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This week’s Music Monday
will have you making cow noises with Nu’est’s “Hello”
For the EYKAs, Nu’est’s “Hello”
won the award for best Potential Kpop Music Monday,
Which is why we’re doing it today! Finally!
The Nu’est curse is broken!
But was it a curse or actually a blessing?
You decide after we finish this KMM review…
They shat right through me hard. I will fart for sure.
Nu’est, or New East, is, of course
An acronym for something,
Does it stand for
A)NO UNDERWEAR EXCEPT SOME TIMES
B)NATIONAL UNITED EXCEPTIONAL STAR TALENT
C) NEW ESTABLISHED STYLE AND TEMPO
If you guessed C you are correct
But you also probably cheated
Because that doesn’t make any fricking
Sense for an acronym.
Question: why can’t a name just be a name
And not a freaking acronym all the time?
Little did you know that Simon isn’t actually my name.
I’m actually Slightly Interesting Man on Internet.
And I used the N instead of the I for internet because
I can break the rules of acronyms like Vixx and Nuest do.
Oh! And my I isn’t actually the letter I.
It’s actually a picture of an eyeball,
Which confuses some people
The way batoost’s name does,
And people unfortunately call me Sighballmon,
Aka, Sauron’s incompetent younger brother.
FRODO I SEE YOU
Yeah you wienes we got you
yeahw we’re watching you!
You’re gonna go down!
Oh, hey Seyeballmon don’t worry I got this
Why don’t you go...watch your tv show or something?
Man I don’t wanna bail or anything
No no, I’m good.
Mmkey.
Hmkh I SEE YOU
DAMMIT WHERE DID HE GO
As for the song itself, some of you might agree
and some of you are gonna hate me for this, but
I fail to see how Nu’est lives up to their name.
This isn’t really representative of a
Newly Established Style and Tempo.
This sounds like a typical kpop song.
A piano ballad with a rap breakdown
Has been done hundreds of times
By lots of other bands.
What makes this sound so different from the rest?
What’s newly established about this?
And even the video has the same conventions
Of members of the band loving the same girl,
With girl and guy in the car together
and another band member being angry outside of the car,
giving back rings, and even back hugs.
Closeups of everyone’s pretty faces
as they look like they’re in pain.
What is the new style about this?
If one of you can tell me
What’s really new about either their style or tempo,
I’d love to hear it.
From a musically uneducated standpoint,
this sounds and looks more like
a generic established style and tempo,
which would change their name.
Jewest!
It’s like being the most Jewish. Get it?
BOOOO…
Want to go to Ren’s Bar Mitzah?
30 seconds to disagree, starting now!
Ok, listen I think you’re being
a little bit too harsh on this
It is not the greatest song of
The whole planet but
I don’t think it’s a bad song.
I didn’t argue that it was a bad song
I said that this is exceptionary generic and unoriginal
Yeah but tons of kpop songs are generic AND bad!
Like, I don’t like Hello by SHINee
I think it’s a terrible song
I don’t think Hello by NU’EST is a terrible song
I agree this song isn’t terrible but
If your name is NU’EST then
Do something new and original
But there are so many other bands
Why don’t other bands do things
That are like their names?
Because they don’t call themselves NU’EST
They just call themselves something bizarre
Then why aren’t U-KISS going around kissing people?
As for the video, it had some of the weirdest scenes I’ve seen
In a serious kpop vid in a loooong time.
We’re gonnna start slow.
A-ron using just his bare hands, crumples a metal pay phone
And smooths it out again by the next scene.
You’re a wizard A Ron!
1: A-ron is using a pay phone.
WHO USES A PAY PHONE IN KOREA?
Did you get a txt on yer pager before making that call?
Gonna go home and listen to some sad music
on yer walkman before you watch a Laserdisk movie?
What movie are you gonna watch?
Is it gonna be Original TRON?
3: A-ron makes a phone call using a girls’ hand,
which brings a whole new meaning to the korean word, handphone.
But I understand, you were just using a pay phone
Thus probably have never used a handphone in real life.
4. Ren chooses to lie on the floor, on her lap
in the world’s most UNCOMFORTABLE
Looking snuggle position.
There’s a perfectly good couch right behind you!
That’s what furniture is for! Or you sit both on the floor,
Both on the couch,
Or between the knees floor to couch positioning.
I’m just going to fall asleep on your bony *** knees.
BONEY *** BONEY ASSSSS!!!!
Why did Ren’s GF get up from a poor sleeping Ren in such a rush?
I think she just realized that she was not wearing any pants.
She was like, shirt, socks, nailed it. SHIIIIITTTTTTT
After getting caught cheating, multiple times,
by multiple members of the same band,
this chick has THE BRAZEN BALLS
to slap and hit her boyfriends for catching her cheating.
HOW DARE YOU CATCH ME CHEATING ON YOU!!! *****
On another note, I’m used to Kpop videos
having one girl date the entire group,
but no video that I’ve ever seen
has had this level of fangirl eroticism.
Hugging one member while making
Out with another?
Snuggling with one member in a bathtub
while holding hands with another,
and resting on yet another’s head with your head?
What’s that I hear, yonder,
in the distance. Oh, nothing:
just the collective sploosh of fanfic writers worldwide.
I actually really like the beginning of the video,
as I’ve mentioned in past music monday’s
I like the robot type dancing where one
Member is moving and it causes a reaction
And another person’s movement
They also had a cool tie wiping scen
Near the end of the music video
I actually put it on mute
Because I was talking to someone
I turned back and I discovered
The dance was actually the river dance
Or as I call it the Kick off **** dance
As for the English of the song,
I’m giving this a 5 out of 5,
but I want to give it less,
because it seems a little…creepy.
A-ron at the beginning says
“tell me baby where you at.
Wherever you are I’ll be there.
Pick up the phone girl cuz I gotta be there.”
Now, coming from a
good looking guy singing this prettily,
it sounds fine.
Make an ugly person say it, though,
And you realize that there’s a very fine line between
being in love and being a stalker, and just because you’re good looking,
doesn’t mean that you’re not a creeper.
Also I’m pretty amused by the lyrics of the chorus,
which literally translates to
“Hello. Did you eat? Your whereabouts worries me.”
Sorry, is this Nu’est calling or is this
YOUR MOM SCOLDING YOU?
“Hello! Did you do your homework? Get off of Facebook.
Stop texting at the table. No, you can’t wear that out.
What is this tumble thingy you keep using? It looks dangerous.”
It’s more like Mom’s Established Style and Tempo, or Mu’est.
Their mascot will then be a very noisy cow.
They shat right through me hard. I will fart for sure.
Martina: BOOOO!
Simon: The pronunciation of a cow is MOOOO
Martina: Double BOOOO!
A long time ago, back when we did Music Mondays,
We put Vixx’s “Voodoo Doll” up against TVXQ’s “Mirotic” in the “trapped by a crazy magic lady showdown,
and TVXQ barely squeaked by with the win.
For this week’s Showdown we’re putting Nu’est’s “Hello”
Against Bilasa’s “What’s happening”
For the female cheater mccheaterson edition.
Both videos bizarre but in very different ways.
Leave your votes in the comments,
Or in the Facebook poll,
And we’ll announce the winners next week.
We’re gonna talk more about this in our blog post,
And have more silly awkward names for Nu’est,
So make sure you click here to read
It all and to enjoy my cheesy humor.
BOOOO!
Lastly, don’t forget to like and favorite this video
And to subscribe for more music mondays.
Take it away, Spudgy!