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Good old-fashioned British televised health care there
but what's American televised health care like?
Let's ask an American, namely drunk comic Doug Stanhope.
I'm Doug Stanhope, and that's why I drink.
As I'm sure you're aware, we don't have a national health service here
in America like you do.
We either have to pay for it or we have to suck it up.
*** UK, they have nationalized health care,
we have 300 channels of cable and TV doctors,
you have to get the best you can do.
Yeah, we're chockful of TV doctors,
doling out all the free advice you're willing to shallow.
Have you heard of Dr. Phil? He's an Oprah Winfrey protege.
The other day we saw... he had an 800 pound guy
that had made a youtube video of himself.
I'm just trying to get some help.
A nutritionist, personal trainer,
Dr. Phil...
Please help me Dr. Phil because I can’t get out of my bed.
So, Dr. Phil being a great doctor and all,
he sends an ambulance directly to this poor fat prick’s house
and they tow his bed into an oversize industrial ambulance
and they drive him directly into the studios
...as any medical professional would do.
Do you really believe that you can have a normal life
and a normal body, and a normal health?
Yeah.
When they run out of obvious advice,
like "Plug up your top hole fatty, you are eating too much."
then they have to move into junk science.
Now we just start inventing diseases, "What, you're a Hoarder?
Oh, wait, that’s not a habit, that is obsessive compulsive disorder."
"And we have an expert here that can help you with it
if you allow them to exploit you on TV for an hour."
I watch "Hoarders" and I see *** I need.
Then we have the cottage industry of rehab television,
you have Dr. Drew and you have "Addicted" and you have "Cracking Addiction".
"Intervention" is my favorite.
"Intervention" is a show that’s 58 minutes long of complete exploitation.
It’s just watching some poor prick stumble through his life
and get fired from his job and he is shooting up in a bus toilet.
Now he is puking in a trash can and *** his pants,
that’s the first 55 minutes and then they cut to the intervention
and that’s just the sad family sitting around reading these sappy letters
that they wrote like Hallmark greeting cards.
"This is the ways you ruined my life Bruce,
you didn’t show up for Sheilas bar mitzvah."
And then they whisk him off to rehab where you go,
"Ok, now, this is where it’s helpful,
it’s gonna show us how they rehabilitate these people."
No, that’s the end of the show, graphic at the end.
"Bruce hasn’t drank since July 21, 2009."
Well, what did you do in the rehab?
If you are trying to help people, you might want to tell us what the *** cure is.
You skipped over that part entirely.
I'm just saying that if you are gonna get your medical advice from a TV doctor,
you might as well just get the advice from Dr. Dre or Dr. Seuss,
'cause at least that way the bad advice you get will rhyme.