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What's up, everybody?
It's me, Toddy!
Did you miss me?
So every week when it's time to do Dance Moms, there is a
huge dilemma that I am faced with.
What am I going to wear?
(SINGING) Down in Miami.
No.
Nope.
Nope.
Nope.
Nah.
(SINGING) Down in Miami.
Too gay.
[BELCHES]
[JINGLES]
I just wish the V was lower.
For real, Todrick?
Too bright.
Too dark.
It doesn't fit!
Is that a booger?
[HUMMING]
Too fierce.
I love you.
(ROBOT VOICE) Are you ready for Dance Moms?
Not fierce enough.
(SINGING) Hell no.
So I decided to do what I should've done long ago.
I'm doing it naked.
Ha!
Gotcha!
I decided to make my very own Dance Moms Miami T-shirt.
I made this Dance Moms Miami shirt because I have no idea
what to wear half the time.
So I'm going to be wearing it every week, and I probably
won't wash it.
So don't judge me if you see yellow
stains in there by then.
You're welcome.
First of all, I would just like to say I saw some of the
comments from last week's episode where I said bad
things about Hannah's hair.
In all sincerity, for anybody who was offended by anything
that I said last week, please feel free to leave your
comments in my suggestion box.
OK, so this week at the top of the list was Jesse.
Go Jesse!
Jesse, you deserved it.
This week the theme of the routine is "Survivor."
(SINGING) I'm a survivor.
The moms were arguing in the holding room while the kids
were learning the dance because Abby brought up the
fact that she got a text message from Angel last week.
The text was supposed to be a secret.
It said something like, psst Abby!
This is Angel speaking.
You might want to bring your costumes for the solo because
there might not be a duet between Hannah and Sammi.
Shh, keep it on the down low.
Don't tell nobody.
But then clearly Abby did tell everyone.
Hannah ended up getting a solo this week.
Go Hannah!
I was so excited for her.
Jesse and Susan were going at it this week because Victor
choreographed a dance for Jesse that was--
instead of being more turny and kicky and leapy and showy
and hey, I'm on a cruise ship-- he just wanted it to be
more about performance and getting
moved by the Holy Spirit.
So Susan pulled Jesse out to talk to her and was like,
Jesse, I don't know about this routine.
Don't you think it needs a little bit more technique?
And then Jesse was like, (CHILD'S
VOICE) are you stupid?
Do you need mental help?
Have you lost your mind?
I'm never leaving this place!
I will divorce you, Mom.
And so Susan got so mad at her and was like, I'm gonna have
to let her know about herself.
Lucas and Kimmy had a duet this week and they had to
write love letters to each other.
And it was so adorable.
They reminded me of little Nala and Simba,
but the white version.
I wish I could shrink them and put them in one of those
little snow globes so I could just shake them up and make
them dance for me.
That's--
is that--
that's creepy?
That's creepy.
OK.
Before they went to the competition, there was this
moment where Myra, Victor's mom, wanted everybody to get
on the scale.
And Abby was sitting in the waiting room, and she was
like, do you all agree with this?
And all the parents collectively were like, no
we're not into this.
We don't like it.
So Abby stood up and went into the room and was like, no.
Sammi's not doing this.
I don't care.
This is why people have so many insecurities.
If they have a weight problem, then that's something for the
parents to discuss.
And I have to say, I totally, totally, totally 100% agreed
with Abby on this.
And I was so happy that she as a parent, stood up and was
like, I don't care what any of the other moms are doing.
My kid is not OK with this.
And I don't think this is something you should do.
So kudos, Abby.
If you would like to adopt a black child, let me know.
Anyway in the end, it was a slam dunk.
Stars Dance Academy wrecked shop at this competition.
Jesse came in first with her solo.
Hannah came in first with her solo, which made me tear up a
little bit.
Lucas and Kimmy came in first with their duet.
And the group number slayed, even though Lucas' headpiece
was like feathers all in his face.
He was still living and had his leg
developped behind his eardrums.
Anyway, thank you so much to everybody who watches these
recaps, especially the cast of Dance Moms Miami.
You guys are so dope.
I can't believe you guys are watching these.
I feel so flattered.
I feel very special. (SINGING) Like I'm the
only boy in the world.
I'm kidding.
I'm Todrick (SINGING) and you're watching FYI.
Peace.
That show was off the cha--
oh!