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Hi guys!
Today I'm here for us to talk about a sensitive topic...
but, I believe it's really important for us to discuss
For some months now, I've begun to think about pregnancy
Not exactly now, but within the next few years I do wish to get pregnant
I really want to go through pregnancy
And this is a dream I have
But, the thing is
Since I started this channel I received a plenty of messages from girls just like me
Who are going through this phase of thinking about pregnancy
Who have a CLEFT and start worrying whether they'll have a baby with a cleft
or what the chances are
"Should I look for genetic counselling?"
So I thought it would be important for us to talk about it
And I really hope you guys like it!
So, I'd like to start telling you about the feelings I had when I started thinking about pregnancy
We know that cleft has a multifactorial causation
There can be environmental and/or genetic factors
So, when the first thing that came to my mind was: "Would my case be genetic?"
"Should we look for genetic counselling to know what the likelihood of us having a baby with a cleft is?"
A few years ago, when we started living together
We started talking about having kids and the first thing I said was: "I'll want genetic counselling to know what our chances are!"
I always said that
More recently, when we started thinking more seriously about it...
...we talked a lot
But, Marcelo brought something to my attention that kind of "opened my mind" and made me rethink everything
And it ended up changing my way of seeing this topic
He said: "What if we do the testing and find out our likelihood of having a baby with a cleft is X?"
"Will we give up?"
"In which way will it change our wish to have kids in the future?"
I started thinking about it a lot
I started to reflect on it
And I totally agree with him!
We think that in OUR case
I'm not saying that you shouldn't look for genetic counselling. On the contrary!
When in doubt, I believe it's always useful to look for guidance from specialised professional
who'll offer you with the support you need
Now, specifically in OUR case! I'm telling you my own experience!
We ended up concluding that "What would be the point?"
I believe that knowing which would be the likelihood of us having a baby with a cleft...
...wouldn't change our will to get pregnant
So...what I can tell you is that...
The way I see the possibility of having a baby with a cleft changed considerably overtime
Specially in the last few months, after I started this channel.
Then, I started getting in touch with many moms (of babies with a cleft) and knowing more about their stories
And it has reassured me and brought me an even greater peace
I personally think that if I have a baby with a cleft I will be totally prepared for it...
...and will be able to give the support my baby will need
And, if my baby doesn't have a cleft, that's even better!
But regardless of what we might end up facing in the future...
...it does not change our will to be parents
Today we feel very comfortable and happy...
...and we will surely love our child regardless of what the future holds
So, my top tip for those who are nervous and anxious is:
...calm down your heart
If you have a cleft and you are now thinking about having kids soon...
...and if you are too worried…first of all:
You must undergo an adequate prenatal care!
You should go for it regardless of having a cleft or not
The very least you should do is have an adequate prenatal screening
Secondly: you should talk to your partner!
Perhaps, the concerns you have will be gone when you two talk, as it happened in my case
So, maybe it'll happen to you too
Another thing I did was talk informally to a geneticist specialised in cleft lip and palate
Interestingly, what this person told me was that...
...the difference between someone who has a cleft and someone who doesn’t...
...is just 1% more of having a baby with a cleft
Does it really make any difference?
It is important to highlight that I am just talking about cleft; I am not talking about other associated anomalies
But, if you still feel unsure about it
you should look for advice from geneticists for you to understand how exactly it works
So, if you are a person with a cleft and is thinking about getting pregnant…
First of all, try not to listen to people who have no idea what they are talking about
A top tip for those who know those who have a cleft (and want to get pregnant soon) is...
...do not give advice if you are unsure about what you are saying
The person is already feeling anxious and nervous...
which means that if you keep talking irrelevant things it will not help
What may be useful to say is:
“If you are unsure, look for professional advice”
I have, unfortunately, listened a lot of things that don’t really help
"If you wear a necklace with a key your child will be born with a cleft lip"
...or if your baby has any kind of anomaly the woman should be blamed…
...or the man should be blamed
Those are simply rude and cruel things that people say
Remember, you shouldn’t say things that you are unsure about
Think a bit more before talking
Everything we say can have an impact on how people feel
Obviously, negative words will only induce negative responses
So, that is my top tip
I hope you enjoyed this video, and don’t forget to subscribe!
There are many hot topics coming soon!!
Bye and I'll see you soon!