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[Cheering]
Yes Folks! We've done it!
We've saved traditional marriage
from the homosexual menace that threatened to destroy it!
We're gonna keep fighting!
We're gonna keep protecting traditional marriage!
Next up! The Gunderson Marriage!
[sudden silence]
What?
Well, Cindy. We all know you weren’t exactly a *** when you got married.
- What are you talking about? - I have here a signed deposition
from one Todd “the Rod” Stevens, quarterback of your high school football team?
It was... It was the prom!
The Bible is pretty clear about this.
You were supposed to be *** to death when your husband discovered that
you weren’t a *** on your wedding night.
- Way to drop the ball, Eric. - Sorry
So, everybody in favor of dissolving the Gunderson marriage.
[Crowd confused]
People, people!
Are we obeying the Bible or not?
You know, THE BIBLE, the inerrant word of God?
So, everybody in favor of dissolving the Gunderson marriage.
Aye!
Motion carries.
- You can't do this! - Wait!
Oh, we are gonna miss you two.
And next up we have the O’Brians.
What? What’s wrong with our marriage?
Weren't you married before, Chris?
Yeah, but... I got a divorce!
“Divorce” is not the sort of traditional value we’re trying to promote.
So everbody in favor of breaking up the O’Brians.
Aye!
Motion carries
But we have kids!
And now you have ***. Bye bye!
Now let's talk about the Schwartzkovs
- Huh? - That whole Christian and Jews marrying thing.
Not very traditional
Everybody in favor of nixing that.
Aye!
Motion carries.
- You can’t do this! This is America! - Sorry...
Majority rules.
And next up we’ve got the Philips.
What? Oh you are not trying this!
It's not very traditional to have blacks and whites intermarry.
And it just kinda bothers me to think about the two of you... having...
Well... We're just gonna have to break you up... Everybody?
Aye!
Thank you so.
[Muffled struggling]
This is kinda fun!
And now the Johnston-Carmycles.
Am I the only one who finds that whole hyphenated last name thing pretentious?
- Break them up? - Aye!
How would you feel if someone put your marriage to vote?
How would you feel?
Probably the same way we do.