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Previously not on Generic Girl
(Computer voice)
Hank the Henchman
is in your office
Preliminary hearing scheduled 10AM
Your subscription to Evil Weekly has expired
Its urban camouflage has now been perfected
None would suspect within this elegant frame lurks
the most diabolical device of destruction mankind has ever witnessed!
(laughs)
It looks like a box
Do not contemplate opening it!
Or risk death by the god-emperor himself
You shall deliver this package post haste to apartment 68 no later than 1200 GMT
Look you're talkin' to Local 666 here
Delivering villainy
one gap-toothed smile at a time
If you fail in this simple task for me and the god-emperor
he has empowered to me to roast your giblets and make you into a fricasee, or a rump roast.
Ok, death threats were not part of the new labor contract
how do I know this box won't explode
as soon as I get outta the door? My union steward--
Enough socialist rhetoric!
Vamoose!
Fail me not,
henchman.
Pete Kirby pathetic ordinary young man, when one day
struck by a bolt of radioactive lightning his life changed forever as
he became "Captain Freelance!"
Gillian Romero's humble origin story began with
a clandestine rendezvous
Gross! You didn't just imply my parents conceived me in
a roach motel?
Narrator: Yes I did.
GG: fighting the powers of law and order the American way
Hank the Henchman is en route to Prince Stacey
ETA one minute
Hello my name is Hank with American Parcel Post
are you the resident of, eh, um
Chestnut Drive? (Gillian) Sure?
I need your
John Hancock right there
(sings) Hancock
Hancock
Here you go
Can you date it?
Can you date me?
You totally wanna make out with me
Omigod look how she's blushing! Enjoy that package.
You are way too attractive to be looking at me that way
Ooh, sucks to be you
That's terrible-- you know I gotta place that you--
Pete! I need your share of the rent
or we're seriously gonna be evited.
I'm finished, Jill
no more darned heroics. If they need more help in Guam, they can call the locals
Guam? I've been studying for 3 weeks and you've been in Micronesia-- wait
you had a job? That's great! What was it?
Offshoring
the hero's union said-- Pete, you're not in the union-- the union said I have to pay my dues
so I went to save Guam
So you got
paid right?
Got my 3rd voucher.
Pete, seriously we're gonna get kicked out on the street unless you pay your share
of the rent.
A ticking time bomb!
Stand back, Jill, I shall inspect it.
A ticking time bomb-- stand back Jill
I shall inspect it!
A ticking
time bomb
stand back Jill, I shall inspect it!
Will they survive their Pandora's package of panic? Tune in next time for
the bouncing, buxom, banging box of Generic Girl & Captain Freelance