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Don't be tricked by these colours like Glen was,
he's been chewing the gum for about 12 hours now.
As you can see,
(CLASS GROANS)
this gum no longer tastes like spearmint.
"Flavour that lasts for infinity"?
More like flavour that runs out, and there isn't any.
Hey, Porter, have you heard about that new Failed State
that opened at the mall?
That store's full of crud
that fashion zombies think they need in order to live.
Must...have...scarves!
Yeah, whatevs, Jane, the point is that store is the coolest!
Working there would be like working in a coolness factory.
You know who would know? Carl.
Carl, since when have you worked at Failed State?
-Who said what now? -What?
Why didn't you tell me before?
Can I use your employee discount on a sweater?
-Please? That would be amazing. -What?
Yeah! Sure thing, Brittany, I think I'm working this weekend, actually.
That's awesome, you're the best!
That's our presentation, Mr Nakamora.
Thank you, Serge and Glen, for that... tasteless presentation.
(CLASS GROANS)
(BELL RINGS)
Carl, Jane, Alex, don't forget you're presenting on Monday!
I hope you picked a good topic!
And everyone else have a great weekend.
And remember!
Think business, act business, be business,
no monkey business!
(MR NAKAMORA MAKING MONKEY NOISES)
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
# Let's give it one more shot
# Let's give it everything we've got
# 'Cause if we get it right
# We will surely conquer the world
# Hey!
# I've got my wings from an angel
# Now we're wingin' it all the time
# I'm giving wings to an angel
# All my wings to an angel
# Now we've got to learn to fly #
We should have started working on our presentation weeks ago.
I hate leaving things until the last minute.
Word of advice: do not leave feeding your goldfish to the last minute.
They get grumpy and, man, they can guilt you out.
So, meet at the mall tomorrow, 10:00. Be there or be square.
Yeah yeah yeah, fish, guilt, mall. Got it.
Porter!
You made me lie to everybody about working in that store.
What part of being an angel says you can do that?
It's not a lie, Carl, it's more like a forecast.
With this job you'll have a 90 percent chance
of being cooler by the end of the weekend.
Failed State only hires cool kids, you know,
kids who wear scarves with t-shirts in the summertime.
Don't sweat it, Carl. I'll help you prepare for the job interview.
Since when were you an expert on getting jobs?
I had to get this job working with you, didn't I?
I though Dr Cassabi made you take it.
I say jalapeno, you say jala-peno.
I don't say jala-peno, I say jalapeno . Everyone says jalapeno!
Oh, he's gone.
(DR CASSABI LAUGHS)
I love the funnies!
That family is a circus.
I don't get it.
What's not to get? The kid is kissing his cat!
Ah, Porter, what brings you to my office this fine morning?
I'm hooking Carl up with a job. He's going to learn responsibility
-and to be cool. -Double whammy! Well played.
I'm gonna be there tomorrow morning,
-you should come along. -I'll put on my walking shoes.
Those are like 5,000-year-old walking shoes.
I'll have you know these are Air Julius...as in Caesar!
Come on! It's a joke, do me the courtesy of laughing!
Well, at least you have something to buy at the mall.
-New shoes? -Better jokes!
(THEY LAUGH)
Oh, man, look at these kids!
They're on a whole different level of cool than me.
I mean, look at that guy! He's wearing a poncho and making it work.
-We don't even know if they're hiring, Porter. -Yeah, well, they are now.
The interview's in five. Make lots of eye contact.
They're going to think it's a staring contest.
Hi, I'd like to speak to the manager.
You're speaking to her. Is this a complaint?
Because those are sweater-vests,
not defective sweaters.
You can buy the sleeves separately.
I'll show you where they are.
Oh, no no no, I'm actually here for my interview, here's my resume.
Interview? Those suits at head office never tell me anything.
We are under-staffed on account of today's mall fashion show.
We need someone in the stock room ASAP.
Stock room?
I know, it'll be a step down given your previous job in information logistics...
Oh, yeah, I had to get out of that game.
The logistics part was burning me out.
Tell me more.
Uh, well, there was logistics...
-And information. -And information, and...
I can't believe Carl didn't show up. Typical Carl!
Actually, this is anti-typical Carl.
I think you mean atypical Carl.
Where could he be anyway?
He could be stuck on those robot stairs, like I was.
I was supposed to be home four hours ago!
-You got the fake money? -Yeah.
-Wow, looks so real! -Pretty good, huh?
That's a lot of pencil crayons and a whole lot of time.
You got the fake ID?
Yep. This wallet belongs to Mr Wally Fluffleburger.
Check out the picture!
-Hey, it's Shaq! -That's why the height is 2.18 metres!
Let's see how honest people really are.
Is there something on my face?
No.
Why are you looking at me like that?
To show you how confident I am.
Point taken, you're a confident guy. You can blink now.
Ah, thank you, my eyes were getting really dry there.
Can you tell me what your biggest weakness is?
Uh, biggest weakness, uh...
Boy, that's a tough question.
Bet a lot of people give you the stock answer. Ha!
Get it? Stock... 'Cause I'm applying for...
-So your biggest weakness is your sense of humour? -Correctamundo.
Let's just say a customer tells you a competitor has a similar product
at a lower price. What do you do?
I tell them that you can't put a dollar value on quality and service.
Usually I tell them that the other store uses sweat-shop labour,
but I don't mind your answer.
You know what? I'm going to take a chance on you, Carl,
only because I really don't have any other choice.
Then I have no other choice than to say thank you.
There's only one rule here at Failed State: there is no, no.
There is no-no?
No. There is no, no.
Oh, I see, there is no, no, so only say yes.
Exactly. If you survive today, I'll hire you part time. How does that sound?
Amazing, thanks, Mum.
(HE COUGHS)
Did you just call me Mum?
No, I... I said thanks...
Ma'am. Ma'am. Yes.
Just put me in the stock room.
You're standing in it.
Carl, you're dripping all over the sweaters.
Your resume didn't say that you sweat that much.
Well, I didn't know whether to put it under hobbies or special skills.
Give me this box. I need to you go down to the fashion show
and see if Franz needs anything.
Which one's Franz again?
Oh, you'll know.
Looks like you got the job.
I didn't get the job yet,
but if I impress the manager today she'll hire me.
It's a good start.
Yeah. Just so you know, if I was any taller I'd be leaning on you.
Young man, I'm looking for a dress for my granddaughter.
Oh well, I actually work in stock...
Mrs Kruntz, it's so nice to see you again.
Mrs Kruntz is one of our most loyal customers.
How can I help you today?
Well, I want this fine young man to help me find a dress.
I'd be happy to help you instead, Carl here is a little busy.
(GASPS)
No, I want him!
He looks like such a nice well-mannered young man.
Why...
He looks like he just stepped out of the society page!
Well, Carl, you better give Mrs Kruntz some help here, then.
Well, um... Maybe you should help her instead.
When it comes to women's dresses I don't know...
I thought I told you: no, nos.
I meant K-N-O-W.
I'd be happy to help you.
-Thank you, dear. -Right this way.
(MANAGER CLEARS HER THROAT)
Right that way.
See? He took it!
Don't even touch it, it's pleather. It'll make your skin blotchy.
(HE BREAKS WIND)
Okay, this is it, these are the only dresses you haven't looked at yet.
Oh, now, this dress is nice.
But I'm not sure about the size.
Hey, Carl, how do I look in a scarf?
-Be honest. -Can't you see I'm helping Mrs Kruntz at the moment, sir?
My granddaughter isn't here and I'm not sure that this dress would fit her.
You never know something really fits until you see it on someone.
Oh, that's very true.
Young man, would you be a dear and put this dress on?
I don't...
It would be his pleasure.
-But... -But what?
We've been waiting for ten minutes, Carl.
Yeah, hold on just a moment, just zipping up.
Carl, what's taking so long in there?
How do girls do this?
Ahh!
Is everything okay in there?
Uh, yeah, I'm just excited to see how good the dress looks.
Porter, you're supposed to make me popular,
how is me looking like an idiot going to help that?
You don't look like an idiot. That colour suits you.
Oh, come on, beam me home, please! Or at least give me a pair of pants.
Or swim trunks, or lederhosen!
Carl, come out here, now, please.
Go.
Easy for you to say.
Oh, and...
That dress looks darling! Absolutely divine!
Yes, it's very now, very fresh. It just screams freshness.
Oh! Screams?
In a very quiet tasteful way. Right, Carl?
Oh, yeah, quiet screaming. It's what all the kids are doing these days.
(SCREAMS QUIETLY)
It's so hard to tell in this light.
We can go out into the store,
-the lighting is much brighter out there. -What?
Yes, that sounds like a wonderful idea.
-Okay, I really don't feel comfortable... -Ah!
Am I hearing a no?
No.
I mean yes.
I mean... Let's go.
Time to hit the food court and score some vinegar packets.
Hold on, buddy, what you got there?
Just my wallet, sir.
Really?
What's your name, buddy?
Alex Horatio P. Rodriguez.
I don't know what the P stands for. My mum won't tell me.
Gee! What's with this leather? It smells like fart.
Whoever smelt it dealt it.
That's not always true.
Oh, bad news for you, this ID says Wally Fluffleburger. Thief!
No, we were just...
Are you Wally Fluffleburger?
I'm just an innocent redhead.
All right, move it! Come on, chuckle-heads. Move it!
Hey! Hey!
Man, I feel like I'm in the army!
Oh, yes, this is much better light.
Could you twirl around, dear?
You want me to twirl?
Twirl around, please.
Just tell me when to stop.
Oh yes, I love it! I'll take it.
Wonderful. You've made your first commission, Carl.
I don't want a commission, I just want my pants.
All this excitement has tuckered me out, would you hold my purse, dear?
Sure, why not? Of course, I love it!
Goes perfectly with my dress...
(WITH GERMAN ACCENT) Stop right on that moment!
Franz, hello!
Back up, Courtney. Back, back, back. And again back!
I don't know whether to run in terror or jump in the joy.
I feel the same way.
You have vision.
You have wonderment on my eyes, my little fashion boy.
What? Fashion boy? No, no. No fashion boy.
Fashion victim, fashion victim!
You are silly. You will close at my fashion show as my muse.
I'd be a useless muse. I'm not amusing at all! Really, no muse.
It's not open for the discussions.
Oh, I just love fashion shows!
And I love you for loving them, my lady of the pink frock.
I'm just a stock boy...
-But Mr Franz... -It's just Franz, little one.
No Mr, no last name, just Franz, okay?
Okay, Franz, I don't know what you want me to do.
I don't want you to do, I want you to be.
You will come out at the end of my fashion show
like a lion prowling the stage.
Lion? I'm more like a lamb.
As my grand finale you will destroy all ideas of trendiness.
-Lozenge? -Better not, I'm trying to watch my figure.
Look out, fashion boy coming through.
Hey, Mum, Carl's dressed like a girl!
-How did the job interview go, Carl? -How do you think it went?
Great, see you at dinner.
Hurry or all the good seats will be gone!
You didn't see that one coming, Mum, did you?
No, but with the economy the way it is,
-it's best to try to hold on to your job. -Yeah.
Is this your office?
Yeah. I could have shared an office with the other employees,
but then maybe I'd get too close to them, let my guard down.
In this business you can never trust anyone.
Never feel for anyone.
Never love anyone.
Don't you love your mum?
Yeah, I love my mum. What's that got to do with anything?
-You said you can never love anyone. -Anyone who works here.
What would happen if your mum got a job at the mall?
-He always like this? -Yep!
-My mum's middle name is Pocahontas. -Stop distracting me!
Let's get down to business. What kind of scam are you kids working?
Bait and switch?
Ponzi scheme? Three-eyed goose?
A goose can't have three eyes!
No sir, it's a school project for business and marketing. It's about honesty.
What does a wallet full of fake money have to do with honesty?
It was last minute, we were scrambling.
You can watch it on the camera.
I hate that.
Little picture!
(CAMERA BEEPS)
Oh, fine.
Oh! So what you two kids were doing was an assignment for school,
-videotaping everyone here at the mall. -Exactly.
(SECURITY GUARD LAUGHING)
Shooting at the mall without permission...
That's violating all of our customers' privacy.
-I'm confiscating this tape. -But our assignment is due Monday!
Well, it's evidence now, sister.
Perhaps you should have stuck to the Bristol board and the smelly markers.
I like smelly markers.
Hit the road, Pocahontas.
Move it!
How fantastic is this? This is such a coup for Failed State.
Are you excited to be Franz's big finale?
Yes, I'm excited to be closing the show and wearing a dress on stage.
-Good, I'll be cheering for you in the crowd! -Crowd?
I thought this show was just an excuse for mums to sit down and rest their tushies.
There you are, my little catwalk butterfly.
Franz, I know you see something special in me,
-but I'm not cut out to be a model. -You have no choice, Carl.
This is your fate.
Ooh!
It's a once-in-a-lifetime chance,
sometimes a never-in-a-lifetime chance.
Besides, think of it this way: by making you my grand finale
I'm putting you in the spotlight.
Do you realise how popular I'm going to make you?
You sound like someone I know.
Claudia, you've got that dress on upside down, silly fraulein!
The mall is almost closed. What are we going to do for our presentation now?
Take our camera to the Dollar Store
and get video proof of false advertising?
Once I got a bag of green army men from there for a dollar.
It would have been a good deal but they were all in the same pose.
Who am I kidding? Mr Nakamora wants a presentation on consumer ethics,
not lame discount toys.
You're so funny, we'll have so many laughs in Milan.
(MODEL GIGGLES)
Ah! Stop doing that, man.
Just saw you talking to that model. That was cool.
She thinks I'm a goofball.
And in two minutes when I go on stage and model this dress,
-everyone will. -When are you gonna learn to trust me?
Be cool with the dress and everyone will be cool with you.
I don't know how to be a model, Porter, I don't know what to do!
This is an earpiece.
You'll be able to hear me on stage. Do exactly as I say.
Fashion boy! I need you on stage.
Now! Come! Hither, hither.
First it was chop, chop, now it's hither, hither.
Either way, snap, snap!
Hey! You guys don't look too happy.
We were doing an experiment on honesty
and we lost all of our material. Carl was supposed to help.
Yeah, and he didn't even show up.
He is seriously going to drop a rung on my friendship ladder.
Well, how many rungs are on your ladder?
Seven, but I don't want to talk about it.
I only have three rungs on mine.
Friends, non-friends and aliens from outer space.
Well, you guys don't have to worry, Carl's been working on the project all day.
-He has? -Yeah.
He's going to be at the top of your ladder for sure.
Go check out the fashion show.
Okay, let's go.
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
Take flight, catwalk butterfly, take flight.
(LAUGHTER)
-Look at Carl, he's on stage! -In a dress!
Talk about a way to make a living...
Hey, Mum.
PORTER ON EARPIECE: You're doing great, all right.
Keep that up, keep that up.
You've got to work it. Right, now loosen up.
There you go, you got it.
All right, just a little more...
Whoa!
You shouldn't sneak up on me like that!
What are you doing to Carl?
PORTER: He's doing great, he's having the time of his life.
Carl is not having the time of his life!
PORTER: I can't help it, Dr Cassabi.
I'm always in this positive mind-set. Positive Porter.
You should call me PP for short.
Let's see how you stay positive in Carl's shoes, PP.
Ah...
Not a problem. In fact, I'll do you one better.
Watch this.
(GROWLS)
AUDIENCE: Ooh!
Is that Porter?
This dress thing is catching on!
Oh, yeah!
Woo!
Whoa, whoa, Carl, take it easy! Carl!
Carl! Whoa!
(CRASH)
Perfect! Fashion will never be the same!
Ever!
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
-All right, man! -Yeah, bro!
And that's why it's not the product you want to sell,
but how you market it.
You really saved us on this one.
That was way better than my idea.
That's what I do.
Great presentation, you three.
I have half a mind to go and buy a dress myself!
(BELL RINGS)
Love the colours, man.
(LAUGHING)
Everything turned out okay.
Yeah, and it looks like the school got a new dress code.
(THEY LAUGH)
Shh! We're rolling!
Help, I just want to go up!
Oh!
I've been here so long, I forgot why I came to the mall.
I hear reindeer are very punctual. Oh boy, brain fart.
Oh!
See, that's karma for not doing what I was supposed to do.
It is ridonculous.