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Hi, I'm Letitia Miele -- and welcome to the debut edition of Internet Protocol with Tish.
Do you know what really bugs me about the Internet? Well, actually, a lot of things
drive me crazy when I'm online. That's why we've created "Internet Protocol" -- to help
bring some sanity to the way we interact on the Internet.
Let's start out by talking about sexting. You know, when people send nude or sexually
explicit pictures of themselves across the Internet. We've been hearing a lot about this
lately. Singles do it. Parents do it... Politicians do it. Hell, even a growing number of senior
citizens are strutting their stuff over the Internet. According to the AARP, sexting is
gaining popularity among seniors determined to keep their sex drives in full gear. That's
a subject we'll tackle another day...
But the reality is, on the opposite side of the generational spectrum sexting is huge
among teenagers. One recent study found that 39 percent of the teens surveyed had actually
sent sexually suggestive messages or images -- by text or Internet. And nearly 50 percent
admitted to receiving sexually explicit material on their portable devices. (*)
And think about this, if either the sender or the recipient of the *** e-content is
under 18 years old, BAM!... they could’ve just committed a felony. In some places, they
could be charged with trafficking in child *** -- even if a child is the one
trafficking in it. It sounds crazy, but a 12 year old boy and a 13 year old girl in
Valparaiso, Indiana have been charged with child exploitation and possession of child
*** for sending revealing photos of themselves to each other over the Internet.
They are 12 and 13 years old. Now, they each face felony charges.
Some teens actually defend sexting, saying it's their way of practicing safe sex. But
that doesn't fly with many parents and police who say that texting is risky business.
(Deputy James Spurlock): What a lot of kids don't consider is they believe it to be innocent,
they trust, that being the keyword, they trust the other person that is receiving it on the
other hand, not to share it, not to ever get angry with them, not to save it anywhere.
Not to use it for anything other than the possible comedic value or the romantic value
for which they sent it. And we all know in this world, in this day and age, like any
relationship there is no permanency. Especially as a teen. We go through a lot of changes
in our teenage years. The person we dated in high school, probably not going to be the
person that we marry. So what are we leaving behind with these people that could come back
to haunt us in our adulthood.
(Tish): So Deputy, why is sexting so risky for kids?
(Deputy James Spurlock): Because it is non-threatening to them. That is one of the messages we try
to carry out to them is... When you are doing it, it does not feel threatening. But do you
want that picture showing up 10 years from now. Do you want that picture showing up five
years from now? When you are applying for that first major job after you finish college.
Do you want that person to use that picture to try to blackmail you 10 years down the
road when you are somebody important. They do not feel threatened by it because they
have a very narrow time frame in which they are thinking about. And all too often, one
of the stats that just recently came out, basically says that 2 in 5 girls between the
ages of 10 and 15 years old has already sent sexually explicit messages to somebody that
they know.
(Tish): What does that say about the morals of teens these days?
(Deputy James Spurlock): Well, it's all gray area to them. Kids are still at this point
in time, you're talking about juniors or seniors in high school, they are still building their
moral character. And if they do not feel this is a threatening behavior, if they do not
feel it is something that they need to be concerned about, they don't find it to be
a moral issue. It is something they did with fun, it is something they did for somebody
they care about, it's something that they thought was just a temporary thing and it
will just go away and no one would ever see it. And all too often, we all know it's been
in the paper, it's been a news, these things sneak back up and all of a sudden it's public
knowledge and you are stuck trying to fix that.
(Tish): What about the argument that some kids are saying that they are trying to practice
safe sex by doing this?
(Deputy Spurlock): I've heard that argument. While that may be their mindset, it is still
a permanent thing. Once that picture is taken and sent, it's gone. You've lost all control
over it at that point. You do not know where it is going to end up. Even if the person
on the other end of that phone, that you sent that message to, should they see it and send
you a cute little message back saying "that was really nice I will delete it right away",
so nobody ever sees it, what a lot of kids don't know is that they do not understand
the technology. For most of those things, they are thinking it is going from my phone
to somebody else's phone and there is nothing in between those two. But all too often, it
goes through a computer system or it goes through a database someplace, and that is
actually what routes it to the other phone. For some service providers, they actually
cache all photographs that come to and from phones.
(Tish): And that’s one of the unexpected problems you come up against if you are going
to get involved with sending explicit material over the Internet...
(Deputy Spurlock): Well these photographs can be databased, they can be sold, resold,
traded. The child *** market in the United States is gigantic. It is a gigantic,
world, multi-billion-dollar market. And these images are traded and sold all the time. So
that picture that is on some server someplace, do you 100% trust everybody that has access
to that server. And is everybody who has access to that server going to do the right thing
with those pictures? Or, are they going to download a few that nobody will notice and
sell them on the market and when that picture of you when you were 15 shows back up on a
child *** website three or four years down the road when you are in college, are
you ready to face that? Are you ready for that realization that maybe that was a bad
choice?
(Tish): What other things can you add that I may not have touched on?
(Deputy Spurlock): The biggest things that we try to teach kids is take a second. When
you are about to send that message, when you are about to send that picture, when you are
about to send that risque message to your boyfriend or your girlfriend, take a second
and think. If this message, or this picture or this text message was to be broadcast to
the entire school, would I want that to happen. If the answer is no, then don't do it. If
you are not prepared for everybody to see it, your classmates, your parents, your grandparents,
people that you care about, your friends, if you are not prepared for them all to see
it then you should not be sharing it with anybody. Because two or three years down the
road, who knows where it might surface back up again.
(Tish): Deputy Spurlock, thank you for joining us on "Internet Protocol."
We've made the entire interview with Deputy Spurlock available on our website… IPTish.com
Now that we have a better idea of what sexting is all about. So let's ***-out some protocol
-- some guidelines that will help all of us better understand sexting and teenagers:
-- First. Talk about it. Be open and frankly -- be blunt -- when talking with your teens
about sexting. They'll sense if you're uptight talking about it, so just get over it. It
won't do you or them any good if you water down the conversation -- or if you side-step
around the issue. Just address sexting head-on... and really listen to what your teens have
to say.
-- Talk about the dangers, the legal ramifications, about how one little sext can stay on their
records for the rest of their lives. Even if your kid says he or she has no clue what
sexting is... talk with them about it anyway. Chances are they actually DO know about it
-- they are just as uncomfortable as you are talking about it. Remember, if you don't bring
the subject up with them, their friends definitely will.
-- You should also address the issue of sexting being seen as "safe sex." Some teenagers like
to call it that because they’re exploiting a loophole in the conversation you may have
had with them about sex. The fact is, sext messages are pictures of young people being
intimate. And that leaves a lot to the imagination -- and only adds to the pressure teens already
face to perform sexually. So the argument about sexting being "safe sex" is a bunch
of bull.
-- You might consider talking to your 9, 10, 11 and 12 year olds about sexting too. Just
make sure you’re talking their language. But--- if they have mobile phones, it can't
hurt to let them know electronic messages should never contain inappropriate pictures
of naked people, or people kissing or touching each other. Pre-teens should already be aware
of which behaviors are appropriate and inappropriate. And, they’re more likely to give you a heads-up
when they stumble across something you’ve already talked about -- like sexting -- if
they know upfront you won’t get on their case for telling you the truth.
-- Although I’m a big fan of personal privacy, if you’re the one paying for your teen's
cell phone bill -- you have the right to know what your kid’s doing with that phone. If
you find your teen is using your cell phone service to send sexts, don't feel bad about
calling you cell phone company and turn off texting, email and Internet access for that
kid's phone. Explain that you want the phone to only be able to make and receive calls.
Nothing else. Young people depend on text messages for virtually every aspect of their
lives -- and losing the ability to text -- because they have abused it by sending sexts -- will
send a clear and direct message about where you stand on the issue. A couple months without
texting, might make them think twice about sexting again.
-- But also be realistic with your teens. Try to treat them as young adults. Respect
the fact that they probably have lots of pictures and videos of their friends stored on their
phones -- and realize that not every picture is sext material. Discuss and delete any overly
explicit ones. But give them a break on the others. Teens should be allowed to enjoy their
teen years -- and shooting photos and videos in all sorts of appropriate but goofy situations
is part of the fun.
-- And lastly, don't feel embarrassed talking with other parents about teen sexting. They're
probably wondering how to deal with it too. And they'll undoubtedly appreciate your openness
and candor. Schools can be a great resource as well. Believe me, middle schools and high
schools have seen it all -- and should already have mechanisms in place to talk with students
about hot topic issues like sex, drugs, gang violence & underage drinking. Sexting can
and should be added to that list... and your persistence could spark much needed school-based
discussions.
So there you have it; Internet Protocol on Sexting. We'll be revisiting this topic again,
many times, I'm sure.
Thanks so much for joining us on this debut edition of "Internet Protocol with Tish."
We so look forward to seeing you again next time.