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People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals want to see Punxatawney Phil replaced with a robot groundhog.
They say it is unfair for the groundhog to be kept in captivity
and to be exposed to all the bright lights and cameras once each year.
Personally, I say, not as one who worships animals, but as one who worships technology, why not get a robot groundhog?
Why not get something with a radar, and a satellite uplink, and computers, something that's built to do the job.
Why not get — ROBO-CHUCK!!
[monotone] Shadow acquired. Six additional weeks of winter.
William Deely, president of the Inner Circle of Punxatawney Groundhog Club,
William Deely, president of the Inner Circle of Punxatawney Groundhog Club,
says the animal is treated better than the average child in Pennsylvania.
I fail to see how.
He's still being drug out of bed when he'd rather remain asleep.
"LEAVE ME ALONE!! I DON'T WANNA GO TO SCHOOL!!"
"I DON'T WANNA GO OUT AND SEE THOSE UGLY HAIRLESS PEOPLE!!"
What I have here on my trusty slide viewer
are the actual scans from actual fortunes from actual fortune cookies.
Super K brand fortune cookies to be exact,
which is distributed at both China Buffet and Wok Buffet, both on Morse Road in Columbus, OH.
"Soon, your old friends will remind you of your forgotten childhood joys."
Yeah, that's right!
The childhood joys of getting a wedgee, and getting hung up on a coathook in the hall.
If it's all the same to you, sir, I'd rather not be reminded.
"Strength is built upong inner character. Character is built upon inner strength."
Which is in turn built upon inner, inner character,
Which is then built upon inner, inner, inner strength.
And so on, and so forth.
Which begs the question: Which came first?