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♪ Photograph some memories ♪
♪ Love and devotion in time of need ♪♪
♪♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ I got my mama to depend upon ♪
♪ That's my mama ♪
♪ That's my mama ♪
♪ She's the force that gives me strength ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ That's my mama ♪
♪♪ That's my mama ♪
♪ A blue-ribbon homemaker ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ That's my mama ♪
♪ Oh, sweet Mama ♪
♪ That's my mama ♪
♪ That's my mama ♪
♪ I'm talking about my mama ♪♪
[ Sighs ]
Are you kidding me, Leonard?
The city is hitting me with a tax assessment for sidewalk repair?
I just can't keep coming up with that kind of money.
Okay. Well, when are you coming over here?
Leonard, you can interview your new receptionist later.
No, I don't have time to try to guess the answer to the riddle,
"what did the computer say to the adding machine?"
Hey, now, don't feel bad, Cliff.
How soon, Earl?
Tonight, 'cause we gonna hunt us up some women, you know.
Maybe find us somebody rich.
A woman of means, huh?
Like a registered nurse.
Oh, what a month!
First the property taxes, now the sidewalk assessment.
And if I don't pay my union dues soon,
they're going to be picketing right outside my shop.
Yeah, right on your new sidewalk.
Oh, man! They say the economy's picking up. Well, where are the customers?
Hey, Cliff, don't stand there like that.
People get nervous when they see a man with a razor looking eager.
Remember how much fun you thought we were gonna have-- us working here together?
Yeah. And so far, I like it fine.
I was sick of working full time at the post office.
Sure, I made lots more money there, but it's cool here.
Sure, I had a pension plan there,
but here I'm working with my buddy, huh?
Sure, I had a paid vacation and overtime.
No, Earl.
Ooh-whee!
College life is all right!
Last night, I went out with a cheerleader.
What pom-poms!
I still can't believe it. Junior in college!
Earl, man, even you could do it.
All you gotta do is get yourself one of them disadvantaged student scholarships.
Them dudes pay me 400 dollars a month to sit in a classroom and be black.
And I'm getting good at it too.
Of course, I'm also getting an education, you know.
Oh, thanks, Junior.
Say, Junior, how you doing in that class, man?
Solid! Man, I'm a natural in advertising.
I been talking jive all my life.
No. I mean, take today, what'd you learn, brotha?
Today I learned the most important thing about advertising.
How to drink four martinis at lunch and never show it.
You jivin'.
These are pretty good ideas, Junior. Uh-huh.
"Distribute handbills in the neighborhood." That's good.
"Place ads in the campus newspaper." All right!
"Start a major advertising campaign on all three television networks."
Junior, if I had that much money,
I'd buy me one of those warm, sunny places near the ocean.
e.
Junior, hey, I need ideas I can really use.
Hey, man, well, I got that covered too.
Dig, man, I wrote a special jingle for you.
I mean, can't you just see this on the radio?
♪ We really move our blades for you, ow ♪
♪ We give you a shave and shoe shine too ♪
♪ Hey, so get your Afro spiffed by Earl or Cliff ♪
♪ Don't go to Pete or Lou ♪
♪ Lou, Lou, Lou ♪♪
Junior, you keep that up at that college of yours,
and they're going to declare you white and kick you out.
[ Applause On TV ]
[ Man On TV ] And for you, Mrs. Robbins, we have this duo-matic washer-dryer...
with the new self-reversing lint trap.
Hi, Laura. Come on in.
From all the screaming and clapping, I thought you were in here with Reverend Ike.
I was just watching that silly new game show.
Oh, Hawaii?
Well, Eloise, don't be surprised if you see me on that show soon.
My son, Orestes, the locksmith, is sending me to Hawaii for two weeks.
On a locksmith's salary?
I thank my lucky stars that my son is a Yale man.
I didn't know Orestes went to Yale University.
He didn't. He went to Yale Lock School.
But what I really came over for was to see if you want to go to the movies with me.
They have a good double bill. They have a Goofy film festival...
and, uh, *** Freedom in Cleveland.
No, thanks. I already been to Cleveland.
Besides, going to the movies is so expensive.
What have you got to complain about?
You're always talking about how well Clifton is doing.
Oh, Clifton's doing just fine. It's just that unemployment is doing better.
A man who's out of work don't want to spend his last dime getting his Afro together.
Eloise, why don't you get you a part-time job like I have?
Well, you'd have some extra money coming in and, well--
Well, of course, uh, I don't work for the money.
I do it because I enjoy it.
Mmm.
I never realized you were having so much fun dispatching cabs.
Oh, but I am.
I love talking to cabbies all over the city.
I like to look at it as a career in broadcasting.
Sorry you don't want to go to the movies.
- Oh, hi, Laura. - Hi, Laura. - Hello, fellas.
Oh, Eloise, you think over what I told you about that job, okay?
♪♪ [ Humming ]
One day, she'll make some man very unh
I thought we settled that once and for all.
No mother of mine is going to work.
Yeah, he's right. Work is man's work.
You two have some old-fashioned ideas about women.
Today women are doing all kinds of jobs,
from bus drivers to bank presidents.
Bank presidents? Well, that's all right.
You can hit a lady bank president for a loan...
and use the money to take her out for a good time.
Earl, you're not taking this seriously.
I have nothing against women working, as long as none of them is my Mama.
But, Clifton--
You're not going to start now. I can take care of you just as good as Papa did.
- I'm the breadwinner in this house. - Even if it is day-old bread.
Hi, everybody!
[ Clifton ] Hi, Leonard.
Let's go over these books, Clifton. Tracy and I have big plans for tonight.
Oh, yeah? What exciting place you gonna take her?
Cliff.
I haven't done that in years.
As a matter of fact, we're going to the planetarium.
And I'd like to get a bite to eat before the astronomy show.
I'd hate to sit through "Orion and the Dippers" on an empty stomach.
Orion and the Dippers! Man, are they in town?
I love their act!
Especially Irma, the Big Dipper.
Oh, it's time to go sneak a peek at my Shake 'N Bake.
- I'll give you a hand, Mama. - Well, I've got some good news for you and some bad news.
But first, the good news.
I read it in the Wall Street Journal just this morning.
Here it is.
Snapping turtles will not eat bacon.
Well, that may not be good news to you,
but it sure is to pigs who like to go swimming.
ws.
Your financial report.
Hey, Leonard, you had me scared.
This doesn't look so bad. We'll manage.
Over here?
Yes. The one on your left is your losses.
Those are your profits.
Clifton, it's obvious you're spending too much money!
Hey, wait a minute, Leonard!
Two hundred and forty-seven dollars for special barbering expenses?
Earl's malpractice insurance.
Hey, man, you leave me alone now.
Clifton, in light of your unusually high expenses this quarter,
you're going to have to cut back at the shop.
Cut back? Clifton is a professional barber.
You can't ask him to dilute his Brut.
Leonard, every time I get into a financial bind,
you make it sound like it's the end of the world.
- It's always doomsday. - Yeah, what is this thing with you, Leonard?
Always talking about doom, huh? And that bugs me, man.
You know what you are? A "doom" buggy.
Clifton, I'm your financial adviser.
You pay me for my education, for my experience and for my financial expertise.
Now, do you want that advice or don't you?
Well, since I'm paying for it, let's have it.
Well, here's my advice. [ Slashing Sound ]
Hey, wait a minute now. I know there's an economic squeeze on,
but I don't want to be the squeezee.
You saw these figures here. It's because of Earl they're in red ink.
Your red ink stink.
I am not being intentionally harsh, Earl, but numbers do not lie.
Don't lie? I don't know about that.
Look at that eight. It's sure got some beady-looking eyes to me.
Now, Leonard, Earl stays.
I'll go bankrupt before I fire him.
[ Slashing Sound ]
Well, there's only one other thing you can do.
You can keep him on, but don't pay him.
Hey, Mr. Big-Time Financial Adviser!
You're the one always bragging about how great I'm doing, how great,
and using big words with small meanings.
You're Clifton's brother-in law, which is something I've never held against you, honest.
Wasn't his fault your parents got in a silly mood one night 30 years ago.
Earl, precisely what are you trying to say?
I'm trying to say, if Clifton is in the red, lend him some bread.
Tracy, we're trying to have a conversation here.
There's no way that I would accept a loan, not from Leonard--
That's because you're a tightwad Scrooge.
-He gives you free haircuts-- -Now, calm down, everybody. There's nothing to worry about.
Things will improve just as soon as I get my first check.
First check? Mama, you going on welfare?
I've decided to get a job. Laura suggested it.
Mama, you know what happens every time you listen to Laura.
Things j
Remember the time she fixed you up with that man who was selling those novelty items?
Oh, yes. I didn't want to hurt his feelings,
but you don't know how hard it is to carry on a serious conversation...
with a man wearing wax lips.
Now, look, I am
I am the only one who works.
I think Mama's working is a great idea.
Well, I don't.
Clifton, how can you be such a male chauvinist?
Yes, she's right. You are a male chauvinist.
Get me some coffee, Tracy.
You want to drink it or wear it?
You just want Mama to get a job so you don't have to lend Clifton the money.
That is the furthest thing from my mind!
The furthest thing from your mind is your head.
I am sure Mama could find something.
She's bright, capable, intelligent. She gets along well with people.
Why, I'd hire you myself if we had an opening down at Schaeffer, Babcock and Fenton.
But you do. You've been interviewing receptionists for the past week.
Here's a chance for you to practice what you preach.
Uh, me, uh, hire Mama?
That would be, uh, nepotism-in-law.
Well, Leonard, if under all that talk there's a real man, you'd give that job to Mama.
Leonard, this is no time to start acting like a man.
Well, it's just bad business for members of the same family to work in the same place.
Oh, yeah? What about the Rockefellers?
The Vanderbilts? The DuPonts?
The Rothchilds? The Turners?
Ike and Tina.
[ Phone Ringing ]
Hello, Schaeffer, Babcock and Fenton.
I'm sorry. Mr. Babcock's at a meeting.
Oh, you're his nephew.
Of course. I'm sure he'll want to speak to you.
Mr. Babcock, your nephew is on two.
?
He says he tried to call you 12 times.
Oh, how long should I say you'll be in Samoa?
Hello. Your uncle is in Samoa.
But he may be back in an hour.
Call him then. Bye.
Oh, hi, Leonard. How was your lunch?
I've been telling you all week not to call me Leonard here, Mama.
Well, all right. I'll call you Mr. Taylor, Leonard.
Uh, any messages while I was at lunch?
No, but Mr. Schaeffer wants to see you.
Well, is there something wrong, Leonard... Taylor?
Uh, it's nothing, Mama. It's, uh--
Did he seem angry?
Leonard, you shouldn't let him get you so upset.
I remember Oscar used to say, "There's no reason to be afraid of any man.
Everybody puts his pants on one leg at a time."
He never met Mr. Schaeffer.
Yes, Mama.
- This thing with Bernie-- - Bernie? B--
Mama, Mama, never, never call him that.
Mr. Schaeffer told me to call him Bernie.
He likes me.
Okay.
A-All right.
[ Ringing ]
Hello, Schaeffer, Fenton.
.
I told her you went out this afternoon with your daughter.
Oh, you don't have a daughter?
Oops. There goes my other phone. Got to go.
Hello. Schaeffer, Babcock and Fenton.
Oh, Mr. Taylor's not in his office.
Oh, I know I sound formal, Tracy,
but that's what they want me to do.
How am I doing? Okay, I guess.
I'm doing good with my filing, and my typing's coming up slowly,
but I'm having trouble telling lies.
They want me to tell people that they're not in when they're in.
You know, make up stories.
It's the kind of job that Laura would just love.
Okay, I'll tell him to call you, dear. Bye.
[ Ringing ]
Hello, Schaeffer, Babcock and Fenton.
It's for you. It's a Mr. Sturdivant.
Uh, tell him I'm not in. I'll call him back.
[ Muttering ]
What happened with Mr. Schaeffer, Mr. Taylor?
Nothing, Mama. Nothing.
What did he want? You look worse than when you went in.
Mama, I'm gonna go in my office and lie down.
Yes.
Could you get me a chocolate milk and two ***?
♪♪ [ Singing, Indistinct ]
Oh.
All right, Leonard.
Clifton, is your mama at home?
No, she's over at Laura's, I think. Bye.
Oh. Good. Good.
Clifton, this isn't all easy for me to say.
It took me two brandy Alexanders courage
Two brandy Alexanders, two *** and a chocolate milk.
I feel like a herd of buffalo is running through my head.
At least the buffalo don't have to worry about bumping into anything.
Clifton, I'm not that steely-eyed, resilient pillar of strength you've come to know.
I know. Leonard, what are you getting at?
Oh, sure, I know I look like a tiger in my three-piece suit...
with the modified taper, New York Times tucked under my arm.
ing who? rshmallow.
Well, don't feel bad, Leonard.
Marshmallow goes great with chocolate milk.
Clifton, I like working with your mama.
It beats having one of those shapely, seductive women around.
You know, the kind that's always chasing after the other guys.
o go.
Anywhere!
They wanna fire her at Schaeffer, Babcock and Fenton.
Really? Well, that's great.
That's the best news I've heard all week.
I never wanted Mama working in the first place.
What are you clowns doing firing my mama?
At the board of directors meeting today, they decided on three things:
to delay the corporate merger, to invest in federal highway bonds and to dump Mama.
Mm. Well, Leonard, what happened? What did Mama do?
She violated the first law of business.
She told the truth.
And Schaeffer, Babcock and Fenton didn't get to where they are today by telling the truth.
I know Fenton didn't.
Well, when are you going to tell Mama?
Oh, no. Clif I-I'm not go
I'm not getting the blood on my hands.
Clifton, you're her only son.
It's only fitting that... you give her the ax.
Nothing doing, Leonard. Hey, you made your bed. Now don't try to hide under it.
Clifton-- Well, will you at least stand next to me?
Bad news, Earl.
Leonard is here to fire Mama.
Fire Mama?
That's the lowest thing anybody could go and do, Leonard.
Anybody that low could walk under a snake without bending down.
Earl-- Earl, I had nothing--
You're nothing but a heartless little tyrant, Leonard.
If you was white, you'd be a prison warden.
red
No, it's not national. It's local.
Don't you understand, man?
If Mama loses her job, then you got to fire me.
No, Earl I wouldn
Hey, we're a team. As long as I got a job, man, you got a job.
I don't care if you don't ever learn how to cut hair.
So even if Mama loses her job, I still got mine.
All right!
Hi, Mama.
You're fired. Bye.
Fired?
Is this true, Leonard? Leonard, look at me.
Mama, I-- I can't.
Leonard, will you stop sniveling and talk to her?
Come on!
Now, talk to her.
Okay, I will. Ma--
Mama, they're letting you go because you're... too honest.
That's okay, Leonard.
I have something to show both of you.
What?
While they were firing me, I was quitting.
"Dear Schaeffer, Babcock and Fenton,
"I know you don't like to talk to people on the phone,
"so I'm leaving this message for you.
"I appreciate the chance you gave me,
"but I just don't think I'm suited for the job.
"It was getting so that I couldn't tell which lies were supposed to be truth anymore.
Sincerely, Eloise Curtis."
That's telling 'em, Mama.
P.S. Don't take it out on Leonard.
Thanks, Mama.
Mama, I'm real sorry you got fired, but I'm glad you quit.
Hey, I want you to forget about working, all right?
We've gotten through some tough times before. We'll get through them now.
Sure, I can always juggle some books.
Well, Clifton, I wasn't very comfortable down at that office.
My job is in this house.
But then again, Laura did mention I could make good money hacking cabs.
Mama!
Leonard, I hope your new receptionist works out better than I did.
- [ Doorbell Rings ] - Yeah, you can get one of them shapely, seductive ones.
I got it!
And Leonard's going to pay me for it.
What are you talking about, Junior?
I wrote an advertising jingle for Leonard's accounting firm that is out of sight!
Now, dig this. ♪ We really move our pens for you ♪
phole too, hey ♪
♪ So if you don't wanna go to San Quentin ♪
♪ Come down to Babcock Schaeffer and Fenton ♪♪
- Ow! - Uh-oh.
Man, this advertising business is tough!