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Oh! We're here--for a video.
A video? I don't do that stuff anymore.
But wait--it's about the Gilded Age!
The Gilded Age? I have just the thing.
A long, long time ago
My great-grandad Antonio he worked
At the Carnegie Steel mill
And he knew that if he had the chance
That he would laugh and sing and dance
And give his loving family their fill
But Carnegie'd have none of that
With Henry Frick, his beating bat
Long hours at the workplace
Wrinkled many a young face
And laissez-faire, and gold, and lies
Did plague New York and then give rise
To a burning look in poor men's eyes
They had to unionize
So fly, fly you American guy
Went from immigrant to worker with a spark in his eye
He's more than just a tin man. He's got heart that won't die
He's singin': "Might as well go give it a try.
Might as well give unions a try"
Oh, did you write the Gospel of Wealth?
Then why are your workers so poor in health?
Is it 'cause William Sumner tells you so?
And do you believe in an 8-hour day
Or a contract for employees who have a say?
And can you lend the immigrants a rope?
Well I know you're friends with old Jim Crow
Cause I work the long hours; I don't see the dough
I'm locked in this tenement
By a powerful, rich ten percent!
I'm just a lowly teenage Italian punk
Got a price on my head and a beat-up trunk
But I don't know-nothing; know my wage is junk
Unless I unionize
We need some action 'Cause I'm just an American guy
Just a little unskilled worker with a spark in my eye
And I'm no tin man! I can breathe!
I can cry!
Singin' "might as well go give it a try"
Oh I might as well give unions a try!
Now for thirty years the Civil War's been done
It's a Gilded Age we surely have our fun
And by "we" I mean that Tammany Gang
Boss Tweed steals our votes and makes us upset
Like southern blacks the only integration we get
Is vertical: we're left to hang
Oh, and while Vanderbilt was lookin' round
He saw Garfield was an incompetent clown
Oh the courtrooms proved him right
For In Re Debs and E.C Knight!
And while Morgan read a book on Smith
A shirtwaist fire burned on March 25th
And we're still tired and burnt near death
Oh, we have to unionize!
Now we're all singin' I'm just an American guy
We'll be put upon no longer; no, we're gonna rise high!
And I'm no tin man! I've got a heart that won't...
Oh. Hi.
What are you doing?
I'm, uh, starting a labor union.
We're not gonna strike or anything,
we're just gonna collectively bargain--
You're fired!
Yeah
And that's it
Wait, that's the end?
He just gets fired?
Why?
Because that's the real world.