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When people ask me what it was like growing up with two moms, I usually ask them how it
was growing up with a mom and dad. They usually reply, "I don’t know...normal?" I say "Me
two." [laughter]
For me, having two mothers was just a part of my life. It's always been normal. It was
our normal.
Growing up with same-sex parents wasn’t as significant for me as some might think.
My day-to-day life was very uneventful. Our family acted much the same as most South Minneapolis
families did. My parents both worked, and my sisters and I went to school, had chores
and various after-school activities. We had meals together, fun trips, family traditions,
silly nicknames, game nights, squabbles like families do. My sisters and I fought often
and could never agree on who got to sit in the front seat of the car. My moms drove me
crazy with their rules about TV on school nights and their complete unreasonableness
with my choice of clothes. [laughter]
But at the end of the day we were a family who loved one another.
The center of my universe was not based on who raised me, but the amount of love I was
surrounded with. I think any child who has a caring, supportive family like mine is very
lucky indeed.
Love has no gender. Love makes a family. No child should have to feel that the love in
their home is not valid. More often then not the fact that I was adopted and bi-racial
was the source of more questions and issues in my growing up.
When I was very young, it was very, very disheartening to hear, "How can Lydia be your sister? She
doesn’t look like you." Or, "where is your real mom?" When I got into high school, race
was the foremost issue. There was often subtle questions and not so subtle questions about
whether I was "black enough" or whether I was sufficiently white. I would say that race
and racism continues to define me far more than my family structure.
You just can't look and see written all over me "She was raised by lesbians!!! Oh no!"
[laughter]
Because of my two mothers, I am the strong individual I am today. It is because of their
commitment to me, the values they instilled in me, the opportunities that they provided
for me, and, most of all, the love they surrounded me with, that I am who I am today. It is because
of them that I am currently pursuing a nursing degree at St. Catherine’s University. I
can tell you, it is much more damaging to a kid to have a society that regards their
family as less than other families than it is to be raised by lesbian moms. As much as
our parents tried to protect us, we couldn't miss that some people thought our family was
wrong. To a child that is literal minded, and what kid isn't, to hear that it isn't
legal for our moms to be married, meant that they were illegal. And illegal meant bad ... and
illegal meant jail. I remember in the first grade crying very hard in my mom’s arms
over this misconception, and she having to reassure me and reassure me that no one would
take them away from me.
I am lucky to have grown up in a community where differences were welcomed in this church.
The values I learned at home were reinforced here - respecting the inherent dignity and
worth of every person and upholding equality and justice for all. It was in this church
that my parents had their wedding ceremony 23 years ago. It was in this church that my
sisters and I had our naming ceremonies and participated in OWL and Coming of Age. I grew
up with this multi-generational community that clearly accepted me and my family. I
saw all kinds of families welcomed here no matter how different their "normal" may be
– adoptive, multiracial, single parents, divorced parents, GLBT parents. I never felt
like my family was "weird." I could feel and see here that it was love that made a family.
This anti-marriage amendment is baffling to me. Why limit the right to love? Why diminish
the commitment of two people who cherish one another? And why reduce the rights of parents
and children in a healthy, loving home? No matter what shape or form it comes in, love
is a gift. A gift that we should welcome and treasure. A gift I was so blessed to receive
from my parents. And a gift I hope to pass on when I have a family of my own. After all,
it's love makes a family.
[applause]