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The alleged final chapter of the middle-earth saga, once again directed by New Zealand's
own Peter Jackson, was released nationwide on November 17, 2014 - and will undoubtedly
pull a sizable profit, despite its mammoth quarter-of-a-billion dollar budget. Picking
up right where the previous installment foolishly ended, this PG-13 rated narrative follows
several parallel groups of players as they impatiently engage in a massive war for poorly
explained reasons. Indeed, the first-half of this picture is spent listening to talking-heads
argue about an impending battle. So even though this is the shortest middle-earth movie yet
at 144 minutes... it still feels painfully slow. Opening with what should have been the
explosive ending to the last picture, this film is a non-stop string of proper-nouns
and unnecessarily lengthy exposition. I mean hell, even the title is long-winded. Martin
Freeman once again leads the huge group as the title character... walking barefoot in
his bathrobe around the chaotic battlefield like it's just a walk to his fridge, even
questioning an ally, "Are we okay to stand here?". Richard Armitage is the only other
person worth mentioning, who receives the slight majority of the screentime... hyping
up his dwarf companions for another pointless fight by asking them, "Will you follow me,
one last time?" The entire cast from nearly all previous installments also return here...
which is honestly not a good thing, as few are given anything important to say or do.
One scene has three familiar faces from the "Lord Of The Rings" trilogy fighting some
invisible soldiers or something... in a sequence that has absolutely no consequence to the
rest of the story. I don't even care if it's in the original book; it felt like pointless
fan-service, and definitely should have been removed. I mean, for crying out loud... Christopher
Lee is 92 years old! There's no reason he had to get off of his bed pan for this dumb
scene. You know that classic action-movie staple, where a character is saved at the
last moment from a previously unseen ally? Or when someone stares into the distance,
reacting to something off-screen we haven't seen yet? Yeah, both of these things happen
about 20 times in "The Battle Of The Five Armies", and after the first few, they no
longer carries any dramatic tension whatsoever. Even the titular battle is a bore... it's
a silly collection of chroma-keyed violence devoid of suspense or dynamic moments that
made a similar sequence in "The Two Towers" so memorable. Later, the movie very figuratively "jumps the shark"
with a preposterous scene that has Orlando Bloom hopping up falling stones like it's
a staircase... the physics of this maneuver, even in a magical fantasy land, are so absurd,
it's impossible not to laugh. This is immediately after an equally ridiculous moment when he
falls onto a giant troll, piercing the back of its neck with his elfish blade. Bloom then
proceeds to control the beast like he's having a piggyback ride. But if you don't take the
events seriously, there's a lot of fun to be had, and aside from a few battle-shots,
the visual effects work by Weta Digital is impressive, as always. Howard Shore's score
is excellent as well, but the most effective beats rely on re-used cues from the first
trilogy. Occasionally, when the film does settle down to one-on-one fights and dialogue,
it can be interesting, exciting, and moving. Watching these characters finally get a much-needed
conclusion is also plenty satisfying. It's just unfortunate that after six films, Jackson
still hasn't learned the importance of the phrase, "less is more" - opting to cram this
final installment with so much unnecessary bloat, it begins to collapse under its own
weight. And for what it's worth, I can almost guarantee this won't be the last time we see
middle-earth. An entertaining and competently made diversion, but probably the least substantive
and shallow J.R.R. Tolkein adaptation yet, "The Hobbit: The Battle Of The Five Armies"
is an enjoyable mess of empty thrills and pointless characters. And here are some of
your reviews.
As has been the trend, you scored this higher than I did, calling it GREAT. I was somewhat
disappointed with this final chapter... but I still thought it was pretty COOL.