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If you have heard about the concept known as “the friendzone”
you probably have heard about it in the form of controversies and really
heated debates on the Internet
i'm going to talk a bit about these controversies today
but first let's talk a bit about the concept itself
the idea of “the friendzone”
I'm going to talk a little bit about this concept and some related concepts
to give it to get the context
the word friendzone has two parts
friend and zone
both parts are important
friendship, that's one off the ways that people can relate to each other
other ways are
sexuality,
romance,
family,
professional and so on.
in this context
friendship sexuality and romance
are the most relevant ones
So, they are the ones I am going to focus on today.
A zone is a scenario that is kept separate
from the surroundings in general
and from other zones in particular.
Using this system, the friendzone
would be friendship that is cut off from
sexuality and romance.
And, I think most people who have been debating about this word
would agree on this definition.
Using the same system,
a sex zone would be a *** relationship walled off from friendship and
romance
While a romance zone would be
love walled off from sexuality and friendship
This sex zone is not complicated at all.
it's just one-night stands where people refuse to get to know each other at all
The romance zone, that's a bit more complicated.
It could refer to
someone protecting his or her own emotions
making it an all-or-nothing deal
refusing to have sex without becoming a serious couple first
maybe even refusing to hang out as friends
More like, you have to take all of me, or we don't be together at all.
More like, you have to take all of me, or we don't be together at all.
It could also refer to some kind of Madonna-*** complex where,
It could also refer to some kind of Madonna-*** complex where,
for example, a man
don't see his wife as *** because she's "pure",
or
a woman don't see a man as *** because he's a provider,
something like that.
To confine relationships in to zones like this,
can that be said to be a good or a bad thing in general?
i don't think so
i think it depends on two things
first of all
is it needed to zone off like that?
And second, are everybody involved being
honest with themselves and each other
emotionally and otherwise?
I think zoning can be a very good idea
if it's needed
and done in an honest way.
of course if it's not needed
it's become some unnecessary restriction
some people can be friends with benefits
or go back and forth a bit
between being just friends and dating
between being just friends and dating
This can be a bit on a continuum, a sliding scale
And it's not a problem for them because it works just fine.
but not everybody works this way
For some people, this doesn't work at all, and for some people, it works with other people,
but these two individuals don't have the right chemistry for that kind of thing to work.
In those cases, some zoning off might be needed.
And of course, if one person is attracted, and the other is definitely not attracted at all,
then there might also be need for some zoning, in one way or another.
If you are clearly attracted to a friend,
who is clearly not attracted to you,
then you should probably do some zoning yourself,
not leave it for the unattracted person to do it for you.
If you're just ***,
you should put yourself in the friend zone,
and if you're actually in love,
you should put yourself in the romance zone,
instead of putting up with a lot of ***.
Trying to exploit someone who you call a friend,
that's a really *** thing to do,
sexually or otherwise.
trying to squeeze some *** favors
out of someone who isn't interested,
that's a *** thing to do regardless,
but doing it to someone you call a friend,
that's really low.
And using someone who's in love with you, trying to squeeze
non-*** favors for nothing, that's a *** thing too.
And this is really where the controversies get started.
People get fed up with manipulation, dishonesty, and ***
from the problem they see,
which is usually either
people trying to exploit people sexually, (*Here referring to lesser manipulation, rather than coercive tactics or similar*)
or people trying to exploit people non-sexually.
But both problems exist,
they are different sides of the same coin.
Really *** coin at that.
In many cases, both problems exist at the same time.
Two persons being dishonest with themselves and each other.
In other cases, it's just one way or the other.
But, on the whole, both problems exist.
They are usually discussed as gendered problems.
People are talking either about
men trying to get *** favors from women,
or about women trying to get non-*** favors from men.
And these are probably
the two most common variants,
but both problems exist
regardless of gender and orientation.
Friendship is not about gender, and it's not about sexuality or romance. When two persons are friends, it doesn't matter what gender they are, or what *** orientation they have. It doesn't matter if they are sexually compatible or not. Because that's not what friendship is about. If they can combine the friendship with being friends with benefits, or having a bit of dating, or whatever. Well, that's fun for them, but that's not really the point, is it?
and it's not the baltic on the table
romance
went to a personal some friends
it doesn't mathur watch under keller
or
lots of crawling patient have
it doesn't matter if they are secretary kathleen dot
because
that's not what friendship is about
if they can combine different ripped would
being friends with benefits or
happened at the state thing
or will cover
well let's come from
but that's not waited upon intercept
The thing is, a friendship needs to be mutual.
You need to be able to talk with each other both ways,
be there for each other.
If you enter a friendship on bad terms, in bad faith,
that's a bad thing. And bad terms? That's things like,
"Okay, I'll put up with listening to her because maybe I'll get laid later.
that's not friendship that's manipulation
and likewise
if you go into a friendship thinking,
"Oh, but I'm so cute, so he should be honored having to put up with my ***."
That's not friendship either. That's manipulation as well.
All in all,
friendzoning yourself, or one of your friends
is a good thing to do
if you do it for the right reasons.
And being in the friendzone
is not a bad thing at all, if the friendship is real, and neither of you is dishonest or in love.