
in handshakes.
I could use a hug.
You're so sweaty.
Am I hearing this right?
Is this true?
You have the baby's
father in your office?
That I do flushed him
right out of his spider hole.
You mean the
friendship heights mall?
And you say I
go overboard.
Dale, what are you going
to do with him?
I'm going to make
him face the music.
What does that mean?
I'm gonna hang him up
by his bootstraps,
take him out to the woodshed,
give him what for.
Okay, and what are you
going to do with him
when you're done speaking
in macho metaphor?
I don't know.
Ma'am, I'm glad
I caught you.
I have just a few
dozen details to go over.
Immediately prior
to the luncheon,
the Austrian attaché
will announce them,
at which point
I shall announce you
Winslow, I appreciate
the attention to detail,
I really do,
but for starters,
I don't want us to
be announced.
Excellent.
Yes, and those place cards,
we don't need
those at the table.
We know who we are.
No place cards.
Well, if Abigail Fillmore
can start a tradition,
I suppose we can end one.
Melissa, leave
that cart there.
And that China
It's just too formal.
I want them to feel
like guests in a home,
not visitors at a museum.
If I may, Ms.
Gilchrest,
that China was selected
I don't care if
Mary Todd Lincoln served
emancipation proclamation
pudding on these plates,
we are not using them.
- Is that clear?
- As you wish.
Your dad seems tough.
Yeah.
Tough, but fair.
Yeah, he seems like
the kind of guy
with a hard exterior,
but ultimately loving center,
who doesn't
show it that often,
'cause that's not
how he was raised.
Do me?
Actually, you seem
a lot like me.
Totally.
Let me ask you this, okay?
And if you don't feel
comfortable with his question,
you absolutely
don't have to answer.
- Okay? You understand?
- Yeah.
- What's your favorite salad?
- Taco salad.
Taco salad I knew it.
On the count of three,
name your favorite animated
TV series from the 1980s
about feline warriors.
One, two, three
Thundercats!
It's like looking in a mirror.
Internalizing.
"No comment.
"
Let me hear you say it.
Excuse me.
Becca, we need to talk.
Marshall, this is
not the time.
I really can't talk
about us right now.
That's actually great,
because there is no us.
There is you,
a guy named D.
B.
,
and the national press corps,
who, like chimps,
are cute as babies, but grow
up to be quite mean.
Well, I don't know what
I want to tell them yet.
Great, I'll just keep
going with the "no comment,"
private family matter, 'cause
it's working like a charm.
Hey, sis.
You're probably wondering
what I think of D.
B.
As we all know,
I'm a notoriously
tough audience,
but I love him.
That's nice, Skip.
And it's not just because
of his daring good looks
Although his eyes match the
waters of the mediterranean
It's because we
really connected.
Well, that's more
than I can say.
Becca, you are
on page one
of a fairy tale
romance with this guy.
It's a classic boy-meets-and-immediately-
impregnates-girl story.
Skip, you know there's
no relationship
between me and D.
B.
, right?
He's basically
a stranger to me.
We had one stupid night.
I mean, we've never
even been on a real date.
Haven't you?
Emily, you have made
us feel so welcome.
Like old friends.
Well, good.
Sometimes we have to remind
ourselves this is not
just the White House,
it is also our home.
Then how come she
doesn't let me
watch football
in my underpants?
My.
Are we not to dine on
the Hapsburg China?
Come again?
I wrote the White House
months ago,
requesting to dine on
the Hapsburg China.
It's special China?
Planning a
romantic date for two
using this stuff I find
because I'm smart
This painting
is bolted to the wall
and now I'm looking
for something
to tie all these
pieces together
and look, a China cart
The China was a gift from
the royal House of Hapsburg.
The artisans
who made it
perished in a
workshop fire.
All was lost but the
China inside the kiln.
Well, those artisans did
not die in vain.
Nor did the mountaineers
who froze to death
transporting it
over the alps.
Or the sailors,
who safely shipped it
all the way
across the Atlantic.
Well, they made it.
To shore, where they
were set upon by wolves.
Sounds like
bad-luck China.
Klaus, you're
being a pill.
Our hosts are well aware
that the Hapsburg China
is a priceless symbol of our
nations' mutual affection.
Well put.
That is why I'm going to feature
it at dinner this evening.
If you'll excuse me,
I'm going to go
check on that now.
Come on.
It was right here.
Becca, remember how
you said that you were sad
that you never got to go
on a real date with D.
B.
?
No, Skip,
I did not say that.
I practically said
the opposite of that.
Well, ta-da!
- Hey.
- Hey
I'm gonna figure out
what's happening.
Stay right there.
Skip, why?!
Becca, you owe it to the American
people to give this thing a shot.
No, I don't.
- Then you owe it to D.
B.
- Also not true.
- You owe it to master chief.
- Who's master chief?
The name of the baby.
Look, D.
B.
is the father
of your child.
Why not give him
a chance?
What's the harm
in having
one amazingly romantic
interlude curated
by a master in
the art of datecraft?
Fine.
And we're back.
I don't really
know what to say.
Well, that makes
two of us.
Whoop.
Sorry.
Got it.
Just listen to your body.
Kind of hard with you
breathing on my hair.
Here's a conversation starter:
D.
B.
, you put
a baby inside of Becca.
Becca, you have D.
B.
's baby
- inside of you.
- Yeah.
- Springboard.
- Gone?
What do you mean, gone?
It was checked out to
the residence dining room.
Yes, but it's not in the
residence dining room.
I know.
It's gone.
So, I've decided not to find out
whether it's a boy or a girl.
Ever?
- No, I mean
- That was a joke.
Watch out, Jay Leno!
For what it's worth,
I kind of hope it's a girl.
- You do? Why?
- Well, 'cause if she's
as smart and pretty and
intimidating as you,
she'll just kind of crush it
in life.
I knew I wanted to make magic.
I just never knew what kind.
Shall I dazzle you
with sleight of hand?
I can top that.
Now in order
for this to work,
I need you both to radiate
positive energy
toward the table, okay?
And then I'm gonna pull
this tablecloth
really fast
in, like, one motion, okay?
One, two
No, Skip, no!
Cool.
It worked.
Do you have any idea
how important this China is?
No, but it is
absolutely stunning.
And a lot of Austrians died
in some very specific ways
for it.
It doesn't matter.
It's all safe now.
You're D.
B.
Hi, I'm Emily Gilchrest!
Yeah.
Where do I know you from?
It's so nice
to meet you.
I hope everyone's treating
you well.
Yeah.
So sweet.
Okay.
Becca!
No!
Momily, it's not your fault.
Well
What we're gonna do?
This is a disaster!
No, no, don't worry.
We can glue the pieces
back together again,
and no one will know
the difference.
See?
Skip, how did you?
Yeah, we can use this one
unbroken plate as our model.
Well, that's gonna make it
much harder.
Your stepmom is beautiful.
I see where you get it.
Is that a joke?
Yeah.
Look, it was really nice of Skip
to try and get us
together but
Now, who are we kidding?
What do you mean?
W-well, we are very different
people, D.
B.
You're a really sweet guy,
and you have a
Actually, we didn't decide.
Is that a Lacrosse physique?
Anyway, we will figure this out.
I just don't think
that this is part of the plan.
Yeah.
Okay.
For what it's worth,
I went back to that bar
every Friday night
to see if you'd be there.
- But you know what?
- I wasn't there?
How do you know?
Were you there?
Yeah, this isn't gonna work.
friends and family.
I figure we're
at least one of those.
Can I get a ride
back to the mall?
Not the Lincoln memorial-y one.
The-the real one?
- Come on, man.
- Thanks.
Did something happen?
He looked upset.
I turned down his marriage
proposal and called him stupid.
Yikes.
Don't you want to call someone
- to help you with this?
- No, I'm still enjoying
the maybe-this-didn't-
happen phase.
I remember that phase.
It's a good phase.
Look, I know this wasn't
exactly what you planned.
But sometimes things don't
go the way you expect.
Things break.
You just got to
pick up the pieces.
And if necessary,
tell some Austrians
that you've spit on your
shared cultural history.
I broke the China.
I know.
That's why I said.
I'm sorry, Winslow.
This is not your fault.
That's a very generous read
on the situation, ma'am.
However, I shall take the blame
and resign in disgrace.
It's the only way
to protect the president
from a diplomatic incident.
I'll have to move in
with my sister.
It's not ideal.
She owns a ferret.
Winslow, you
stuffy ***.
I can't let you
take the fall for this.
I should have
listened to you.
I will tell them
what happened,
and I will suffer
the consequences.
As you wish,
Ms.
Gilchrest.
Allow me to help
you clean up.
Guys! This house is full
of antiques!
You've really got to be more
careful, okay?
I can't emphasize that enough!
Dad?
I think we need
to go to the mall.
The Lincoln memorial-y one
or the real one?
I'm so nervous
for you, momily.
How will they react?
We don't know.
Bianca! Good evening, Klaus.
Guten abend,
fraulein Von Konig!
Good evening to you
as well, Skip.
- Is that all the German you know?
- Yes.
The president and his daughter
will be joining you shortly.
Allow me to show you
to your seats.
I have a confession
to make.
It's not easy to say,
and I'm sure it won't
be easy to hear, but
How many fingers am I holding up?!
What day is it?!
Why is Arnold Schwarzenegger's
accent different
than every other Austrian?
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
What is it? What's wrong?
It is no more.
It?
The Washington Windsor chair.
The first lady knows its
history better than I.
Yes George Washington
died sitting in that chair.
Musing it was
his musing chair.
I took you for granted,
and now you're gone.
I am so sorry.
We feel terrible.
These things happen
To good, well-meaning people,
I might add.
For instance, earlier today,
I completely shattered
the Hapsburg China.
What?
Moving on.
Let me ask you this.
Do you like barbecue?
Dude, come with
me to split a cinnabon.
I don't want a whole one.
Not hungry, mahmood.
Son?
Not again.
Mahmood, if I don't come back,
tell them my story, okay?
Tell them I loved to laugh.
I owe you an apology, son.
I have the emotions of a father
and the power of a president.
It's a dangerous
combination, sometimes.
I'm sorry, too.
I don't know whether
or not we're different,
because the truth is,
I don't know you.
And you don't know me,
so let's fix that.
Will you come back
for dinner at the White House?
Sure.
I don't believe
in handshakes.
Skip taught me that.
Very fortunate that that
storied chair collapsed
at just the
right moment.
Yes.
We caught
a break there.
D-balls, you're back!
Cool hat, man.
Okay, let's do this.
Photo op of me and
D.
B.
and the family
on the White House lawn.
You sure?
I'm not sure
about anything,
but that's okay.
All right then.
Why don't you all just scoot in?
Becca! Becca,
can we get a photo?!
Becca, guy with the face!
Photo, photo, photo op, Bec!
Thrill.
Awesome.
Now what hashtag
should I use?
'Cause this is kind
of a delicate situation.
Is "baby daddy"
one word or two words?