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I had my surgery in -- laryngectomy surgery --
in January of 2001.
I am still currently going through treatment.
And, um, I have been taking chemo
for a year and a half now.
And I've lost all my hair,
my eyebrows...
And the thought of it all being -- coming from smoking --
is what really upsets me,
because I started smoking so early,
and it could have all been prevented.
The things I miss most that I can no longer do
are singing --
which I couldn't sing to start with,
but I-I-I enjoyed singing.
Um...
being able to cry
and talk at the same time --
I can't hardly do it.
And I can't smell a cake in the oven
or coffee brewing in the coffee pot.
And I, um, missed out, um, with my grandson --
I never recorded my voice for him.
And I wish I had've.
This is the only voice he knows.
And this is the only voice my new grandchild's going to know.
And I -- I miss being able to sing lullabies to him
or even coo and "ahh" with him,
because I can't use that little voice
like people use when you talk to babies.
I can't do that.
But...
when small children or little children ask me,
why do I talk like that,
I say, "Because I used to smoke cigarettes."