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Hi everyone! In this video, I'll talk about how to heal from an abusive relationship
with a Narcissist.
Narcissistic abuse — whether it's with a coworker, friend, family member, partner
or otherwise.
Have you ever been mesmerized or seduced by a Narcissist's charm
and eventually find yourself confused, abused or thrown to the side?
Have you once thought that you were really close, like they deeply cared for
you,
to find yourself dismissed or receiving their emotional abuse when you
don't
pay enough attention or do the "right thing?" Then this video is for you.
The first step to healing from narcissistic abuse is increased
awareness.
We need to understand what's going on, have a clear sense of the lay of the land,
so that we can take action based on that clarity.
So let's start with the narcissism continuum from healthy to unhealthy
to severe. We all have healthy narcissistic needs
for love, validation and admiration.
So healthy narcissism is where we have a clear sense of self,
we're able to self-reflect and take personal responsibility
for our mistakes, and we're also able to fully
empathize with other people. Unhealthy narcissists
basically have an intact sense of self
but they have pretty low self-esteem. They have difficulty reciprocating in
relationships. They may be so self-absorbed
that it's difficult or it takes a lot of effort to empathize with other
people and it also may be feel kind of uncomfortable to do so.
And they have a difficult time recognizing their own strengths.
A severe narcissist doesn't experience a separate sense
of self like others do. Instead they see others as extensions of themselves, kind
of like an arm or a leg.
This mergy nature can be
very disconcerting for everyone around them and the narcissist, who
when someone acts like an autonomous separate individual,
outside of their control or manipulations, they get very upset
because
they need constant admiration and reflection
and validation so that they have a felt sense of I exist.
It can be helpful for your own sanity to understand common characteristics
of severe narcissists. Severe narcissists have
an excessive amount of self-absorption and self-worship.
They believe that they're better than other people and may even fantasize
about having lots of power, intelligence
and brilliance. They can exaggerate their achievements
because they expect constant admiration and praise to prop themselves
up, to get their narcissistic fix. And sometimes they can put themselves in
situations where they one up and compete
against you. They believe that they're special, gifted, more intelligent, more
attractive in some way
and can't only hang with other people who are like them.
They have very little to no empathy for other people
but require it in high quantities from
others. If you're not willing to be a fan,
then you're not worthy to be around. They collect fans not friends.
They expect others to go along with their plans
immediately, no questions. They can take advantage of other people
but if others do that to them, you're cut off in a heartbeat.
They can express disdain for people they feel are
inferior to them. They believe other people are jealous of them,
all the time. They may believe that people focus on them just as much as
they are focused on themselves.
They can get easily offended by other people
whereas they can dish it out like no tomorrow.
Again, deep down inside they are deeply insecure,
even though they have this facade, this bravado.
Now that you have increased knowledge about what narcissism is,
how does the narcissist in your life abuse you?
Is it emotional, verbal, neglect,
physical or ***? It's important to grieve, to let go
of the hope that the narcissist in your life will reciprocate your emotional
needs
or validate your experience. It's just not likely to happen.
It's also important to recognize how the Narcissus projects on to you
because this is part of what's so confusing about it. The narcissists, because
they have
very little sense of self, whatever feelings that they have often gets
projected onto you
and then they criticize you for it. You can be left going,
"What is happening?" It's also important to be aware of how you
fit into this dynamic. What's your contribution here?
Are you over-empathizing with the narcissist and
under-empathizing with yourself? It's important to be aware
how you get hooked in this dynamic.
The second step to healing from narcissistic abuse is self-validation.
This is where you acknowledge and honor
your own feelings, and choices and perspective
and you express your truth, your vulnerability,
your feelings with a trustworthy person.
Not the narcissist. It's important here to be compassionate with yourself
and how you've gotten hooked and to more clearly understand
and set personal limits and boundaries.
The third step in healing from narcissistic abuse
is self empowerment. And this is where we learn to assert our needs and assert
our boundaries, especially with the narcissist in our life.
This is about changing the social contract and the fair fighting
agreements, whether we have to do that unilaterally
because often the narcissist does not want us to change these things.
But we can't do so and see if the narcissist is
able to meet us halfway. If not
it might be time to love them from a distance or say goodbye.
If you've experienced narcissistic abuse consider what steps you need to take
to increase your awareness,
self-validation and self-empowerment.
So go check out my website where you can find handouts that I made for this video
at www.livinmorefully.com