Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
I'm Leilani Rorani, and I'm the former world squash champion,
and I live in Wellington, New Zealand.
I started playing squash when I was 10 years old.
I love energetic things.
And this is me trying to look glamorous—
mean but glamorous at the same time.
This is actually when I did retire.
A story was written about me and my sudden departure.
I had only just achieved my goal. It was my ultimate goal—
to become the world number 1,
and I had just made it.
The emotion is still raw because it was a big turning point.
I knew at that moment that I wanted to give up what
I had to have something better.
All right, Joseph, Phil, have a great day. See you later.
Listen to your teachers.
These days my bag is filled with
little babies' hats, toys, wipes, nappies.
I look at my squash outfits— I've still got them,
and they're this small.
And I think, how did I fit into that?
(laughing)
I've been a stay-at-home mum now for eight years.
I did not know that it was going to be this hard.
I thought it would be perfect, and that doesn't happen.
It doesn't happen in real life.
When I had my third child,
I was diagnosed with post- natal depression.
One day I woke up—my husband getting ready for work—
and I told him I was going for a walk. I ended up at a hotel.
I explained to him I just couldn't come back.
I just said, "I don't know who I am anymore."
I was trying so hard to meet others' expectations,
and it just all caught up with me.
It was so hard for me because if you're a person of faith,
if you believe in God, how can you possibly get depressed?
I was always thinking I was a failure in the home,
thinking my kids should be in bed at 7:30,
all enrolled in piano lessons,
things like that, or else I wasn't a good mother.
I could only last from mealtime to mealtime.
I felt I had nothing to hold onto.
I needed strength greater than medication,
more than counseling.
My faith in God helped me to know
I would be able to cope
and that I would be a good mum.
I learned it's OK not to be perfect.
No one wants you to pretend.
We strive our best to be as good as we can be,
but we don't have to be perfect. Knowing that heals me.
The success hasn't been in overcoming completely,
but learning to manage it
and live with it,
not feeling you're worth less because of
something like depression.
My name is Leilani Rorani.
I'm a wife, a mother of four young children.
I believe in God and in being true to oneself.
And I'm a Mormon.