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Or what you think we have?
What we share is clansestine and exciting|also innocent and scary.
Your wife and daughter,
also my parents and brothers
would find it all inapprpriate.
And I can as little risk banishment|from the room I have had since I was four,
Not that long ago.
As you can your whole life and reputation.
And yet we have done nothing wrong,
ALthough we mislead, and plot to be together.
For me, is it just the excitement?
Or can I really not be caught.
For you, there is no question.
The events that triggered this missive
was the swiping of my index finger|along the small of your back,
As I walked past you standnbg in front of a room of employees.
You yelped slightly mid-sentence|then kept going on about some boring subject.
The notion that I would be coming out of your office,|behind a young web designer
raised imaginary eyebrows amongst your audience.
You said something,|some fey comment as we passed,
as if this was an everyday occurence.
That's what pushed me to reach out.
To create a private space in a public forum.
I'm sure you never envisioned yourself|engaged again in the frustrating tussles of your youth:
Avoiding parents, finding parking lots after dark|for clandestine meetings,
keeping an eye on every car rolling by for police.
A respectable person in their fourties|gave all of that up years ago
and is not seen with someone my age alone.
I still must make excuses for being out all night,|ask my dad for money
and worry about homework and writing papers.
I sneak into idling cars with their headlights off|around the corner from my house
to get *** with friends from high school.
So what are you doing here?
The years during which you led my current existence|are but a swirl of television memories|of a ten year old to me.
A time before Instant Messenger
And E-Mail
And Web Pages
And Cell Phones.
I lived then as I do now,
in an endless landscape of communnities
that have oozed past their|ancient boundaries
into one cohesive whole of|strip malls and two story houses.
I have always considered this unbeautiful,
a cliche of America
and what is wrong with it.
This is an opinion I share with everybody but you.
Initially this is what attracted me to you.
You find some deep solace in this home
To travel three miles and be in a place|absolutely unfamiliar and totally
identical to where we had come from soothes you.
Animinity awaits a simple drive in any direction.
the comfort of walking into a big box store|and knowing exactly where the magazines and chocolates are
without ever having been in it before is compelling.
Doing it with someone that surroundings|tell you not to be seen with is
intoxicating and addictive.
You do not know what we are doing,nor do I
I have never been in love,|and have never made any intention of reaching it.
I never really thought it was about exploration
I thought it was about something|that kind of just comes to you one day.
I enjoy my relationships quickly,|clandestinely and anonymously
and have never had desire for any other sort.
This thing of ours stands out|as much in my world as in yours.
The Private made Public is your approbation|for my lifestyle.
You know nothing but longing to creschendo and|storybook endings.
ANything else is a narrative misfire.
an imperfection in a world of complete stories.
Our generations are that different.
I have reverted to a format more along|your world view than my own.
It is quaint ot me to write a letter,|put it in an envelope
and mail it.
You told me it was the only way for two people|to share intimacy
without obvious public scrutiny
but keep a record, for whatever reasons|they would want to do that.
Today I share movies and music with|friends without a second thought,
which you think cheapens their meaning.
I have intimate and profound moments|with others I will never see
April 2, 2005
Kellogg & Drury llc. April 2, 2005
Kellogg & Drury llc.
TO WHOM I MAY CONCERN:
Sublimate.
A word I love.
Changing directly from one state to another,
I looked it up on a cell phone Changing directly from one state to another,
I looked it up on a cell phone
after we last met to verify. I looked it up on a cell phone
after we last met to verify.
You used it in terms of me, some stammering along the lines of|sublimating your compelling and unexpected interest in me.
Do I have it for you?
Will you ever know?
Or have the courage to find out?And risk ending what we have Will you ever know?
Or have the courage to find out?And risk ending what we have