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When a child, or a young person,
behaves at school in a disruptive, - or any undesirable way,
the teacher will usually talk to her about her behavior.
However this is not always easy because if the child feels
that the teacher is annoyed at her, or is telling her off,
she will often close-up and collaborative communication with her
will no longer be possible. In talking
with pupils, or students, about their behavior teachers can benefit
from making use solution-focused psychology
In this video I will describe a solution-focused approach
to talking to pupils that promotes collaboration
and invites the child, or young person,
to become an active participant in changing her own behavior. For clarity,
I have split the approach into 10 steps, and when I use the word pupil
I refer to children as well as young people. Step one.
Arrange a time to talk to the pupil one-to-one.
Step 2. If you are annoyed
at the pupil's behavior, find a way to calm yourself down
prior talking to her. Step 3.
Start the conversation by talking with the pupil
about her strengths. For example: "I know
you are a very talented musician" or "I have heard that you have
lots of friends" or "your father told me
that you are a tennis champion". The purpose of starting
the conversation in this manner
is to help the pupil understand that your intention
is not to tell her off, but that you want to talk to her
because you care about her and you want to help her.
Step 4. Once you have exchanged a few words with the pupil
about her strengths, tell her that there is "one thing",
you think, she would benefit from becoming better at.
Don't say to her she that she has a problem.
Most pupils are allergic to hearing an adult tell them that they have a problem
Phrase it differently. Say something along the lines...
"There is one thing you would benefit from becoming better at."
or "...you would need to work on." or
"...you may want to learn." Or "there's one thing
you tend to forget that you need to get better remembering."
Say "one thing" even
when there are many more things the pupil needs to improve. It is much
easier for pupils to talk to you
about changing their behavior if you address
only one aspect of their behavior at a time. Step 5.
Continue the conversation by asking the pupil to
guess what it is that you mean. Allow her to figure out
what part of her behavior you are thinking of - and give her some guidance if needed.
Pupils are much more willing to change their behavior
- as are people in general - when they themselves get to say
what they want to change. Step 6.
When you have a shared understanding with the pupil
about what it is that she needs to work on,
avoid talking with her about her problem behavior,
or the reasons behind it. Instead, talk with her
about how she can behave differently, and what she needs to do
to become better at it. So for example, if the pupil behaves aggressively
towards others, so instead of focusing
on her aggressive behavior, talk with her about how
she could become better at controlling her temper.
Step 7. Allow the pupil to participate
in discovering how she could become better
at acting is the desired way. Ask her:
"So, what do you suggest?" or
"Do you already have an idea of how you might improve this?" or
"What could help you remember to behave in the right way?"
The more the pupil has a say in how the problem is to be solved,
(or better: how she will learn to behave in the right way)
the more committed she will be
in changing her behavior. Step 8.
Ask the pupil also who she wants to support her.
For example: "Who could give you a hand with this?" or
"Would any of your friends like to help you work on this?"
"What about your mom and dad?" "Aha,
I see, your friend Katie. Good idea. And in what way
you think Katie might support you?"
Not unlike people in general, it is not easy for pupils to change their patterns
of behavior, but it helps a lot to have one or more people
who are willing to support them in learning to behave differently.
The best result is achieved when the pupil gets to decide
who will help her, and in what way they should do it.
Step 9. End the conversation
by agreeing with a pupil on when to assess
her progress. When you follow up
don't pay too much attention to her possible setbacks.
Focus instead on her successes,
and whatever little progress she has made.
For example, "I heard from one of the other teachers
that you had a better day yesterday. Can you tell me how you did it?"
or "Today you remembered to bring along your books to the school.
How did you remember to do that?" "What helped you?"
or "Who supported you?" or "How can you manage to keep it that way?"
Success breeds success: talking about progress
builds confidence and encourages the pupil
to keep on going in the right direction.
Step 10.
As the pupil progresses, it is natural
to give her some positive feedback, but it is equally important
to acknowledge all those who have helped, supported,
or encouraged her. Even when the pupil's parents have not been actively involved
in supporting her, you should seize the opportunity
to inform them of her accomplishment, and give them a reason to be proud of her.
Acknowledging the pupil's supporters is important
as it produces significant ripple effects:
it reinforces the pupils peer relationships;
it increases the appreciation of the teacher;
and it promotes good home-school collaboration.
In summary, when pupils have behavioral problems
talk to them about their behavior in a solution-focused manner.
Rather than confronting them about their problem,
tell them that there is something they would benefit from becoming better at,
and let them guess what you mean. Once the pupil has figured out
what you are thinking of, let HER come up with an idea of
how she can improve her behavior, who can help her,
and what would be a good way for them to do it.
Follow up to swiftly by focusing on the student's progress,
give positive feedback to the pupil and make sure to acknowledge her helpers.
Give this model a try next time you talk to a pupil
about her behavior and see what happens. I'm looking forwards
to reading your experience on this YouTube page.
Thanks for watching.