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I don't like it.
Attention! We're losing the signal.
Interference - Interference!
It's going to promote teenage pregnancies.
Someone's jamming our broadcast!!
It grosses me out.
We don't need this.
Ladies & Gentlemen we interrupt this transmission...
to bring you a top secret worldwide pronouncement
Live from the underground HQ of a newly discovered subversive organization.
Citizens of the World
My name is Col Knip Suhkler
Commander in Chief of the Sinister Organization: The BOOBSUCKERS.
Recently there has been a signifiant happening
prompting us to release the following statement.
Don't be fooled...
Although this appears to be the showroom
of a respectable toy manufacturer
with over 40 years of experience
making quality toys
it is really the secret HQ
of a subversive organization
known by a select few
as the BOOBSUCKERS.
We may appear to be law abiding citizens
but don't let your eyes fool you.
The BOOBSUCKERS is a very dangerous organization
We seek to dominate, imposing a New World Order.
During the last administration...
We were in charge of greasing the axel of evil!
Last Friday
Through no special clairvoyance of his own
Bill O'Reilly inadvertently discovered our plans
to dominate the world.
He forced our hand
and nothing will be the same again!
Despite being really bad guys...
due to our loyalty to the
BOOBSUCKERS code of honor
we feel obliged to make a few consessions.
We must forewarn Bill O'Reilly
as to the enemies he has awakened.
We must reveal to the world
our wicked plans
and fulfill my mission
to read a solemn edict
of the lactation visionaries!
With no further ado...
Bill O'Reilly - beware!
Your worst nightmares have come true
you have uncovered a dangerous plot
designed to pervert American children
making them believe
that the natural way to feed a baby
is NOT with a plastic bottle!
Over the last few years
our secret agents
have been infiltrating kindergartens and Sunday Schools
across the United States
while you have been distracted
by politics, wars, famines and natural disasters,
We, the breastfienders
disguised as innocent mothers
have quietly taken over control
of American Society
You see Bill, the danger wasn't Al Qaeda...
or Islamic radicals
it wasn't even uncontrolled deficits
Bill, the danger is much worse!
It resides in the very buxom of American Society
and now, my friend
I must reveal our secret invincible weapons
which will carry us to victory and world domination!
First I present you...
Tony & Lilyang
trained in the millenary art
of nighttime suckling!
these apparently innocent dollies
are now searching...
for tender hearts
waiting to slip into unsuspecting open arms.
next...
Savannah & Cameron - Secret Agents
specialists in crying in the night
until an innocent young girl
satisfies their need to nurse.
and finally Bill...
and I know these will scare you more than any others...
I present Jeremiah & Jessica
beneath these adorable faces
lies an unquenchable thirst
for natural healthy breast milk!
HERE THEY ARE!
the evil, vile and subversive...
*** SUCKING SIX!
Thanks to their healthy habits
they won't suffer from allergies.
they and their mommies...
will have a lower risk of cancer
and they won't as easily suffer from childhood obesity.
but Bill, worst of all!
They won't buy baby formula!
Now that you know our plans to rule the world
filling tender young minds with the terrible thought
Breast Milk is the Best Milk!
I must conclude this broadcast
reading the solemn edict
signed by the high and mighty
Council of Lactating Warlords!
Hello Bill, I'm Dennis Lewis, spokesperson for The Breast Milk Baby
given that you & your 2 high falootin' henchpeople
trashed our dolls on nationwide TV
without even bothering to pick up the phone
and ask our opinion
Heck Bill, you didn't even watch our video!
if you have the least respect for your network's slogan
"Fair & Balanced"
I, Dennis Lewis, do hereby challenge you to invite me on your program
and debate one on one the merits or risks of our 6 dangerous baby dolls
Bill O'Reilly do you have sufficient "cojones" to face me off?
What do you say?
This is Col. Knip Suhkler with a special message...
for Sarah Palin...
Sarah, you need to practice your Spanish.
when referring to the male attributes
commonly associated with bravery
you shouldn't say
COJONEES but rather COJONES
otherwise in Spanish you will seem to be
as uninformed as you do in English.