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Weíll start the Satsangh. Today, Iíll expand on my enlightenment experience, in the light
of the four tattvas: Integrity, Authenticity, Responsibility and Enriching! Listen! Please,
come to the space of listening! All the viewers, devotees, disciples through Sadhna TV, Lotus
news channel, I request all of you to come to the space of listening! Settle down and
listen!
Iíll describe exactly what happened at the age of twelve. When I say twelve, it is based
on the Indian standard. As per the American standard, it is eleven, because in the West,
they only tell the number which is over; in India we tell the number which is running.
Because, in India, aging is respected, in West, youth are respected. Age receives respect
in our society, so, we always try to show one year more. So, between eleven and twelve,
that was the time, on this very day; since now I am between 35 and 36. How many years
before? Twenty four years before! Two dozen years over! Twenty four years before, on this
same day, on the paurnami day, today is also Vaikashi Vishakha ñ Vaikashi month, Vishakha
nakshathra. Subrahmanyaís enlightenment day. As per the tradition, this is the day Subrahmanya
appeared. This is considered to be the birthday of Subrahmanya. He appeared from the third
eye of Mahadeva. He is the embodiment of jnana, enlightenment. It is His enlightenment day
also! So, today Mahadeva gave birth to Subrahmanya.
On this very day, in the evening, I went to the Hill, Arunachala Hill; at the feet of
the Arunachala Hill, at the foothills, there is a place called, Kumaran Kundram, Coral
hillock on a rock, you can see exactly this is the same rock on which I was sitting. Itís
a very beautiful place, a very powerful place, where Devi became enlightened. The place where
Devi Parvathi did tapas and became enlightened, so, still thereís a Ardhanareeshwara temple
there, the place has a strong connection with the spiritual energy. I should narrate the
incidents that happened before this experience, only then you will understand the whole experience.
Because, in those days, I started practicing the self-enquiry: who am I? In a little different
way as initiated by Annamalai Swamigal, an enlightened being, enlightened master, who
is a disciple of the great incarnation Ramana Maharshi. He is a disciple of Bhagavan Ramana
Maharshi. Annamalai Swamigal. I had the fortune of sitting at his feet at a very young age,
still I have his personal diary, in which in his own handwriting, he recorded all his
connection with Bhagavan, and teachings of Bhagavan, like a diary. Still I have that
diary in my possession. In our archives, it is there. It was gifted to me by one of his
disciples, a great Sadhu! Once I went to listen to him, few foreigners were sitting around
him and he was talking about some spiritual truths. Iíll tell you roughly what I understood
from his words! I canít say this is what he said, I can say this is what I heard! That
we are not the body, there is no pain, suffering, for us. I was really surprised to hear that,
because Iíve seen in my family, if the kids are beaten they cry. Even though I was never
beaten, Iíve seen kids are being beaten, they cry and so it was really beginning of
search for me.
Please listen! I went to the house, I know I have not understood whatever he said, but,
because I was in the pure space of listening, whatever he said was intensely working on
me. It is like a, Ramakrishna tells a beautiful story: ëa mother pearl, oyster, am I right?
Oyster has to receive the water, rain water, showers from the sky during Swaathi nakshathra.
When the Swaathi nakshathra is on the peak, the rain water drop which falls from the sky,
the oyster has to catch that. Rain water; then, she has to go into the ocean and process
that water drop; that drop of water becomes ëpearlí! Same way, you have to be in the
pure space of listening, to receive the words from the master and go and work on it!! Then
only you will see the pearl happening! The pearl of Enlightenment! Experience happening
in you!
I was in the pure space of listening, so those words entered into my being, but, I was not
capable of cognizing what he said! See, if I had cognized what he said, that moment I
would have become enlightened! But, I was not capable of cognizing what he said. I only
listened!! But, my listening was so pure, the word was intensely working on me, I was
possessed by that word! Listen! ëI was possessed by that word so powerfully!í whatever I was
doing physically, that word was sitting in me.
When a Completion and Completion hits at each other, a Completion is born!
Poornamadah, poornamidam, poornaat poornam udacyate!
My inner space completion and the completion of Annamalai Swamigal, both were going through
a process through the word he uttered, through the initiation he gave. It was like, I was
filled with that word, ëhow can this be?í I can say that intranalyzing was going on.
When you are in completion, even if you donít cognize masterís words, those words will
not leave you! They will take cognizance of you! Masterís words will take cognizance
of you, listen! When I utter a word, it spreads all over the hall, but only the space of completions,
it even recognizes as human beings and enters into them! Others, it just goes above the
head. If you are not in the space of completion, the word just does not even recognize you!
When you are in the space of completion, it recognizes your presence! Your existence!
So, the word was working on me so powerfully, the word took cognizance of me. It was so
strong on me, I started contemplating! One day it became too much, I wanted to find out
the truth, so I wanted to experiment on myself, whether I have pain or not. I ran, picked
up a shaving razor; those days it will be like a long blade, on which you will insert
a blade and shave. I took my fatherís razor, and cut my thigh very deeply and long enough
so, later on they had to make 13 stitches. That time I did not have any technique or
methodology or idea to go beyond pain. I have not experienced enlightenment. So, naturally
when I cut my thigh, the blood started oozing out, gushing out and I can say I was shaken!
Still, I am not able to exactly describe whether there was pain or not, but I was shaken! I
can say it was more psychological. More than that, my mother crying and running around;
my grandmother who always suspected Iím mad, got confirmed! She said, ëthat paithya sami
has done somethingí, and the ruckus they created, I can say that I felt I am supposed
to be in pain and distress! I was taken to the hospital; hospital is just opposite house,
just straight if you cross the road itís hospital. This side, the house which I was
born and brought up, that side is the doctor. Still heís alive in Thiruvannamalai. So,
I was taken to that doctor; his name is Karunanidhi, still heís there and his sons also became
doctors. And, I was taken to that doctor and he saw, and he asked my why did I do what
I did. I have no answer, then he did whatever need to be done and then he did 13 stitches!
Still the stitched marks are there; 13 stitches!
Of course, two or three days, I went again to Annamalai Swamigal and asked him; please
understand! I did not take responsibility for my inauthentic understanding! I put the
blame on him; I put the blame on him! I ran to him and said, ësee, what you taught me,
you said we donít have pain or suffering, I went and cut my thigh, Iím having painí.
But, now I remember, I canít even record or remember having pain; the ruckus they created
around me was suffocating! And, Iím forced to believe Iím supposed to be having pain
and pain. So I went and told him, ësee what you taught!í in a mood of blaming him .
15-end
He laughed and said, ëdonít worry my son, you did not understand what I said but even
without understanding, your attitude of experimenting is a great quality. Hold on to it, you will
achieve the ultimate'. Of course even at the end of the conversation, I was not satisfied
or happy; I told him- ëall this you could have taught me before I cut myself. I donít
have to go through this suffering.í He laughed and said- ëonly when time comes, things will
be understood.Dont worry.í
He consoled me and gave me lot of candies andÖ I learnt this habit of giving candies
to kids from him only. Itís Annamalai Swamigal who contributed that habit to me. Because
Iíll always go to him just because of candy. I still remember, I started going to him just
because of the candy he gives. Later on he gave the ultimate candy- Enlightenment itself.
But in the initial days, I used to go just because of the candy he gives. So he gave
me the candy. And he gave one last word- Find out WHO is having that feeling, that you have
pain or suffering. I can tell you, it was initiation. It was literally initiation. So
it was such a strong truth inside me; whenever I find time Iíll sit and contemplate - Who
is having pain in me? Who is that having me?
Iíll try to analyze inside me. Please understand. I was doing self enquiry without even my knowledge.
This incident happened I think when I was 10 and a half. After 1 year, when I was 11
and a half this enlightenment experience happened.
On this same day, in arunachala, at the foothills of arunachala. I was trying to practice this
same technique- Who am I? Who is having the pain experience? Who is the guy who is suffering?
Who is having the pain?
Around sun set and moon rise, means after 4:30 before 6:00. That was the time, between
4:30 to 6:00. Maybe around 5- 5:30; It was a sudden click, please listen. It was not
step by step experience.
Suddenly something opened in me. It is almost like a clicking, You are trying to connect
2 pipes struggling, struggling. Suddenly you know when the other side of the pipe water
comes out, the pipes are connected. Exactly like that. Suddenly I know, something opened
inside me.
I was actually with closed eyes. Means now I know who is the experience. Life. Alive.
Being present in everything. Experiencing. I could see literally all the sides. 360 degree this side and 360 degree
this side. Not only I was able to see one side the temple, the hill, the other side
main temple, every plant, stone, the sky above me. Still when I rememberÖ I am not even
remembering now, I am literally re-living. I was able to see the WHOLE at a time, simultaneously.
Without turning my head or opening my eyes.
When I understood, not only I was able to see, I felt, I experienced- the whole thing
is me. I was ALIVE. How powerfully you are alive inside your skin. If someone hits you,
touches you, you know. You are alive. How alive you are inside your skin, the same depth
of life, alive; being alive, lifeÖ I felt with everything: the stone, plants, hill,
temple; with everything, around 1 and a half hours.
My body did not even move. Maybe around 7:30 or 8:00, I slowly came down. Those days there
was no light. slowly came down. Those days there was no light in that area. But I didnít
need any light! I could see everything! Of course, moon was there, because itís a full
moon day. Two-and-a-half days, full two and-a-half days I could not understand what is happening!
It took full two-and-a-half days for me to understand I am in some other space. I could
see everything as my presence!
Because I was in completion, the words of the master entered into me. Because of the
integrity, the words were continuously working on me. That is Integrity! Trying to cut my
own thigh and see is Authenticity. Means, expanding,stretching yourself to the truth.
But, even then, I have not taken responsibility for the effect. When I decided to take the
responsibility to find out the root source, then enlightenment experience happened, and
I did not keep quiet. You need to know! I did not know, two and-a-half days, I did not
know what was happening! Then, slowly, when I settled, I went and told my Godmother, Vibhoothanandapuri.
Her name was Kuppammal. I went and told her. I asked her whether -am I possessed by ghost.
She checked my energy and said, ëNo! You are possessed by God!í Then, immediately,
I rushed, the joy was so much, I rushed and called my classmate, one friend, took him
to the temple and said, ëI went and sat and meditated in that rock, that hill, and I got
this experience! Now I can see anywhere! You also go and meditate in that rock. You will
also have this experience. I thought in that rock only that experience happens!
He said,î What experience happened to you?
I said, ëSee, I can see now all the sides without turning my head! If you want you check.
That fellow thought I am playing, making fun, or some pranks, playing pranks. He took a
coin. The kids always carry a coin in their trouser pockets you see. He took a coin and
showed behind my head, ëIs it head or fIower, which side?
I exactly said. And again five-six times he tested. I exactly said. And I also said, ëNot
only I can see without turning my head the coin which you are showing, I can also see
the tree behind, and the ants climbing the tree. I can see everything.
Thatís it! He got frightened.
Let you all achieve, experience, live, express, radiate, share, and explode in eternal bliss,
Nithyananda.
Thank you.