Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
commentator: ♪ Doo-doo ♪
♪ Doo-doo-doo... ♪♪
Oh, shoot !
narrator: Tonight...
commentator: Please don't !
Oh !
narrator: Buckle up.
It's going to be a bumpy ride.
commentator: I'm okay !
narrator: We've searched
the globe...
commentator: Come on !
Help us !
narrator: ... and found 20
superlative drivers...
whose accomplishments
behind the wheel
are sure to amaze.
man: Whoa !
narrator: Featuring driving tips
from our celebrity cast.
woman: Dude, you go through
my ( bleep ) backyard,
you're gonna get your *** shot.
boy: Get away !
narrator: It's "The Smoking Gun
"Presents: World's
Dumbest Drivers."
commentator: Oh, yeah !
man: Oh, my goodness.
narrator: And it starts...
now.
Closed Captions Provided by truTV
commentator: No !
Oh...
Tonya: Ow !
Danny: Listen, I'm head over
heels in love with my
motorcycle, too,
but that's just stupid.
commentator: No !
( groaning )
Mike: The guy actually did not
catch any "good air."
That's what Buenos Aires means
in Spanish, I think.
I don't know.
I don't speak languages.
commentator: Help.
What are you doing ?
I don't know.
Are you serious ?
Look at this.
What you did to my car ?
Roger: What's the driver
of the car so upset about ?
He was halfway into
the intersection.
woman: Let me just get
half my car in the street
to see if it's okay for my car
to be in the street.
( Todd screaming )
commentator: What--
Can you call someone, please ?
I can't believe this.
I can't--
Look what you did to my car.
I'm in great pain.
Leif: Hey !
You hit my car.
commentator: Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi.
Can you call--
Michael: I'm gonna be late.
I'm gonna be late now.
And please stop bleeding
on my car.
narrator: The biker
is taken to the hospital
and treated for minor injuries.
woman: And so died the dreams
of Argentina's
would-be Evel Knievel.
He's fine, he's fine.
Just the dream died.
commentator: No !
All right.
We have the yellow-mustard truck
about to climb the hill.
narrator: The Awafi Festival
in the United Arab Emirates.
Ted: What a beautiful festival.
Frank: I'm not trying to be
facetious, I just didn't think
Arabs were into off-roading.
( engine revving )
( crowd gasping )
( crowd cheering )
Daniel: And they were this
close to finding out what's on
the other side of that dune.
Arable farmland, I bet.
commentator: That's okay,
we'll try again, okay ?
narrator: The driver
narrowly escapes
as the car bursts into flames.
Chelsea: You can't get me
to make a culturally
ignorant remark.
I refuse to do it !
Mike: Sunday, Sunday, Sunday,
bring your wife, as long as
she's completely covered,
down to the big pile of dirt,
and watch a jeep blow up
by accident.
( man laughing )
Ted: What's with
the evil laugh ?
( man laughing )
I mean, burning people are
mildly amusing,
not laugh-out-loud funny.
commentator: It's okay.
We need to calm down.
Calm down, put out the fire.
Put out-- it's a fire !
My God !
Oh, my God !
( all shouting )
Tonya: No ( bleep ).
What was your first clue ?
narrator: No one
is seriously injured,
and rescue workers are
able to put out the blaze.
commentator: Look out !
Look out !
Look out !
Todd: Oh, my God, fire !
Fire !
Leif: Oh, ( bleep ) !
Burning tin camel !
Run away !
God, they must be bored
in Texas.
Kevin: I might have better
advice.
Um, may I suggest turning ?
Anywhere.
Judy: Bump the front ?
No white smoke ?
What the ( bleep ) is
he talking about ?
Tonya, call me.
( Tonya laughing )
Joe: Don't take any
driving advice from someone
who says "dang."
man: Dang.
Chuck: Do we have to
finish the clip ?
'Cause we know where
this is headed, right ?
See ?
See ?
Chelsea: Thanks for your help,
everybody.
That was definitely
the right advice,
and I appreciate
your camaraderie.
man: Whoa !
narrator: The driver and his
jeep sustain only a few dents
and scratches.
Chris: Next time,
may I recommend on-roading ?
man: Whoa !
man: Dang.
narrator: Coming up,
a crotch rocket hits the road.
And...
man: Surprise !
narrator: ... a free ride
takes a hit.
boy: Get back !
woman: Shut that off.
narrator: Plus...
Ted: The only thing that would
make this more surreal...
commentator: This ends
right here.
Ted: Yeah, exactly.
An urban rifleman.
narrator: When "World's Dumbest
Drivers" continues.
narrator: A news crew interviews
witnesses to a rock slide
that's shut down
this Tennessee highway.
Michael: That's a cute little
joke, you limey prick.
Frank: If our country's falling
apart, then why are you
vacationing in our country ?
Why don't you stay
in your own country ?
Have your own rock slide.
narrator: Moments later...
man: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa !
Kevin: Trust us, you're--
You're not.
man: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa !
Billy: I mean, how would you ?
It was just a bunch of
giant boulders there
right on the road.
Ron: I think that his mama
should have hit him over
the head at birth
and just sold the milk.
man: Huh.
Looks like a rock slide.
Probably just a mirage.
man: Whoa, whoa, whoa !
( man groaning )
Brad: You know you live
in a rural-*** area when you're
distracted from driving
by the sight of "people."
I came around the corner
and I saw people,
and so I just went crazy.
Kevin: Are we sure that dog
isn't a seeing-eye dog ?
narrator: The car is towed to
a nearby garage
and the cleanup continues.
Tonya: If more people
would just pay attention to
their own ( bleep ),
bad things wouldn't happen.
man: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa !
narrator: It's the Women's
Junior Motorcycle Championships
in Costa Mesa, California.
announcer: White flag is out,
Desi's got to make big moves
right here and now.
narrator: Rider Desi Fehrman
is in second place.
announcer: Coming up
on the black and white--
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa !
Ow, ow !
Nick: She couldn't get around
the girl that already
tipped over.
Had she ever
been on a bike before ?
announcer: Coming up on
the black and white--
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa !
Ow, ow !
Tonya: Learn to ride before
you race, Desi.
narrator: Despite a few
bruises...
commentator: No, no, I'm okay,
I'm okay.
narrator: ... Desi lines up
for the second heat.
commentator: Come on, Desi,
pull it together.
Come on, here we go.
You can do this.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa !
announcer: Whoa !
commentator: Damn it !
Billy: I think the problem may
have been that she was texting
her boyfriend.
narrator: Desi's bike collides
with track photographer
Mike Kirby.
commentator: Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa !
Chelsea: Whoa, she really
comes out swinging.
Oops, wrong sport.
Jaime: That bike looks like
a dog excited to see its owner.
Kevin: No, zoom out !
Zoom out !
commentator: Oh !
announcer: Oh, jeez,
that's Mike Kirby.
Oh, jeez.
Hey, don't forget.
You're thinking about looking
for a new place ?
Our Kristi Meyer,
HomeTown Realty,
want to talk with her.
Aamco transmissions.
We've also got
Birko Builders.
Rachel: While Mike lies here
writhing in pain and quaking in
the last throes of his life,
let's focus on our sponsor,
Goodyear tires.
Are you guys ready to rock ?
announcer: We also want to thank
Magnussen's Auburn Toyota.
Arai Helmets.
Daisy: Big deal, he's not dead.
Get over it.
announcer: We got
Predator Off Road.
Hey, our Mike Kirby, he is up.
Ted: I like how it's all good
once the photographer is up.
He doesn't care
about the racer anymore.
He's up !
He's okay !
narrator: The photographer
isn't seriously hurt.
announcer: Desi Fehrman, she's
up, she's got her helmet off.
narrator: But Desi suffers
some additional bruises.
commentator: I'm all right.
I'm okay, no, I'm fine.
Loni: What they say
about female drivers ?
Todd: She should be--
Just stop riding.
Girl, you need to give it up.
Just become, you know, become
a model or something, you know ?
announcer: Oh, whoa,
whoa, whoa !
Ow, ow !
commentator: Damn it !
10-4.
We got a possible DUI,
and get this, it's a mailman.
Kevin: Oh, yeah, hi.
Can I mail this package
"Priority Sober" ?
No ?
Okay, thanks.
Daniel: Neither snow nor sleet
will kill a buzz,
will stop these couriers
from completing
their appointed routes.
Billy: Wine and mouthwash,
which at the bar I go to,
they actually call a "postman."
Chelsea: You seem really even.
I mean, we're not questioning
that at all.
But for some reason, I feel like
you're ( bleep )-faced.
Billy: Well, come on, man,
which is it ?
Or is it both ?
Danny: Come on, is there a guy
in this room that
hasn't been on the throne
with a bucket simultaneously ?
Is that just me ?
Mike: Yeah, you fake it great.
Clearly, you're in this
whole situation right now
because you're so good
at your little ruse.
Loni: I think
that's my damn mailman.
Damn it !
narrator: Baltimore, 1986.
An empty car slips out of park
and drives in circles
in the middle of this
residential neighborhood.
Kevin: I prefer my cars
to be automatic,
but not so automatic that
they make their own decisions.
Jaime: Yes, it's Christine's
challenged sister.
She doesn't go out and kill
so much as she runs around in
circles 'til she falls down.
Chelsea: It was mystical.
No, it wasn't.
It was a car going in circles.
Ted: The only thing that would
make this more surreal...
commentator: This ends
right here !
Ted: Yeah, exactly !
An urban rifleman.
commentator: Take out the tire.
You ain't got no more problem,
see ?
Yeah, there he is.
Kevin: What kind of neighborhood
do you live in
where a guy pulling out a rifle
to shoot at a car's tires
is considered helpful ?
Chuck: See, this is why
it's good to have
a Black Panther living
in your neighborhood.
Judy: I just--
um-- took a wrong turn and--
Anyone know
where the highway is ?
narrator: The driverless car
eventually runs out of gas
and comes to a stop.
Billy: They don't make 'em
like they used to back in '86.
And by them, I mean clips.
They don't make clips
the way they used to.
commentator: Yeah, they're hit.
narrator: Coming up,
a drive-through.
commentator: Yeah !
narrator: A turn for the worse.
commentator: Oh, dude,
they are so screwed !
Loni: Do they have
moron insurance ?
narrator: An Impala impaled.
Kevin: Seriously, dude, what
the ( bleep ) is your problem ?
narrator: And finally...
commentator: Oh, shoot !
Oh...
narrator: When "World's Dumbest
Drivers" continues.
narrator: Some dumb drivers
travel in packs,
like these members of the outlaw
biker group, Adrenaline Crew,
hitting the highways
of Southern California.
commentator: Woo !
Loni: You see what happens when
we get universal health care ?
Everybody gonna be doing this.
commentator: Check it out !
Yeah !
Yeah !
Chelsea: He clapped his feet !
That's Pilates.
I love Pilates.
narrator: This is Kenny's
first time on a bike
since his license was suspended
for reckless driving a year ago.
commentator: Woo !
Feels good to be back, man !
Yeah !
I am back !
Agghh !
Nick: What better way to welcome
yourself back to the road
than by sliding on it
on your face ?
Jaime: All right, Kenny.
The license.
Ah, still fresh.
man: We're going big today.
We're going big.
commentator: Yeah !
Ow !
Kevin: Do they ever
just do a couple tricks,
everything goes well and they
high-five and go home ?
narrator: Police arrive
on the scene and arrest
everyone involved.
Later, outside the station
house, Kenny surveys the damage.
Rachel: A doctor could tell you
to use gauze, but I do things
a little bit outside the box.
Billy: It's a good thing
the guy was wearing a helmet,
otherwise he would have wound up
having to do this.
Brad: So I messed up my face
and my stomach
and I broke all my fingers.
I clearly never graduated high
school, so that kind of sucks.
narrator: Kenny's bike is
impounded, and his license
is suspended, again.
Kevin: Maybe they should suspend
Kenny's license to go outside.
Daniel: See you in 12 months,
Kenny.
commentator: It's good
to be back !
Ow !
narrator: Police in Charleston,
South Carolina,
have stopped a motorist
for driving erratically.
Loni: Now you know how
the other side feel, lady.
Daniel: Not really sure you can
fight about numbers.
15 is always bigger than eight.
Rachel: Why don't you shut your
( bleep )damn mouth ?
I don't need the law
telling me about the law.
Huh ?
That's redundant.
Judy: Now, wait a minute.
Is she a police officer ?
Because she doesn't mention
that at all.
Kevin: No, I do see your lip.
And I've heard plenty of it.
We're done.
Billy: Let me write that down.
So if I get pulled over,
I should say, "I'm a narcotics
officer in an unmarked vehicle,"
and I'll get off ?
narrator: It turns out
the cranky motorist
really was a cop.
She has since
turned in her badge.
Tonya: I hate hoes like that.
Women should be in the home
taking care of the kids.
Frank: You go, girl.
narrator: The stupidity
of some drivers knows no bounds.
commentator: Hold on, baby !
narrator: As evidenced by this
couple, running from Missouri
police in a stolen jeep.
commentator: Coming through !
Woo !
Tonya: Dude, you go through
my ( bleep ) backyard,
you're gonna get your *** shot.
commentator: Woo !
Leif: Whoa !
commentator: Yeah !
Woo-hoo !
Nick: You know,
as a guy who loves fences,
this clip broke my heart.
commentator: Two points !
Woo !
Todd: Oh, yeah.
Almost got this fence done.
Tonya: Woo-hoo !
Fence !
( bleep )
Catch me now, ( bleep ) !
commentator: Hee-hee-hee !
See ya !
Woo !
Oh, yeah !
Catch me now, coppers !
Judy: After watching this clip,
I have decided to get a Jeep.
I mean, the thing is
indestructible.
Chelsea: At least those
lush trees offer great cover.
commentator: Uh-oh !
Brad: If you're trying to hide
from the police in a helicopter,
pick a building
that still has a roof on it.
commentator: I give up !
You got me !
All done !
Chelsea: That's it ?
No game plan of any kind ?
narrator: The driver and his
girlfriend are arrested.
commentator: Easy, I gave up !
Easy !
narrator: They're charged with
theft and evading police.
Mike: Are you even trying
to get away from the cops
or are you just trying to hit
as much ( bleep ) as you can ?
commentator: Oh, yeah !
Catch me now, coppers !
All right.
Just a little bit more.
And...
Turn a bit.
Yeah.
That ought to do it.
Frank: Whatever happened
to the art of breaking in ?
The finesse of coming through
the roof, picking a lock.
commentator: All right,
money machine.
You're coming with me.
( grunting )
There we go.
Upsy-daisy.
Come on, baby.
There we go, there we go.
Got it, got it !
Oh !
Billy: Forget about the ATM.
It wasn't meant to be.
Take the cash register.
Take the jerky.
The convenience store
is your oyster.
commentator: All right.
Come on, little lady.
There we go.
( grunting )
Shoot !
John: Bend your knees.
Bend your knees and lift it up.
Danny: But this guy
got so close.
Like, I actually was
rooting for him.
commentator: Got it, got it--
Oh !
Shoot !
Oh !
Come on !
Chelsea: This was
a very quick heist.
He was in and he was out.
It was perfectly executed.
commentator: Oh.
See you later.
Come on, let's go.
Hello there, sir.
Good-bye there, sir.
Woo !
Loni: I'll be right back,
Officer.
Danny: Don't move a muscle,
sir !
I'm gonna arrest you as soon
as I finish puberty !
narrator: Police ID the suspect
as Dicky Thomas Boyd.
He's charged with grand larceny,
failure to stop
and driving under the influence.
Kevin: I generally
believe in free will,
but if your parents, on purpose,
name you "Dicky Thomas Boyd,"
this is what's gonna happen.
commentator: There we go.
Got it, got it !
Oh !
Damn it !
narrator: Coming up...
Billy: Who says golf
isn't dangerous ?
narrator: Unprovoked high jinks.
commentator: No, no, no !
Oh !
narrator: And...
( train whistle blowing )
narrator: ... no time to think.
commentator: What are
you doing ?
The train is coming !
Kevin: If you're ever wondering
who has the right of way...
commentator: Move your car !
Kevin: ... it's always
the train.
narrator: When "World's Dumbest
Drivers" continues.
narrator: The ability to park
successfully is the hallmark
of a good driver.
commentator: Oh !
( alarm blaring )
Uh-oh.
There... there we go.
And park here.
Oh, damn it.
Nick: This was like my wife
trying to get out of the garage.
commentator: Park here.
Ooh !
Damn it.
Just-- no !
Wait, just--
Come on, baby.
Uh, come on !
Billy: It's too perfect.
This driver in Poland...
backs over a pole.
I mean, how ironic is that ?
commentator: All right.
Ron: He turned $5 worth of
damage into 5,000 real quick.
( buzzer ringing )
commentator: He turned $5 worth
of damage into 5,000 real quick.
Jaime: This reminds me of
when I used to drive
without my glasses.
On drugs.
commentator: Okay, let's go.
I know I can do this, come on !
( bleep )
Kevin: He puts his right turn
signal on.
Is he calling a shot ?
Is that like Babe Ruth ?
He's just pointing at what
he's gonna hit next ?
commentator: All right, just--
Oh, damn it.
Another car.
Danny: That's the worst driver
I ever saw.
Get it ?
Warsaw ?
Worst, saw ?
See ?
( bleep ) you.
commentator: Okay.
Here I go.
Go !
Come on.
narrator: The driver
flees the scene,
taking most of his car with him.
Aided by security-camera footage
and eyewitnesses...
commentator: Come back here !
narrator: ... police track him
down a few hours later.
commentator: Get him !
Get him, quick !
Tom: Hey, how many Polacks
does it take
to screw in a light bulb ?
None.
Because they're too busy
wrecking their own car.
( crowd jeering )
commentator: Ooh !
Uh-oh.
man: Go, go !
narrator: In North Carolina,
a group of friends videotape
motorcycle stunts.
Kevin: It's so dusty out here.
I know, it's almost like
you're on a dirt track.
commentator: Yo, yo,
here we come !
Bringing it !
Woo, woo, woo !
Yeah !
Dude, psyched.
Got my water !
Woo, water in a bottle, man !
Awesome !
Way cool !
Billy: Who says golf
isn't dangerous ?
commentator: Awesome !
Way cool !
Mike: That's definitely
an extreme-looking golf cart,
but it has its limitations.
Kevin: "( bleep ) chill."
Is that an official
medical diagnosis ?
Is he just ballparking it ?
Daniel: Too bad, 'cause that
was way cooler than whatever
you meant to do.
narrator: Both driver and
passenger suffer minor injuries.
Mike: New rule of thumb
for these friends.
If you see an extra helmet
lying around,
just go ahead and put it on.
commentator: Awesome !
Way cool !
man: Are you all right, man ?
narrator: Smart drivers know
it's always important
to keep your car in tune.
commentator: Hey, move the car.
The train's coming.
( train whistle blowing )
Move it !
Chuck: Ay, Dios mío !
The car's not starting.
And the train, she is coming !
And the car is not starting !
And the train, she is closer.
commentator: What are you
doing ?
The train's coming !
Move your car !
What is he doing, man ?
Rachel: The driver has really
terrific survival instincts.
He panics
and sits gently still.
commentator: Hey, man...
you've got to move
out of the way, quick !
Hoo !
Hoo !
Frank: This guy
has a lot of huevos.
Loni: It's a bird, it's a plane,
it's a super Argentinean !
commentator: Got to move
out of the way, quick !
Hoo !
Hoo !
Mike: Chubby men can be
superheroes, too.
commentator: Bravo !
Ya !
Thank you !
You are welcome !
Welcome !
Woo !
Chelsea: I want to do something
like this just so that I can
celebrate my own heroics.
commentator: Oh, man,
I love you.
Thank you for your support, man.
Thank you !
It's okay, it's okay.
I love you, too, man.
Brad: Okay, listen, I know you
just saved some people,
but stop hugging.
It's getting awkward.
commentator: Oh.
Let's go.
Okay.
Let's go get something to eat,
man.
All right, man, it's on me.
Kevin: The sad thing is,
the guy was very heroic here,
but the dude in the van probably
doesn't even know
anyone was helping him.
commentator: Got to move
out of the way, quick !
Hoo !
Hoo !
narrator: Tony is the owner of
an auto-repair shop in Texas.
He wants new rear tires
for his sports car,
and as for the old tires...
Judy: You want to know what
"Corvette" means in French ?
"Small ***."
( engine revving )
commentator: This is
pretty cool.
This is definitely pretty cool.
Kevin: I'm not a badass
auto guy, but when you do
a tire burnout,
your tires should move, right ?
commentator: How's it going ?
Are they spinning ?
They melting off pretty good ?
Yeah ?
Mike: I don't think you're
messing up your car
the exact way you want to.
commentator: Oh, yeah, baby.
Tonya: Hello !
Don't you have a nose ?
Can't you smell it ?
That ain't rubber.
commentator: Good-bye, tires,
man-- good-bye, tires.
Tom: At no point do his
employees jump in and inform him
that he's not burning his tires.
This guy must be
a real prick boss.
Jaime: Smoke doesn't appear to
be coming from the tires at all.
Huh.
Billy: Even I know that,
and I don't even know
what the clutch is.
Mike: On the plus side, those
tires are looking terrific.
narrator: The tires are fine,
but the burned-out clutch
has to be replaced.
Kevin: This may not be
the very best advertisement
for Tony's auto shop.
narrator: Coming up...
commentator: That truck is
driving itself !
narrator: A mail truck
goes postal.
man: That's a boomerang truck.
I want to get that feature
on my car.
narrator: Plus,
a redneck freak-out
reveals a Baldwin family secret.
Daniel: There's one
in every family.
narrator: And the dumbest driver
of all is just around the bend,
when "World's Dumbest Drivers"
continues.
narrator: The parking lot
of a hardware store in Germany.
The owner takes out the trash
while a customer
attempts to leave.
commentator: I'll put this up
in the dumpster here, just--
Hey, watch where you're
driving there !
Be careful.
Easy now.
Oh !
Ooh !
What ?
What are you doing ?
Are you crazy ?
Are you--
No, no, no !
Oh !
Okay, now I am angry.
Frank: Probably eating too much
bratwurst during lunch.
Too much ( bleep ) schnitzel.
Jaime: See what happens when you
try to throw things away ?
That's why I hoard.
commentator: I'll put this in
the dumpster here.
Watch where
you're driving there.
Kevin: Hit me on a ladder once,
shame on you.
Hit me twice, shame on me.
Hit me three times, seriously,
dude, what the ( bleep )
is your problem ?
Billy: It could have been worse.
He could have hit the guy
a fourth time.
commentator: Oh, okay.
Now I am angry.
I'm going to sit over here
for a minute.
I will tend to you in a minute,
when I fix my back here.
Kevin: It's okay.
This driver knows exactly what
to do in a time of emergency.
He turns on his rear wiper.
Brad: That'll help
with visibility,
so you can see the carnage
you've left behind.
narrator: The man on the ladder
is shaken up,
but suffers only bruises.
Mike: Oh, what happened
to me today ?
Oh, yeah, I got hit by a car.
Then I got hit by a car,
then I got hit by a car.
Same car !
commentator: Oh !
Ooh !
Oh !
Okay.
You're not a good driver.
Mike: This is a car
you can *** around in.
Go ahead, get in a few
accidents, have fun.
Ted: I'm surprised Hummer owners
didn't raise a more
respectful kid.
Rachel: What is Stephen gonna
get for his 17th birthday ?
Something tells me
it's not unconditional love.
Jaime: Didn't anyone tell
Stephen that poor
is the new rich ?
Rachel: Why does his top
need to come off ?
I feel like there was enough
going on without things
getting sexier.
( Stephen screaming )
Daisy: To be fair,
he has a point.
He is an "unpopular
friggin' little ***."
narrator: Despite the tantrum,
Stephen's parents
insist he drive the truck
he so carefully customized.
Daniel: What can I say ?
There's one in every family.
narrator: In Alaska,
two young adventurers try to
retrieve a truck stranded
on a sand bar.
commentator: Yeah !
Oh, yeah, it's looking good.
Yeah, we should be fine !
Brad: "All-terrain vehicle"
does not mean boat.
commentator: Uh...
It's getting a little deep,
fellas.
I think we might be in trouble.
Mike: Oh, no !
Exactly what I thought
would happen !
commentator: Let me
get some help here !
( gurgling )
( bleeps )
Help !
Billy: This is probably one of
the most scenic accidents
we've ever featured on the show.
It's just gorgeous.
commentator: Come on !
Help us !
( bleep )
Judy: Wow.
Oh, well.
commentator: Dude, we're stuck !
We're definitely stuck !
Go over there and then
come get us this way !
narrator: The men in the jeep
are pulled to safety.
Days later, the waters recede
and both vehicles
are towed to dry land.
Tom: Uh, yeah, hi,
insurance company ?
Yeah, my car was swept away
by a river.
Am I covered by that ?
commentator: Help !
Tonya: Guys, check your
tide chart next time, okay ?
Yeah.
man: ( bleep ) sucks.
commentator: Dudes, toss
something, man !
Come on, help us !
( bell dinging )
narrator: Every driver is
responsible for their car,
even when they're not
behind the wheel.
woman: That's not even
a parking spot.
Oh, just 'cause you the postman,
you can park wherever the hell
you want to ?
commentator: Hey,
how's it going ?
Got your mail.
I'm doing all right.
Roger: Oh, wait a minute, no,
no--
Get back in the truck !
Your Slurpee can wait !
( horn honking )
( bell dinging )
Bryan: That's a boomerang truck.
I want to get that feature
on my car.
Kevin: Apparently,
this convenience store is at
the gravitational center
of the Earth.
Chelsea: I think if that
mail truck could talk,
it would be like, "Fill 'er up."
commentator: Oh, come on !
Nick: He comes out of the store
like this has happened
100 times.
Oh, did that truck
make another 360 by itself ?
commentator: Oh, no, no, no, no,
no, easy, easy, easy, easy,
stop, stop !
Frank: That's what
a rabbit does.
He runs around and he always
comes back to his hole,
that's when you shoot him.
narrator: While a serious
explosion was averted,
some wonder
what might have been.
Chris: I'm fairly certain
the price of both stamps and gas
would have gone up.
commentator: Oh, no, no,
no, no, no !
Easy, easy !
Damn it !
I'm not gonna leave you alone
again if you keep doing this.
narrator: You've swerved to
avoid 19 idiotic motorists,
but the dumbest driver in
the world is still out there,
and she's not letting anything
get in her way.
Find out who she is
right after this.
narrator: Debra Harrison is a
municipal bus driver in Houston.
commentator: ♪ Doo-doo ♪
♪ Doo-doo-doo ♪
I'm driving my route.
♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
Oh, shoot !
Oh...
Danny: Houston,
we have a problem.
narrator: Harrison's bus
collides with a municipal train
at an intersection.
commentator: Oh...
Kevin: If you're ever wondering
who has the right of way,
it's always the train.
( train whistle blowing )
commentator: Shoot !
Daniel: Too bad that guy from
Buenos Aires wasn't here.
( rim shot )
narrator: Dash-cam footage
shows Harrison's traffic light
was red for a full ten seconds.
Chelsea: Ah, light, "schmite."
Right ?
Passengers, "shmashengers."
That one actually works.
commentator: Hold the pole.
Hold the pole.
Hold the pole.
Chris: That little baby
was psychic.
Did you see it
trying to grab the pole ?
Daddy, something's coming.
Daddy's something's coming.
commentator: Oh !
Oh !
What the hell was that ?
Mike: If only everyone on that
bus and that train
were driving SUVs,
none of this
would have happened.
Curse you, Al Gore.
narrator: It turns out Harrison
was involved in five
previous accidents.
Kevin: Five accidents
and her job, professionally,
is to drive.
That'd be like if
Tonya Harding's job
was to make witty comments.
Tonya: What ?
Is she trying to get to
the doughnut shop before
the cops do so she can get
the best chocolate doughnuts ?
commentator: Shoot !
Oh...
Ron: Hey, man,
you want to get my good side ?
If so, I need to turn around.
( laughing )
I think that that boy's ride
at the end of that
was hotter than a mess of
collard greens on
the back burner of a $4 stove.
That whole scene itself was
funnier than a pissant
floating on its back
with a hard-on,
tootin' for the bridge
to open up.
Nick: What ?
Ron: If brains were leather,
he couldn't have saddled
a June bug.
He was slicker than snot
on a goat's glass eyeball.
If dumb was dirt,
that driver right there
could cover about half an acre.
( Danny laughing )
He looked more confused to me
than a three-eyed dog
in a hubcap factory.
Tonya: Yeah !
Ron: There's--
Is this the last one ?
Captioned by Soundwriters™