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- COMING UP ON BAD INK...
- SHE TOLD ME I CAN GET A TATTOO,
BUT SHE JUST WANTED TO BE THERE.
- YEAH, OUR MOMMIES CAME WITH US WHEN WE GOT TATTOOED.
[laughter]
- THE GUY THAT WAS DOING IT--
HE HID SOMETHING IN MY TATTOO.
- LIKE A BUTTERFLY GIVING THE BIRD?
SNIFF IT OUT. YOU SMELLED SOME BAD INK.
- I HAVE THIS TERRIBLE TATTOO. - I CAN TELL.
THAT'S WHY HE'S COMING AFTER YOU.
- BRACE YOURSELF. - OH, OH, OH, OH!
OH, MY GOD.
I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S AN ANGEL OR A TRUCK DRIVER.
[upbeat jazzy music]
- WELCOME TO THE MISTAKE CAPITAL OF THE WORLD.
WE HAVE A REPUTATION IN THIS TOWN.
WE'RE SAVING VEGAS
ONE BAD TATTOO AT A TIME.
♪ ♪
[phone beeps]
- HELLO.
- WELL, HI, ANITA. WHAT CAN I DO FOR YA?
- OKAY.
WHEN IT'S YOUR MOMMY CALLING TO GET YOUR TATTOO FIXED,
OH, WE JUST CAN'T PASS THIS ONE UP.
BYE-BYE.
SOUNDS LIKE THIS OVERBEARING MOTHER
WANTS HER SON'S TATTOO GONE.
- HIS MOMMY IS GONNA TAKE CARE OF THIS FOR HIM?
- I KNOW MY MOM TRIPPED ON ME WHEN I FIRST GOT--
- YEAH, MINE TOO. - WHEN I DID MY FOREARM--
"MY GOD, WHAT DID YOU DO TO THAT BEAUTIFUL SKIN THAT I GAVE YOU?"
- MINE WAS THAT BIG AND I HATED IT,
AND HAD TO GO AND FIGHT FOR IT.
YOU KNOW, MY DAD'S ALL, "YOU'RE A BADASS NOW?"
I LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND GO, "NOT REALLY."
YOU'RE THE YOUNG MAN WITH THE PROBLEM, I TAKE IT?
- YEAH. - YEAH.
HE GOT HIMSELF A REALLY BAD TATTOO.
- SEEMS TO BE A COMMON THREAD THROUGH MY LIFE.
- YEAH.
- SHE TOLD ME I COULD GO GET A TATTOO,
BUT SHE JUST WANTED TO BE THERE.
- I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO BE THERE.
I NEED TO MAKE SURE THAT SOMEBODY'S DOING QUALITY WORK.
YOU HAVE TO REALLY RESEARCH EVERYTHING YOU DO.
- YEAH, OUR MOMMIES CAME WITH US WHEN WE GOT TATTOOED.
[laughter]
CHRIS NEEDS TO CUT THAT UMBILICAL CORD.
- YEAH, THEN HE CAN GO GET ANY DUMB-*** TATTOO HE WANTS.
- I'M REALLY INTO MUSIC,
SO I FIGURED I'D GET THIS MUSIC TATTOO.
IT MEANT A LOT TO ME.
I CHOSE A SONG THAT I REALLY LIKE.
THE SONG'S, LIKE, JUST ABOUT, LIKE, HAVING HEART,
KEEPING STRONG, SO I FIGURED, ALL RIGHT,
THAT'S A LITTLE BIT OF MOTIVATION, LIKE, LET'S GET IT.
- I LOVE THE IDEA OF THIS TATTOO.
- OKAY.
- BUT YOU'D THINK A FRIEND DID IT.
- SO YOU'RE OKAY WITH THE TATTOO.
IT'S JUST NOT WELL DONE. - RIGHT, YEAH.
- MY ONE ROOMMATE, HE WAS LIKE, "YOU WANT TO GO GET A TATTOO?"
AND I WAS LIKE, I DIDN'T-- "I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY."
AND HE WAS LIKE, "DUDE, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT."
"I'LL LEND YOU SOME MONEY
IF YOU WANT TO GO GET A TATTOO TONIGHT."
AND I WAS LIKE, "ARE YOU KIDDING? LET'S GO."
- HOW DID YOU PAY HIM BACK?
- I WAS LIKE, "DUDE, I'LL DO YOUR HOMEWORK FOR YOU."
HE'S LIKE, "PERFECT." HE DOESN'T DO HIS HOMEWORK.
- TOO BAD HE WASN'T AROUND WHEN I WENT TO SCHOOL.
I MIGHT NOT HAVE DROPPED OUT.
- SO HE KNEW AN ARTIST-- "TATTOO ARTIST," HE CLAIMS.
- RIGHT.
- SO I SHOWED THIS GUY THE IDEA I HAD DRAWN OUT,
HE WHIPS OUT A SHARPIE,
HE STARTS DRAWING ALL OVER MY CHEST.
TWO HOURS LATER, LOOK IN THE MIRROR,
NOTICE THAT IT'S ALL SCREWED UP.
- SEE? YOU GOT WHAT YOU DESERVED.
THAT'S HOW I SEE IT.
- CAN YOU IMAGINE IF THAT'S YOUR MOM?
"CHRIS. CHRIS. PAY ATTENTION, CHRIS. CHRIS."
SO YOU INSTANTLY REGRETTED IT? - OH, IT WAS RIGHT AWAY.
- HE JUMPED IN THE OCEAN, THOUGHT HE COULD SCRUB IT OFF.
- OH. - 18, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
- 18. - DO YOU WANT TO SEE IT?
- YEAH, I THINK WE NEED TO SEE IT.
- YOU GUYS WANT TO CHECK IT OUT? - GO AHEAD.
- IT'S PRETTY BAD, SO, BRACE YOURSELF.
- HE'S GOT TEN TATTOOS WORSE THAN THIS, WATCH.
JEEZ. - OH, OH, OH, OH, WOW!
- THAT IS A LOT OF TATTOO.
- THE NOTES AREN'T IN THE RIGHT SPOT.
- ALL THE NOTES ARE IN THE WRONG SPOT.
- THE NOTES ARE BACKWARDS.
YEAH, THAT THING'S EFFED, BUT IT AIN'T "F" SHARP.
- THIS TATTOO IS HUGE.
THAT THING GOES SHOULDER-TO-SHOULDER.
- YOU'VE GOT YOUR WORK CUT OUT FOR YOU, MY MAN.
- YEAH.
- WHY DON'T YOU PLAY IT?
LET'S HEAR WHAT'S ON YOUR CHEST.
OKAY, ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.
[plays sour notes]
- ALL RIGHT. I THINK THAT'S IT.
- ALL RIGHT.
- THAT SONG'S SUPPOSED TO BE INSPIRATIONAL?
- IT INSPIRES ME. - INSPIRES YOU?
- INSPIRES ME TO WEAR EARPLUGS.
- WE'VE GOT A LOT OF ISSUES HERE.
ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS IS THESE LINES.
AND YOU'VE GOT CIRCLES, AND BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM.
THEY'RE SCATTERED.
- IT'S HIS OWN FAULT... - FAIR ENOUGH.
- FOR MAKING SOMEONE DRAW IT WITH A SHARPIE AND THEN GO,
"YEAH, GO AHEAD, DO IT," EVEN THOUGH IT DIDN'T LOOK RIGHT.
LIKE, I SHOULDN'T BE HELPING HIM, THAT'S HOW MAD I AM.
- I DO NOT ENVY DIRK AT ALL.
I CAN JUST IMAGINE MOM OVER HIS SHOULDER...
[yipping]
- YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A LOT TO GO THROUGH.
THE CHEST IS NOT AN EASY SPOT ON A MAN.
I THINK THIS IS GONNA BE PAINFUL FOR BOTH OF US.
- HELLO. - HI, GUYS.
- HOW ARE YOU? - READY FOR SOME PAIN?
- I'VE BEEN READY SINCE I GOT IT.
- SURE, HE SAYS THAT NOW, BUT A FEW HOURS INTO THIS FIX,
HE'LL BE SINGING A DIFFERENT TUNE.
MOM, YOU SAID YOU HAD SOME IDEAS, OR SOMETHING?
- I DO. IT'S SOMETHING MY OTHER SON DREW.
- OKAY. - WHAT DO YOU THINK?
- THIS IS A REALLY GOOD DESIGN FOR COVER-UP.
IN THIS CASE, THAT TREBLE CLEF IS HUGE,
AND THEN RIGHT THROUGH THE MIDDLE OF THIS TATTOO ARE LINES.
SO THE BROTHER ACTUALLY DID A PRETTY GOOD JOB.
'CAUSE I CAN HIDE A LOT OF BLACK IN THE DENSITY
OF ALL THE FEATHERS LYING ON TOP OF EACH OTHER.
YOU READY FOR SOME PAIN?
- OF COURSE.
[needle buzzing]
[groans] - HOW IS IT SO FAR?
- PRETTY GOOD. I'M NOT FEELING MUCH.
- NOT YOU. - YEAH--OH, SORRY.
- [groans] - I FEEL BAD.
THEN AGAIN, IT'S YOUR OWN DAMN FAULT.
OH, THIS IS TOO MUCH. I HAVE TO WALK OUT.
DO OTHER MOTHERS EVER HAVE TO WALK OUT
'CAUSE THEY CAN'T SEE THEIR SONS IN PAIN?
- MOST SONS THEY DON'T BRING THEIR MOMMIES TO GET TATTOOED.
- BYE, EVERYBODY.
- ALL RIGHT, FIND YOUR ZONE. - [groans]
[groans]
- ALMOST DONE, MOM.
ANITA FROM PHILLY, COME ON DOWN!
- I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT. - TAKE A LOOK AT IT.
- GO AHEAD.
- OH, MY GOD.
- IT IS GORGEOUS.
WOW. - LOOK AT THE DETAILS.
- YOU CAN SEE I WAS ACTUALLY--
THOSE LINES THAT CUT THROUGH I USED FOR THE WINGS.
ALL THIS STUFF DOWN HERE AND THE TREE,
I WAS ABLE TO JUST RESHAPE AND USE THE LINES--
THEY WERE THERE.
BUT YOU MADE A MISTAKE, AND NOW--
YOU KNOW, YOUR BROTHER HELPED YOU FIX IT.
- THAT'S AMAZING.
- CHRIS REALLY LEARNED HIS LESSON, I THINK.
I DON'T THINK HE'S EVER GONNA GO OUT AND GET ANOTHER TATTOO
WITHOUT PLANNING IT, AND, YOU KNOW, DISCUSSING IT FIRST.
AND I BETTER GO WITH HIM.
- GET IT, GO. SNIFF IT OUT.
SNIFF OUT THE BAD INK, BUDDY.
I RESCUED CREEPY YEARS AGO.
NOW I'M TEACHING HIM TO BE THE WORLD'S FIRST
BAD-INK-SNIFFING DOG.
WE'RE GOING DOWN TO THE STRIP,
AND I AM GONNA GET THIS DOG TO JUMP ON PEOPLE
THAT HAVE BAD INK.
- YOUR DOG IS SO CUTE.
- I WAS 14 WHEN I GOT MY FIRST TATTOO.
- SOME FRIEND DID IT FOR YOU? - PERHAPS.
[laughter]
- DUDE, IT'S HORRIBLE.
LOOKS LIKE THERE'S A FRIED EGG IN THE MIDDLE.
- OBVIOUSLY, I TAUGHT CREEPS RIGHT, 'CAUSE HE'S OUT THERE
SNIFFING OUT THEM BAD TATTOOS LEFT AND RIGHT.
- YEAH, BUT WE ARE ON THE STRIP.
YOU CAN THROW A ROCK IN THE AIR AND HIT A BAD TATTOO.
- WHOA. - YEAH, I HAVE A BAD TATTOO.
- WELL, I CAN TELL. THAT'S WHY HE'S COMING AFTER YOU.
- WHEN I WAS 17, MY COUSIN'S MAN JUST GOT OUT OF PRISON,
AND HE MADE A TATTOO GUN.
HE JUST COST A SIX-PACK OF BEER.
- [laughs] - RIGHT.
LET'S SEE IT, MAN. - LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT IT, YEAH.
- WHAT DO YOU ACTUALLY THINK IT SAYS?
- IRONICALLY, IT SAYS "BAD."
- [laughs] - IT DOES.
- I GOT NEWS FOR YOU, BROTHER. IT IS BAD.
WHETHER IT SAYS IT OR NOT.
[growls]
- OH, MY GOODNESS! - HI.
- HI, PUPPY DOG.
- OH, HE MADE A FRIEND.
- SEEMS LIKE CREEP FOUND HIMSELF A LITTLE GIRLFRIEND OUT THERE.
- I HAVE THIS TERRIBLE TATTOO.
I'VE ASKED EVERYONE IN MY CITY, AND THEY--NO ONE CAN FIX IT.
- DIRK CAN BE AS SKEPTICAL AS HE WANTS,
BUT YOU SEE IT'S WORKING.
HE SNIFFED HER OUT RIGHT OFF THE BAT.
- I DID IT TO REPRESENT MY GRANDMOTHER.
SHE PRETTY MUCH-- PRACTICALLY RAISED ME.
WHENEVER SHE PASSED AWAY,
I KNEW I WANTED TO GET A TATTOO TO REPRESENT HER.
- THAT'S AWESOME.
- SO I GO AND I GET A TATTOO THE DAY I TURN 18,
ALL EXCITED AND EVERYTHING, AND I LOOK IN THE MIRROR,
AND I'M LIKE, "NO, NO. THIS TATTOO IS TERRIBLE."
I CAN'T WEAR SWIMSUITS. I CAN'T WEAR TANK TOPS.
- I MEAN, DID IT COME FROM A PICTURE, OR DID HE FREEHAND IT?
- CAME FROM A PICTURE, THEN HE FREEHANDED IT.
- "DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT STENCIL I PUT ON THERE,
I'M JUST GONNA GO AROUND THAT."
- MY GRANDMA WAS REALLY INTO ANGELS.
- YOU HAD 'EM ALL OVER THE HOUSE, HUH?
- ALL OVER THE HOUSE-- - EVERYWHERE.
- NOT ONE. MILLIONS OF THEM, LITERALLY.
- MY GRANDMA WAS INTO DEVILS.
WELL, ACTUALLY, MY GRANDMOTHER WAS THE DEVIL--SORRY.
- IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AN ANGEL, AND NOW IT--
LIKE, ME AND MY WHOLE ENTIRE FAMILY ARE COMPLETELY ASHAMED,
BECAUSE IT DOESN'T REPRESENT MY GRANDMOTHER AT ALL.
- WELL, LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT, MAN.
- ALL RIGHTY. - SHE'S A DOG LOVER.
YOU GOT TO TAKE CARE OF THIS.
- ALL RIGHTY, GUYS, SO LOOK AT THIS.
- OH, OH! - OH, MAN.
OH, THAT'S REALLY, REALLY, REALLY BAD.
- CREEPY SNIFFED OUT PEYTON,
WHO TRIED TO DO RIGHT BY HER GRANDMA,
BUT IT SOUNDS LIKE THIS TATTOO TURNED OUT ALL WRONG.
WELL, LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT, MAN.
- ALL RIGHTY. - SHE'S A DOG LOVER.
YOU GOT TO TAKE CARE OF THIS.
- ALL RIGHTY, GUYS, SO LOOK AT THIS.
- OH, OH! - OH, MAN.
IT LOOKS LIKE A GHOST.
IT'S HAUNTED.
IF SHE WANTED SOMETHING NICE TO REMEMBER GRANDMA BY,
THIS AIN'T IT.
THAT'S A LITTLE DISTURBING, I GOT TO ADMIT.
- CREEPY, LOOK HOW CREEPY THAT IS.
IT'S CREEPY. IS THAT CREEPY?
IT LOOKS CREEPY TO ME.
- IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR GRANDMOTHER, OR JUST--
- NO, IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AN ANGEL.
IT WAS SUPPOSED TO REPRESENT HER.
- THAT DON'T LOOK LIKE NO ANGEL.
IT LOOKS MORE LIKE A DEVIL THAN AN ANGEL.
QUICK, SOMEBODY GET ME SOME HOLY WATER.
THE REVEREND NEEDS TO PERFORM AND EXORCISM!
I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S AN ANGEL OR A TRUCK DRIVER.
WHY WOULD HE DO THAT MOUSTACHE?
- HE SAID, "OH, IT WAS SHADING."
I WAS LIKE, "NO, THAT'S A MOUSTACHE."
YEAH. - ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH.
GET THAT GHOST OUT OF MY FACE.
DO YOU HAVE TIME TO GET TATTOOED WHILE YOU'RE DOWN, OR--
- YES, ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU'RE REALLY GONNA DO THAT?
- YEAH, I HAVE TO FIX THIS. - OH, MY GOSH, I WOULD BE SO--
- THERE'S NO WAY I'M GONNA LET YOU GO HOME WITH THAT THING.
- THAT IS SO AWESOME. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
- OH, WATCH CREEPS. - SORRY, CREEPS.
- I'M REALLY GLAD CREEPY FOUND HER.
NOW WE'RE GONNA TO HELP HER OUT
AND BE ABLE TO GIVE HER THE HONOR FOR HER GRANDMOTHER
THAT SHE DESERVES.
- DIRK? - HI.
- HEY, DIRK. HOW ARE YOU DOING?
I DID BRING A PICTURE ALONG,
'CAUSE I ALWAYS BRING HER PICTURE WITH ME EVERYWHERE.
THIS IS MY GRANDMOTHER. - AW.
WHAT A SWEETHEART.
AMAZING.
- OKAY, I'M GONNA GO AHEAD AND PUT IT UP HERE.
- AW, SEE-- - RIGHT NEXT TO YOU.
- RIGHT NEXT TO THE CUTE GUY.
COOL, WELL, LET ME SEE YOUR BACK.
I CAN CONJURE SOMETHING UP FOR YOU.
- OKAY. - OH, BOY.
WOW, THAT IS REALLY, SO BAD. - [laughs]
- IN ORDER FOR ME TO GET RID OF THAT OLD ANGEL,
I GOT TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE SKIN ABOVE THE BAD TATTOO.
THAT'S WHERE IT'S CLEAN.
HM, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT
JUST CREEPING OVER THE TOP OF THAT SHOULDER?
- I LIKE THAT. - I DO TOO.
- I LIKE THAT A LOT. - THE SECOND IT WENT ON THAT.
- OH, MY GOSH. HOW PERFECT. - IT'S REALLY, REALLY CRAZY.
THAT'S WHAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY ABOUT MY JOB SOMETIMES,
IS I CAN GIVE HER THE ANGEL SHE DESERVED
INSTEAD OF THE ANGEL SHE GOT.
HERE WE GO.
[needle buzzing]
WHAT DID YOUR FAMILY, LIKE, SAY WHEN YOU CAME HOME?
- THE--DEAD SILENCE, LITERALLY.
MY FAMILY'S REALLY GONNA BE HAPPY THAT IT'S FINALLY GONE.
- SO WHAT WOULD YOUR GRANDMA THINK?
- SINCE IT'S AN ANGEL, FOR HER,
I THINK SHE WOULD LOVE IT, I REALLY DO.
- GUESS WHAT? I'M ACTUALLY DONE.
- YOU'RE REALLY DONE? - I'M REALLY DONE.
- OH, MY GOSH! - ALL RIGHT, SETTLE DOWN.
SETTLE DOWN. YOU READY?
- I'M SO EXCITED--YES.
- WANT YOU TO GO TO THAT MIRROR OVER THERE.
READY? - YEAH.
- I'M GONNA TELL YOU WHEN.
- [gasps] OH, MY GOD!
IT'S GORGEOUS!
OH, MY GOSH.
I CAN'T EVEN SEE THE TATTOO UNDERNEATH IT.
I LOVE IT!
[muffled, excited speech]
- I WAS ABLE TO PUT A LOT OF TRUE GRAY OVER THE BLACK,
AND THE BLACK SORT OF BECAME THE FOLDS IN THE DRESS.
FORTUNATELY, THE GOWN OF THE NEW ANGEL HAD ENOUGH FOLDS IN IT
THAT I WAS ABLE TO HIDE THE DEMON AND THE MOUSTACHE
AND ALL THAT DARKNESS, AND IT WENT AWAY.
WELL, I MEAN, I'M GLAD TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING THAT'S BEAUTIFUL,
SOMETHING THAT REPRESENTS WHAT YOU WANTED ORIGINALLY,
INSTEAD OF SOME MUSTACHED DUDE WITH FEET HANDS.
BUT THINK ABOUT IT THIS WAY--
IF THAT WASN'T THERE, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE THIS.
- I WOULDN'T HAVE THIS, EXACTLY. AND I APPRECIATE IT SO MUCH.
- WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, LET'S GO GET SOME FRESH AIR.
- ALL RIGHT, THAT SOUNDS GOOD. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
- ABSOLUTELY.
- OH, GOT TO TAKE MY GRANDMA WITH ME.
- ALL RIGHT, YOU FIRST. - ALL RIGHTY.
- SO WHERE ARE WE HEADED, MAN?
- WE'RE HEADING TO THE SPEEDWAY. - YEAH?
- WE'RE GOING TO MEET THIS CHICK RACHEL THAT CALLED ME UP.
SHE'S GOT A BAD TATTOO.
SEEMS TO BE A BIT OF AN ADRENALINE JUNKIE.
ANYONE THAT WILLINGLY THROWS THEMSELVES OFF BRIDGES
AND MOUNTAINS AND STUFF
PROBABLY ISN'T GONNA MAKE THE BEST DECISIONS ANYWAY.
- I AIN'T SAYING NOTHING,
'CAUSE THAT'S THE POT AND THE KETTLE WITH ME.
- YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE COOL THOUGH,
IS IF WE GET THERE BEFORE SHE DOES, WE CAN GO RACE SOME CARS.
- THAT MIGHT BE KIND OF COOL.
THE LAST TIME I DROVE THAT FAST,
THERE WERE TWO BLACK-AND-WHITES BEHIND ME.
ALL RIGHT. - HEY, GRANDMA. DON'T BE SCARED.
- I'M NOT SCARED. JUST STAY OUT OF MY WAY.
- I GOT THIS, MAN. YOU'RE GONNA EAT MY DUST.
MY DAD WAS A DRAG RACER, MAN. THIS IS IN MY BLOOD.
- IF IT'S IN YOUR BLOOD, HOW COME I'M YOUR PERSONAL LIMO?
- OH. - YEAH, THAT WAS FUN.
SO WHERE IS THIS CHICK, MAN? - SHE SHOULD BE HERE ANY MINUTE.
I THINK THAT WAS ABOUT PERFECT TIMING.
- DAMN. IS THAT HER?
YOU MUST BE RACHEL.
- HOW AWESOME WAS THAT?
- WAS THAT YOU SCREECHING AROUND THAT TRACK?
- YOU HEAR ME? NICE TO MEET YOU.
- HOW YOU DOING, RACHEL? RUCKUS. NICE TO MEET YOU.
- I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING FAST. THAT WAS NUTS.
- I'M A LITTLE BIT OF AN ADRENALINE JUNKIE.
- WE NOTICED.
- I'VE SURVIVED VOCAL CORD CANCER.
IT'S BEEN ABOUT FOUR YEARS. - REALLY?
SO YOU GOT A TATTOO.
- ME AND A COUPLE GIRLS WANTED TO GET INTO SOME TROUBLE.
WE WERE LIKE, "LET'S GO GET TATTOOS."
THE GUY THAT WAS DOING IT SAID THAT HE HAD A SIGNATURE
THAT HE PUT INTO HIS ARTWORK.
- SIGNATURE? - SIG--WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- HE HID SOMETHING IN MY TATTOO.
- OH, JEEZ. - YEAH.
- DO YOU GOT A SIGNATURE?
- WELL, I DO PUT A LITTLE GOLD TOOTH IN WHEN I DO SKULLS.
- YOU'LL NEVER FIND IT.
SO WHAT--WHAT'S THE TATTOO OF?
- I GOT A BUTTERFLY. - I LIKE BUTTERFLIES.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR BUTTERFLY?
- IT MAY HAVE A SMALL BODY PART.
- LIKE A BUTTERFLY GIVING THE BIRD?
- THAT WOULD BE CUTE, RIGHT? - [laughs]
IS IT A BUTT-ERFLY?
- CLOSE, BUT NO CIGAR.
- SO MAYBE IT'S THE OTHER WAY AROUND FROM THE BUTT.
- OOH. - MM.
- WELL, I MEAN, LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT IT, SEE WHAT YOU GOT.
- IT'S A LITTLE PRIVATE.
- OH, OKAY. - SHOULD PROBABLY GO INSIDE.
- LET'S GO INSIDE. - UNDERSTANDABLE.
- I GET A LITTLE WORRIED WHEN THEY WANT US
TO GO TO A PRIVATE ROOM.
WE ARE HERE. I THINK WE'RE OKAY.
DON'T SEE ANYBODY LOOKING.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE THIS THING.
- HERE WE GO.
- OH, MY GOD.
[laughter]
- THAT IS NOT QUITE WHAT I EXPECTED.
- WE MET UP WITH RACHEL AT THE RACE TRACK.
SHE SAYS THERE'S A BODY PART INSIDE OF HER TATTOO
THAT DOESN'T BELONG,
BUT IT'S A BUTTERFLY, SO HOW BAD CAN IT BE?
ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE THIS THING.
- HERE WE GO.
- OH, MY GOD.
- IT'S HALF MAN, HALF BUTTERFLY.
- IS THAT--
- THAT'S A VERY WELL-ENDOWED BUTTERFLY.
MAN, THAT BUG'S PACKIN'.
- WOW, I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU HAVE A BUTTERFLY WITH A ***.
- THAT IS NOT QUITE WHAT I EXPECTED.
- THIS WASN'T WHAT I EXPECTED EITHER.
- I WILL NEVER LOOK AT BUTTERFLIES THE SAME WAY AGAIN.
- NO, I WILL NOT.
I'VE HEARD OF THE VENUS FLY TRAP,
BUT THAT'S A LITTLE DIFFERENT.
THAT'S HIS SIGNATURE.
- HE PUTS A *** IN EVERY TATTOO.
- BACK IN MY DAYS, WHEN YOU WANTED TO DRAW A ***
ON SOMEONE, YOU HAD TO WAIT TILL THEY PASSED OUT.
- I'M TRYING TO GET INTO HIS BRAIN.
LIKE, WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO THIS NICE YOUNG LADY?
- WOW, MAN. THAT GUY REALLY DICKED YOU OVER.
[laughter]
- SO WHAT DO YOU THINK, DIRK, CAN IT BE FIXED?
- YOU'VE GOT SOME ISSUES HERE.
THESE LINES ARE SO THICK THAT THEY'RE GONNA COME THROUGH
ANYTHING THAT I DO.
- I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE
IT'S SOMETHING THAT I DON'T WANT TO COVER UP AGAIN.
I WANT TO MAKE SURE IT'S SOMETHING THAT I WANT.
- YEAH. I THINK BECAUSE THIS IS A FEMININE AREA,
YOU KEEP THIS FEMININE, AND YOU JUST MAKE IT PRETTY.
- A LITTLE MORE FEMININE THAN A ***.
- I THINK YOU NEED TO JUST COME DOWN TO THE SHOP.
WE'LL FIND A WAY TO DO THIS. - ALL RIGHT.
- NICE TO MEET YOU. - YOU TOO.
- WE'LL SEE YOU IN A BIT THEN. - OKAY.
- YOU THINK THE TOURISTS HERE IN VEGAS ARE CRAZY?
YOU SHOULD MEET THE LOCALS AND THEIR BAD TATTOOS.
- I'M ON MY WAY TO MY SHOW RIGHT NOW.
MY TATTOO, LIKE, IS HORRIBLE. - RIGHT.
- I'M A DANCER, SO I HAVE TO CONSTANTLY COVER IT.
SO MY MOM COMES TO THE SHOW, SHE'S LIKE,
"YEAH, I SAW YOUR UGLY-*** TATTOOS."
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED THE VIRGO SYMBOL.
LET'S TAKE A LOOK. - YEAH.
- OOH. - WHAT'S THE BAD PART?
[laughter]
- TO ME, IT JUST SAYS, "ME, ME."
- AND ALL THAT'S MISSING IS ME.
- AND ME. ME. - AND HIM.
- OH, GOOD GOD. - OH, MY GOD.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? - LOOK AT THAT, IT'S PHOTO BOY.
- OF ALL THE PEOPLE TO RUN INTO,
WE RUN INTO OUR FRIEND JESSE,
WHO WE AFFECTIONATELY CALL "PHOTO BOY."
HE'S A GREAT GUY, BUT HE'S A LITTLE BIT OF A PAIN IN THE ***.
YOU'RE COVERED IN BAD TATTOOS. - YEAH, BUT THERE'S ONE.
- BUT I KNOW YOU. - THERE'S ONE.
- ONE I DON'T KNOW ABOUT? - YES, ONE ON MY SHOULDER.
- LET'S SEE. OH, DEAR GOD.
- OH! [laughs]
YEAH, YOU WENT OUT TO NEW YORK
AND GOT YOU ONE OF THEM PIGEONS, HUH? LOOK AT THAT THING.
THAT'S WHY JESSE'S STORIES MUST DRAG ON.
GET IT? DRAG-ON? DRAGON? DRAG-ON?
- YEAH, I GET IT.
RACHEL'S TATTOO
IS ONE OF THE STRANGEST BUTTERFLIES I'VE EVER SEEN.
IT WASN'T EVEN PRETTY.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE WAS THINKING,
BECAUSE WHAT'S WRONG WITH A PRETTY BUTTERFLY?
NO, HE HAD TO THROW A *** ON IT.
- DIRK! - YOU READY FOR THIS?
- I'M READY. - ALL RIGHT.
- READY TO GET RID OF THE *** BUTTERFLY.
- WELL, I WAS JUST GONNA ENHANCE IT.
I WAS GONNA MAKE IT A BIGGER *** BUTTERFLY.
- OH, A BIGGER ONE.
- IF YOUR BUTTERFLY'S ***
LASTS FOR MORE THAN FIVE HOURS, PLEASE CONSULT YOUR PHYSICIAN.
ALL RIGHT. LET ME SEE THIS THING.
- OKAY. - OH, THAT'S SO AWFUL.
SO I'VE GOT SOME CHALLENGES ON THIS ONE.
THE TATTOO'S A WEIRD SHAPE, AND IT'S REALLY, REALLY DARK.
THIS IS NOT GONNA BE EASY.
READY?
[needle buzzing]
FEELING THAT? - NO.
- YOU'RE A TOUGH CHICK.
- MM-HMM.
- SO HOW'D YOU GET INTO THE WHOLE, YOU KNOW,
ADRENALINE JUNKIE THING?
WAS IT, LIKE, AFTER THE THROAT CANCER,
DID YOU JUST LOOK AT LIFE DIFFERENTLY, OR--
- WELL, YEAH, I THINK THAT IF THERE'S SOMETHING
YOU WANT TO DO, YOU SHOULD DO IT.
- RACHEL'S REALLY TRYING TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST,
AND I GOT TO ADMIRE THAT.
DONE. - DONE?
- DONE. LET'S TAKE A LOOK. COME ON.
LOOK IN MIRROR RIGHT OVER HERE.
- SHE'S AMAZING.
- HOW COOL IS SHE?
- IT DEFINITELY HAS THE FEMININE BUT THE EDGY PART GOING ON.
- YEAH, I GAVE HER THE RED HAIR LIKE YOURS.
- AND THE RED HEELS SAY DANGEROUS.
- YEAH. - I LIKE THAT. FIERCE.
- FORTUNATELY, I WAS ABLE TO USE THE BUTTERFLY WINGS
THAT WERE ALREADY THERE,
AND JUST GIVE THEM A COOLER SHAPE AND A DIFFERENT COLOR.
I GOT TO SAY, THAT *** WAS PRETTY PROMINENT.
I HID IT IN THE CORSET ON THE SEXY FAIRY,
SO IT'S GONE NOW.
- AND GREEN IS MY FAVORITE COLOR.
- THE WINGS UNDERNEATH IT HAD PURPLE AND YELLOW,
BUT I WAS ABLE TO PUT THAT DARKER GREEN OVER THE PURPLE,
AND THEN WHEN IT CAME FORWARD,
THE YELLOW JUST KIND OF ACCENTED WHAT WAS ALREADY THERE.
FIND THE ***, I DARE YOU.
- IT'S GONE. - CAN'T FIND IT AT ALL.
- I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT. - ALL RIGHT.
- IT'S AMAZING. - YOU KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD DO?
- CELEBRATE. - LET'S GO SHOW IT OFF.
- LET'S GO SHOW THE BOYS THE GIRLS, HUH?
- YEAH, EXACTLY.