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>> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> HERE YOU ARE, SIR.
GRILLED ALASKAN SALMON WITH
BEURRE BLANC AND A WHITE BEAN
PUREE.
>> EXCELLENT.
THANK YOU, CHARLES.
>> XAVIER, IS THIS THE '05
CHATEAUNEUF-DU-PAPE?
>> UH, NO, SIR.
IT'S THE '06.
>> OH, GOOD GOD, MAN.
WE'RE NOT ANIMALS.
BRING ME THE '05.
>> YES, SIR, RIGHT AWAY.
>> WELL, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THIS.
"LYNYRD SKYNYRD, AMBASSADORS OF
HILLBILLY ROCK, PERFORMING
TONIGHT."
>> HILLBILLY ROCK?
THAT OLD CHESTNUT.
>> YOU KNOW, I'M SO SICK OF THIS
HILLBILLY NONSENSE.
WE SHOULD'VE NEVER TURNED
THE SONG INTO "SWEET HOME
ALABAMA."
SHOULD HAVE KEPT IT JUST THE WAY
IT WAS.
>> BUT "SWEET HOME, GREENWICH,
CONNECTICUT" JUST DIDN'T HAVE
THE SAME RING TO IT.
>> THE OTHER DAY I WAS WATCHING
THIS THING CALLED "THE SOUP."
>> "THE SOUP"?
SOUNDS DREADFUL.
>> IT WAS BECAUSE THEY WERE
TALKING ABOUT THESE HILLBILLY
REDNECKS WHO GO "HANDFISHING"
AND SHOWING CLIPS OF SOMETHING
CALLED "HONEY BOO BOO."
>> WASN'T THAT A FELLINI FILM?
>> NO, IT'S SOME LITTLE GIRL
WHOSE MOTHER LOOKS LIKE A GIANT
THUMB.
>> OH, HEAVENS.
>> AND ALL I CAN DO IS THINK TO
MYSELF, WHEN, OH, WHEN CAN
I STOP THIS HILLBILLY NONSENSE
AND DO WHAT I LOVE DOING?
PLAYING THE BASSOON.
>> PLAY THE BASSOON, JOHNNY.
PLAY IT FOR US.
>> SHOWTIME, GUYS.
>> OH, DRAT.
>> WELL, CHAPS, IT IS TIME TO
REDNECK IT ON UP AGAIN.
AIN'T THAT RIGHT, BOYS?
>> All: YEE-HAW!
>> WHAT IS THAT "SOUP" SHOW
ABOUT ANYWAY, JOHNNY?
>> HELL IF I KNOW.
>> [ CHEERING ]
[CAPTIONING PROVIDED BY COMCAST ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]
>> Announcer: YEE-HAW!
>> [ SNEEZES ]
>> Announcer: FEATURING
THE HILARIOUS HIGH JINKS OF
"HONEY BOO BOO CHILD"...
>> I'M ANDREW'S COUSIN, AND
I COULD BE THE FATHER OF BOTH
KIDS.
>> Announcer: MOONSHINING
CONTRAPTIONS ON "MY BIG FAT
REDNECK WEDDING"...
>> PUT PAPER DOWN AND JUST HAVE
MY BOWEL MOVEMENT ON THE PAPER.
>> Announcer: AND A HEARTY
HEAPIN' OF "HILLBILLY
HANDFISHIN'."
>> Y'ALL CAN ALSO HAVE A HELL OF
A TIME.
>> Announcer: WE ALSO GOT YOUR
"DUCK DYNASTY," "GOLD RUSH
ALASKA," "AMERICAN STUFFERS,"
AND THE GOB-NABBIT BESTEST DARN
CLIP OF THE WHOLE SHEBANG.
>> WHAT I'M MOST LOOKING FORWARD
TO IS SEX.
>> Announcer: NOW HERE'S THE
FELLER WHO'S GOT A WHOLE MESS OF
CHANNELS, COUSIN JOEL McHALE.
>> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> YEE-HAW!
YEAH!
WELCOME TO "THE GOODEST MOMENTS
OF REDNECK SHOWS."
WE WANTED TO DO A JERSEY SHOW.
BUT THAT FAD DIED OUT BEFORE WE
COULD GATHER ENOUGH CLIPS.
AND ANTIBIOTICS JUST DON'T KILL
GERMS THE WAY THEY USED TO.
WE INVITED JERRY CAMPBELL OF
"AMERICAN HOGGERS" TO BE ON
THE SHOW.
BUT HE'S HAVING TROUBLE WITH
THE TRANSPORTATION WE ARRANGED
FOR HIM.
>> SON OF A ***!
GOD ALMIGHTY!
AH, HELL, THERE'S LIVE
AMMUNITION IN HERE.
>> [ GUNSHOTS ]
>> JERRY WILL BE HERE AS SOON AS
HE GETS THAT FIRE UNDER CONTROL.
>> THIS FIRE IS OUT OF CONTROL
JUST LIKE A MAD WOMAN WITH
DIARRHEA.
>> OH, NO.
HE KEEPS AMMO IN HER, TOO.
FIRST OFF, WE'D LIKE TO DISPEL
ANY STEREOTYPES THAT OBTUSE,
UNSOPHISTICATED GOOBERISH PEOPLE
ARE INDIGENOUS TO ANY PARTICULAR
GEOGRAPHICAL AREA.
THE HILLBILLY GENE IS UBIQUITOUS
TO NORTH AMERICA.
>> ENOUGH OF YOUR HIGHFALUTIN
VOCABULARY.
SAY THE WORDS COMMON FOLK CAN
UNDERSTAND.
>> WOW, YOU HAVE CHANGED.
>> I'M A NETWORK EXECUTIVE NOW.
>> I GUESS HE'S-- I GUESS HE'S
RIGHT.
WHAT I'M SAYING IS REDNECKS ARE
FOUND EVERYWHERE.
AND RIGHT NOW THEY'RE ABOUT
THE HOTTEST THING ON TELEVISION.
>> NEXT TIME I WALK THROUGH
HERE, YOU BETTER NOT BE WEARING
ANY SLEEVES.
WE'RE GONNA DO THIS SHOW UP
MARTHA'S VINE-YARD STYLE.
>> [ LAUGHTER ]
>> YES, SIR.
UH, THE WORLD WAS INTRODUCED TO
HONEY BOO BOO'S MOM JUNE WHEN
SHE FIRST APPEARED ON THE SHOW
"SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS."
SINCE THEN, HER METEORIC RISE TO
THE TOP HAS DEFIED BOTH CRITICS
AND GRAVITY.
IN THIS CLIP FROM HONEY-- "HERE
COMES HONEY BOO BOO," UH, JUNE
SHOWS US THAT, EVEN THOUGH SHE
IS A BIG STAR, SHE DOESN'T
INDULGE IN FRIVOLOUS ITEMS LIKE
READING GLASSES.
>> [ LAUGHTER ]
>> I-8.
>> [ LAUGHTER ]
>> I-8.
>> [ LAUGHTER ]
>> AND NOW I'D LIKE TO PLAY
BINGO.
>> [ LAUGHTER ]
>> THE NEXT TWO THINGS ON JUNE'S
LIST OF FAVORITE HOBBIES ARE
COLLECTING CONTEMPORARY
IMPRESSIONIST ART AND EATING.
THE FIRST TAKES A LOT OF MONEY.
BUT THE SECOND IS EASY BECAUSE
JUNE DOES HER GROCERY SHOPPING
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE INTERSTATE
HIGHWAY, AS WE SAW ON "TODDLERS
& TIARAS."
>> HERE'S WHAT WE CALL ROADKILL.
MMM, MMM, MMM.
>> HERE'S DARLENE.
>> TAKE A BITE, BABY.
>> TAKE A BIG BITE OF DARLENE.
>> THAT'S NOT HOW YOU GET
DARLENE OUT, HONEY BOO BOO.
YOU'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO REACH
PAST THE CLOG IN YOUR ARTERIES.
>> [ LAUGHTER ]
>> OH, MAN.
LITTLE STEVEN HAS HAD SOME WORK
DONE, DON'T YOU THINK?
UH, LET'S CHECK IN WITH A HAPPY
REDNECK OCCASION.
ON "BRIDEZILLAS," TRISHA AND
JESSE ARE A COUPLE OF COUNTRY
FOLK WHO HAVE JUST TIED
THE KNOT.
SADLY, THE KNOT I'M REFERRING TO
IS NOT HER FALLOPIAN TUBES.
CLEARLY, THE WEDDING WAS A GAS.
>> [ BELCHING ]
>> I'M DEFINITELY HAPPY WITH HOW
[BLEEP].
WE'RE THE MOST DISGUSTING,
BURPY, DRUNK-*** COUPLE EVER.
YOU KNOW WHAT, THAT SOUNDED LIKE
A VOMIT THROW-UP.
>> NO, THAT WAS A [BLEEP].
>> THAT WAS AWESOME.
>> THAT WAS A BURP, ***.
[BLEEP] JOKE.
I'M SO [BLEEP] DRUNK, IT'S
AMAZING.
I'VE NEVER BEEN THIS DRUNK
BEFORE.
>> Narrator: SO PROVIDED THEY
REMAIN CONSCIOUS, WHAT LIES
AHEAD FOR OUR HAPPY COUPLE?
>> WHAT I'M MOST LOOKING FORWARD
TO IS SEX.
THAT IS [BLEEP] AMAZING.
HAVE YOU EVER HAD SEX?
IT KICKS ***.
>> [ LAUGHTER ]
>> I'M ALMOST DRUNK ENOUGH TO
HAVE SEX WITH THIS THING...
>> [ LAUGHTER ]
>> A SKUNK.
>> [ LAUGHTER ]
>> THE SHOW "MY BIG REDNECK
WEDDING" CAME ABOUT BECAUSE
REDNECKS ALWAYS HAVE TO MAKE
A BIG PRODUCTION OUT OF
EVERYTHING.
HERE WE SEE A WEDDING CHAPEL
BEING PREPARED.
AND THE GROOM'S FRIEND EARNS
A NICKNAME.
>> THAT LOOKS BETTER.
>> YEAH.
>> NOW WE GOTTA DECORATE.
>> [ HOEDOWN MUSIC PLAYS ]
>> CHUG IT.
CHUG IT.
>> AH, THE PIG.
HE'S GONNA DIE, SO WE SHOULD
CANCEL THE CATERING.
I MEAN, HE'S BEEN MARINATING FOR
48 YEARS.
ALL RIGHT.
MOST OF YOU KNOW "DUCK DYNASTY"
FROM HISTORY CLASS.
IN THE 12th CENTURY,
THE ROBERTSON FAMILY BEGAN
MAKING HANDMADE DUCK CALLS IN
THE SWAMPS OUTSIDE OF MONROE,
LOUISIANA.
ONE BY ONE, THEY CONQUERED ALL
THE NEIGHBORING DUCK-CALL
MANUFACTURERS AND FORCED THEIR
EMPLOYEES INTO LABOR CAMPS, THUS
ELIMINATING THEIR ECONOMIC AND
POLITICAL COMPETITION.
THE ROBERTSON FAMILY REIGNS TO
THIS DAY.
AND THEY OFTEN FIND THEMSELVES
IN WACKY SITUATIONS, LIKE WHEN
UNCLE SI TALKS TO SCHOOL KIDS ON
CAREER DAY.
>> Y'ALL EVER HEARD OF THE TERM
"NAM"?
THERE WAS A WAR IN VIETNAM THAT
WE WAS INVOLVED IN.
THE AMERICANS AND
THE VIETNAMESE, OKAY?
DOES ANYBODY KNOW HOW MANY
PEOPLE DIED?
PEOPLE GOT SHOT UP.
THE MEDIC WAS RUNNING AROUND
FIXIN' THEM ALL UP.
PROPPED THIS GUY AGAINST A TREE.
HE HAD A SHOULDER WOUND.
STOPPED THE BLEEDING.
THERE'S A BENGAL TIGER GRABBED
THIS GUY HE JUST BANDAGED,
DRAGGIN' HIM OFF.
THEY GOT TO KILL THE TIGER.
AND THERE AIN'T NOTHING BUT
BLOOD SPRAYING EVERYWHERE.
>> Teacher: UH, I THINK THAT
WILL BE JUST FINE.
THANK YOU.
>> Boy: THANK YOU.
>> I DON'T THINK IT COULD HAVE
GONE ANY BETTER.
>> HE WAS TEACHING KIDS HOW TO
GET OUT OF JURY DUTY.
>> [ LAUGHTER ]
>> I'M BLENDIN' RIGHT INTO THIS
CHAIR.
GOOD THING I WORE CAMO.
I'M JUST A FLOATIN' SANTA CLAUSE
HEAD.
LET'S TAKE A MOMENT TO HONOR
A REPRESENTATIVE OF THE MEDIA
WHO BRINGS US STORIES FROM
THE REDNECK WORLD, ART MANN.
THANK YOU, ART, FOR TELLING
THE STORIES THAT NEED TO BE TOLD
BECAUSE THE PEOPLE IN
THE STORIES ARE TOO HAMMERED TO
TALK.
ART LIKES TO BRING OUT THE BEST
IN PEOPLE WHEN HE INTERVIEWS
THEM.
IN THIS CASE OF THIS YOUNG
WOMAN, I BELIEVE HE DID THAT.
IT'S VERY SAD THAT THIS IS HER
BEST.
BUT, YOU KNOW, YOU JUST TAKE
THEM AS THEY COME.
>> I DON'T DRINK A LOT.
BUT WHEN I DO DRINK, I DRINK 'EM
QUICK.
>> WAIT FOR THIS.
WAIT FOR THIS.
>> Art: UH-OH.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
OH, NO!
A NEW NOMINEE IN OUR BEST TATTOO
CATEGORY.
*** BUTT!
[ LAUGHS ]
WHAT WAS THE MOTIVATION ON THAT
TATTOO?
>> IT WAS FREE.
>> [ LAUGHTER ]
>> ON THE CONTRARY, I THINK
YOU'RE GOING TO BE PAYING FOR
THAT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
>> [ LAUGHTER ]
>> MOM, HOW COME YOU NEVER WEAR
BATHING SUITS?
UH, WELL, WHAT ELSE IS SHE GONNA
TATTOO ON HER ***, RIGHT?
"VALEDICTORIAN BUTT"?
SO, UH, THE SHOW "STRANGE SEX"
PROFILES A LARGE VARIETY OF OUR
POPULATION.
BUT ONLY TRUE REDNECKS COULD
SPEAK THIS FRANKLY ABOUT THEIR
SEX LIFE.
>> Narrator: WHEN IT COMES TO
LOSING YOUR VIRGINITY, IS
THE SECOND TIME THE CHARM?
>> JOHNNY AND I ARE COMING UP ON
OUR 40th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.
AND I WILL BE HAVING
A HYMENOPLASTY.
>> AFTER OUR FIRST SON WAS BORN,
SHE WAS A LOT LOOSER.
IT'S ABOUT LIKE THROWING
A TENNIS BALL DOWN A HALLWAY.
>> AND BY THAT, I MEAN THE ONLY
ONE WHO ENJOYED IT WAS OUR
GOLDEN RETRIEVER.
>> [ GROANS AND LAUGHTER ]
>> LET'S HAVE SOME REDNECK CHAT
STEW, SHALL WE?
>> ♪
>> [ BUBBLY CHATTER ]
>> Woman: SO POSSUMY.
>> MAURY POVICH IS ONE OF
THE PIONEERS OF REDNECK
BROADCASTING.
FOR MORE THAN 20 YEARS, HE HAS
BEEN BRINGING US THE STORIES OF
COUPLES WHO DON'T NEED NO PIECE
OF PAPER TO PROVE THAT THEY LOVE
EACH OTHER.
HERE IS A PATERNITY TEST THAT
REALLY BROUGHT A FAMILY
TOGETHER.
>> Maury: ALL HERE TO FIND OUT
IF THEY ARE THE FATHER.
>> I DATED KIMBERLY FOR FOUR
YEARS.
AND I COULD BE THE FATHER OF
BOTH OF HER CHILDREN.
>> I'M ANDREW'S COUSIN, AND
I COULD BE THE FATHER OF BOTH
KIDS.
>> I'M BEAR AND ANDREW'S COUSIN.
I'M BEING TESTED FOR KIMBERLY'S
DAUGHTER CASEY.
>> I'M ANDREW'S, BEAR'S, JOE'S,
COUSIN.
I MIGHT BE THE FATHER OF CASEY.
>> I WANNA SAY THAT KIMBERLY HAS
A TYPE.
>> [ LAUGHTER ]
>> NOW, WHEN IS THIS HERE ART
MUSEUM GONNA OPEN UP, HUH?
I WANNA SEE KLIMT.
I WANNA [BLEEP] TO IT.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
>> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Announcer: NOW, DON'T TOUCH
THAT DIAL BECAUSE COMING UP
WE'VE GOT YOUR "GOLD RUSH" GLORY
HOLES, SMOKIN' "TODDLERS &
TIARAS," AND AX MEN ACTING UP.
IT'S SOME GOOD WATCHIN'.
>> I CAN'T HAVE A BOWEL MOVEMENT
WITHOUT IT STOPPING UP.
>> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> YEAH, YEAH.
YEAH!
WELCOME BACK TO "THE GOODEST
MOMENTS OF REDNECK SHOWS."
SO FAR, WE HAVEN'T LEARNED
A SINGLE THING.
AND I BELIEVE THAT'S THE POINT.
"SMALL TOWN SECURITY" IS ABOUT
A SECURITY FIRM IN A SMALL
GEORGIA TOWN.
ARE YOU WITH ME SO FAR?
GOOD.
THIS IS HOW IRWIN DEFECATES.
>> Man: SO WHAT DO YOU DO WITH
THAT?
>> UH, I HAVE A PROBLEM.
I CAN'T HAVE A BOWEL MOVEMENT
WITHOUT IT STOPPING UP.
OKAY?
NOW, I DON'T FEEL LIKE DOING IT
ON THE FLOOR WITH PAPER.
I MEAN, TO ME THAT'S--
>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ON
THE FLOOR WITH PAPER?
>> PUT PAPER DOWN AND JUST HAVE
MY BOWEL MOVEMENT ON THE PAPER
AND THEN THROWING IT OUT.
I TAKE A STICK AND I JUST KINDA
CHOP IT UP INTO PIECES.
THEN I FLUSH THE TOILET AGAIN
WITH ALL THE RUSHING WATER.
LET IT WASH OFF.
AND THEN I TAKE THIS GENERALLY
OUTSIDE AND LET IT DRY.
>> [ LAUGHTER ]
>> SO, UH, WHO'S UP FOR 'SMORES,
HUH?
OH, SHOOT.
THAT'S FINE.
I'LL JUST PUT MY WHOLE HAND IN.
I USUALLY DO THAT.
ANYBODY GOT A PEANUT ALLERGY?
>> [ LAUGHTER ]
>> ANYWAY, I WAS A VILLAIN IN
THE FIRST "BATMAN" MOVIE.
I FELL ASLEEP.
ALL RIGHT.
IT'S NOT OFTEN THAT THE "HONEY
BOO BOO" CLAN HAS A NEED TO
PURCHASE TOILETRIES, WHAT WITH
THEIR OCD GROOMING HABIT OF
CONSTANTLY BATHING IN A SWAMP.
BUT WHEN THEY DO NEED TO CLEAN
UP, THEY MAKE SURE THEY HAVE ALL
THE NECESSARY SUPPLIES.
>> THAT CRUST ON MY MAMA'S NECK,
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.
I GUESS SHE JUST DON'T SCRUB HER
NECK WHEN SHE'S TAKIN' A BATH.
IT WILL REMOVE THAT RUST RIGHT
AWAY.
>> YOU'RE STUPID.
[ MAKES KISSING SOUND ]
[ LAUGHS ]
>> TO JUNE'S CREDIT, SHE DOESN'T
USE A READY-MADE NECK CRUST.
THAT, THAT DELICACY IS HOMEMADE
OUT OF A READY-MADE PIE CRUST.
OH, MAN.
REDNECK PARENTS HAVE HOPES AND
DREAMS JUST LIKE ANYONE ELSE.
AND THEY CAN FORCE THESE DREAMS
ON THEIR KIDS WITH THE BEST OF
THEM.
ON "TODDLERS & TIARAS," THIS
MOTHER IS MAKING SURE HER
DAUGHTER WINS THE TIARA BY NOT
MAKING HER A TODDLER ANYMORE.
>> WHAT IS THAT?
>> I DON'T THINK I WILL GET
CRITICIZED FOR THE CIGARETTE.
YOU KNOW, SANDY WAS A GOOD GIRL.
AND SHE DIDN'T SMOKE EITHER.
BUT SHE USED IT FOR IMAGE.
SO I BELIEVE EVERYTHING WILL GO
WELL.
ARE YOU READY?
>> LOOK.
LET DESTINY SMOKE IF SHE WANTS.
SHE'S A MOTHER, TOO.
>> [ LAUGHTER ]
>> "HILLBILLY HANDFISHIN'" WAS
MOSTLY OVERLOOKED WHEN IT FIRST
APPEARED ON PBS WITH
"MASTERPIECE THEATRE" AS ITS
LEAD-IN.
BUT THE MORE ACCESSIBLE VERSION
ON ANIMAL PLANET IS DOING GREAT.
WATCH HOW THE MURKY WATERS OF
OKLAHOMA TURNED THIS WOMAN ON SO
MUCH, SHE JUST GOES FOR IT.
>> Man: ME AND JACKSON WILL HAVE
TO EASE HER INTO IT.
SEEING THAT SHE WANTS TO TAKE
CARE OF HER FANCY HANDS, I LET
HER USE MY SOCK FOR PROTECTION.
COME HERE.
REACH OVER ME RIGHT HERE.
RIGHT THERE.
>> [ GASPS ]
OH!
OH, MY GOD.
>> SHE REALLY CUT LOOSE.
AND SHE WASN'T WORRIED ABOUT
THE EYELASHES OR THE NAILS.
>> IT BIT ME!
AH!
>> [ BOTH SCREAMING ]
>> WHAT HAPPENED?
>> WELL, I'M PRETTY SURE WHAT
JUST HAPPENED IS THAT SHE
MASTURBATED YOU IN THE WATER IN
FRONT OF FAMILY AND FRIENDS.
>> [ LAUGHTER ]
>> ON "AX MEN," THE SWAMP MAN
TAKES A BUSINESS MEETING TO
DISCUSS A POSSIBLE DEAL.
AND HE MAKES SURE TO WEAR HIS
BEST-DRESSED JORTS.
>> I'VE GOT A BUYER WHO'S
LOOKING FOR ANYTHING THAT'S BEEN
IN THE WATER FOR OVER 50 YEARS.
>> HOW MUCH MONEY IS THAT GONNA
BE?
>> UH, PROBABLY ABOUT $10,000.
>> OH! [ LAUGHS ]
>> [ GUNSHOT ]
[ GUNSHOTS ]
>> AH!
>> [ GUNSHOT ]
[ GUNSHOT ]
>> OH, I ALMOST SHOT MY TOE.
I ALMOST SHOT MY TOE.
>> WHOO!
I ALMOST SHOT MY TOE.
GOOD THING I'M ALREADY MISSIN'
A COUPLE OF TOES WHERE
THE BULLET WENT.
YEAH.
MY FOOT LOOKS LIKE THIS.
WHEN A BULLET GOES THROUGH,
THAT'S LIKE AN EXTRA POINT.
IT'S A FIELD GOAL.
"GOLD RUSH ALASKA" FOLLOWS
A GROUP OF MEN WHO ARE PURSUING
THEIR DREAM OF VENTURING DEEP
INTO THE WILDERNESS WITHOUT ANY
WOMEN.
HERE, JACK HOFFMAN AND THE GANG
ARE PULLING AN ALL-NIGHTER TO
CRANK OUT SOMETHING PRECIOUS.
>> Narrator: ACROSS THE CREEK AT
THE BIG NUGGET MINE, JACK
HOFFMAN IS DIGGING DEEPER THAN
ANYONE HAS BEFORE IN THE GLORY
HOLE.
>> DOWN IN THE GLORY HOLE, IT'S
BEEN GETTIN' BETTER AND BETTER
EVERY TIME WE WENT DOWN DEEPER.
>> I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN GO TOO
MUCH DEEPER.
>> Narrator: DESPITE THE RISK OF
A CAVE-IN, JACK DIGS DEEPER.
THEY HAVE RUN DIRT FROM
THE BOTTOM OF THE GLORY HOLE FOR
18 HOURS.
AND THE CREW PREPARES FOR A BIG
PUSH AROUND THE GLORY HOLE.
>> THAT GLORY HOLE MATERIAL
SHOULD BE SOME GOOD STUFF,
REALLY GOOD STUFF.
>> THERE'S GONNA BE A LOT OF IT.
>> BIG OL' WET, SLOPPY STUFF.
>> Narrator: THE JACK IS PULLED
FROM THE DEPTHS OF THE GLORY
HOLE.
>> IT'LL TIGHTEN YOUR PUCKER UP.
I TELL YOU THAT.
>> Narrator: MEANWHILE,
SCHNABEL'S PUMP IS ALREADY
DRAINED AND PACKED AWAY FOR
THE LONG WINTER.
EVERYONE JUMPS IN TO REFILL
THE GLORY HOLE.
>> WHOO-HOO.
YEAH!
>> OH.
>> OY.
>> THERE YOU GO.
IT'S A FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH.
>> TASTES LIKE GOLD TO ME.
>> ALL RIGHT.
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE CALL IT A DAY
AND GO GET SOME ANONYMOUS BJs?
>> Man: YEAH!
>> WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
>> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Announcer: HOLD ON FOR MORE
"BOO BOO," "AMERICAN STUFFERS,"
AND THE GOB-NABBIT BESTEST DARN
CLIP OF THE WHOLE SHEBANG.
>> [ CACKLING ]
>> [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> WELCOME BACK.
WELCOME BACK TO "THE GOODEST
MOMENTS OF REDNECK SHOWS."
LIKE YOU AND ME, REDNECKS LOVE
THEIR PETS.
WHEN WE LOSE A PET, WE GRIEVE
SOLEMNLY.
WHEN THEY LOSE A PET, THEY
PRETEND IT NEVER HAPPENED.
I GIVE YOU "AMERICAN STUFFERS,"
THE FOURTH-BEST TAXIDERMY SHOW
ON TELEVISION.
>> OH, DANIEL.
OH, MY BABY.
YOU DID A GREAT JOB.
OH.
MY BABY.
OH, MACY.
OH, DANIEL.
MAY I TOUCH HER?
>> SURE.
YOU BET.
>> OH.
BABY MACY.
>> OH, DANIEL, THIS IS FAR AND
AWAY THE BEST KENNEL I'VE EVER
LEFT MACY IN WHILE I WAS AWAY ON
VACATION.
HOW COME SHE'S NOT EXCITED TO
SEE ME?
>> [ LAUGHTER ]
>> I'M GONNA GO DYE MY ROOTS
NOW.
IT'S BEEN AT LEAST SEVEN MINUTES
SINCE WE LAST CHECKED IN ON
"HONEY BOO BOO."
THE POLLEN COUNT WAS HIGH TODAY.
LET'S SEE HOW MAMA JUNE'S
ALLERGIES ARE DOING.
>> AUCTIONS ARE VERY, VERY
EXPENSIVE.
IT IS NOT A CHEAP SPORT.
I GO TO LIKE OUR LOCAL AUCTION
JUST TO SAVE MONEY ANYWHERE WE
CAN, 'CAUSE THEY LIKE DO GET
EXPENSIVE.
[ SNEEZING ]
[ SNIFFLES ]
>> [ LAUGHTER ]
>> ANYBODY ELSE SURPRISED THAT
HER NECK FAT DIDN'T FLARE OUT
LIKE THAT DINOSAUR?
>> [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
>> I QUOTE THE PRODUCERS OF
"HONEY BOO BOO" WHEN I SAY,
"HEY, WHAT'S AN OUTTAKE, HUH?
NOTHING."
WHICH BRINGS US TO OUR HOOTIN',
HOLLERIN', GOB-NABBIT BESTEST
DARN CLIP OF THE WHOLE SHEBANG.
>> [ HOEDOWN MUSIC PLAYS ]
>> [ GUNFIRE ]
>> [ HOWLING ]
>> ONCE AGAIN, "SMALL TOWN
SECURITY" IS LESS ABOUT
A SECURITY FIRM AND MORE ABOUT
A FAMILY THAT ENJOYS THE SIMPLE
THINGS IN LIFE, LIKE FLATULENCE
AND INCONTINENCE AND ***.
WE NOW JOIN THE SIMPLE THINGS IN
PROGRESS.
>> Man: WATCH.
[ FLATULENCE ]
HEY, GOOD GOD!
BLEW A HOLE IN MY KLEENEX.
>> [ LAUGHTER ]
>> [ CACKLING ]
>> Man: CHIEF JUST LOSES
CONTROL.
BE CAREFUL, CHIEF.
LITERALLY, SHE WILL WET HERSELF.
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> THIS PLACE IS GETTIN' TO
BECOME LIKE A HOME.
PISSIN' IN THE CHAIR ON
THE FLOOR.
>> I JUST FINISHED-- [ LAUGHS ]
>> [ LAUGHTER ]
>> HE'S GOT IT GOING AGAIN.
MY PANTS IS JUST-- GONNA *** ON
YOU.
ERWIN, GO HOME AND GET ME
ANOTHER PAIR OF PANTS AND
UNDERPANTS.
>> [ LAUGHS ] OH!
OH, THIS IS SUCH A GOOD TIME.
WE SHOULD SIT AROUND I OUR OWN
FILTH MORE OFTEN.
PASS ME THE CHIHUAHUA BEFORE HE
RUNS DRY.
>> [ LAUGHTER ]
>> THAT'S IT FOR OUR "GOODEST
MOMENTS OF REDNECK SHOWS"
SPECIAL.
JOIN US FOR OUR REGULAR SHOW
NEXT WEDNESDAY NIGHT AT 10:00.
THANK YOU TO LYNYRD SKYNYRD.
BUY THEIR NEW ALBUM, "LAST OF
A DYIN' BREED."
AND THANKS TO ANYONE WHO'S EVER
MADE OUT WITH THEIR COUSIN.
BYE, EVERYBODY.
THANKS, LYNYRD SKYNYRD.