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- COMING UP, ON "BRIDEZILLAS,"
WILLAURA'S THE SELF-PROCLAIMED CELEBRITY SOCIALITE...
- SHE'S SO BEAUTIFUL!
- AND HER OWN NUMBER 1 FAN.
- IT'S THE WILLAURA SHOW, OKAY?
- BUT, WHEN THIS ZILLA DOESN'T FEEL LOVE...
- GIVE ME YOUR AMERICAN EXPRESS.
GIVE IT TO ME!
- NO WAY-- GET BACK-BACK. - THOSE GENTILE MANNERS GO RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW.
- OR WHAT? - YOU WON'T EVEN BE IN THE WEDDING!
- OR WHAT-- OR WHAT? - STOP IT.
- YOU WON'T EVEN BE IN THE WEDDING!
- PLUS... - DO I LOOK PRETTY?
- ADRIENNE'S "POOR ME" ROUTINE IS STARTING TO WEAR A BIT THIN.
- AND MY BELLY BUTTON LOOKS LIKE A DONUT HOLE.
- BUT, IT COULD JUST BE A SYMPTOM...
- ARE YOU GONNA COME WITH ME?
- OF A MUCH BIGGER PROBLEM.
- GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT-- JUST LEAVE!
I DON'T EVEN WANNA GET MARRIED!
CALL WAYLON AND TELL HIM I CAN'T DO IT!
- NEXT, ON "BRIDEZILLAS."
EVERY BRIDE EXPECTS TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION ON HER BIG DAY,
BUT A BRIDEZILLA EXPECTS IT EVERY DAY.
[indistinct shouting] - COME HERE-- COME HERE!
- NO! - WHY YOU ACTIN' LIKE THAT?
WHY YOU ACTIN' LIKE THAT-- HUH?
- WILLAURA, STOP-- GET YOUR HANDS OFF.
- NO, YOU AIN'T EVEN BEEN THERE FOR ME!
YOU AIN'T EVEN BEEN THERE!
WHAT YOU GONNA DO-- WHAT YOU GONNA DO?
HIT ME WITH THAT SHOE, THEN!
HIT ME WITH THAT SHOE-- HIT ME WITH THAT SHOE!
- WILLAURA, DON'T! - OKAY, NOW STOP, YA'LL-- NO!
- BUT, BEFORE THE SHOE HITS THE FAN,
WE NEED TO BACK UP A FEW STEPS.
- HAVE YOU EVER MADE A DRINK BEFORE?
- NO.
- MEET THE SELF-PROCLAIMED SOCIALITE AND CELEBRITY
IN HER OWN MIND, WILLAURA.
- WELL, I'M A PROFESSIONAL BARTENDER.
I AM THE HOTTEST SOCIALITE IN ATLANTA.
IF I'M NOT AT YOUR PARTY, IT IS NOT A PARTY.
- AND THE MAN FEEDING HER DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR,
IF NOT ACTUALLY FEEDING HER, MARQUES.
- MARQUES, LET ME TASTE THAT. - ALL RIGHT.
WILLAURA, COMPARED TO ME, IS--
SHE'S ALWAYS THE CENTER OF ATTENTION, VERY EMOTIONAL,
VERY, UM, OVER THE TOP.
- THIS IS A CELEBRITY WEDDING.
I'M SUPPOSED TO HAVE GOOD DRINKS AT MY WEDDING.
- UNFORTUNATELY FOR MARQUES, WEDDING PLANNING
HAS ONLY ADDED TO WILLAURA'S SPECIAL CHARMS.
- THAT IS SO NASTY.
- WHAT-- STOP.
YOU WAKE UP ONE MORNING, AND THE BEAUTIFUL PERSON
YOU WENT TO SLEEP WITH HAS GROWN SCALES OVERNIGHT.
- YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO MAKE A DRINK.
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
- SORRY, MARQUES, BUT SOMETHING TELLS US
THIS TRANSFORMATION MAY BE A RECURRING THEME,
VERY RECURRING.
- I USED TO BE A SCHOOLTEACHER.
MY KIDS USED TO ALWAYS SAY, "I THINK YOU'RE BIPOLAR,
'CAUSE ONE MINUTE, LIKE, YOU'RE LAUGHING WITH US,
AND THE NEXT MINUTE, YOU'RE YELLING.
BASICALLY, I MADE THE BEST DRINK,
AND THEN I HAD TO HELP YOU OUT WIT' YOUR DRINK.
YOU NEED ME.
NOW, TELL ME HOW MUCH YOU NEED ME.
MARQUES, ARE YOU ALMOST READY?
- YEAH, I'M ALMOST DONE. - ALL RIGHT.
COME HERE, SO I CAN SEE YOUR OUTFIT,
SO I CAN MAKE SURE YOU DON'T LOOK A MESS.
- OH, LORD.
- FIVE DAYS BEFORE THE WEDDING,
WILLAURA HAS SUMMONED THE CATERER FOR A FINAL TASTE-TEST.
- MAICAH, THIS IS WILLAURA.
WHERE ARE YOU AT, RIGHT NOW?
TEN MINUTES?
IT IS 12:27!
OUR APPOINTMENT IS AT 12:30.
I HAVE VERY, VERY HIGH EXPECTATIONS FOR MAICAH.
I'M HOOKING HIM UP BY LETTING HIM BE A PART
OF MY CELEBRITY WEDDING,
SO HE SHOULD REALLY TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS OPPORTUNITY.
HELLO?
OKAY.
WELL, CALL ME, LIKE-- CALL ME AS SOON AS YOU GET HERE,
'CAUSE YOU'RE LATE.
LET ME SEE YOUR OUTFIT.
GO BACK.
TURN AROUND.
- WILLAURA, STOP. - TURN AROUND!
OH, MY GOSH!
TURN AROUND, AGAIN.
I GUESS YOU CAN WEAR THAT.
I HAVE HIM ON A TIGHT LEASH.
MARQUES DOES ANYTHING THAT I SAY.
LIKE, HE IS GOING-- IF I SAY, "GO GET THAT,"
HE IS GOING TO GET IT.
HE'S REALLY LIKE MR. WILLAURA.
THAT'S REALLY WHAT WE CAN CALL HIM, MR. WILLAURA,
AND I THINK THAT'S AN AWESOME TITLE TO HAVE.
I DON'T THINK HE SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF THAT.
THAT'S, LIKE, THE BEST TITLE ANY MAN COULD HAVE,
TO BE MR. WILLAURA.
- ALL RIGHT, SO... - AND THINK--
- HE'S BRINGING THE FOOD UP. - YEAH.
- WHAT ELSE IS HE DOIN'?
WHAT DO WE HAVE TO DO, AS FAR AS SETTING UP?
- ALL WE NEED TO TAKE, IS OUR MOUTH AND OUR STOMACH.
THAT'S ALL WE NEED.
AND NOW, I'M LATE.
HE'S PUSHED ME-- I GOT STUFF TO DO TODAY.
IT'S 12:28.
- TEN MINUTES LATER, AT 12:38, THE CATERER ARRIVES,
AND THE GROUP HEADS DOWN TO THE GAME ROOM TO BEGIN THE TASTING.
[sigh] - WHAT'S UP, MAICAH?
NICE OF YOU TO JOIN US.
HOW LONG IS THIS GONNA TAKE?
- TEN MINUTES.
- OKAY, THAT'S THAT TEN MINUTES THAT YOU WERE LATE.
SO, BUT-BUT IT'S OKAY-- ALL RIGHT.
WHENEVER I'M HUNGRY, I HAVE THIS THING
WHERE IT'S CALLED HALT.
LIKE, I DON'T LIKE TO MAKE DECISIONS
WHEN I'M HUNGRY, ANGRY, LONELY, OR TIRED.
SO NOW, I'M HALTING, OKAY?
AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF MAICAH BECAUSE HE'S LATE.
I'VE BEEN WAITING ON HIM, SO I COULD HAVE THIS
DELICIOUS MEAL, AND HE'S LATE, AND I DON'T LIKE IT.
- I ALSO NEED, UM, PLATES, 'CAUSE I DIDN'T BRING ANY.
- YOU NEED PLATES FROM WHERE?
- FROM YOU. - FROM ME?
- YEAH.
- YOU DIDN'T BRING NO PLATES?
- NO.
- WHY DIDN'T YOU BRING NO PLATES?
- BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT COMIN' TO MY PLACE.
I'M COMIN' TO YOUR PLACE.
- WELL, UH, WELL, DID YOU BRING THE FOOD?
- YEAH, I BROUGHT THE FOOD.
- SO, IF YOU BRING THE FOOD,
THEN YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BRING SOME PLATES.
MARQUES, WILL YOU GO GET THE PLATES?
- YOU NEED, LIKE, UTENSILS AND STUFF, TOO?
- MMM-HMM.
- MAICAH, WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT YOUR PERFORMANCE.
THIS IS A CELEBRITY WEDDING.
OKAY, YOU JUST DON'T SHOW UP.
- WHO ALL GONNA BE THERE?
IT'S A CELEBRITY WEDDING.
- ME!
[laughter]
I'M THE-- WHY ARE YOU LAUGHIN'?
- I DON'T THINK SO.
I DON'T SEE TOM CRUISE AND WILL SMITH COMING HERE
ANYTIME SOON-- THAT'S A CELEBRITY WEDDING.
- WELL, IS THERE SOMETHIN' YOU CAN DO?
INSTEAD OF SITTIN' HERE WITH ME,
CAN'T YOU GO OVER THERE AND DO SOMETHIN' PRODUCTIVE?
- YEAH, I CAN GO OVER THERE AND DO SOMETHIN' PRODUCTIVE.
- WELL, GO AHEAD-- KNOCK IT OUT.
- DEFINITELY--
- WARM SOMETHIN' UP OR SOMETHIN'-- I'M HUNGRY.
- WELL, SHE COULD CERTAINLY STAND TO HAVE A GOOD MEAL.
- REMEMBER, MAICAH, THIS IS ABOUT ME.
IT'S ABOUT WILLAURA.
IT'S THE WILLAURA SHOW, OKAY?
- NOW THAT MAICAH HAS PLATES TO PRESENT THE FOOD,
IT'S TIME FOR OUR ZILLA TO GET HER GRUB ON.
AND AFTER INGESTING A SINGLE BITE OF THE SALAD,
THIS DIVA IN HER OWN MIND
DECIDES SHE NEEDS A MORE FULL SERVICE EXPERIENCE.
- MAICAH, CUT MY CHICKEN.
- BAWK!
- THIS IS MY THING, MY DAY.
CUT MY CHICKEN.
- HMM...
THIS IS REALLY TAKING IT TOO FAR.
BAM.
- MAICAH, CUT THE WHOLE CHICKEN!
AT LEAST CUT ME, LIKE, TEN PIECES.
- NOT COOL.
- DID YOU WARM THIS UP?
- YEAH, I WARMED IT UP.
- IT'S ICE COLD, LIKE IT'S NEVER BEEN WARMED UP.
I NEED MY CHICKEN WARMED.
- I'LL WARM THIS UP, TOO, FOR YOU, OKAY?
- THANK YOU-- THANK YOU.
- MAICAH DOES AS HE'S COMMANDED,
BUT OUR ZILLA ISN'T FINISHED WITH HIM JUST YET.
- HOW ABOUT THAT?
- I WANT YOU TO SAY, "YOUR DINNER IS SERVED."
[laughter]
CAN YOU DO THAT ONE MORE TIME?
MAICAH-- MAICAH!
- I'M NOT ABOUT TO SAY-- I'M NOT ABOUT TO SAY ALL THAT.
- WHY?
- THAT'S WHAT MARQUES-- - MAICAH, THIS IS ABOUT ME!
- BABY? - HUH?
- REALLY? - YES.
- I DON'T THINK SO. - YES, I THINK SO.
- I'M NOT ENABLING YOU.
- YOU DON'T HAVE NOTHIN' TO SAY?
- I MEAN, YOU TOLD HIM, I MEAN...
- I THINK, WITH MAICAH, I'M BEING VERY COOPERATIVE.
LIKE, I AM GIVING HIM THE OPPORTUNITY OF A LIFETIME.
I KNOW THIS IS YOUR FIRST TIME CATERING A CELEBRITY EVENT,
YOU KNOW.
I AM GOING TO, YOU KNOW, GIVE YOU A CHANCE
TO REDEEM YOURSELF.
I JUST NEED YOU TO BE AT THE WEDDING AT 2 O'CLOCK.
IF YOU'RE NOT THERE AT 2 O'CLOCK,
YOU ARE NOT GETTING PAID.
AND I STILL EXPECT MY FOOD TO BE THERE.
- NEED YOU TO TELL ME WHEN THE REHEARSAL IS.
- NOW, LET'S CHECK BACK IN WITH THE NAGGING NATIVE AMERICAN
ZILLA, ADRIENNE, AND HER NAGGEE, WAYLON.
- LIKE, WHAT TIME DOES IT START?
WHAT TIME ARE YOU GONNA BE THERE?
MATTER OF FACT, WHERE'S IT AT?
- UM, IS IT AT, UM-- - WAYLON?
I MET MY FIANCE WHEN I WAS GOING TO COLLEGE.
I THOUGHT HE WAS STALKING ME BECAUSE HE HAPPENED
TO BE EVERYWHERE THAT I WAS ON CAMPUS.
- WE INDIANS LIKE TO STALK OUR PREY.
- BUT, IT SEEMS THE HUNTER HAS BECOME THE HUNTED.
- WHEN IS REHEARSAL?
THAT'S ALL I WANNA KNOW.
- WAIT-WAIT-WAIT!
HOLD ON FOR THIS CALL-- OH-OH-OH!
- WAYLON, ARE YOU SERIOUS?
I'M TALKING TO YOU!
HELLO?
WE DO COME FROM TWO TRIBES THAT WERE TRADITIONAL ENEMIES.
- UH-- - NO.
I GOT YOUR ATTENTION NOW, DON'T I?
BACK IN THE DAY, IF HE WANTED TO MARRY ME,
HE WOULD'VE PROBABLY HAD TO STEAL ME AND TAKE ME CAPTIVE.
- WELL, ADRIENNE'S CERTAINLY CAPTIVATING.
- WE'RE DONE-- WE'RE DONE-- BYE.
- BABY?
- WAYLON! - YEAH?
- COME HERE. - I'M BUSY.
- TWO DAYS BEFORE THE WEDDING,
ADRIENNE IS STILL FEELING QUEASY
AFTER HER ENCOUNTER WITH CANNED CHEESE.
[gagging]
AND WE'RE NOT DOCTORS OR ANYTHING, BUT WE THINK
THE DIAGNOSIS COULD BE WHINERITIS.
- WHAT'S UP? - I DON'T FEEL GOOD.
- YOU NEVER FEEL GOOD, BABY.
WHAT'S GOIN' ON THIS TIME?
- TODAY'S A BIG DAY.
WE HAVE A LOT TO DO.
WE NEED TO GET OUR MEN THEIR TUXES.
WE NEED TO GET OUR WOMEN THEIR DRESSES.
I FREAKING COULDN'T EVEN GET OUT OF BED, HARDLY.
AND THEN, THIS FOOT'S HURT.
- I WANNA TAKE THESE OFF.
- DON'T TAKE IT OFF.
JUST RUB RIGHT THERE-- YOU'RE NOT DOING IT GOOD.
EVERY WOMAN HAS THAT IN HER TO BE A BRIDEZILLA,
KINDA TURN INTO, LIKE, PRINCESSES OR WHATEVER,
AND THEN THEY WANT EVERYTHING DONE THEIR WAY.
'CAUSE EVEN THOUGH THEY'RE LIKE, "THIS IS ABOUT US,
"THIS IS OUR WEDDING," YOU KNOW, ULTIMATELY,
IT'S-IT'S ALL ABOUT THEM, SO-- NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY.
[sigh] - WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT?
YOU DON'T KNOW?
I'M GONNA BE WITH THE GIRLS TONIGHT.
- THAT'S COOL.
MAYBE THAT'S WHAT YOU NEED, SOME ALONE TIME.
- ARE YOU GONNA BE WITH JUWAN?
MAYBE?
MY BROTHER-IN-LAW, JUWAN, HE THINKS HE'S REALLY HOT.
WE FIGHT AND ARGUE LIKE WE'RE LOVERS.
- SO WE RECALL.
[screaming] - GET BACK!
- YEAH, WE'RE REALLY SUFFERING FOR YOU.
- IT'S MY BROTHER.
I DON'T GET TO SEE HIM. - HE FREAKIN' HURT ME.
- MAYBE I COULD BRING IT UP LATER AND BE LIKE, "HEY."
- REALLY?
YOU'RE GONNA GO HANG OUT WITH JUWAN?
IF HE'S WITH JUWAN TONIGHT, I'M GONNA BE A LITTLE UPSET
BECAUSE HE DOESN'T EVEN NEED TO BE AROUND HIM.
HE'S RUINING EVERYTHING.
- YOU'RE GONNA BE OUT WITH THE GIRLS.
- SINCE IT'S NOT LIKELY WAYLON WILL BE WRITING OFF
HIS BROTHER, WHINEZILLA REFOCUSES
ON SOMETHING SHE CAN CONTROL.
- WE NEED TO GO.
- LIKE, NOW?
- IF YOU LEFT IT TO YOURSELF, YOU WOULD GET THE WRONG TUX.
- I'M THE CLUELESS GROOM, FOR SURE.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOIN', LIKE, TOMORROW.
I DID MY PART, MAN-- I PROPOSED.
- I WANTED TO GET A RED ONE,
'CAUSE RED'S THE COLOR OF PASSION.
- OH, NO-- UH-UH.
- AND I WANTED THAT HAT WITH THE COOL CHAIN.
- YOU'RE MAKING ME DIZZY.
- YOU REMEMBER-- DID YOU SEE THE CHAIN?
- OKAY, NO MORE-- NO MORE-- NO MORE-- NO MORE.
WHEN YOU TALK LIKE THAT, AND YOU JUST KEEP GOING,
YOU MAKE ME DIZZY, AND I FEEL LIKE THROWING UP.
SO, CAN WE GO GET YOUR TUXES?
- UM, YEAH.
SHOULD I GET YOU A CRUTCH?
- YOU ARE A CRUTCH.
- COMING UP...
ADRIENNE SPENDS HER CAKE TESTING...
- WITH THESE. - I'M ACTUALLY ALLERGIC TO PECANS.
- BELLY-ACHING. - AND THEN, I CAN DIE,
AND THEN MAYBE YOU GUYS WILL ALL BE HAPPY.
- AW.
- AND THEN...
- WHO SPENDS HUNDREDS-- THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS
ON A DRESS AND THEN ALTERS IT THEMSELVES?
- WILLAURA'S OVER CONFIDENCE...
- THAT SIDE IS TOTALLY BIGGER THAN THE SIDE OVER HERE.
- COMES WITH REAL CONSEQUENCES.
- STOP YELLING AT ME.
- NEXT, ON "BRIDEZILLAS."
♪
- I DON'T KNOW, LIKE, IF EVERYBODY KNOWS
WHERE WE'RE GOING.
- WITH ONLY TWO DAYS LEFT BEFORE THE WEDDING,
WAYLON IS CHAUFFEURING HIS ILL ZILLA TO A MEETING
WITH THE BRIDAL PARTY.
- AM I BEING PUNISHED?
IS THAT WHY I'M SICK?
- I WOULDN'T SAY, "PUNISHED,"
AS OPPOSED TO GETTING PREPARED FOR A TOUGH LIFE.
- WITH YOU?
- WELL, IF YOU WANTED TO LOOK AT IT THAT WAY.
- I'M SICK EVERY DAY.
I'M TIRED BECAUSE OF ALL THE PRESSURE THAT SOCIETY
PUTS ON US TO BE THIS PERFECT BRIDE,
AND EVERYTHING'S GOTTA BE PERFECT.
THIS CREATION IS-IS-- I'M A PRODUCT OF SOCIETY.
SO, IF I ACT CRAZY, THAT'S YOUR FAULT.
- WELL, WE WON'T HAVE TO GUESS WHAT YOUR DEFENSE STRATEGY
WILL BE, SHOULD YOU FIND YOURSELF IN NEED OF ONE.
- I FEEL LIKE I'M MARRYING A MIDDLE SCHOOLER.
YOU'VE GOT THE MATURITY OF AN EIGHTH GRADER.
- I WAS THINKIN' MORE OF A NINTH GRADER.
- BEFORE ADRIENNE CAN FLING HERSELF INTO ONCOMING TRAFFIC,
WAYLON DEPOSITS HIS WEDDING-WEARY BRIDE
INTO THE CUSTODY OF HER BRIDAL PARTY FOR A FINAL, CUPCAKE TASTING.
- HI.
ADRIENNE.
- ADRIENNE. - I'M-I'M GONNA SIT RIGHT HERE.
- SHE'S NOT FEELING GOOD.
ARE YOU UP TO TRYING 'EM?
SEE HOW-- I MEAN, I HOPE.
- DEFINITELY, LET'S-LET'S- LET'S DIG IN, MAN.
I DON'T EVEN WANNA TASTE CAKES, RIGHT NOW.
THE SMELL OR EVEN JUST THE THOUGHT OF TASTING A CAKE,
RIGHT NOW, MAKES ME WANNA THROW UP.
- BUT WHY TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS
WHEN YOU CAN PUSH YOUR LUCK INSTEAD?
- KINDA-- UM, IT-IT SMELLS GOOD, BUT IT'S SO, LIKE,
OVERPOWERING.
SO, RIGHT NOW, I DON'T-- I DON'T KNOW.
CAN YOU TRY IT FOR ME?
CAN YOU?
- YEAH.
- I-I JUST NEED MORE THAN ONE OPINION, YOU KNOW?
WHAT'S IT TASTE LIKE?
- TASTES REALLY GOOD. - OKAY.
- REALLY GOOD. - BUT, LIKE, HOW?
YOU JUST SAID IT'S GOOD, SO, UH,
BUT I STILL CAN'T GET A VISUAL FOR IT.
I KNOW-- I NEED A VISUAL TO GET A TASTE.
CAN I GET YOU TO TASTE IT, AGAIN?
YOU GOTTA TASTE IT, AGAIN.
I NEED TO-- I NEED--
[sigh] I DON'T EAT DARK CHOCOLATE,
SO I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT TASTES LIKE.
- REALLY?
- IT'S SOFT, IT'S MOIST.
IT'S GOT A GOOD TEXTURE TO IT.
- OKAY.
- SOUNDS LIKE A CUPCAKE ALL RIGHT.
BUT, AS OUR ZILLA WRESTLES WITH HER DISSATISFACTION,
IN COME TWO NEW BRIDESMAIDS TO LEND THEIR TASTE BUDS.
- YES.
- THE PECANS?
- THIS IS A-A CREAM CHEESE.
- I'M ACTUALLY-- I'M ACTUALLY ALLERGIC TO PECANS.
- THIS IS A STRAWBERRY CREAM CHEESE.
- OH, MAN.
I'M LACTOSE INTOLERANT, TOO.
SO, YOU KNOW WHAT?
MAYBE, THOUGH, WE'LL JUST-- WE'LL JUST HAVE THAT,
AND THEN, AND THEN I-- AND THEN I CAN DIE,
AND THEN MAYBE YOU GUYS WILL ALL BE HAPPY.
- OH, MY GOD. - REALLY?
- WHY ARE YOU BEING SO DRAMATIC?
OBVIOUSLY, YOU'RE DOING THIS FOR ATTENTION.
IF I AM SLEEPY, OR TIRED, OR NOT FEELING GOOD,
AND NOBODY FEELS SORRY FOR ME,
THEN I'M JUST GONNA GET WORSE,
AND I'M GONNA MAKE YOU FEEL SORRY FOR ME.
- I THINK YOU'RE JUST WANTING ATTENTION.
- WELL, THAT'S GOOD-- THAT'S GOOD TO KNOW.
I'M-I'M DONE-- I JUST WANNA GO TO SLEEP.
I'M NOT-- I DON'T WANNA DO NOTHIN' ANYMORE.
- IT'S YOUR WEDDING.
- HI, NYSHIA! - HOW ARE YA?
- I COME BEARING GIFTS.
- OH, AND WHAT IS THIS? - SOME TEA.
- THANK YOU. - IT MATCHES YOUR OUTFIT.
- IS IT MY FAVORITE?
- FOUR DAYS BEFORE THE WEDDING, WILLAURA HAS SUMMONED
BRIDESMAID NYSHIA TO HELP HER WITH SOME DIY DRESS ALTERATIONS.
- SO YOU KNOW, YOU'RE MY ASSISTANT FOR TODAY.
[record scratching] - ASSISTANT MEANIN' WHAT?
- ASSISTANT MEANING, LIKE, WE GOT STUFF TO DO,
AND YOU'RE GONNA HELP ME DO EVERYTHING I NEED TO DO,
LIKE, WHATEVER I NEED.
LIKE, FOR EXAMPLE-- - WILLAURA, DID YOU ASK ME
TO BE YOUR ASSISTANT FOR TODAY?
- YES, I ASKED YOU TO BE. - NO, YOU DID NOT ASK ME TO BE.
- YES, I DID.
- WHEN DID YOU ASK ME TO BE YOUR ASSISTANT?
- WHEN I ASKED YOU TO COME OVER HERE.
- WILLAURA?
- I DON'T TRUST ANYBODY ELSE TO ALTER MY DRESS.
AND THE PRESSURE'S REALLY ON ME.
YOU KNOW, IF SOMETHING DOESN'T GO RIGHT,
PEOPLE ARE GONNA BE LIKE, "OH, WILLAURA MESSED UP."
AND NO-NO-NO, WILLAURA'S NOT MESSING UP ON ANYTHING.
SO, WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO, I AM ALTERING MY DRESS.
- YOU'RE DOING WHAT? - I'M ALTERING MY DRESS.
- WH-- [laughter] - WHY ARE YOU LAUGHIN'?
- YOU SPEND HUNDREDS-- THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS ON A DRESS,
AND THEN YOU ALTER IT YOURSELF.
WHO DOES THAT-- THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
- THIS IS MY SEWING KIT.
IF I EVER NEED ANYTHING OUTTA HERE, YOU GET IT FOR ME.
NYSHIA'S MAJOR TASK TODAY IS TO KEEP IT A SECRET
THAT I AM ALTERING MY OWN DRESS.
- WHAT IS THIS-- GLUE?
ARE YOU GONNA GLUE YOUR DRESS?
[laughter] YOU'RE GLUING YOUR DRESS?
- NYSHIA?
IF PEOPLE KNOW THAT I ALTERED MY OWN DRESS,
THEY MIGHT TRY TO GET ME TO GO GET A PROFESSIONAL ALTERNATOR,
AND THAT'S JUST NOT IN THE BUDGET.
- HOW DO YOU KNOW, LIKE, WHERE YOU NEED TO TAKE IT IN?
DID YOU MARK IT OR SOMETHIN'?
- I DON'T NEED TO MARK-- EVERYTHING I DO, IS GREAT.
- ARE YOU SERIOUS?
YOU'RE NOT EVEN GONNA MARK IT?
- I'M LIKE A EXPERT.
- OH, MY GOD, THIS IS GONNA BE A DISASTER.
[laughter]
- HONESTLY, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SEW.
BUT, LIKE, WHATEVER I DO TO MY DRESS,
IS GONNA BE PERFECT BECAUSE I DID IT.
I'M WILLAURA.
- AFTER A HEFTY DOSE OF HER EXPERT HANDIWORK
AND OVER CONFIDENCE,
FASHION ZILLA IS READY TO SHOW OFF HER MASTERPIECE.
- I'M DONE!
- LET ME SEE. - YES, LOOK.
WE'RE GONNA PUT THIS ON.
- OH, GOD.
- THE THEME OF MY WEDDING IS WILLAURA.
WHEN YOU THINK OF WILLAURA, YOU JUST THINK OF BIG.
SO, HOW GORGEOUS IS MY DRESS?
- IT'S OKAY.
- NYSHIA!
- WHAT?
I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN IT FROM THE FRONT.
I DON'T KNOW.
- BIG IN A SMALL PACKAGE-- THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK OF.
- RIGHT. - LET ME SEE.
- WILLAURA, OH, MY GOD!
THAT SIDE OVER THERE-- NO, THE OTHER SIDE,
IS TOTALLY BIGGER THAN THE SIDE OVER HERE.
- GUESS YOU'RE NOW A SMALL PACKAGE IN A LOPSIDED DRESS.
- CAN YOU WEAR, LIKE, A JACKET?
- NO! - WHAT?
I'M TRYING TO BE HELPFUL.
- SO, YOU CAN SEE THAT FROM THE BACK?
I NEED A PIC-- - HECK YEAH, I CAN SEE THAT.
- CAN YOU TAKE A PICTURE OF IT?
- NO, I'M NOT GONNA TAKE A PICTURE.
YOU CAN TRUST ME.
- NO, NYSHIA, I NEED TO SEE IT, THOUGH.
- WHY DON'T YOU GO LOOK IN THE MIRROR?
- I'M NOT SHOWING UP IN A LOPSIDED DRESS.
I'M REALLY DISAPPOINTED IN THE PEOPLE THAT MADE THE DRESS
BECAUSE HAD THEY MADE THE DRESS RIGHT,
THEN IT WOULD'VE BEEN EVEN.
IT REALLY WASN'T MY FAULT.
- JUST KEEP YOUR ARMS DOWN.
- I KINDA KNEW IT WAS GONNA BE A BAD IDEA WHEN WILLAURA
TOLD ME SHE WAS DOING IT HERSELF,
AND I TRIED TO WARN HER, AND WILLAURA JUST--
SHE DIDN'T LISTEN TO ME.
SO, WHAT DO YOU DO?
- I THINK WILLAURA MAY HAVE MESSED UP.
[laughter]
IT'S NOT FUNNY-- I'M SAD.
- ARE YOU SAD?
[knocking on door] WHO'S AT THE DOOR?
- JUST AS WILLAURA STRUGGLES TO COME TO TERMS
WITH HER MIS-ALTERED DRESS,
HER WEDDING COORDINATOR ARRIVES.
- HI.
- HI, GORGEOUS-- HOW ARE YOU?
- HOW ARE YOU?
- YOU'RE LOOKING LOVELY AS EVER.
- THANK YOU.
- HI, DEBORAH.
- I'M HAVING A BAD DAY.
- I WALKED INTO A DISASTER.
SHE WAS CRYING SO THAT THE MAKEUP
STARTED COMING ON TO THE DRESS.
AND I WAS LIKE, "OH, MY GOSH!
"WE'RE GONNA HAVE NOW BIGGER PROBLEMS BECAUSE WE'RE GONNA
"HAVE TO HAVE IT CLEANED."
- MY DRESS IS MESSED UP.
NO, BUT IT'S-IT'S THE ALTERATIONS
BECAUSE I DIDN'T TAKE IT TO THE DRESS SHOP.
I'M NOT REALLY AN EMOTIONAL PERSON,
BUT BECAUSE MY DRESS IS REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME,
MY DRESS HAS TO BE PERFECT.
I PROMISE YOU WE'RE GONNA WORK IT OUT.
STOP CRYIN'. - I CAN'T.
I JUST WANT ME A NEW DRESS NOW.
[sigh] - OH, SWEETIE.
- LOOK, NO, YOU CAN'T GET A DRESS, WILLAURA.
IT'S OKAY-- THERE'S NOTHIN' WRONG WITH IT.
- IT'S OKAY, BABY. - STOP YELLING AT ME.
- I CAN'T BECAUSE IT'S MESSED UP.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
THIS LOOKS A COMPLETE MESS, AND I CAN'T BELIEVE
THAT I MESSED MY DRESS UP THIS MUCH.
AND NOW, I'M GONNA GET MAKEUP ON IT.
- THESE WIPES WILL GET EVERYTHING OUT.
- I'M JUST NOT GONNA GO TO MY WEDDING.
- MAKES SENSE.
AND AFTER CHANGING OUT OF HER BOTCHED BRIDAL GOWN,
THE STILL SOBBING ZILLA CALLS HER GROOM TO GIVE HIM THE NEWS.
- HELLO.
[sobbing] - I MESSED UP MY DRESS.
- YOU MESSED UP YOUR DRESS? - YES.
- BUT, AS SOON AS MARQUES HEARS THE WOBBLE IN WILLAURA'S VOICE,
HE COMES RUSHING OVER.
- SHE'S HYSTERICAL, PRETTY MUCH LIKE SHE ALWAYS IS.
THANKFULLY, I WAS JUST PULLING UP.
- SO, IT JUST NEEDS TO BE ALTERED, AGAIN?
- YEAH. - I DON'T WANNA WEAR IT.
- BRINGING WILLAURA DOWN, IT TAKES A LOT OF, UH, PATIENCE.
IT TAKES A LOT OF ARTISTRY.
FORTUNATELY, YOU KNOW,
I'M PRETTY MUCH A MASTER AT THIS.
- WILLAURA? - WHAT?
- LOOK AT ME, OKAY?
IT'S OKAY.
- BUT-BUT, MY DRESS IS MESSED UP.
- IT'S NOT MESSED UP, WILLAURA.
- NO, IT JUST NEEDS TO BE CLEANED, AND IT NEEDS TO GET ALTERED.
IT-IT'S NOT A PROBLEM.
- I DON'T KNOW WHO'S GONNA BE ABLE TO FIX IT IN FOUR DAYS
OR EVEN, UM, GET THE STAINS OUT FROM MY TEARS.
THIS IS JUST TOO MUCH.
- COMING UP...
- IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU-- IT'S ABOUT ME.
- WILLAURA PUTS HER DAD ON BLAST...
- GIVE ME YOUR AMERICAN EXPRESS.
GIVE IT TO ME!
- FOR CASH.
- IF YOU DO NOT PAY FOR IT, YOU ARE NOT WALKING ME DOWN THE AISLE.
- AND THEN... - OH, IT'S GROSS!
- WILL ADRIENNE'S DRESS DISTRESS...
- AND I'VE GOT BACNE!
- BE THE DEATH OF HER?
- I LOOK LIKE THE CORPSE BRIDE!
AH!
I DON'T EVEN WANNA GET MARRIED!
- NEXT, ON "BRIDEZILLAS."
♪
- I'M HUNGRY.
- TODAY, WILLAURA HAS ARRANGED A NICE FATHER-DAUGHTER DINNER
WITH HER DAD.
- THANK YOU.
- BUT, AS WITH ALL GOOD FAMILY GATHERINGS,
OUR ZILLA HAS AN AGENDA.
- I'M A STAR-- I'M WILLAURA.
LIKE, I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO BE TRYING TO FIND MONEY
HERE AND THERE TO PAY FOR THINGS.
MY DAD SHOULD BE PAYING FOR EVERYTHING.
OKAY, DADDY, LET'S JUST GET DOWN TO BUSINESS.
- WELL, YOU CERTAINLY DON'T WASTE ANY TIME.
- YOU KNOW, MY WEDDING IS IN THREE DAYS,
AND I NEED MORE MONEY.
- I THOUGHT YOU HAD EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL.
- NO, I DON'T HAVE EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL.
EVERYTHING IS GOING CRAZY.
YESTERDAY, I HAD TO TAKE MY DRESS TO GET--
TO GET ALTERATIONS.
AND THEN, ON TOP OF THAT, I HAVEN'T ORDERED THE CAKE.
HAVEN'T ORDERED MY BRIDESMAIDS GIFTS.
I STILL GOT DECORATIONS TO ORDER.
I DON'T HAVE THE MONEY.
- THAT'S QUITE THE LAUNDRY LIST,
BUT MAYBE YOU SHOULD'VE HELD OFF
AT LEAST UNTIL AFTER THE APPETIZERS.
- I AM HUNGRY.
I HAVEN'T HAD ANYTHING TO EAT ALL DAY.
- I'M HUNGRY, TOO.
I HAVEN'T HAD ANYTHING TO EAT, EITHER.
EVERYBODY WANTS TO MAKE THIS ABOUT THEM.
IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU.
IT'S ABOUT ME.
- IT'S FUNNY.
IT SEEMS LIKE EVERYTHING THAT SHOULD BE GOING RIGHT
IS NOT GOING AT ALL.
SHE'S COME UP WITH ALL THESE LITTLE HIDDEN AGENDA ITEMS.
SHE'S SORT OF, LIKE, DRIFTED MAYBE
JUST A LITTLE BIT AWAY FROM REALITY.
- CAN YOU GIVE ME TWO MORE THOUSAND DOLLARS?
'CAUSE THE $2,000 YOU GAVE ME WASN'T ENOUGH.
I NEED TWO MORE.
- UH, I-I--
- THAT IS THE SOUND OF A MAN WHO IS REALIZING
TOO LATE, "VASECTOMY WOULD'VE BEEN SO MUCH CHEAPER."
- I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY, IN 28 YEARS OF MY LIFE,
YOU ONLY SAVED $2,000 UP FOR MY WEDDING.
LIKE, I REALLY SHOULD'VE HAD ABOUT $30,000 READY TO GO,
WAITIN' ON ME.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU MADE THIS SO HARD FOR ME.
YOU KNOW, IT REALLY JUST HURTS MY FEELINGS THAT YOU JUST
HAVEN'T BEEN THERE TO GIVE ME EXACTLY WHAT I WANT.
I'VE BEEN PLANNING THIS FOR, LIKE, FOUR MONTHS,
AND YOU-YOU'RE THE REASON WHY IT'S SO HARD.
LIKE, I HAVE TO BEG YOU FOR MONEY,
AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I HAVE TO DO THAT.
- I JUST DON'T HAVE THE MONEY TO BE DOLING IT OUT LIKE WATER
AND LIKE SHE THINKS IT'S SUPPOSED TO FLOW.
I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO WITH THAT GIRL.
- ARE YOU GOING TO PAY FOR IT?
- IT'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.
- DADDY, IF YOU DO NOT PAY FOR IT,
YOU ARE NOT WALKING ME DOWN THE AISLE.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
I WILL WALK MYSELF DOWN THE AISLE.
YOU KNOW HOW EMBARRASSING THAT WOULD BE FOR YOU?
- WHAT'S A LITTLE EXTORTION AMONGST FAMILY?
- WHEN SHE THREATENED ME WITH THE FACT THAT
IF I DIDN'T COUGH UP THE MONEY,
THAT I COULDN'T WALK HER DOWN THE AISLE,
MY FIRST THOUGHT WAS, "WELL, IF THAT'S THE CASE,
"THEN WHAT I CAN DO, IS SELL MY SPOT.
"THAT WAY, I CAN GET A RETURN ON THE INVESTMENT."
- GIVE ME YOUR AMERICAN EXPRESS.
GIVE IT TO ME!
- I SHOULD'VE HAD A SON.
- ALL RIGHT, GIVE ME WHAT YOU GOT.
GIVE ME SOME CASH.
- THIS IS STARTING TO FEEL LIKE A MUGGING.
- GIVE ME SOME MORE MONEY. - DON'T HAVE IT.
- YOU DO GOT SOME MONEY.
MY DAD WAS STRAIGHT *** ME OFF AT LUNCH.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I HAD TO BEG HIM FOR MONEY.
I MEAN, IF ANYTHING, HE SHOULD BE HAPPY.
YOU KNOW, HAPPY TO GIVE ME MONEY 'CAUSE HE WANTS ME
TO, YOU KNOW, HAVE THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
HE WANTS IT TO GO GREAT FOR ME.
AM I GONNA GET MY MONEY?
- YOU GOT THE CARD ALREADY. - DADDY, ANSWER THE QUESTION.
- YOU GOT THE CARD ALREADY. - AM I GOING TO GET MY MONEY?
- I'LL MAKE SURE THAT IT'S THERE, ALL RIGHT?
- ANSWER THE QUESTION!
- I'VE NEVER BEEN CHALLENGED OR ATTACKED IN THE WAY
THAT-THAT SHE DID ME TODAY.
IT WAS A BIG SURPRISE TO ME.
YOU'VE GOT THE CARD ALREADY.
I'LL MAKE SURE IT'S THERE, OKAY?
- SO, IT'S GONNA BE THERE? - IT'LL BE THERE.
- WELL NOW, WE CAN EAT.
- GEE, THANKS, BABY GIRL. - YOU'RE WELCOME.
AND I ALWAYS GET WHAT I WANT-- THANK YOU.
- OH!
- TWO DAYS BEFORE THE WEDDING, BRIDEZILLA ADRIENNE
IS JUST COMING TO TERMS WITH THE SIZE OF HER DRESS
VERSUS THE SIZE OF, WELL, HERSELF.
- OKAY!
I'M HERE.
I'M HERE, I'M HERE, I'M HERE.
UM, I NEED SOME HELP WITH THE BACK.
I'VE GOT A BACK BUTT, RIGHT NOW.
DO YOU SEE IT?
MY BIGGEST WEDDING DAY FEAR IS THAT I WON'T FIT INTO MY DRESS
BECAUSE I'M EXTRA STRESSED, AND I'M EATING LIKE CRAZY,
AND I CAN'T STOP, AND THAT'S NOT GOOD.
IT'S BACK HERE.
CAN SOMEONE HELP ME PULL MY FAT APART?
- AND WHICH OF YOUR BRIDESMAIDS GETS TO HAVE THAT JOB
DURING THE RECEPTION?
- THEY DID IT WHEN I TRIED IT ON.
THEY SEPARATED MY FAT.
I NEED SOMEONE TO TAKE A PICTURE FOR ME, PLEASE.
I NEED TO SEE THE BACK THERE.
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TAKE A PICTURE?
I KNOW THIS SOUNDS WEIRD, BUT I ACTUALLY DON'T LIKE
BEING THE CENTER OF ATTENTION.
IT WEIRDS ME UP.
- AND APPARENTLY, ADRIENNE'S NOT A BIG FAN
OF SEEING HERSELF OR HER BACK FAT IN PHOTOS, EITHER.
- OH, IT'S GROSS!
IT LOOKS HORRIBLE-- EW!
THAT'S NOT GONNA WORK.
AND I'VE GOT BACNE!
OH, I CAN'T WEAR THIS DRESS!
SOMEBODY HELP ME, PLEASE.
- IT'S THE PHONE-- IT'S NOT THE DRESS.
IT'S YOUR PHONE.
SOMEONE ELSE GET THE-- - IT'S THE PHONE-- YEAH.
- OF COURSE, IT'S THE PHONE.
- HOW AM I GONNA GET MARRIED?
THAT'S MY DRESS.
I DON'T HAVE A BACKUP PLAN-- STARVE?
[sigh] WHAT ABOUT THE FRONT?
MY BELLY BUTTON LOOKS LIKE A DONUT HOLE.
AND WHAT IF I CAN'T FIND MY GIRDLE?
[laughter]
- SO MANY USES-- SO LITTLE TIME.
- YOU GUYS ARE NOT HELPING. - I HAVE A GIRDLE.
[laughter] - THIS IS NOT FUNNY!
I CAN'T DO THIS!
I CAN'T EVEN WEAR THIS DRESS!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL LIKE A BEAUTIFUL BRIDE
IN MY WEDDING DRESS
WHEN EVERYTHING'S FALLING OUT EVERYWHERE?
MY FAT-- I'M TOO FAT FOR IT.
WHY ARE YOU SMILING AT ME?
- 'CAUSE YOU LOOK PRETTY.
- YOU'RE SMILING AT ME LIKE IT'S FUNNY.
[laughter]
IT'S NOT FUNNY.
THAT'S NOT A GOOD SOLUTION!
- WHEN ADRIENNE'S BRIDAL PARTY OFFERS NO FURTHER SUPPORT...
- MY BRIDESMAIDS JUST SAT THERE LIKE I WAS A ANIMAL ON DISPLAY.
- I DON'T EVEN WANNA GET MARRIED!
- BUT, BEFORE WE CALL THE WHOLE THING OFF,
MAYBE IT WOULD BE BEST TO GET THE FULL EFFECT.
- THERE YOU GO. - YES.
- YEAH. - LIKE THIS.
- SO, YOU'RE ADMITTING THAT MY BACK IS FAT.
- I THINK IT'S BEAUTIFUL. - I HATE THIS STUPID VEIL.
IT LOOKS [deleted]!
- NO, IT DOESN'T. - YES, IT DOES.
TAKE A PICTURE-- I WANNA SEE.
- BECAUSE THAT WORKED OUT SO WELL THE LAST TIME?
- I LOOK LIKE THE CORPSE BRIDE!
AH!
CALL WAYLON AND TELL HIM I CAN'T DO IT!
- ALL RIGHT.
- I'M NOT DOING IT.
YOU GUYS CAN GO EAT BY YOURSELF!
I CAN'T EVEN SIT DOWN!
- COMING UP...
- WHY ARE YOU HERE?
- WHEN ADRIENNE AND THE BEST MAN COME FACE TO FACE...
- CAN WE JUST PLEASE GO TALK?
- WILL WAYLON BE OUT OF LUCK?
- WELL, ARE YOU GONNA COME WITH ME?
- PLUS...
[cheering]
WILLAURA PLAYS THE PARTY POOPER.
- ARE YOU DRUNK?
- AND GOES TOE TO TOE WITH HER SISTER.
- OR WHAT?
- YOU WON'T EVEN BE IN THE WEDDING!
- OR WHAT-- OR WHAT? - STOP IT.
- YOU WON'T EVEN BE IN THE WEDDING!
- NEXT, ON "BRIDEZILLAS."
- I THINK YA'LL'S BROMANCE IS STRONGER THAN OURS.
- WELL, IT'S BEEN ESTABLISHED SINCE BIRTH.
THAT'S ALL.
- THE COMBINATION OF WAYLON AND JUWAN,
THEY'RE NOTHING BUT TROUBLE TOGETHER.
SO, THEY SHOULD JUST STAY AWAY FROM EACH OTHER.
- THIS RIGHT HERE, THIS IS STILL BUILDING.
- IT IS NOT STILL BUILDING.
WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR SEVEN YEARS.
WELL, BECAUSE THEY SAY, THE LONGER--
THE MORE IT GOES ON, THE-THE STRONGER IT BECOMES.
- OKAY, NO MORE.
I'M SICK-- BE QUIET.
♪
- HELLO. - HELLO-- HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?
- GOOD.
- GOOD-- ARE YOU READY FOR REHEARSAL?
- I THINK SO.
- WITH LESS THAN 24 HOURS BEFORE HER WEDDING,
ADRIENNE IS EXPECTING HER ENTIRE WEDDING PARTY TO FALL IN LINE,
WITH ONE NOTABLE EXCEPTION.
- AH!
IF JUWAN SHOWS UP ON MY WEDDING DAY,
THERE'S NOT GONNA BE A WEDDING.
WAYLON, HELP ME!
- BUT, IT LOOKS LIKE JUWAN JUST CAN'T STAY AWAY.
[laughter]
- HE'S REALLY LIKE--
HONESTLY, HE'S GOT REALLY BIG NERVES TO SHOW UP.
HE KNEW THAT I WAS MAD AT HIM, BUT HE DECIDED TO COME ANYWAY.
- WELL, AT LEAST HE SHOWED UP,
UNLIKE JUST ABOUT EVERYONE ELSE.
- SO, CAN I HAVE CARLETTA AND ELI, PLEASE?
- CARLETTA'S NOT HERE.
- OKAY, OLIVIA AND IAN?
- OKAY, THEY'RE NOT HERE NEITHER.
- HOW ABOUT THE MAID OF HONOR, ROBIN?
- SHE IS NOT HERE, NEITHER.
- THIS IS WORKING OUT RATHER WELL.
- IT'S JUST NOT IMPORTANT TO THEM, I GUESS.
REHEARSAL WAS A FREAKIN' JOKE.
HALF MY FAMILY DIDN'T SHOW UP.
SO, I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S NOT A REHEARSAL,
IF NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THEY'RE DOING.
- JUWAN?
HEY, JUWAN'S HERE.
- HE'S HERE-- HE'S ALWAYS HERE.
- I GOT THE WORST STINK EYE EVER FROM ADRIENNE.
AND, YOU KNOW, IT DID MAKE ME FEEL BAD
AND, UH, IT MADE ME REALLY QUESTION
THE THINGS THAT I HAD SAID PREVIOUSLY.
- DON'T WORRY, JUWAN-- WE FORGIVE YOU.
- UM, WHY ARE YOU HERE?
YOU'RE NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.
- OH, JOANNE'S RIGHT OVER THERE.
I'LL BE BACK-- I'LL BE BACK, GUYS.
I'LL BE BACK.
- WHAT THE--
- IS IT US, OR DOES WAYLON SEEM A LITTLE TOO EAGER
TO LEAVE ADRIENNE ALONE WITH HIS BROTHER?
- CAN WE JUST PLEASE GO TALK?
- WHAT DO YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT?
- I JUST NEED TO TALK TO YOU.
- GO, THEN.
- WELL, ARE YOU GONNA COME WITH ME?
- I'M-- I-I MIGHT GO.
I MIGHT GO WITH YOU.
GO AND I MIGHT GO WITH YOU.
- ARE YOU GONNA GO? - GO-- GO AND I MIGHT.
- I'M NOT GONNA WALK OFF BY MYSELF
AND LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT, OKAY?
YES, I DO WANNA TALK TO YOU.
- WELL, LET'S GO, THEN.
- ADRIENNE AND JUWAN STEP AWAY FOR A LITTLE PRIVATE TIME.
AND WE DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU,
BUT OUR CURIOSITY IS CERTAINLY PEAKED.
- OKAY.
- CAN YOU-- CAN YOU LOOK AT ME FOR A SECOND, PLEASE?
- THERE'S A LOT GOING ON.
- I UNDERSTAND THAT, OKAY? - AHEM.
- I MEAN, YOU'RE GONNA BE A PART OF A FAMILY THAT'S--
- OKAY-- OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT-- ALL RIGHT.
- CAN I PLEASE JUST EXPLAIN MYSELF?
IS THAT-- IS THAT TOO MUCH?
- I'M LISTENING.
- WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS THAT I'M SORRY.
♪
- THANK YOU. - OH, OKAY.
GUESS THESE TWO REALLY DON'T LIKE EACH OTHER, AFTER ALL.
- VOILA-- THERE WE GO.
- OKAY.
- THE ONLY THING I HAVE TO SAY TO MY BROTHER, RIGHT NOW,
IS GOOD LUCK.
OKAY, YOU KNOW, YOU REALLY PICKED A HELL OF A GIRL,
AND I REALLY HOPE THAT YOU MAKE THE BEST OUT OF THIS
'CAUSE YOU'RE IN FOR A LONG, TOUGH ROAD.
- GET A HUG? - I-I'D RATHER BUMP.
- OKAY, THAT'S FINE.
- I-I JUST-- - THAT'S FINE.
- THANK YOU. - COOPERATING-- COOPERATING.
- JUST NOT A HUG TYPE OF PERSON.
- ALRIGHTY.
[cheering]
[laughter]
- AFTER SPENDING AN EXHAUSTING AFTERNOON
SHAKING HER FATHER DOWN FOR WEDDING CASH...
- AM I GONNA GET MY MONEY?
- YOU GOT THE-- - ANSWER THE QUESTION!
- WILLAURA ARRIVES HOME TO THE WEARYING SIGHT
OF A BACHELORETTE PRE-PARTY.
- I'M NOT GOIN'. - WHY?
- 'CAUSE I'M TIRED.
I REALLY DON'T WANNA GO TO THIS BACHELORETTE PARTY.
LIKE, I'D RATHER JUST STAY AT HOME.
LIKE, I'M JUST SO STRESSED OUT.
LIKE, NOBODY UNDERSTANDS WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH, YOU KNOW?
LIKE, IT'S JUST TOO MUCH, AND I GOT ALL THIS STUFF
TO PUT TOGETHER.
I DON'T HAVE TIME TO GO OUT AND DRINK AND, YOU KNOW,
RUN AROUND AND DANCE.
I WANNA JUST STAY AT HOME AND PUT MY STUFF TOGETHER
SO THAT MY WEDDING CAN GO RIGHT.
- WELL, YOU CERTAINLY SEEM TO BE IN NEED OF A STRONG COCKTAIL.
AND LUCKILY, THERE JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE ONE AT THE READY.
[laughter]
- THAT'S YOU. - NO, NOT-NOT ME.
[laughter] I'M NOT DRINKING THIS.
- THE BACHELORETTE PARTY FOR ME HAS BEEN GOING WELL.
I'VE BEEN GETTIN' TRUMPED UP
SINCE I LEFT HOME.
SO, I'M TRYING TO GET HER TRUMPED UP
BEFORE WE GO OUT TONIGHT.
- UNFORTUNATELY FOR TINA, WILLAURA DOESN'T APPEAR
TO BE IN THE MOOD.
- I CAN'T--
[chatter, laughter]
- THIS IS A CUP OF ***!
- WILLAURA!
- NOW, JUST POUR A HALF A CUP IN THERE.
- TINA IS MY SISTER,
AND SHE HAS NOT BEEN PICKING UP MY CALLS.
SHE HASN'T BEEN SHOWING UP FOR ANYTHING.
SHE HASN'T BEEN TRYING TO HELP ME.
AND BEING MY MAID OF HONOR, SHE'S SUPPOSED TO BE HERE
FOR EVERYTHING.
SHE'S SUPPOSED TO BE RIGHT BY MY SIDE,
MAKING SURE I GET EVERYTHING THAT I NEED.
- WELL, SHE CERTAINLY SEEMS TO BE TENDING TO ONE NEED.
- I AIN'T DRINKIN' THAT.
[laughter]
- BUT, EVEN THOUGH WILLAURA REJECTS HER GOBLET O' ***,
TINA ISN'T READY TO GIVE UP ON A GOOD TIME.
- NOW, GO CHANGE-- I'M READY TO GO.
- HOW DO YOU COME TO MY HOUSE?
- READY, 'CAUSE I CAN-- COME ON.
- BUT, NO, YOU'RE-- YOU COME TO MY HOUSE TIPSY, AT MY PARTY.
- MMM-HMM.
- AIN'T TURN-- RETURN ANY OF MY PHONE CALLS.
YOU DIDN'T COME TO MY DRESS FITTING YESTERDAY.
- AND I TOLD YOU WHY. - WHAT HAPPENED?
- BECAUSE I HAD TO WORK LAST NIGHT.
- WORK WHERE?
- LAURA, I GOT TWO JOBS, AND I HAD TO WORK LAST NIGHT
AT MY DOGGONE NURSING JOB!
THAT'S WHY-- AND I TOLD YOU THAT LAST WEEK.
I TOLD YOU I WAS TRYING TO SWITCH WITH SOMEBODY.
- AH, NO-NO, YOU SHOULD'VE GAVE ME YOUR SCHEDULE.
- I AIN'T GOT TO GIVE YOU MY SCHEDULE!
- OH, YES, YOU WILL. - YOU DON'T PAY MY BILLS!
- I'M SO UPSET WITH TINA,
'CAUSE TINA IS NOT HELPING, AT ALL.
SHE OWES ME AN APOLOGY, A SINCERE APOLOGY.
- BUT WHEN TINA ATTEMPTS TO APOLOGIZE,
OUR ZILLA DOESN'T APPEAR TO BE INTERESTED.
- I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT YOU HAD PLANNED FOR FRIDAY.
- YOU WOULD KNOW WHAT I HAD PLANNED, IF YOU WAS HERE.
YOU WEREN'T EVEN HERE!
- OH, OKAY, FINE.
I DON'T BE HERE, BUT SHOOT, I GOT TO--
- OKAY, OH, WAIT!
WAIT-- REPEAT THAT!
- I KNOW-- I KNOW, BUT FINE!
- REPEAT IT, ONE MORE TIME!
- I KNOW I'M NOT HERE ALL THE TIME, BUT SO WHAT?
- YOU BETTER BACK UP.
- YOU BETTER GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME.
YOU BETTER BACK UP.
I DON'T EVEN WANNA HEAR HER ATTITUDE,
BECAUSE IF I GET HER ATTITUDE, IT IS OVER.
IT IS DONE.
I WILL TAKE HER DRESS, CUT IT UP,
AND THROW IT SOMEWHERE.
- YOU BETTER GET YOUR HANDS OFF! - YOU BETTER BACK UP.
- OR WHAT? - YOU BETTER BACK UP.
- OR WHAT? - YOU BETTER BACK UP.
- OR WHAT? - YOU BETTER BACK UP.
- OR WHAT? - YOU BETTER BACK UP.
- OR WHAT? - YOU WON'T EVEN BE IN THE WEDDING!
- OR WHAT? - STOP IT. - YOU WON'T BE IN THE WEDDING!
- COMING UP... - HOLY CRAP!
- A POWDER ROOM PANIC ATTACK...
- THIS IS NOT-- THIS IS NOT GOING GOOD AT ALL, MAN.
- DERAILS ADRIENNE'S BIG DAY.
- JUST GET OUT!
YOU'RE NOT EVEN HELPING-- JUST LEAVE!
- NEXT, ON "BRIDEZILLAS."
- I'M GONNA GO CHANGE, RIGHT NOW.
- THE DAY OF ADRIENNE'S WEDDING HAS FINALLY ARRIVED,
AND WITH IT A FLURRY OF EXCITEMENT.
- I'M GONNA NEED SOME HELP.
I CAN'T DO THIS BY MYSELF.
ROBIN, YOU HAVE TO HELP ME PUT MY DRESS ON.
TODAY IS MY DAY, DEFINITELY.
NOTHING'S GONNA STAND IN MY WAY.
BOTTOM LINE, I'M SQUEEZIN' IN THAT DRESS.
I'M PUTTIN' IT ON-- WE'RE GETTING MARRIED.
HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO.
- BUT, NO SOONER IS THE DRESS ZIPPED THAN ADRIENNE
STARTS COMING UNDONE.
- IT LOOKS LIKE I HAVE A TAIL.
[sigh]
THIS IS NOT-- THIS IS NOT GOING GOOD AT ALL, MAN.
- THOUGH IT'S UNCLEAR WHY ADRIENNE EXPECTED TO SUDDENLY LOVE
HER WEDDING DRESS AFTER YESTERDAY'S MELTDOWN...
- AH!
I CAN'T EVEN SIT DOWN!
- FORTUNATELY, UPON FURTHER INSPECTION,
OUR ZILLA FINDS SOMETHING ELSE SHE DISLIKES EVEN MORE,
A BURN MARK LEFT BEHIND BY HER STYLIST'S CURLING IRON.
- HOLY CRAP!
SHE BURNED MY FOREHEAD.
I CAN'T HAVE THAT IN MY PICTURES.
HOLY CRAP!
- WELL, AT LEAST THE BACK FAT CAN BE FORGOTTEN.
- IT'LL BE OKAY-- JUST CALM DOWN.
- NO, IT'S NOT OKAY!
- JUST CALM DOWN.
- MY FREAKING FOREHEAD IS BURNT!
I CAN FEEL IT.
[indistinct]
- I CAN FEEL IT'S TURNING PURPLE.
- IT'S NOT-- YOU'RE GONNA START GETTIN' RED AND STUFF.
JUST CALM DOWN.
- JUST GET OUT-- JUST GET OUT, ROBIN!
YOU'RE NOT EVEN HELPING!-- YOU'RE NOT EVEN HELPING!
JUST LEAVE-- GO!
GET OUT-- I JUST NEED A MOMENT!
I HAVEN'T WRITTEN MY VOWS YET!
I HAVEN'T EVEN WRITTEN MY VOWS!
[sobbing, whining]
OKAY, I'M GONNA CLOSE MY EYES AND GO TO MY HAPPY PLACE.
- FIVE MINUTES LATER, ADRIENNE EMERGES FROM THE BATHROOM.
[sigh] - NO.
- THOUGH, SHE COULD PROBABLY STILL USE A MILD TRANQUILIZER.
- I FEEL LIKE SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT.
NOTHING-- SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT.
[sigh] THAT'S NOT-- THAT FEELS BETTER.
OH, CRAP-- I'M TRIPPIN'.
LITERALLY TRIPPING.
PUT IT IN-- PUT IT IN.
- I DON'T APPROVE OF HER BEHAVIOR.
- OH, CRAP-- I'M MISSING MY JEWELRY.
I-I DON'T HAVE EARRINGS.
THESE AREN'T THE RIGHT EARRINGS.
THESE ARE NOT THE RIGHT EARRINGS, AT ALL.
- BUT, MY BROTHER, WAYLON, IS MARRYING HER, NOT ME,
AND WE HAVE TO BE ACCEPTING OF THAT.
- DO I LOOK PRETTY? - YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
- YOU LOOK FABULOUS. - MY FACE-- THE FACE?
- ANYONE?
MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST MOVE ALONG.
- DO I NEED SOMETHING?
OH, BOUQUET-- LET'S GO.
- OUR ZILLA FINALLY PULLS HERSELF TOGETHER
AND READIES HERSELF TO WALK DOWN THE AISLE.
- I'LL GET ON THIS SIDE.
- DOES IT LOOK OKAY?
DO I LOOK SCARY?
- YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
- DO I LOOK LIKE I'M GOING TO THE GRAVEYARD?
- COME ON-- COME ON.
- WELL, LOOK AT THAT.
WAYLON'S GETTING HIS ZOMBIE THEMED CEREMONY, AFTER ALL.
- I FEEL LIKE I'M DEAD, LIKE I'M IN A CASKET.
I'M DEAD INSIDE.
OH, CRAP!
- AND ON THAT NOTE, LET THE BLESSED NUPTIALS BEGIN.
BLESSED FOR SOME MORE THAN OTHERS.
- IT'S THE BIG DAY-- WE'RE GETTING MARRIED.
I'M NOT GETTING MARRIED, OF COURSE.
I-I COULDN'T DREAM OF MARRYING ADRIENNE.
- BUT, JUST IN CASE, WAYLON REMINDS HIS BRIDE
TO KEEP HER EYES ON THE PRIZE.
- BUT, HERE WE ARE.
I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU HAVE WRITTEN YOUR VOWS TO ONE ANOTHER.
WAYLON, WOULD YOU GO FIRST?
[speaking foreign language] - THIS IS A GOOD DAY.
[speaking foreign language]
I WAS LIKE I'M GONNA DO MY TRANSLATING INTO LAKOTA
'CAUSE THAT MAKES EVERYBODY CRY.
YEAH.
- YEP.
- THE SAME CANNOT, HOWEVER, BE SAID FOR ADRIENNE.
- I KNEW YOU WERE GONNA DO SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME
AT YOUR VOWS.
AND, AHEM, WORDS REALLY CAN'T DESCRIBE HOW I FEEL.
WE BOTH HAVE A LOVE FOR WRITING,
AND THAT'S WHY I LOVE YOU.
I TRIED TO WRITE MY VOWS TODAY,
BUT I COULDN'T DO IT, MAN.
LIKE, MY HEART HAD SEALED UP.
AND, YOU CAN'T WRITE VOWS WHEN YOU HAVE NO HEART.
- MAYBE YOU ARE THE CORPSE BRIDE, AFTER ALL.
- HOLY CRAP!
THAT'S A LOT OF MAKEUP.
OKAY, WE'RE GOOD.
[sigh] LET'S HAVE SOME FUN.
DID YOU HATE MY VOWS?
- IT WAS GOOD.
- DID YOU KNOW THAT WAS GONNA HAPPEN?
- YEAH.
- YOU JERK.
- YOU MAY KISS YOUR BRIDE.
[ hooting and hollering ]
- WE JUST WANTED TO KEEP IT SHORT AND SIMPLE.
WE WERE LIKE, "HEY, YOU, LOVE YOU."
AND THEN, WE'RE LIKE LET'S FREAKIN' PARTY, MAN.
- I WANTED TO MAKE 'EM CRY FIRST, THOUGH.
OR ELSE I, AS A GROOMSMAN, HAVE NOT DONE MY JOB.
- YOU'RE A GROOMSMAN, NOW?
- OH, ME AS A-- WHAT AM I CALLED, AGAIN?
- YOU'RE THE GROOM.
WE HAVE ARRIVED.
[applause]
LET'S, UH, DRINK TO US OR WHATEVER.
- TO THE BRIDE AND GROOM!
[cheering]
- I'M VERY GLAD THAT IT'S OVER
BECAUSE I WANNA TAKE THIS GIRDLE OFF.
- I DO, TOO.
- NICE.
NO, I'M NOT HIGH-FIVING THAT ONE.
♪
WE DO NOT NEED A HONEYMOON.
TRUST ME.
- WE DON'T NEED AN EXCUSE TO DO IT.
- OKAY, THAT'S NOT TASTEFUL AT ALL, BUT IT'S TRUE.
- WE'RE [indistinct].
- BUT, NOT EVERYONE IS AS ENTHUSIASTIC.
- OH, JEEZ!
PLEASE, DON'T REMIND ME ABOUT THE FACT THAT SHE'S MY SISTER.
I-I REALLY, REALLY DON'T WANNA THINK ABOUT THAT, RIGHT NOW.
- MAYBE WE HAD IT WRONG ALL ALONG.
OR, IS THAT SOME KIND OF TRIBAL DANCE?
♪
- ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF "BRIDEZILLAS"...
NOBODY LIKES A BOSSY BOOTS.
- I WILL NOT BE PAYING YOU,
AND YOU WILL BE GIVING ME MY PICTURES.
- NOT EVEN THE GROOM.
AND YOU DON'T WANNA MISS WILLAURA'S FALL
FROM SOCIAL GRACE.
- ARE YOU STUPID? - NO, YOU'RE STUPID!
- OR THE JAW-DROPPING CONCLUSION.
- I'M OUT.
- ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF "BRIDEZILLAS."
- WILL YOU MARRY ME?