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>>> WELCOME TO "RED EYE." IT
IS LIKE THE GIRL WITH THE
DRAGON TATTOO IF BY GIRL YOU
MEAN MIDDLE AGED MAN WHO GOT
IT ON A DARE SO DON'T PRETEND
TO HATE IT.
LET'S WOMEN COME OUR GUESTS.
SHE IS SO HOT SHE IS OFTEN
MISTAKEN FOR THE EQUATOR.
SHE ANCHORS FOX REPORT.
IT IS SATURDAYS AND SUNDAYS AT
7:00 P.M. EASTERN ON FOX
NEWSCHANNEL.
AND HE IS SO SHARP THAT
SCISSORS FIND HIM AROUSING.
FILLING IN FOR ANDY LEVY IS
THE DEPUTY EDITOR OF "THE
DAILY CALLER" AND HIS E BOOK
IS CALLED" THE LIZARD KING."
AND HE CURRENTLY LIVES IN AN
ABANDONED WINE BARREL IN THE
PARK.
MY RESOLS SIGH SIDEKICK, BILL
SCHULZ.
THAT'S DISGUSTING.
AND SHE KNOWS BULLS AND BEARS
LIKE I KNOW INGROWN HAIRS.
IT IS A CHRONIC PROBLEM,
PEOPLE.
STOP LAUGHING.
NEXT TO ME, LIZ McDONALD.
>> A BLOCK.
THE LEDE.
THAT'S THE FIRST STORY.
HEY, GREG, DID YOU USE THE
BOOKS FROM THE LIBRARY BECAUSE
YOU ARE STACKED.
>> ALL OF A SUDDEN HE IS NICE
TO ME.
IS 25 THE NEW 18?
IS THE MAN CHILD NO LONGER
REVIAL?
THEY ADVISED THAT DOCTORS
CHANGE THE AGE FOR ADULTHOOD
FROM 18 TO 25 BASED ON RECENT
FINDINGS ON STUFF LIKE
EMOTIONAL MATURITY.
EXPLAINED ONE SHRINK, QUOTE,
MY EXPERIENCE OF YOUNG PEOPLE
IS THAT THEY STILL NEED QUITE
A CONSIDERABLE AMOUNT OF
SUPPORT AND HELP BEYOND AGE
18.
HE AND OTHERS SAY THE PERIOD
BETWEEN 18 AND 25 SHOULD BE
CALLED LATE ADOLESCENTS AND
THAT, QUOTE, THEY ARE ALSO
REALLY HOT.
CRITICS SAY THEY ARE BEING
ENFANTALIZED?
WITH ONE PROFESSOR SAYING
THERE IS A LOSS OF
INDEPENDENCE AND STRIKING OUT
ON YOUR OWN.
BUT THEN AGAIN SOME PEOPLE
STILL HAVE IT.
>> HER FIRST DAY IN HER NEW
CRATE.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
>> A METAPHOR FOR OBAMACARE.
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
MORE AND MORE YOUNG ADULTS ARE
STILL LIVING WITH THEIR
FOLKS.
DOES THIS CHANGE THEREFORE
THEY ARE LIVING LIKE THEM?
>> IF I AM IN THE UK I AM NOT
HAPPY.
IN AMERICA AT 18 YOU CAN
VOTE.
YOU CAN JOIN THE MILITARY.
YOU CAN BECOME AN ORGAN
DONOR.
MAYBE THAT IS AN THE UP SHOT.
YOU CAN MAKE YOUR OWN END OF
LIFE DECISIONS.
AGAIN, MAYBE NOT AN UP SHOT.
BUT YOU CAN OBTAIN MEDICAL
TREATMENT WITHOUT PARENTAL
CONSENT AND ALL OF THESE OTHER
THINGS.
I DON'T KNOW.
THE PSYCHOLOGISTS MAYBE IN THE
UK THINK THAT ABOUT THOSE
PEOPLE, BUT WE ARE PRETTY
GROWN UP IN AMERICA.
>> YOU CAN HAVE A DRINK IN THE
UK.
>> CAN YOU?
>> AT 18.
>> NO IT IS AGE 5 YOU CAN HAVE
A DRINK.
>> YOU WOULD KNOW, LIZ, YOU
***.
WHAT KIND OF AFFECT DOES THIS
HAVE ON A KID?
YOU ARE TELLING HIM HE IS A
KID AND YOU TELL HIM HE WILL
BE A KID WON'T HE NEVER GROW
UP?
>> YOU KNOW WHAT, 18 TO 49 BY
THE WAY.
LOOK AT THE WAY CONGRESS AND
THE PRESIDENT ARE ACTING.
THAT IS LATE ADOLESCENT, THERE
YOU GO.
I AGREE WITH THIS.
>> DO YOU?
>> YES, I DO.
YOU KNOW WHY?
I WAS NOT GROWN UP WHEN I WENT
TO COLLEGE.
IT WAS A BIG BEER KEG PARTY
AND I BLEW TENS OF THOUSANDS
OF DOLLARS DOING WHAT IN
COLLEGE?
>> AND WHO.
>> AND DOING WHO.
AND HOW MANY.
>> WOW.
>> AND IT WAS A BLACK PERIOD
IN MY LIFE AND IT WAS LATE ADD
LESS ASSISTANT UNTIL I WAS 49
AND I JUST REVEALED MY AGE.
I WILL TAKE ANY LOWER AGES AS
THEY COME.
>> WILL, ARE YOU 14 GOING ON
70.
BECAUSE WE ARE LIVING LONGER,
WHY SHOULDN'T ADOLESCENTS LAST
LONGER AS WELL?
EVERYTHING SHOULD SHIFT,
CORRECT?
>> ACTUALLY, YOU HAVE A
POINT.
IT IS SYMPTOMATIC THAT WE ARE
LIVING IN A GOOD TIME IN HUMAN
HISTORY.
THERE ARE PROBLEMS IN THE
WORLD OBVIOUSLY, BUT IT IS A
PROSPEROUS AND PEACEFUL TIME
COMPARED TO THE REST OF IT.
PEOPLE WILL BE AS IMMATURE AS
LONG AS THEY WANT TO BE
IMMATURE AND AS LONG AS THEY
CAN BE IMMATURE.
IF YOU THREW A WORLD WAR IN
PEOPLE WOULD MATURE QUICKLY.
>> THAT'S TRUE.
JOY JOIN THE MILITARY.
GROW --
>> JOIN THE MILITARY.
GROW UP JIE. 25 IS THE AGE OF
ADULTHOOD AND THAT WAS WHEN
YOU DIED IN THE 1500'S.
>> WASN'T JULIETTE 12 IN
"ROMEO AND JULIETTE"?
>> I'M SORRY TO BE GEEKY, BUT
IT WAS 21.
>> I AGREE.
I THINK YOU SHOULD HAVE AT
LEAST A COUPLE YEARS OF WORK
UNDER YOUR BELT BEFORE YOU
VOTE.
>> I DIDN'T LIKE THE YOUTH
VOTE BECAUSE THEY DISAGREED
WITH ME.
REAL MATURE, ADULTS.
THEY DIDN'T LIKE WHAT I LIKE.
>> LOOK WHAT WE GOT!
>> I DON'T LIKE HIM!
>> WE ARE RAISING A WHOLE
GENERATION OF WOOSES.
>> THE UP SHOT IS IF YOU ARE A
*** IT EXPANDS YOUR
OPTIONS.
>> THAT'S TERRIBLE! I WILL SO
NOT COMMENT.
>> YOU CAN BE A LEGAL ONE.
>> BILL, YOU HAVE THE MENTAL
--
>> ACCOUNTABILITY,
RESPONSIBILITY SHOULD COME
WITH WITH -- I MEAN, WHEN YOU
REACH 18 YOU WANT TO START TO
DO STUFF.
I SAY IF YOU WILL START TO DO
STUFF YOU HAVE TO BE
ACCOUNTABLE.
>> HOW OLD ARE YOU WHEN YOU
ARE AN ORGAN DONOR?
ARE THEY LOWERING THE AGE TO
BE AN ORGAN DONOR?
>> SERIOUSLY.
PREPARING ARE TO THE PROGRAM
TONIGHT I PRINTED OUT A LIST
OF THINGS YOU CAN DO IN MOST
STATES WHEN YOU TURN 18.
YOU CAN APPLY FOR CREDIT IN
YOUR OWN NAME.
OF COURSE.
THOSE ARE THE -- AGAIN, NOT TO
BEAT THE DRUM HERE, BUT JOIN
THE ARMED FORCES.
>> DO YOU HAVE STATISTICS ON
NOT WHAT YOU CAN DO AT 18, BUT
WHO YOU CAN DO UNDER 18?
>> YOU ARE EL -- ELIGIBLE FOR
JURY DUTY.
THERE ARE A WHOLE HOST OF
THINGS.
MAYBE THEY DON'TOUND LIKE
FUN, BUT THEY COME WITH
GROWING UP AND ADDED
RESPONSE.
BY THE TIME I WAS IN MY
MID20s I WAS ANCHORING A
MAJOR NEWSCAST.
>> OH LOOK AT YOU.
>> BUT MY POINT IS --
>> BY THE TIME I WAS IN
MID20s MID20s --
>> WELL I GREW UP MILITARY.
YOU HAD THIS EXTRA
RESPONSIBILITY AND YOU HAD
EXPECTATION.
IF WE LOWER THE BAR AND WE
TELL KIDS WE DON'T EXPECT AS
MUCH OUT OF YOU, THAT'S WHAT
THEY WILL ACHIEVE.
>> IF WE LOWER THE BAR THOUGH
GREG CAN REACH IT.
>> UNNECESSARY.
>> THAT WAS FUNNY.
>> IF YOU ARE 25 AND LIVING IN
YOUR PARENTS' BASEMENT AND
PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND HAVE
NO JOB, ARE YOU A CHILD.
THE BRITISH PSYCHOLOGISTS
DIDN'T TURN YOU INTO A CHILD.
YOU ARE A CHILD.
>> TRUTH IN ADVERTISING.
CALL IT LIKE IT IS.
YOU ARE A CHILD WHETHER YOU 25
LIVING IN YOUR PARENTS'
BASEMENT.
IT IS "WAYNES WORLD" MEETS"
THE GOLDEN GIRLS."
>> I WHAT WATCH THE CRAP OUT
OF THAT.
>> BUT YOU DON'T HAVE A TV AND
YOU LIVE ON THE STREETS WITH
HOBO CARL.
TRY TO ANSWER THE LAST
QUESTION ON THIS TOPIC.
I KNOW YOU HAVE THE MENTAL
CAPACITY OF A 3-YEAR-OLD TREE
SLOTH, BUT WHERE DO YOU SEE
THIS GOING?
>> TREE SLOTHS AT 3 ARE FULLY
MATURE.
I READ THIS STORY IN MY
APARTMENT WHILE I LOOKED AT
THE VARIOUS TOYS I HAVE ON MY
BOOKSHELF.
THE PARAPHENALLA IS STREWN
ACROSS MY HALLWAY AND WEARING
EVERYTHING I AM WEARING RIGHT
NOW.
I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, SELF, I
AM THIS PERSON AND I WAS VERY
SAD AND I WAS EXCITED BECAUSE
THE -- BECAUSE "THE AVENGERS"
IS ON HBO TONIGHT.
SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO.
I AM AN OLD GUY.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THOR?
>> I LIKE THOR.
>> I WANT TO MOVE ON.
I WANT TO MAKE ONE POINT.
WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THE
UNEMPLOY MENTD -- THE
UNEMPLOYMENT RATE FOR PEOPLE
UNDER 30.
IT FEELS LIKE 20 TO 30 IS JUST
HANGING OUT.
BECAUSE WE ARE LIVING LONGER
AND WE CAN'T FIND FULL TIME
WORK.
SO NOW YOU ARE GOING TO FIND
30-YEAR-OLDS THAT WHEN THEY
ARE APPLYING FOR JOBS THEY
WILL HAVE SCANT EXPERIENCE,
RIGHT?
>> SO VOLUNTEER YOUR TIME.
THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEBODY TO
HELP.
I KNOW I SOUND LIKE A STICK IN
THE MUD, BUT IT IS TRUE.
>> VOLUNTEER TO HELP ME.
I CAN BARELY DRESS MYSELF.
I WILL LEAVE MY ADDRESS AT THE
END OF THE TABLE AND AT THE
END OF THE SHOW CALL ME.
>> THAT NEVER WORKS.
>> CALL YOU MAYBE.
>> THE ECONOMY HAS A HUGE --
WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE JOBS FOR
PEOPLE IN THE EARLY 20s
THEN, YOU KNOW, THEY ARE NOT
GOING TO HAVE JOBS.
>> BECAUSE EVERYBODY ELSE IS
COMPETING FOR THE PIZZA JOBS.
>> THAT IS TOUGH.
>> FROM NO LIFE TO THE
AFTERLIFE .
WILL WE STAY ALIVE ON HARD
DRIVE?
STEVEN HAWKING ANNOUNCED THAT
HEAVEN IS A PLACE ON EARTH,
SPECIFICALLY INSIDE YOUR OWN
LAPTOP.
I THINK THE BRAIN IS LIKE A
PROGRAM IN THE MIND WHICH IS
LIKE A COMPUTER SO IT IS
THEORETICALLY POSSIBLE TO COPY
THE BRAIN ON TO A COMPUTER AND
STILL PROVIDE A FORM OF LIFE
AFTER DEATH.
THE CON VEPTIONAL -- THE
CONVENTIONAL AFTERLIFE IS A
FAIRY TALE FOR PEOPLE AFRAID
OF THE DARK.
THIS IS HOW HE GETS THE
CHICKS.
FOR MORE, LET'S GO LIVE TO
THIS BIRD AND DOG.
>> I SAID THE FIRST GAY
MARRIAGE AND NOW IT IS DOGS
AND BIRDS JUST HANGING OUT
TOGETHER.
NOT SURE IF IT IS A BAD THING,
BUT JUST HAVE TO GET USED TO
IT.
THAT'S THE WAY THE WORLD IS
GOING.
DOGS AND BIRDS ARE PLAYING.
>> WHAT IS A DOG WHO LOVES
[BLEEP] GOING TO DO?
>> BILL, ARE YOU LOOKING
FORWARD TO THIS KIND OF
AFTERLIFE?
>> WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP ASKING
ME THAT?
NO BEING STUCK IN THE REST --
SPENDING ETERNITY IN A
COMPUTER SOUNDS TERRIBLE.
AFTERLIFE AND LIKE A COMMON
THREAD WHAT COULD BE WORSE
THAN THAT?
THAT'S WHAT HELL IS LIKE.
>> I THINK IT COULD BE
AWESOME.
>> AND IT WILL SAVE YOUR
MEMORIES TO YOUR HARD DRIVE SO
YOU CAN'T FORGET THINGS.
CAN YOU ERASE MIM RES?
DO YOU WANT TO GO THROUGH LIFE
WITH YOUR MEMORIES?
WHY WOULD YOU DRINK THEM?
>> CAN SOMEBODY ELSE SEE IT?
STATISTICALLY HOW MANY TIMES
MEN THINK OF SEX EVERY DAY AND
THAT WOULD BE PLAYED OUT WITH
PICTURES AND EVERYONE YOU ARE
THINKING ABOUT WOULD BE ON A
HARD DRIVE.
IS THAT HOW IT WORKS?
>> AND YOUR BRAIN IS THINKING
ABOUT IT.
YOU WOULD HAVE TO BE
PROTECTED.
ON TWITTER YOU HAVE A PRIVATE
ACCOUNT.
WHETHER YOU DEAD AND FLOATING
IN THE LAPTOP YOU HAVE TO HIT
PRIVATE SO YOU CAN THINK ABOUT
SEX OF THE THERE IS NOTHING
YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT BECAUSE
YOU ARE ATHERIAL, SOMEWHERE
YOU DON'T HAVE A BODY?
>> FROM THE LATIN WHICH MEANS
LIVING WITHOUT BODY.
>> YOU CAN GO WITH ATHERIAL.
>> IT DOESN'T MEAN BODY LESS.
I WILL GO WITH BODY LESS.
>> I LOVE HOW HE IS SO SURE
THERE IS NO AFTERLIFE.
I LOVE THAT HE IS SO SURE.
AREN'T SCIENTISTS SUPPOSED TO
QUESTION AND NOT BE SURE ABOUT
THINGS?
WHEN HE IS SO SURE.
WHY IS HE SO SURE?
>> BUT THIS IS A GREAT POINT.
IN A WEIRD WAY HE ADMITTED HE
BELIEVES IN A CREATOR BECAUSE
HE COMPARED THE BRAIN TO A
PROGRAM AND PROGRAMS ARE
DESIGNED BY A DESIGNER AND
THEREFORE HE UNINTENTIONALLY
SAID HE BELIEVES IN
INTELLIGENT DESIGN AND MAYBE I
COULD BE MAKING THIS UP.
>> ANYWAY, I WOULD LIKE TO
PRESERVE --
>> HE MOVED OUT OF GREG'S
APARTMENT.
>> I SHOULD BE THERE BECAUSE I
AM IN TEEN ADOLESCENTS.
>> BILL, YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH
OF A BRAIN TO TRANSFER TO A
TOASTER MUCH MORE A MAC BOOK.
WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO PEOPLE
LIKE YOU?
YOUR BRAIN ANDFOREVER.
THROW IT IN A DUMPSTER AND IT
WILL BE EATEN BY A RAT.
>> I GET IT.
IF I WERE SO LUCKY TO BE TRANS
FORKED -- TRANSFERRED TO A
COMPUTER WHAT IS THE POIMT?
YOU CAN'T SHOP.
YOU CAN'T LAUGH SO WHY GO INTO
A HUMOR SITE.
YOU CAN'T HAVE SEX SO WHY LOOK
AT ***?
ALL YOU ARE GOING TO BE DOING
FORE ETERNITY IS LOOKING AT
CAT VIDEOS.
>> THAT'S TRUE.
CAT VIDEOS YOU CAN READ EVERY
SHAKESPEAR YEN PLAY A THOUSAND
TIMES.
YOU WILL READ STUFF THAT
SUCKS.
SUCKS, HARRIS.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
>> YOU CAN DO ALL OF THOSE
THINGS NOW.
>> IT IS LIKE ONE BIG GAME OF
TRON.
I WANT TO KNOW WHAT WILL WE
SEE IN BILL'S BRAIN ON THE
COMPUTER?
>> A FRAYING EGG AT THE END OF
THE COMMERCIAL.
>> BASICALLY WHAT YOU ARE, YOU
ARE A --
>> ANY QUESTIONS?
>> YOU ARE A HUMAN SEARCH
ENGINE.
BASICALLY ARE YOU A HUMAN
SEARCH ENGINE.
YOU WILL BE LIVING IN A LAPTOP
IN THE WEB AND FLOATING AROUND
WHICH MEANS WHEN YOUR GRANDSON
IS WORKING ON THE PAPER AND HE
HEARS BLOOP.
TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON.
WORKING ON MY THING.
>> IF YOU NEED ANY HELP ON
WORLD WAR II I AM RIGHT HERE.
>> ACTUALLY I CAN HANDLE THIS
MYSELF.
OKAY, GOT TO GO.
THAT'S WHAT WILL HAPPEN.
THEY ARE GOING TO BE LIKE
THESE CREATURES.
>> IT IS LIKE HE IS WORKING ON
HIS MATH AND IT IS LIKE, TOBY,
WHY ARE YOU ON WOMEN WITH
WIENERS .ORG.
YOU SHOULD BE WORKING ON YOUR
HOMEWORK.
>> WHY ARE YOU ON ***.COM
GET BACK TO WORK.
OR BETTER YET I AM PROUD OF
YOU BOY --
>> ARE YOU JUST LIKE ME.
WHAT HAPPENED HERE?
>> FROM SICKNESS TO HEALTH.
DOES STRAINING HIS BLADDER
REALLY MATTER?
THERE IS A BILL THAT WOULD
AVOID A GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN
WHILE DE FUNDING OBAMACARE.
AFTER SENATOR TED CRUZ GAVE A
21-HOUR SPEECH IN A BID TO
RALLY OPPOSITION TO THE LAW.
HARRY REID IS EXPECTED TO
REMOVE THE OBAMACARE LANGUAGE
LEAVING A STOP GAP SPENDING
BILL THAT WOULD KEEP THE
GOVERNMENT OPEN UNTIL
MID-NOVEMBER.
I WANT TO NOTE THAT I HAVE NO
IDEA WHAT I JUST READ.
WAS CRUZ STRATEGIZING OR SHOW
BOATING.
THEY SAY HE WAS WASTING TIME
AND EVEN FELLOW REPUBLICANS
SAID IT IS TEXAS SENATOR'S
EFFORTS.
THE MAN THINKS IT IS OBAMACARE
THAT IS BAD.
>> I LIKE THEIR BURGERS.
I AM A BIG FAN OF EATING WHITE
CASTLE BURGERS.
>> THEY SENT US THE FREE
BURGERS.
WE LIKE THEIR BURGERS.
>> DELICIOUSNESS.
>> THEY ARE, THEY ARE
FANTASTIC.
>> WHAT DID YOU MAKE OF THIS?
>> WAS IT A SYMBOLIC VICTORY?
WAS IT A STUNT?
DID IT IT CHANGE THINGS?
>> IT WON'T CHANGE THE FACT
THAT THE SENATE WILL HOLD A
VOTE.
THEY WILL EXTRAP PLATE THE DE
FUNDING LANGUAGE.
THEY WILL KICK IT TO THE
HOUSE.
THEY ARE TRYING TO GET THAT
DONE UNTIL OCTOBER 1st
WHICH IS NEXT TUESDAY.
THEY ARE ON THE FLOOR
CONSTANTLY AND HARRY REID IS
TRYING TO GET THAT DONE.
BUT HAVE I TO SAY TO SEE A
MEMBER OF CONGRESS WORK 21
HOURS IN A ROW MADE ME FEEL
GOOD.
IT MADE ME FEEL LIKE I WAS
GETTING FOR SOMETHING I PAID
FOR.
OUTSIDE OF THAT, THE GUY HAS
PASSION THAT WE HOPE ANY
POLITICIAN WOULD HAVE FOR
SOMETHING THAT PEOPLE HAVE
SAID SINCE THE BEING AND THEY
DIDN'T LIKE WHAT WAS PASSED
AND THEY DIDN'T LIKE HOW
FORMER HOUSE SPEAKER NANCY
PELOSI HAS TO PASS IT TO SEE
WHAT IS IN IT.
WE ARE STARTING TO FIND OUT
WHAT IS IN IT.
THE PRESIDENT HAS MADE 16
PRIOR CONCESSIONS.
DELAYING EKE SWREMMIONS AND --
EXEMPTIONS AND HOW CAN YOU NOT
RESPECT THAT?
>> I LOVE THAT HARRY REID SAID
IT IS, QUOTE, A BIG WASTE OF
TIME WHAT CRUZ WAS DOING.
WHY?
HE WOULD HAVE TO PAY ATTENTION
TO THE DEBATE?
WHAT HARRY REID SAID WAS AN
ELOQUENT CASE FOR THE MEMBERS
OF CONGRESS.
>> OH LIZ.
ALWAYS BITING THE RETORTS.
POLITICAL THEATER, BUT DID IT
ACCOMPLISH SOMETHING?
>> WE CAN AGREE THIS
ACCOMPLISHED A LOT FOR TED
CRUZ.
>> THAT'S WHAT HE WAS ELECTED
TO DO.
THE REPUBLICANS SPEND A LOT OF
TIME TALKING ABOUT -- I HAVE
TO GIVE TED CRUZ THIS.
THEY SPEND A LOT OF TIME
TALKING ABOUT HOW BAD --
OBAMACARE IS BAD AND OBAMACARE
IS GOING TO KILL ALL OF US.
BUT THEY DON'T EXPLAIN WHY.
THEY DON'T MAKE THAT CASE
AGAINST THE BILL THATTED IT
CRUZ CRUZ -- THAT TED CRUZ,
LOVE HIM OR HATE HIM, HE WAS
UP AT 3:00 A.M.
HE WAS OUT THERE MAKING A
PERSUASIVE CASE AGAINST
OBAMACARE.
AT THE SAME TIME THERE IS
SOMETHING DIFFERENT ABOUT TED
CRUZ WHEN YOU COMPARE HIM
AGAINST MIKE LEE OR RANKED
PAUL OR ANY -- OR RAND PAUL OR
ANY OF THESE OTHER
CONSERVATIVES.
THEY ARE TRYING TO CHANGE WHAT
IS GOING ON.
THEY ARE TRYING TO SHIFT THEIR
PARTY ON FOREIGN POLICY.
THE TAX REFORM WITH MIKE LEE
AND THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE WITH
RAND PAUL.
TED CRUZ IS NOT DOING ANY OF
THAT.
HE IS PROMISING THE MOON AND
HE IS SAYING JUST BE MAX
MALLIST ABOUT THIS.
GO OUT AND FIGHT HARD AND
RALLY TO ME AND I WILL GIVE IT
TO YOU.
THAT WAS NOT A STRATEGY THAT
MAY WORK IN THE LONG RUN.
>> I WILL SAY LET'S MAKE YOUR
CASE FOR YOU.
LET'S SAY IN FACT THE PERSON
WHO ONLY BENEFITED FROM THIS
WAS TED CRUZ.
IN A PLACE YOU HAVE LOOKING
FORWARD TO 2016 WHERE YOU WILL
SEE WHO IS GOING TO RUN TO
LEAD THE REPUBLICAN PARTY AND
POSSIBLY TAKE THE WHITE HOUSE
OVER FROM DEMOCRAT HELD YOU
HAVE TO START TO ASK WHAT WILL
THE FIELD LOOK LIKE?
HE HAS JUST PROVEN THAT HE IS
LISTENING TO THE PEOPLE.
>> I HAVE ONE MINUTE BEFORE
BILL FALLS ASLEEP --
>> THANKS A LOT.
>> NO, I MEAN --
>> WAKE UP BILL.
>> I WAS LOOKING FOR A QUOTE.
>> NOW WE HAVE 30 SECONDS AND
IT IS A HARD 30.
>> BRIEFLY REMEMBER THAT KID
JONATHON CRONE WHO WAS
CONSERVATIVE?
ED CRUZ IS WHAT JONATHON CRONE
WOULD HAVE GROWN UP TO BE.
SHE A D-BAG WITH A CAPITAL D.
HE COMPARED CERTAIN
REPUBLICANS THAT APEASING THE
GNAW -- NAZIS IN WORLD WAR
II.
>> COMING UP, WHERE SHOULD YOU
INVEST YOUR MONEY?
TRY THE STOCK MARKET A-HOLE.
FIRST WIENER IS AN LIG FOR A
TV GIG?
PROBABLY.
I LOST INTEREST IN THIS LITTLE
FREAK.
NO I HAVEN'T.
I LOVE HIM.
>>> CAN AMERICA OWN THE
THROWN?
THRONE.
THE TOILETS ARE MAKING A COME
BACK AFTER THE TOILET WARS.
AMERICAN FACTORIES ARE RAMPING
UP PRODUCTION AND A TOILET
TURN AROUND IS A MICROCOLD
FRONT OF THE -- MICROCOSIM OF
THE ECONOMY.
IT IS REQUIRING A LIFTING OF
BOWLS AND TANKS.
YOU NEED THE STRENGTH OF A
FOOTBALL PLAYER AND THE HANDS
OF A SCULPT OR.
THEY HOISTED THE NEWLY BAKED
POURS -- PORCELAIN.
HOW IS IT COMING ALONG IN
ESTONIA?
>> FAST GOING IN AND FAST
GOING OUT, LIZ.
YOU SAID IN THE GREEN ROOM AS
THE TOILET INDUSTRY GOES, SO
GOES THE U.S. ECONOMY.
CAN YOU ELABORATE?
>> WELL, THE MUSCLES THAT ARE
NEEDED TO BUILD TOILETS IN THE
UNITED STATES, THEY NEED
FOOTBALL PLAYERS.
THAT'S WHY IN CHINA THEY HAVE
HOLES IN THE GROUND.
THEY DON'T HAVE MUSCLES OVER
THERE.
YOU KNOW, AMERICA'S
BABY-SITTER DOESN'T LIKE THE
SUBJECT.
I WILL PASS TO THE NEXT ONE
NEXT TO ME, BUT I AM WONDERING
WHEN WILL THEY COME UP WITH A
BARKA LOUNGER TOILET OR ARCHIE
BUNKER TOILET?
>> THEY DID FROM THE BARKA
LOUNGER TOILET AND IT WAS
QUITE APPEALING I REMEMBER.
WILL, MOST OF OUR TOILETS ARE
IMPORTS.
SHOULD OBAMA BE IMPEACHED?
>> THAT IS A GOOD QUESTION.
AT THIS POINT I AM JUST
IMPRESSED THAT AMERICANS ARE
ABLE TO DEFICATE.
I WAS IN LAS VEGAS A FEW
MONTHS AGO AND THE BIG GUYS
AND THEY ALL LOOK LIKE THE GUY
ON "3HE SOPRANOS REQUEST IT IS
WHO DIED ON THE TOILET --" THE
SOPRANOS REQUEST IT IS AND AND
HE DIED ON THE TOILET?
>> EVEN ELVIS PRESLEY SPENT A
LOT OF TIME THERE.
>> HE ENDED LIFE ON THE
TOILET.
>> WHY DO WE KEEP GOING
THERE?
>> HARRIS, WHAT IS YOUR TAKE
ON THIS?
IT HAS TO BE SOMETHING THAT
BRINGS THE ECONOMY BACK FROM
THE BRINK AND WHY NOT THE
TOILET?
>> THE ECONOMY WAS GOING INTO
THE TOILET FOR SO LONG IT IS
NICE THAT WE CAN BREATHE IT
OUT.
>> I DON'T FOLLOW.
>> I DON'T REALLY CARE WHAT WE
MAKE AS LONG AS -- TOILETS SAY
AMERICAN STANDARD ON THEM, BUT
AS LONG AS WE ARE MAKING IT.
>> A MADE IN AMERICA TOILET
JIE. I WANT US TO CONTROL OUR
OWN DESTINY AND INNOVATORS
FEEL LIFTED UP.
SOME OF THE BRIGHTEST KIDS ARE
18 AND THEY ARE MATURE AND I
DON'T WANT TO TAKE IT AWAY.
I WANT TO ENCOURAGE THAT.
>> THE TOILETS ARE MADE IN
AMERICA.
>> AND I WANT A TOILET THAT
MAKES A PRETTY SCENT WHEN YOU
FLUSH IT. IT IS LIKE BOOM.
CREATE.
I AM MOTIVATING THE
INNOVATORS.
>> I WILL EAT A BIG BOWL OF
POTPOURI BEFORE I GO TO THE
TOILET.
>> IT SMELLS GOOD X BUT DON'T
LOOK AT IT.
>> AND IT IS QUITE PAINFUL
COMING OUT.
I WILL SAY THAT.
>> THAT IS SO POLITE THOUGH
FOR THE OTHER PEOPLE.
>> BILL, YOU DON'T ACTUALLY
OWN A TOILET, MUCH LIKE NOT
HAVING A TV.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RECUSE
YOURSELF ABOUT THIS DEBATE AND
MAKE REMARKS ABOUT GERMANY?
>> I WILL NOT BECAUSE I DON'T
KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.
NOW I HAVE THIS IMAGE OF GOING
INTO THE NEWS ARE COULD
BATHROOM -- THE NEWS CORP
BATHROOM AND BEING OVERWHELMED
BY A BEAUTIFUL SMELL, BUT
SCREAMING INKING AGONY FROM
THE STALL.
>> I SMELL POTPOURI!
>> IT IS SO SELF-LESS TO EAT
THE POTPOURI DESPITE THE
DAMAGE TO YOUR COLON.
>> IT MAKES SENSE.
>> ARE YOU A TEAM PLAYER.
>> HE AS USES A WALKER, BUT
HIS POOH SMELLS GREAT.
>> I THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE A
WHOLESOME TOPIC AND YES IT HAS
GONE DOWN.
>> CAN YOU IMAGINE IF SOMEBODY
IS EATING RIGHT NOW AT 3:00
A.M.?
>> I HOPE IT IS POTPOURI IF
YOU HAVE A ROOMMATE.
>> YOU CAN'T SPELL POTPOURI
WITHOUT POO.
>> AND FIRST, WHY IS BILL
SCHULZ GOING THROUGH AMERICA'S
PURSES?
I HOPE HE FINDS A BEAR TRAP
>>> THE NBA IS CONSIDERING
LETTING TWO TEAMS PUT
NICKNAMES ON NICKNAMES ON THE
BACKS OF THE JERSEYS.
IS THE IDEA A HOMERUN?
THE LEAGUE WOULD ALLOW THE
MONEY GNAW CUSTOMERS BETWEEN
THE MIAMI HEAT AND THE
BROOKLYN NETS.
MEANING WE CAN SEE KING GYMS,
THE TRUTH AND -- KING JAMES
AND THE TRUTH AND THE BEST.
SOME SAY IT WILL MAKE IT MORE
ABOUT THE INDIVIDUAL.
THEY SAID, QUOTE, EVEN THOUGH
WE ARE MEN PLAYING A KIDS GAME
WE KNOW WHERE WE COME FROM.
IT IS A WAY TO LET THE FANS
IN.
LET'S DISCUSS THIS SHALL WE
HERE --
>> LIGHTNING ROOOOUUUNNNNNDD.
LIGHTNING ROUND.
>> DUMB IDEA?
GREAT IDEA OR A DUMB GREAT
IDEA OR A GREAT DUMB IDEA OR
AN IDEA?
>> I THINK IT IS JUST THE KIND
OF THING THAT HAPPENS IN A
POST LITERAL SOCIETY.
SOMEBODY IS OUT THERE, HOW CAN
I REMEMBER HIS NAME IF IT DOES
PRESIDENT -- IF IT DOESN'T
RHYME?
>> YES THAT IS TRUE.
>> PROFESSIONAL ATHLETES SEEMS
JUVENILE, DOESN'T IT?
IT JUST MAKES THE SPORT MORE
CRAFT.
>> IT IS WHAT YOU SAID PRIOR
TO THAT.
THE FACT THAT IT MAKES IT MORE
ABOUT THE INDIVIDUAL AND WE
ALREADY HAVE A SPORT FILLED
WITH BABIES COMMITTING LOTS OF
CRIME.
CAN WE TALK ABOUT THAT STAT?
ANYTHING THAT GETS AWAY FROM
THE INDIVIDUAL AND GETS BACK
INTO A TEAM SPORT AND I KNOW I
SAID IT 50 TIMES, BUT
ACCOUNTABILITY IS REALLY WHERE
WE OUGHT TO GO.
>> THAT SHOULD BE YOUR
NICKNAME, ACCOUNTABILITY.
>> YOURS IS POTPOURI.
>> WAIT UNTIL I TURN AROUND.
>> I LIKE TO PUT THE BILL IN
ACCOUNTABILITY.
SORRY.
>> YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT --
>> I HAVE BEEN, WOULDING ON
THE NEW LINES, GREG.
IT HAS BEEN A TOUGH YEAR.
CALL ME, LADIES.
>> JUST PUT THE CAMERA ON HIM
AND LET HIM SWEAT THE
HUMILIATION. LIZ, WILL FANS
EVEN CARE?
IT SEEMS LIKE A NOVELTY THAT
COULD WEAR OFF QUICKLY.
>> THE FACIAL HAIR, I LIKE
IT.
>> IT IS HARD TO GROW.
>> IS THAT A MUSTACHE?
>> CAN WE GET THE SHOW BACK ON
TRACK 1234*.
>> WHAT WAS THE QUESTION?
>> DO FANS CARE ABOUT THE
NICKNAMES?
I CAN'T BELIEVE I AM TRYING TO
HOLD IT TOGETHER.
>> YOU ARE DOING A HEROIC
JOB.
IT IS LATE ADD ADOLESCENTS,
RIGHT?
I DON'T THINK PATRICK EWING
WOULD LIKE IT.
HIS NICKNAME WOULD BE LIKE
EW.
THE NICKNAMES ARE NIKE AND UH
BE DAS. -- ADDIDAS.
I THINK IT SHOULD BE LIKE
CARLOS DANGER McNASTY.
IS THIS FOR THE FUTURE?
YES.
I AM NOT SURE THE NFL.
THE BASKETBALL LEGAL -- THE
BASKETBALL LEAGUE IS NOT DOING
WELL.
>> DID I TALK TO YOU?
>> NO I FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT
BECAUSE I SAID NFL.
>> WELL THE XFL HAD
NICKNAMES.
>> TAKING A SUCCESSFUL CARD
FROM THE ACCESS.
>> WHAT PERSON OF A CERTAIN
AGE AND INSTEAD OF GETTING A
RAY ALLEN JERSEY EVERYBODY
WILL GET A JESUS SHUTTLEWORTH
JERSEY.
THEY WILL MAKE A LOT OF MONEY
DOING IT.
I THINK FOX NEWS SHOULD DO THE
SAME.
WHO WOULD NOT KILL TO SEE KARL
ROVE WALKING AROUND THE
HALLWAYS WITH *** BLOSSOM ON
THE BACK OF HIS JACKET?
>> IT IS MORE ABOUT IDENTITY
THAN ACHIEVEMENT AND THAT IS A
PROBLEM WE HAVE WITH SOCIETY.
A LITTLE THOUGHTFULNESS FROM
THE GREGSTER.
>> ANTHONY WIENER WAS EYEING A
STINT IN TV BEFORE HIS FAILED
BID.
ACCORDING TO THE NEW YORK
OBSERVER, A GUY THAT LOOKS AT
THINGS, HE REACHED OUT TO
AGENTS AS FAR BACK AS FEBRUARY
WITH A SOURCE ADDING, QUOTE,
HE WAS EXPLORING THE OPTIONS
AND WHAT THEY WERE AT THE TIME
AND WHAT THEY MAY BE SHOULD HE
RUN AN UNSUCCESSFUL CAMPAIGN.
EXPLORING HIS MEDIA OPTIONS
WAS A FACTOR IN RUNNING FOR
MAYOR.
IT WOULD BE A GOOD SHOW "THE
FACTOR."
ENJOY IT.
IT IS THE LAST TIME YOU WILL
GET CREDIT FOR ANYTHING.
>> I DIDN'T CALL IT OUT.
I JUST READ AN ITEM IN THE
PAPER.
>> HE HAD A PRODUCER FOLLOWING
HIM AROUND AND FILMING STUFF,
BUT THEY DIDN'T DISCLOSE WHERE
IT WAS GOING.
AS FAR AS WE KNOW THIS ENTIRE
MAYORAL THING, HE KNEW HE
WASN'T GOING TO WIN.
>> OF COURSE HE DID.
THIS PISSES ME OFF BECAUSE HE
IS SUCH A WEASEL, HE WAS DOING
THIS ON CAMPAIGN CONTRIBUTION
MONEY AND HE KNEW WHAT HE WAS
DOING.
>> NOW THE QUESTION BECOMES
WILL THEY INVESTIGATE THE USE
OF THE FUNDS?
AND DO THEY HAVE A STANDING IF
THEY SHOULD FIND THAT MOST OF
IT WENT TO THINGS THAT WERE
GOING TO BE USED FOR A DEMO
REAL POST HIS POLITICAL CAREER
THAT HE OWES SOME MONEY BACK.
AND WHERE DO YOU PAY THAT
MONEY TO.
MONEY TO?
>> IT IS REALLY A MESS.
DOES ANTHONY WIENER THINK HE
WILL DO SOMETHING?
>> I HAVE AN INSIDE TRACK ON
THE TV SHOWS.
READY?
GENE SIMMONS "FAMILY JEWELS."
REAL HOUSEWIVES OR 21 JUMP
STREET, PROJECT RUN AWAY AND
FLAVOR OF LOVE AND ROCK OF
LOVE.
>> ARE YOU SURE IT IS ROCK OF
LOVE?
I AM ASKING QUESTIONS.
>> WOULD YOU WATCH IT IF HE
GOT HIS OWN NEWS SHOW ORIE
YACHT SHOW?
OR REALITY SHOW.
>> THAT'S A GOOD P OI NT, BUT
I DON'T SEE WHAT IS RIDICULOUS
ABOUT THIS GUY WHO IS A NARE
SAW CYSTIC AND ANOREXIC
MONSTER.
IT IS A PERFECT FIT FOR A
TELEVISION SHOW.
PEOPLE LOVE LAUGHING AND
PICKING ON ANTHONY WIENER.
I AM NOT.
HE CAME IN FIFTH AND LET'S
MAKE FUN OF HIM.
THE GUY WHO CAME IN FIRST -- I
WOULD HAVE TAKEN WIENER TO
BELAGIO IN A SECOND.
>> ACTUALLY IT WAS ONE OF THE
WORST POLITICS.
>> HOW DID HE GET THE
NOMINATION?
>> THIS IS GOING TO BE A
NIGHTMARE FOR, NO.
>> WE ARE MAKING FUN OF
ANTHONY WIENER.
THEY VOTED HIM NUMBER ONE.
>> WHERE NEW YORK GOES, SO
GOES THE UNITED STATES,
AMERICA.
DON'T BE CHORTLING OVER OUR
UNFORTUNATE FUTURE.
>> AND CHORTLING IS RUDE.
>> I WONDER IF THERE IS AN
INVESTIGATION INTO THE
CAMPAIGN FUNDS.
>> I WOULD.
>> YOU CAN CALL IT FOLLOW THE
MONEY TRAIL.
>> DO WE WANT TO SEE HIM EVER
AGAIN?
>> THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO GET
CHICKS.
DON'T THINK ABOUT YOURSELVES.
THINK ABOUT HIS INSATIABLE SEX
DRIVE FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIVES.
>> TIME TO TAKE A BREAK, BUT
MORE STUFF IS ON THE WAY.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD BE
DOING IS HOW CAN I MAKE GREG'S
LIFE EASIER OR BETTER.
TWO WAYS.
A PAPERBACK WILL BE COMING
OUT.
I WOULD RATHER HAVE YOU BY THE
HARD COPY.
THAT IS MORE MONEY FOR ME AND
MY EVER GROWING HAREM OF HOUSE
BOYS AND FERRETS.
SOMETIMES I PUT THEM TO GOOD
USE IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM.
AMAZON.COM, AUTOGRAPHED COPY,
G GUTFELD.COM.
WE ARE OUT OF THEM NOW, BUT WE
WILL GET THEM SOON BECAUSE I
SIGNED A BUNCH OF THEM AND
MAYBE ONE OF THEM
>>> COULD WHAT IS IN A PURSE
BE ANY WORSE?
TRACES OF POISONOUS BACTERIA,
HUMAN AND ANIMAL FECES, E-COLI
AND ANDY *** CAN BE FOUND IN
A WOMAN'S HANDBAG.
IF ALL OF THIS SOUNDS
FAMILIAR, WE COVER THE CRAP
OUT OF THE STORY LAST WEEK AND
WE DIDN'T GET AN EMMY.
THAT DIDN'T STOP BILL SCHULZ
FROM WANTING TO GO DEEPER.
LET'S HOPE HE POKED HIM IN THE
EYES OR KILLED HIM.
>> THANKS, GREG.
IS FEMALE BAGGAGE FULL OF
GARBAGE?
WE HIT THE FILTHIEST AREA IN
NEW YORK CITY TO FIND OUT.
THAT'S RIGHT, TIME SQUARE. IT
IS DIRTY, DIRTY WITH
TOURISTS.
>> ARE YOU AWARE THAT 33% OF
ALL WOMEN HAVE NEVER CLEANED
THEIR HANDBAG?
SOUND RIGHT OR DISGUSTED?
>> WE JUST CHANGED HANDBAGS.
WE BUY SOMETHING NEW.
>> INSTEAD OF CLEANING THEM
YOU ARE CONTRIBUTING TO THE
ECONOMY.
SO YOU ARE AN AMERICAN HERO.
>> I AM AUSTRALIAN.
>> OH AUSTRALIAN.
I THOUGHT IT WAS A MYTHICAL
PLACE BUT INDEED IT IS REAL.
THAT IS FANTASTIC.
THEY ARE FAMOUS FOR THE
GRIFFIN.
>> DO YOU CLEAN YOUR BAG?
>> YES.
>> CAN YOU SHOW US WHAT IS IN
YOURS?
>> A DELIGHTFUL SHAWL.
IS THAT A FETUS?
>> ARE YOU AN ARTIST?
>> I AM A WANNA BE ARTIST.
>> WOULD YOU PAINT ME IN FRONT
OF THE OCEAN ON A COUCH.
>> NO.
>> SOMEBODY DOESN'T LIKE
TITANIC.
>> WHAT?
I HAVE A LOST IPHONE.
>> I SAW IT IN THE BAG.
>> THIS IS AMAZE WILLING.
WE DON'T KNOW IF THE IPHONE IS
THERE OR NOT THERE.
>> OH THIS LOOKS S AND M.
>> OH MY BATTERIES OPERATED
ONLY.
ARE YOU SURE YOU HAVE AN
IPHONE?
I SEE MORE SNACKS.
THIS IS AMAZING.
I FEEL LIKE SHEPHERD SMITH
WHEN HE IS REPORTING ON A LIVE
CAR CHASE.
WE ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF
FINDING OUT WHETHER THE I FOP
IS LOST OR FOUND -- IPHONE IS
LOST OR FOUND.
>> WHAT IS THE WEIRDEST THING
YOU HAVE EVER HAD IN YOUR
PURSE?
>> A DOG.
>> ALIVE OR DEAD.
>> GOT IT.
>> WOW.
>> I AM BILL SCHULZ, BACK TO
YOU.
NOW THEY SAY THEY CAN FIND
TRACES OF E-COLI IN SOME
WOMEN'S BAGS WHEN THEY SWAB
THEM.
DOES THIS WORRY YOU?
>> YES.
>> WE DON'T HAVE ANY SWABS,
BUT NEXT TIME YOU WATCH "SEX
AND THE CITY" AND YOU SAY
CARRIE WALKING ACIALGD WITH
HER -- WALKING AROUND WITH HER
FENDI BAG YOU WILL LOOK AT
THAT BAG A LITTLE
DIFFERENTLY.
NOW WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED TO
SEE WHAT IS IN MY BAG?
>> SURE.
>> *** FOR TAT.
HELLO.
CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MANY OF
THESE.
I DO A MILEY CYRUS PERSON
NATION LATER ON IN CHELSEA.
THIS IS A CEASE AND ASSIST
LETTER FROM CARROTTOP.
HERE IS MY CELL PHONE.
YOU ONE OF THOSE SMARTPHONES.
TURNS OUT THIS IS GWENYTH
PALTROW'S SEVERED HEAD.
I WANTED TO LIVE THE LIFE OF A
SIMPLE MAN AND IT DIDN'T WORK
OUT.
>> WE ARE DOING MAN ON THE
STREET ON HANDBAGS.
I KNOW, RIGHT?
JEALOUS?
33% OF WOMEN HAVE NEVER
CLEANED THEIR HANDBAG.
>> [SPEAKING SPANISH.
>> HANDBAG-O.
FILTHY-O, WOMEN-O.
>> SIGH.
>> OKAY.
>> OKAY IT IS POSSIBLE THAT I
MAY KNOW LESS ABOUT THE
SUBJECT BIFF HEARD IT.
>> YOU ARE WELCOME. IT WAS
ONE OF THE MOST INTERESTING
SEGMENTS.
ANYTHING SHOCKING IN YOUR
HANDBAG?
>> I AM WRITING A BOOK AND THE
FIRST CHAPTER IS WHY I NEED
DUCT TAPE ON THE SET.
I ALWAYS HAVE A ROLL OF DUCT
TAIF.
>> IT IS AN INTIMATE REASON
EXPRU TO READ THE BOOK.
>> DOES IT HAVE TO DO WITH
YOUR GUESTS?
>> WHAT ABOUT YOUR PURSE?
>> IT IS ACTUALLY REALLY
BORING. PARTICULAR TICKS --
TICK-TACKS.
>> I LOVE THE WAY HE WALKS
WITH IT.
>> THAT WAS HOT.
>> I LIKE TO SCURRY AND
SOMETIMES I PRANCE.
>> BEFORE WE MOVE ON, DO YOU
HAVE ANYTHING INTELENT J --
INTELLIGENT OR MOVING TO ADD
TO THIS CONVERSATION?
PURSES ARE PRETTY.
>> THAT WAS SO SWEET.
I FELT LOVE.
>> NO THAT WAS MY HAND.
>> YOU ARE GOING TO GET OUT
THE DUCT TAPE AREN'T YOU?
>> INTERESTING.
DO YOU HAVE A COMMENT ON THE
SHOW?
BET YOU DO.
LIKE WHY IS BILL STILL HERE?
THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION.
I WILL TAKE THAT RESPONSE YOU
-- I WILL TAKE THAT RESPONSE.
DO YOU HAVE A VIDEO OF YOUR
ANIMAL DOING SOMETHING?
MAKE IT INTERESTING.
I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANIMALS
CRYING EVEN IF THEY DON'T HAVE
TEAR DUCTS. GO TO FOX
NEWS.COM/RED EYE AND CLICK ON
SUBMIT A VIDEO AND WE MIGHT
USE IT.
WE HAVE SOMETHING SPECIAL
AHEAD I THINK.
I DON'T KNOW.
>>> COMING UP TOMORROW ON THE
NEXT "RED EYE."
LOVELY APPEARANCES FROM LORI
ROTHMAN AND JOE DEVITO.
HE IS LOVELY AND ANDY LEVEY IS
SUPPOSED TO BE BACK, I THINK.
WE NEED A LITTLE TRANSITION
THERE WHEN I GO TO A STORY.
>> IT IS AWKWARD.
THE WORLD IS A SCARY PLACE
1K3* DEATH COULD BE RIGHT
AROUND THE CORNER OR
UNDERNEATH YOU.
LAST WEEK A MAN IN ZIMBABWE IS
STAYING IN A HOTEL AND WOKE UP
TO FIND AN 8-FOOT CROCODILE
UNDER HIS BED.
IT SLEPT THE ENTIRE NIGHT WITH
A BEAST BENEATH HIM.
IT WAS ONLY AFTER HE GOT OUT
OF BED TO GET BREAKFAST THAT
HE NOTICED THE 300-POUND
REPTILE.
FEW WERE MORE STARTLED THAN
"RED EYE" FRIGHTENED
CORRESPONDENT.
JOE AGREED TO TALK TO US IN
OTHER STORIES THAT SCARE HIM.
JOE, WHAT IS THE LATEST ON THE
CROCODILE SITUATION.
HAS HE BEEN CAPTURED OR IS HE
STILL AT LARGE?
>> THAT'S ANOTHER REASON NOT
TO LIVE IN ZIP BOB WAY -- ZIP
-- ZIMBABWAY, CROCODILES.
BUT ANOTHER GOOD THING IF YOU
CAN FIT ONE OF THESE
CROCODILES UNDER A BED IN ZIP
-- ZIMBABWE THEN YOU ARE DOING
OKAY.
>> SHOULD AMERICAN BEES SCARED
THREE WAKING UP WITH A CROC
BILE?
>> THE GOOD NEWS IS, AMERICANS
YOU WILL NOT HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT CROCODILES.
THE BAD NEWS IS WE HAVE
ALLIGATORS, SO SAME
DIFFERENCE, GREG.
>> IT IS KIND OF THE SAME.
>> PRETTY MUCH.
>> DO YOU HAVE ANY TIPS FOR
PEOPLE WHO MIGHT BE WORRIED
ABOUT CROCODILES OR ALLIGATORS
SNEAKING INTO THEIR HOMES?
>> KEEP WORRYING.
THAT IS A GOOD THING TO WORRY
ABOUT.
PEOPLE WHO WORRY ABOUT
CROCODILES ARE SMART.
PEOPLE SAY CROCODILES NORMALLY
ATTACK THINGS LOWER TO THE
GROUND LIKE DOGS AND
CHILDREN.
THAT'S THE BEST THING YOU CAN
SAY ABOUT CROCODILES.
>> THAT IS A VERY SCARY
POINT.
I WANT TO TALK ABOUT ANOTHER
STORY YOU HAVE BEEN WORKING
ON.
NASA SAYS THERE ARE 13,000
PIECES OF MAN-MADE SPACE
GARBAGE.
THE STUFF COULD FALL BACK TO
EARTH AT ANY MOMENT.
THIS IS PRETTY ALARMING THAT
WE POLLUTED SPACE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
>> DO YOU KNOW HOW BIG SPACE
IS?
IT IS PRETTY BIG.
WE ARE FAR FROM THE SUN.
IT IS A BALL OF FUSION.
WE WOULD BURN.
>> THAT IS TRUE.
HOW DID THIS HAPPEN AND WHY
CAN'T ANYONE STOP THIS?
>> WELL, SPACE SHIPS GO BAD,
GREG.
THAT'S WHY NASA DOESN'T HAVE
AN EYE -- THE TYPICAL HUMAN
NATURE IS TO WORRY ABOUT A
PROBLEM AFTER IT STARTED.
YOU JUST CAN'T LEAVE STUFF UP
IN SPACE, BUT THAT'S WHAT WE
HAVE BRN -- WE HAVE BEEN DOING
FOR 50 YEARS.
>> YOU HAVE NO SOLUTIONS FOR
THIS?
>> I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WE
SHOULD DO.
STAY INSIDE MAYBE.
>> STAY INSIDE WOULD BE A GOOD
THING.
>> THERE ARE NO SOLUTIONS.
>> THERE ARE NO SOLUTION TO
THIS.
>> WHAT KIND OF DEBRIS ARE WE
TALKING ABOUT?
>> WELL, WE HAVE OLD SPACE
TELESCOPES AND OUR TELESCOPE
NO LONGER WORKS.
WE PRESIDENT CAY -- WE CAN
HUNT PLANETS AND GET HIT BY
SPACE JUNK.
>> THAT'S TERRIFYING.
>> I THINK WE HAVE ANOTHER
STORY.
DO WE HAVE ANOTHER STORY?
KEEP GOING?
LOCAL FISHERMAN RECENTLY
CAUGHT A PAW RAW GNAW-LIKE
FISH AND THIS IS THE SAME FISH
WHICH IS REPORTEDLY
RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DEATH OF
TWO FISHERMEN IN FRANCE AFTER
IT BIT OFF THEIR TESS TAU
CALS.
SHOULD WE NOT GO INTO THE
WATER OR PUBLIC LAKES?
>> NOT IF YOU HAVE TESTICALS.
IF WE DO IT WILL BE WOMAN'S
ONLY LAKE.
IT WILL BE A WOMAN'S WORLD
HILLARY AND -- OH I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO SAY.
>> DO YOU HAVE ADVICE?
>> IF THE FISH BITES YOUR
TESTICLES, DON'T JUST SWIM
THERE, DO SOMETHING.
DON'T GIVE IT AN OPPORTUNITY.
>> WELL, THANK YOU -- ARE YOU
OKAY?
ARE YOU SCARED?
>> I AM TERRIFIED.
I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE THE
STUDIO.
>> YOU MIGHT WANT TO STAY
THERE.
THERE COULD BE BEDBUGS DOWN
THERE.
THANK YOU, JOE MACKEY.
SPECIAL THANKS TO HARRIS
FALKNER AND LIZ McDONALD.
THAT DOES IT FOR ME.
HOW MUCH TIME WE GOT?
WE HAVE 20 SECONDS.
>> WOW, THAT'S A LOT OF TIME.
>> DO YOU A GREAT JOB.
GREAT HAVING YOU HERE.
>> IT HAS BEEN REALLY FUN.
>> IT IT HAS BEEN
INTERESTING.
>> IT'S BEEN REAL, GREG.
>> HE LOOKS LIKE HE WAS
SCARED.