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This third entry in the high-stakes action adventure franchise was released stateside
on August 15, 2014... where it managed to squeak out $15 million in profit above its
$90-million budget. Not that the plot matters any, but the 126-minute narrative follows
lead mercenary Sylvester Stallone as he recruits a new, younger team of killers to take out
his old partner, a ruthless arms dealer. Having finally ditched his unsightly mustache, Stallone
leads the absolutely enormous cast with his usual dry wit and excellent fighting skills,
but is far too serious for the ridiculous premise. Sadly, the same can't be said for
anyone else. Although a number of players from previous installments, like Chuck Norris,
Bruce Willis, and Jean-Claude Van Damme haven't returned... the cast here is something that
would have made 14-year-old Jonathan wet his bed. "The Expendables 3" features Jason Statham,
Antonio Banderas, Wesley Snipes, Dolph Lundgren, Kelsey Grammer, Randy Couture, Terry Crews,
Kellan Lutz, Ronda Rousey, Glen Powell, Victor Ortiz, Robert Davi, Jet Li, Mel Gibson, Harrison
Ford, and Arnold Schwarzenegger. And while this is unquestionably the greatest group
of action stars ever assembled, it also pains me to say how horribly mismanaged and wasted
they all are - Li and Ortiz don't even punch anyone! Statham is still second-billed, but
is absent for a great deal of the picture, finally returning late to bail his friend
out of a jam by remarking, "You were stupid enough to get yourself into this mess! And
we're the only ones crazy enough to get you out of it!" Meanwhile, the other returning
players, Lundgren, Couture, Crews, and Li have literally less than 15-lines of dialogue
between them - and should have probably just been removed entirely. The new fighters get
a smidge more development, but they honestly don't deserve it... Rousey's performance is
especially awful, seeming confused and unsure of herself in the massive sausage-fest. I
hope Stallone isn't leveraging these young guns to take over the franchise in future
installments, because none of them are interesting enough for the task, and it goes against the
very concept of what birthed these movies. It was wonderful to see Davi in a film again,
but his single-scene appearance amounts to little more than a cameo. Free from his tax-evasion
and direct-to-video exile, Snipes is a welcome addition, and definitely still has his ***-kicking
chops, even delivering a great self-referential joke as his own expense. Grammer is featured
briefly during a recruitment phase, and lends credibility and gravitas to the slower, plot-building
aspect of the story. Ford has some of the best and most vulgar lines, and it was wonderful
to see Schwarzenegger once again yell "get to the choppa!" but the stand-out performances
come from Banderas and Gibson... the former bringing some truly amusing comic relief and
Latin charisma, while the latter is an excellent, and imposing villain. In an effort to convey
how sinister Gibson's war crimes have been, Stallone is shown a classified dossier with
photos of dead bodies, immediately causing him to well-up with emotion, in what is the
most laughable and pointless scene in "The Expendables 3". Are we really meant to believe
that these hardened hitman would weep at the sight of death or destruction, especially
after they, themselves have murdered countless hundreds of henchmen? The underutilized and
bloated cast issues aside... this film does unite The Terminator and Indiana Jones on
screen together for the first time, and that's pretty damn cool. A cold open sequence where
our heroes rescue Snipes from a maximum security train has some genuine thrills and solid gunplay,
like when the team uses a high-tension wire to clothesline enemy sentries on the locomotive's
roof... but the watered down PG-13 rating is an inescapable misstep for the picture.
Unable to show blood, or really violent action, every scene is chopped to pieces, leaving
nothing but a loud and messy experience vaguely resembling explosive carnage. I honestly don't
think there was a single action shot lasting longer than one second, resulting in a confusing
experience that never allows the stunts to breath, or the battles to have any chronology.
With awful and incomprehensible cinematography, it's hard to tell what's a visual effect,
and what's practical - but a number of explosions, and other sequences looked decidedly computer
animated. Which leads me to believe director Patrick Hughes blew all his money securing
the cast. The heavy, drum-like beat of Brian Tyler's score is mostly reworked cues from
the previous films, but is serviceable enough. Unraveling at an unrelenting, yet laborious
pace, this is a preposterous experience that has absolutely no lasting impact or moral
integrity. For fans of these iconic heroes, "The Expendables 3" delivers enough enjoyment
for a single viewing - but the bloodless and poorly constructed fights are a disappointing
waste of superstar potential. Well, now that that's out of my system, here's some of your
reviews.
There's no other way to say it: everyone thought this was a huge let-down, but still decently
enjoyable - you scored it a FIVE out of TEN. Not nearly on par with its predecessors, the
I'm reluctantly scoring this an ALRIGHT as well.